Husband Is Sharing Hotel Room W/ Another Couple That We Know...

This was an interesting question.
I asked my husband about this, at breakfast today.

He said yes, he would do this if we really did not have much money.

We have been in this financial situation when we had to be somewhere. but really could not afford very much, so we know what that is like.

He said he is willing to do a lot of things on his own, that he would not consider if I were involved.

He said he would tell them he would leave the room so they could take a shower in the morning or night and have them leave the room while he took his shower and change.

He says he thinks it is fine, not something he would WANT to do, but in the realm of he could, if he had to.

I feel like I'm an island here, but I don't understand what the issue is? Do you not trust him? Do you think he's going to have a threesome? If you trust him, and he is not worried about sharing a room with other people, why are you?

I wouldn't have a problem with it.... They are close friends, so it's not likely anything would happen. For my husband and I, it would be a nonissue.

If it was JUST a female friend, then there would be a problem.

i totally get sharing rooms to save money. i've done it many, many times.
my husband and i are older now and want more privacy, so it wouldn't come up for either one of us, but we'd have done it in a heartbeat when we were younger, broker, and less picky<G>.
i mean, if it bugs you, it bugs you. but if there's no reason for it to bug you, why dwell on it?
if you thought he was going to screw around, it would be an entirely different problem altogether.
khairete
S.

I wouldn't be worried and don't think it's weird. I know plenty of adults who share rooms at conferences. Usually it's all single people (whether they have significant others at home or not, but traveling alone), but if it's him and another couple I think that's fine. It saves him money that obviously you need or else he wouldn't be doing it.

Well sure, it's odd that a grown man is happy to share a hotel room with another couple, but I don't get how that makes you mad. What exactly are you concerned about, are they all sharing one bed? Seems like if he doesn't need his privacy then I don't know why should it bother you.

I think that as long as you're not worried about him having a threesome, you should be happy he's saving the money. It might feel weird for you to do it, but if your husband and the other couple are comfortable with it, why not be happy that he's saving the money?

I can't imagine this bothering me. But that's me.

Go out and buy yourself something with the money he's saving.

Sorry, but I'm cheap..... I wouldn't mind sharing a room with another couple/single.

When I go on a retreat every year, I share a room with another woman... is that strange? (Granted, it is a women's retreat....)

I went on a ski trip with my brother... and due to illness, we spent the night in a motel.... my brother, another male, and another female..... (I was in college at the time....) nothing "funny" happened.... (maybe it helped that the other three were all law enforcement people... but it was kind of an emergency situation.)

I will say, however, that last summer hubby and I went to a family funeral... and we shared a room with my sister and my M...... neither my hubby or I slept very well... my sister snores like CRAZY!!! (Untreated sleep apnea.) That is one experience I don't really want to repeat.

Then again, I'm old... (56) .....

So, you think they're going to do? Have 3 way sex all weekend? He might see the lady in a pair of shorts and a tank top and not be able to control himself? Do you trust him at all?

We've gone on road trips with guys and girls both. We shared rooms with all kinds of people and I can guarantee you that we never had any issues with anything. No one wore see through nighties, everyone wore shorts and tank tops or tee shirts and jammie pants. No one shared showers or got it on during the night. It was fun and platonic.

If you want it to be any different then take off work and go so you have a valid reason for him to have a separate room.

I think you're overreacting and jealous because you're not going. To fix this you need to take off work and go along.

If they want to make it into a big giant slumber party and watch movies, get adjoining rooms. Otherwise, I would not like it one bit.

Who's sleeping with whom in there? The two guys together? Him in one bed and the couple in another?
I only did anything even remotely similar one time, and it was a car trip my husband and I took with my BIL. Husband's brother. He slept in the extra bed obviously. Even so, it was a bit, I don't know... awkward?

Getting showered the next morning and dressed... he actually got up and went down to the lobby so I could have privacy. But still. It was a bit out of my normal comfort zone.

I also am not one to think that too much coziness with business relationships is always a good thing. If this other couple are both employees at the same company with your husband, then it seems terribly inappropriate for them all 3 to be in a room. Perhaps I am old fashioned or something, but I would think they'd want to keep their personal life their personal life. And not be opening it up to another co-worker on quite that level. Ya know?

Seems wrong to me.

I would decline. And if my husband was considering it, I would ask him to decline. But, somehow, I don't think my husband would even consider it to begin with.

I'm not really sure what there is for you to be mad about. I would be mad at my husband if he didn't share the room and wasted money on a room of his own. You said yourself that you know nothing weird would happen, so yes, I would say you are out of line.

ETA: I have shared hotel rooms with couples, I have had friends share hotels with my husband and I etc. For me it is about economy. We obviously don't need to have sex when we are sharing a room. Usually when staying in a hotel it is simply a place to dress and shower. Nobody is "hanging out" in the room, or walking around naked. It is practical to share a room, and I can put up with listening to someone snore if it saves me $100. Three people sharing a bathroom isn't a hardship! My family of four shares a bathroom every day!

I would have no problem. If it was your in-laws sharing with your husband, would there be a difference? WHo says the couple is going to have sex al the time anyway. IF they are at a coference they wil most likely only be in the rom to sleep anyway

It's one thing when you're broke college kids . . . it's an entirely different matter when you're married with a family.

Isn't he past that point in life? Watching movies - really?

My thinking would be no. And if he did it anyway I'd be wondering about whether my husband sufficiently matured to adulthood.

Unless this room has 1 king sized bed and they all plan to share it, I don't think the scenario is weird at all. Some of the other responders seem to have odd hangups and make illogical assumptions.

I shared a hotel room with my husband and a single male friend less than a year ago. It wasn't weird or inconvenient for me at all. I brought earplugs in case of snoring. Heh.

My husband went to a film festival last weekend. He shared his room with 3 uncoupled people. As it happened, we could afford the room just fine. One friend simply didn't want to room alone and the other two were looking to save money. They had a great time.

ETA: Well, you've changed your question. Your husband is in an MBA program and there is someone who is going on the trip as well and bringing their girlfriend? Sorry. My answer would be no. I read your updated question to my husband - he said - it's a recipe for disaster. Don't do it.

L.:

Welcome to mamapedia!!

Sorry - but I wouldn't share a hotel room with another couple. PERIOD. There's one bathroom for 3 people...snoring...different sleep habits, etc. What if they want to have sex? Is he going to leave the room and go to the lobby? Really? If it was just the guys - I would say - uh - but with a couple? Nope.

Strongly suggest that he get his own room. it's NOT a sleepover. This is 3 people in a tight space.

If you were able to take time off work? You would definitely get a room of your own. Seriously!! When we went to Boston for my Father In Law's funeral? Our boys shared a room with us - 4 people using ONE bathroom? NOT FUN!! And we're FAMILY!! We took our nephew with us - he had his own room.

STRONGLY suggest that he needs to get his own room. Not because you don't trust him - but because 3 people sharing ONE room is tight. And there's ONLY ONE BATHROOM!!

Hope this helps!

I would be completely freaked out if a couple I knew suggested this to save money. Ugh

Even if nothing was going on, it is plain weird. He is an adult, he needs to ante up for his own room. Sleepovers are for kids.

My personal privacy is more valuable to me.

Well, I totally get the saving money part, as I am really cheap when it comes to hotels/motels. I refuse to spend big bucks on them when travelling since all I need is a bed and bathroom for a few hours.

As for the sharing part - I don't know, I agree that I would be uncomfortable with this (and I couldn't do it if the situation was turned around) BUT .... you say your husband is close friends with the couple, you trust your husband and so if he's comfortable with the situation, then I say what the heck! Wish him a safe trip and send him off with a smile on his face!!

Good luck!!

The only people I shack up with on the road are my husband, kids, or my sister and/or close girlfriends.
My husband would NEVER stay in a room with another couple, he doesn't even like sharing with a buddy or one of his brothers!
Unless you're in college this just sounds weird. Not WRONG, just weird.
Though I don't really get why you're mad, what is there to be mad about? I assume there will be two beds, right?

I think it's weird.

It's one thing for college kids, but this situation just feels creepy. Not saying they would do anything wrong. I don't mean that. It's just too close for comfort. At least for me.

Who is it that needs to save money? You or the couple?

If it's you, that's one thing. If it's the other couple, it's not your responsibility to finance this conference trip.

You know, it doesn't matter if your husband thinks you're strange or have hangups. We are ALL strange about something or other and we all have certain hangups. He's not being fair to act like you aren't supposed to have any. The trust issue is another thing. Do you trust him? If you don't, why don't you? Has he given you reason not to trust him?

If something is going on between the 3 of them, separate rooms won't help. If they aren't, then I doubt anything will happen. The thing is, if people find out that they are sharing a room, there could be rumors that go around and gossip that could be detrimental to your husband's reputation. That's a really good reason for him not to do it.

You have all the right in the world to tell him that he needs to be in his own hotel room and he needs to do that. Don't accept him trying to lay the blame on your feet for you not liking it. The truth of the fact is that married men or women do NOT usually spend the night in the same room with a couple. He's wrong to pretend otherwise.

No way would I want to do this. The older I get, the more I value my space and privacy...

Since you are posting this question to an online forum, the answer is NO because if you were comfortable with all of this, you would never have asked us.

Like a previous poster wrote, this is a business relationship and sleeping in the same room is a no no.

I suggest you call the hotel and explain that there are three business people, two of which are a couple, and see if the hotel can give you a discount on a two rooms. It's worth a shot.

I think the way you describe his friendship with them is telling - they are his friends and you seem to be feeling excluded. A vague feeling of discomfort would not be enough for me to press my husband to get his own room, especially if he seemed dead set on sharing. But it is your marriage and ultimately you need to decide with your husband what makes the most sense here.

For me this would not be an issue from the "will he have sex with someone else perspective," though if that is what is in the back of your mind -- you and he have other things to work out that are bigger than this trip. Can you step back and see that? Does he have something in his past that makes you leery? Does he like to drink and you're afraid he'll make a fool of himself at best or get into trouble at worst? Does this couple seem to bring out a side of him that you don't like much?

As an adult, I would not take a trip that I could not afford, period. This one sounds a bit more like "let's do this for fun and it can count as 'work' too" than it sounds like a very serious conference -- which is the case?

I can see sharing a room with my (female) best friends on a fun girls' weekend trip, but not what you describe. If he's doing this to save them money -- not because HE is strapped for cash -- it's not his responsibility to save them money. If he's doing it because he too can't afford this trip without sharing, then he should reconsider doing the trip at all. Is this trip actually essential to his degree, to getting ahead in his career field, to meeting people who can help him land jobs someday soon? Or is it more "It would be a fun reason to go to city X for a few days"? If the latter, forget it, but if the case is that this is legitimately a business trip he needs to take for professional/educational reasons, then he should treat it like a business trip and get his own room. Try a cheaper hotel, find deals online (there are lots), etc.

Their attitude says a lot. I'll be the first to say that on many business trips in the past I watched a movie or two in the hotel room, or went out and enjoyed the local sights, but it sounds more like they're young and looking at this as an excuse to hang out. If they are indeed pretty serious students, well, they may not have meant it as "teenagery" as it sounded. But you and your husband have to make the call here; he knows whether they're serious students or are going mostly to have a trip and some fun.

I'm with you. I think it is weird. I'd spend the extra money for another room.

The only reason why I say no to this arrangement is because you don't really know this couple. Otherwise I would be fine with it.

I wouldn't do it or put up w my hub doing it.

totally diff if 5 guys were sharing one room, or if 2 couples were sharing a room.

but 2 people who sleep together in the same room with one guy that is either NOT sleeping w them or Is sleeping with them is akward either way.

I'm sure there are cheaper rooms to get other places, or your dh just doesn't go, But I think the best option is for you to take off work and go babysit them.

I wouldn't ask, I'd insist. He can get the room next door and visit.

If I knew the couple really well, then I wouldn't care. for example, if my kid's godparents were sharing a room with my husband then no problem.

people I don't know very well, then no.

I think that you need to figure out why it's such an issue for you. Work on that.

I also think that men over the age about 25 tend to want their own space. If he's young, then he's still in roommate mode. My husband's almost 50 and would handle this in one of three ways: 1) not go; 2) splurge on his own room and make it up in some other area; 3) arrive just in time for the event and then come back home.

The person who should be worried with this situation would be the other man, not you.

i think it's weird. i wouldn't want my husband too either.
isn't the company paying for the hotel rooms, maybe? idk...but no, you're not being jealous, or paranoid, it IS weird. blgh

In grad school we were so broke that this kind of thing was totally normal. I don't think it is weird at all. It's that time in life where you have to be super frugal bc you are making practically nothing. It's extremely nice of that couple to offer to share so they can all save money. I don't think you should worry about this. Try to go if you can...you might become good friends with these two people.