I feel for you. I have to assume your husband is a good man or you wouldn't still be with him :) Holidays are tough for many people, and even tougher when those having a hard time think everyone else is having a perfect one. I would like to share the way I do things in hopes you can take something from it and maybe make it a little better for you.
As a child I hated Christmas because of my step father. When I grew up I vowed my children would never be miserable like I was. My first husband and I could not see eye to eye on religion so we came to agree that the children would be exposed to several and allowed to choose their own. He too did not like Christmas. We began having "the holiday season" in our house. It begins at Thanksgiving and goes through the new year. We started off with a big Thanksgiving feast and invited anyone and everyone we knew. Next came the tree (notice it was not a Christmas tree) decorated in many themes that represented each of us. We did different activities through the season, baking, crafts, decorating, etc... We made our annual trip to a nearby town for fresh apple cider...we invited friends and other families to join us in our different activities. We made it a time for giving, rejoicing in our family and friends, giving thanks for what we had instead of what we didn't have...We took boxes of homemade goodies to the neighbors...We tried our hand at gingerbread houses...etc...
I was divorced when my three girls were young, but carried on the "holiday season" through all the years of raising them. They love this time of year and share with everyone they know. They are grown, with children of their own, starting new traditions in their own families. They continue to share that holiday joy with others because they love the holiday season so much.
Now I have a five year old and her father was a true scrooge. I understand people have issues, but here is the reality; they are their issues and no one else should have to suffer for them. I told scrooge (who is a good father otherwise) to keep it to himself. He doesn't have to like it, he doesn't have to pretend to like it, he just isn't allowed to ruin it for anyone else. (If you can't say something nice...). On Christmas morning if he didn't want to participate, just stay out of the room and allow others to enjoy. Well scrooge really suprised me this year, he is actually starting to get into it, not much, but any little bit is progress. He actually helped put some ornaments on the tree this year! (He asked if he could help!)
Move forward and don't let anyone take something you enjoy from you. You can't be responsible for his issues, they are his. He clearly does not want to deal with whatever the problem is, don't force it. By the same token you have a right to enjoy the holidays and so do your children.
I wish you the best of luck, and happy holidays.