Husband Is on My Last Nerve!!!

I hate to say this, and I may be jumping to conclusions, but it sounds a lot like what I went through with my now ex-husband. He was wonderful up until the time we got married. Then he began to be very suspicious of everything I was doing--like noises in the background of a phone call, etc. It got progressively worse. He seemed to be irrational about everything. All the time, though, he was telling me I was the one being irrational. After a year or so of it, I began to think maybe he was right. I later learned that it is a form of brain-washing or gaslighting that men use when they are trying to control you. I don't know if this is what is going on with your marriage. It's kind of hard to judge from your short post. It just sounds awfully familiar. If you want to talk anymore, please feel free to contact me. Good luck. A.

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A 22 yr old is very immature. You will have to be the adult, and wait for him to grow up.

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My husband was 23 when we were married, so it is possible for someone that age to be mature. I think you just need to be honest with him, and let him know the severity of the situation. If he says it's all you, then let him know that you don't agree, give him examples, and talk him into seeing a counselor with you. At only three months in I'd say that something needs to be done ASAP.

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lot of men arnt talkative and younger men might have a problem about being expected to live up to everyone elses standards and the age difference might make him feal infearior.but if you love him you need to set down and talk to him let him know how you feal but also listen to what he says so you know where you stand.that way he wont resent you and you wont resent him.I wish you the best of luck.

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well, if you can hang in there, he may be the best husband any of us have ever had. you married him when he was still a baby, so you can raise him into the man you want him to be. it will take some patients though. as a 22 year old man, he is really only 16. you are at a very independent phase and he is still a needy kid, and will be a needy kid for about 3 years yet. if you survive his childhood, he should be great.

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I am 24 and let me say you're brave for having a relationship with a 22 yr old!!! I don't even like to date guys my own age because of immaturity. The best advice that I can give you is that you are going to have to wait for him to grow up... and who knows when that'll be!!! He is young and boys are already naturally handycaped with immaturity and then with you being 28... you already have learned from the things he hasn't. You probably learned more by the time you were 18 then he has now!!! Sorry it's not the best advice but that is what you are going to have to do.

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maybe you're pregnant????:)

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Be patient with your husband and yourself. The first year can be especially challenging just learning to adjust to each other's quirks. And these really are little things that bother you, remind yourself that they are minor irritations.

Whenever possible, avoid talking on the phone to him when you're out in public. And don't let his negativity bring you down. Try having a talk with him when you're calm, not when you're already upset or irritated. Tell him why the negativity bothers you.

Do you have good girlfriends? Sometimes when you're getting on each other's nerves some quality time with friends, away from your spouse, can really help (NOT to gripe to your friends, but just to have fun - it's amazing how it can help put things in perspective).

I noticed in some of the other responses people assume that he must still have a teenage mindset because he's only 22. And they advise you to "raise him" and train him as if he's your child. This is dangerous!! He's your husband, not your kid. Husbands need to feel respected and honored (don't we all?). Just because he's 22 doesn't mean he has to be immature. My brother married someone 3 years older when he was only 20; he's a great husband and father. If you treat him like a child, he'll act like it. Treat him like a man, remember he's the one you feel in love with!

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I'd say his age has a little to do with it, in that he is not mature enough to voice whatever his real concern is. Seems like there must be something he's not telling you, that is causing him to act this way. Maybe it's something he himself hasn't even acknowledged. Talk to him very plainly and directly about it, and if that doesn't work, suggest counseling.
Good Luck!

You and your husband sound like wonderful people. I saw your 'post-post' saying that he 'doesn't want to talk about it'. Many men have a real problem dealing with 'issues', so you have the power within your hands to turn this around for both of your benefit (and the kids').

It sounded as if you were meaning that he's jealous of you when he hears what's going on around you. Well, if I interpreted correctly, please realize that jealousy/distrust can be a BIG problem; and it can't be solved simply by the victim being innocent. (One of my best friends just got divorced after 19 years because her [now 'ex-'] husband doesn't trust her, and she's been trustworthy). It's the problem of the person who is jealous and who does the distrusting. Don't even bother trying to 'prove' your innocence and tell him right away that you won't try.

He's evidently feeling some insecurities, but can't express it as such. You didn't say whether you work outside the home, or not, but if not, it's a REALLY big deal for such a young man to take on the financial responsibility for a ready made family. You need to be the monitor/promoter of the emotional atmosphere.

First, when he IS talking to you and starts with questioning comments, say, "I don't want to talk about it".) In other words, don't get defensive, agitated, or otherwise 'emotional' about it.

Second, please brag on his work/financial contribution exaggeratedly!

I hope this makes sense. I'm 50 and after 32 years of marriage (and having just sent our 4th and youngest 'birdie' off into the wild blue yonder just this past week), we empty-nesters are NOW going to try to LEARN to communicate. It's all a process, but if you've both willingly made the commitment to live life together, don't look back!

We have 2 unmarried sons (22 and 28). If either of them got involved with a lady with 3 kids, I'd recommend him (and HER!) to think long and hard about it before taking it to a physical level -- and especially before entering a 'forever commitment'. You're already there, so I know you both 'mean business'. Persevere. That's the main thing in keeping a marriage together.

Bottom line:
A) Minimize your resonse to his 'insecure comments' as much as possible.
B) Maximze your affirmation and acknowledgement of his commitment and efforts as much as possible.

I think it will pay off for you! Don't give up!

God bless!

J.,
At first it sounded like you two were just spending too much time together. But I really feel that it's something much deeper. He's insecure, maybe about the age difference, maybe it's that you're very attractive to other men, or that he doesn't feel he has your entire heart. Men need to know that they are the only ones getting your attention (aside from your children, of course). They need to feel loved just as we do and appreciated. I'm taking a guess that one of these reasons is why he's so anxious about knowing where and who you're with all the time you two are apart. If you give him some reassurance it should all calm down. He is obviously feeling like something is not quite right, so do yourselves a favor and try out my advice. Tell him how much you love him and that you've been thinking about him all afternoon. Say it when you're in a public place so he knows you're not doing anything suspect. Just put yourself in his shoes and see what I mean. I really hope you two can figure this out. God bless!

Since I was in high school (I'm now 34), I've dated younger guys. I even married one 4 years younger than me and we're divorced. The younger guy IS way more immature, BUT it depends on the guy. I look at it this way, you knew 3 months ago WHO you were marrying including all his immaturities. So, listen to YOUR inner self...that voice in your head. I've read all the resposes before mine. Couples therapy is an option, but if you guys go to church your preacher may be a better choice (expecially if he know you all). Just remember, HONESTY should be first and foremost!! And also remember, YOU LOVE HIM and if he loves you and values the marriage, he'll help fix this...EVEN IF HE THINKS IT YOU!! Good luck and I hope one of us gives you the right advice. Stay strong....YOU ARE WOMAN!!

Hard to know what you mean by "irrational about everything." Sounds like you may be having some "pink and blue" issues. Men and women don't think or react alike to many of the same things, or some of the same phrases. Perhaps something like "Love and Respect" by Emerson Eggerich might be helpful. He has a video that is startlingly right on. Anyway, after being married for 43+ years, I'd say cut each other some slack and try to make sure that you are communicating clearly.

One thing that I have learned is that the wife pretty much always has to be the "bigger person." We have to work at not dwelling on their irritating behaviors and patiently, gently, quietly, help them become the men we know they can be. It is a somewhat thankless job, but remember to be thankful for the husband you have and realize that the first year of marriage is REALLY hard, but eventually you two will grow into each other. My husband is 25 and after 9 years together he is finally "getting it."

They communicate differently is the nice way of putting it, but in my words, they are a bit slow. Eventually they pick it up.

I would first tell him how you feel. If you have too, write him a letter if he want listen. Let him know evrything on how you feel. Be nice tho. Make it like he makes you sad and it hurts to hear him ask you "whats that in the background"or "who is that talking?". Tell him it make you think that he doesn't trust you. Age really don't have nothing to do with a person insecurity. He may be afraid of a "older" man may come scoop you up. Let him know that he has nothing to worry about and tell him how much you love him. Just be patient with him if you love him, but if he keeps it up then just leave and look for more mature men. Hope this help some. good luck.