Husband Is Pressuring Me For...

I'm sorry, but are we the same person with the same husband and same happy baby boy. I am in your EXACT situation.... 4 month old baby boy and I work full time. My situation has gotten so bad that he had left me several times for weeks at a time. I finally said DIVORCE and he came back crying and enrolled us in counseling. We've only been to one session so far, and he's still just as CLINGY as ever before... It be different if I could just do the deed and get something out of him like cleaning or cooking or a full night of night feedings done for me. But no, when I do give him, his head just gets big and he says... "now then, see that was good, and you liked it, maybe if you quit being a butt and give in more often you'll feel better" UUUUUGGGGGGHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!! He gets it maybe once or twice a week... and helps zero around the house, he barely pays any bills... MEN!!! We just need to make sure our baby boys grow up to be real men and not immature hormoned driven adult teenagers.

you've gotten great advice here.. i'm just gonna add to it.

regarding husbands - hate it, but men DO need intimacy. it's in their genes, it's in their gender make-up/requirements (generally - you'd gotten a response to one in a zillion that doesn't). just remember this: if he doesn't get it from YOU he's gonna get it somewhere. adult entertainment, a 'friend', you get the picture.

that said, i suggest you get creative in your participation :) my husband, as is typical, wants <ahem> 'it' more than i do. however, in my attempt to be 100% wife but also 55% not that into it LOL, i use other means approx half the time. couple things to consider: first of all, if you REALLY time things out, your average 'act' only takes, about 4-5 minutes. ANYONE, i don't care who you are, can sacrifice 4 or 5 minutes for happiness in a marriage. trying to get out of spending this precious time with your husband (it's precious to him) takes 20-50 times that amount of time - worrying, stressing, watching your actions so as to not give false promise to him, trying to rebuff his advances, etc - to avoid the 5 minutes! thats just crazy! just imagine how many grey hairs and wrinkles you're saving up for just trying to avoid that 5 minutes? ;) second thought: get creative - when i'm not so much into it, i'll resort to personal 'attention' that doesn't involve 'me' per se, but involves only one appendage (upper appendage, mainly only the one with digits LOL ). he's happy, i'm happy, and truth, sometimes it revs my engines. soemtimes. then we both get 'happy'

he's insecure BECAUSE you don't want him. your refusal equates to you not loving him.. that's just men. hate it, but it's the truth.. he wants you to act like you did when you met him and couldn't keep your hands off him (ya, ya... we've been there too. we know.. LOL)

my suggestion? give him what he wants at least 2x per week. if you think working full time with a small child is hard WITH a husband, try it without. if you don't change your actions, that just might be how you are going to have it. sex is a small price to pay for a companion that loves you. loving husbands are a priceless commodity.

You don't say how old your baby boy is. Is this a new situation?

My recommendation is that y'all get to counseling fast, if that's feasible for you. Sometimes it takes a neutral third party to tell your husband the same thing you have been telling him for it to "take". Also sounds like he's got some things he needs to work through about the former marriage and wife.

I tell my husband that foreplay begins at 8:00 am, baby. Help me with the house, the baby, and maybe I'll have something left over for you!

Good luck!

First don't get angry at him and make it worst but pray for him and with him for healing from the pass so you both can move forward. He needs to write out all those feelings that can cause problems to your marriage and pray over it and he needs to leave it in the pass and build more trust with you. That is a big problem and can get worst and end up making him to be the one to cheat because he is not only playing games with you but with himself. And for your back there is exercises you can do to make your back stronger and drink allot of water not giving your body enough water can cause back pain. I hope this helps

the first thing you must understand you are not at fault, my husband gets very angry with me when I do not have sex with him, also; and when I do he is the happiest person. you are not alone. look on the other side, he has expressed his feelings. ask him to be more involve in caring for the baby-so he won't feel left out. God bless you and hang in there. are you doing anything specail for yourself, maybe yoga, walking?

It sounds like there are emotional issues that your husband hasn't dealt with yet. They may extend as far back to his childhood not just his past relationships.
It would be great if you could both seek faith-based marital counseling.
You may also want to read some books by Dr. Greg and Lisa Popciak on marital love and relationships.
As a mom it is easy to get our priorities mixed and put our children first. However, we can best serve our children by letting them know that our relationship with God is first and our spouse is second. Children are most secure when their parents are in healthy, loving relationship with each other.
God Bless!

Here's a look at it from the other side... My husband doesn't want sex. (He doesn't want any more children and says abstinence is the only guarantee) I don't have a previous relationship where someone cheated on me, and I'm in great shape so I have no real reason to feel insecure about myself physically... but with my husband not wanting me physically, turning down my advances, it makes me feel very unwanted. It makes me question the meaning of my relationship. Do I want just a room mate who helps with the kids? So try to be gentle and not just push him away. Make sure you are reaffirming to him that he is your husband and that the relationship is meaningful to you in other ways. And please, do not completely throw away your physical relationship, though it is not the most important part of the relationship, the bond is important.

Ok you are not his ex and he needs to come to terms with that. You need to find someone to watch the kid maybe go out to lunch or dinner. In a non threatening manner you need to nicely bring up the subject that you aren't her (his ex) you have no plans to cheat on him. He needs to consider not following the same pattern as before and being loving and kind to your wife (or each other) doesn't give some one a big ego. Being attracted doesn't either.

Mean while you need to check your insurance/church someone to seek counsel from. Places have sliding scale fees. have this in your info and offer it to him (you can't make someone go). If you feel the need and he won't then you go better one then none.

I would tell him this is a 50/50 relationship, no need to all the sudden now treat you badly because of someone else's bad choice. You are adults and adults don't do this to each other. As far as sex welcome him to the real world of having children. Yes, sometimes adults can't have sex there's no energy left and your body needs sleep/rest etc.. Welcome him to assist you so you will want to have sex let him know housework done by a man can be a real turn on.

Most of all realize your self you can control your anger and your reactions (after all that's why we have the babies and men don't). You can't control his. Let him know that children can't do for themselves things take time you work full time and this is real life "welcome to my world". If he can't handle any of this then it may be time to consider many options in this relationship and work on what you want to do with it.

Nicely explain you are not her and it's a turn off when he thinks that way. I can understand his fear, but it can't consume him. Nicely explain that you are trying hard to be the best mom in the world and since it's somewhat new it is taking up more of your time now than it will later. Talk about trust and faith in eachother and the greatest thing in the world for a relationship is being secure in eachother. Let your house be dirty one night and once your son is down have a sit down and nicely talk. Maybe he can come up with ways to help you so you aren't so tired and stressed, then you both can get a payoff!

Good luck!

Our lives shape us -- or help us to shape ourselves -- but anyway, his previous relationship had a major effect on him, obviously. I think probably you are both really good people who have hit a spot, an issue, that needs to be addressed. Clearly, the status quo will not do! Honestly, the best thing would to go see a counselor and work it out with his/her help. I don't know how easy it would be for someone to do it on his own -- or if it's even possible.

If he opened himself up to you and exposed his insecurities, he must trust you on some level, right? Don't get angry and teach him that opening up to you is the wrong idea. Be frustrated with the situation, yes, just not at him. Don't let it degrade too much, either -- work on it now. I think what you guys have could be fixed and turn into a great marriage. But, like all things, marriage takes maintenance and you two have just discovered the next thing to work on. There are resources through churches and the like for affordable counseling -- sometimes it takes a while to find a good fit but it's invaluable!

I haven't read the other responses (no time) but I will say this - let your husband read this one. If only men could understand. Mine is slowly getting it. And he is the most wonderful man in the world. He is my soulmate and I am desperately attracted to him BUT at the end of a long day running after kids, cleaning, shopping, in your case working full-time, I am EXHAUSTED!!!! It has nothing to do with him that I don't want to be intimate. Now, we have learned that if he cleans up the kitchen and puts the baby to bed then I get a moment of rest and am actually more inclined to feel in the mood! You must find out what works for you or this will only get worse. Communicate to each other what you each need in order to make it work. Best wishes and blessings on your marriage!

I have a good friend who is a relationship coach. He practices what he offers and has the most beautiful expression of family I have ever seen! Dr. Michael Scimeca:

scimeca.com

The very best to you and your family!

www.markgungorshow.com, www.laughyourway.com

It's true... Guys are totally from Mars! I have 2 kids, work full time, give sex 2x or more a week and we're still going to Marriage Counseling because he started a Fantasy Affair via phone. But I love him so I'm going to try and trust again...

What I have realized is that men are wired from the crotch up -- evolutionary reality and tough luck. They just don't think about how much energy you put into their home or their family versus how much you have left for them ... they think about their needs first, and as Ricky Bobby said, "If you not first, you're last."

Yes, he really is that insecure and focused on the physical. Just try to think of this problem perhaps as Objective-Oriented. Maybe do whatever physically you can to please him and you without pain, then pull him into your "family world" for further closeness on your level. Back and forth you will both get your needs met?

And wish our family well too as we fight evolution as well?!:)

Don't be angry, he must really need your attention to resort to games. It's his way of yelling HELP, I NEED YOU without hurting his ego. He needs your attention just as much as your son and I know you're just trying to adjust to a new routine to include the baby but TELL your husband you too are adjusting and need him to continue to be patient with you and let HIM give you a back rub for that aching back in exchange for a little intimacy. You will sleep harder afterwards. Talk to him and assure him that you are all going through an adjustment period and to continue to be loving and patient. Also it wouldn't hurt that if he wants some cuddle time after a long day. Take over with some of the evening household duties i.e. dinner, clean up, baby bath routine so you can sit for a minute and get a little energy to show him some hands on love!!

Y.-Wife and Mom to 3 boys 6,5, and 1!!

LMAO!!! So, you have this problem too? dam. me too!! it's ridiculous!!! omg. ok, i would love to talk about this a LOT, write me anytime!! my email is ____@____.com
I think it has to do with the psycho ex's (thats one of our issues too...) she cheated 1000xs and she was this & that...bla bla bla. i'm not her!!!
2nd- you should be angry bc he's acting like a 10 yr old. you need to TELL him that and explain to him that SEX is NOT like a fkn tv you can't just TURN IT ON!!! it has to be there. tell him if he wants it SO bad, quit getting pissy and insecure and TRY HARDER. like roses and wine is a thought? or maybe if he bought you some new lingerie or just wrote you a letter? the little things make a HUGE diff and if your back is still hurting, i promise-you'll forget!!! lol...good luck! xoxoxoxoxo

OMG this sounds like my house. I have two children which is work enough and exhausting at that. I have D.D.D. and chronic inflammation in my joints especially in my bursa sacks in my hips. The word "sex" makes me cringe. It's too painful to do. I have to keep reminding my husband that I DO love him and I AM attracted to him but I cannot deal with the pain of "doing it." Men are funny in the sense that if you aren't having sex "you don't love me." I often have to reitterate that sex is not the only way to say "I love you." Best of luck to you, I know your pain.