22 answers

Husband Going to Be an OTR Truck Driver.... I Don't Want That Life!

When my husband and I got together, he was a local truck driver, and I knew when we first got together that he loved driving trucks. Recently he has decided to take a job driving Over the road where he'll be gone for WEEKS at a time. His training period is supposed to be SIX weeks. We have 2 small children,(our son is 3 and our daughter will be 2 in April) and I feel like he's abandoning me and the kids to go "live his dream". While I am glad he is getting this opportunity. I can't help but feel resentful towards him because he gets to go out and enjoy his life and see the country while I stay here and do the hard work in raising his children. I know I'm being selfish about this, but I don't think I have the strength to be a truck driver's wife. Our kids are very close to him, and I fear that our kids will also begin to resent him for being gone all the time. Our daughter is very reluctant about spending time with people she doesn't see very often, and I'm afraid that by the time she starts to trust him when he comes home, he'll be leaving and she'll never be able to trust him. I feel angry because I'm the one who has to explain to our son every night why daddy's not coming home, and why daddy's not here to tuck him into bed, and why he's not here to play in the bath with them, etc. I just feel a lot of anger towards him right now. I don't know that I can be happy like this. I am going to basically be living the life of a single mother. I hate this whole idea. We've been together for 6 years and haven't spent more than 4 or 5 nights apart in all that time. Am I completely insane for feeling this way?

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Well, he leaves tomorrow morning to go on the road. I just want a normal life. One where my husband is home with me every night. He talked to the trainer today, and he'll be gone the full 6 weeks. :( What's worse is when the trainer gets to go home and spend time with his family, my husband has to go with him and stay in a hotel where the trainer lives. I think that's WRONG! He has to stay in a hotel while this guy gets to go home and see his wife and spend time with his kids. The worst part is that the trainer won't (even though he's through our area every day) drop my husband off so he can come home to be with us when he goes home. I am absolutely appauled by this! What kind of crap is that????

Featured Answers

My father drives for ABF and he loves it but there are no little ones at home.. I am a safety director for a Trucking Company here in Dayton and my guys are always home on the weekend.. i also have local guys that work 7 a.m.-6-7 p.m. Unfortunatly if he is just starting out there is not a big choice because most companies like mine you have to have 2 years experience.

Good Luck.. But you both need to agree..... you will resent him if you dont agree.

More Answers

Hi S.,
I feel your pain :-) My husband is a pilot..he was gone all but 4 days in January and won't be home until the 25th this month and I have 3 under 4. I guess it is what it is..but more than anything I have some suggestions for making time go by. My oldest one has a little book that we write the date in and then she draws or writes an event from the day..so when he gets home she can share it with him. We also have a computer with a web cam..and he has one for his laptop so we talk to him over the computer every day. If he had a laptop, and you had wireless internet...there are a lot of places including truck hubs, airports, coffee shops, and most hotels etc that he can connect to when hes away so he has internet access and can talk to us. Also, we make an effort to spend 1 day a week with his family so that they aren't excluded since hes gone-b/c naturally we spend more time with my parents. Before my husband leaves, I have him read a few childrens books on tape (we have a tape recorder) and then when the kids miss him we put a "book on tape" on for them to listen to and they can hear his voice. And most of all get a good routine. I work but after work we have an activity, cook dinner together but when my kids were younger I would give them play do, or have them cut soft veggies with plastic knives, stir food etc, so that we are all together doing family time, eat watch 1/2 hour of TV and then talk to dad baths stories and bed. My kids go to bed around 7-7:30 and this give me time to unwind and do the things that I like to do so that even if I am lonely i feel somewhat fulfilled b/c I am doing something for myself (Iguess that's my way of being selffish) I hope that some of these ideas work for you if he continues this job and you are home by yourself. Good luck and you will get used to it. Before you know it you will have your own routines and then when he comes home he won't follow them and it will send your house into hysteria! I always laugh when my husband is home b/c bed times are crazy, quick baths turn into bubbles on the wall, hour bubble baths, dessert after bath, 20 books for bedtime..but thats what makes it special when he is home.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi..First I must reassure you that you are not alone. My husband is also a truck driver. He was doing OTR, but now he is doing a regional account which keeps him away from home all week. He gets home late on Friday night and leaves again on Sunday mornings. I am a SAHM of our 6...yes six kids. I also felt alot of the same feelings you did, being abandoned, resentment, and feeling like I was doing all the work raising HIS children. I live in Columbus, and would love to be a support person for you if you would like. If you are interested just give me a shout on here or you can email me personally at ____@____.com. I look forward to hearing back from you, and PLEASE HANG IN THERE, IT GETS BETTER TRUST ME

You are scared and that is normal, you are looking at a major change in lifestyle. Give it time, get a new routine. You may find it is easier with him gone most of the time. Give it time, if it is that bad you and your husband can re-evaluate the decision later. He may find that he hates being away from all of you. Good Luck.

I am not in your position, but maybe can help you to look at some other views. For instance do you need this job to make the bills and such? I know there are always 2 sides to every story, but this is a little hard to handle. My husband was gone all week (home some weekends) for a little over a year. This was not his usual job. I really hated it, but knew it was temporary and we needed the income at that time. I have to say that I did adjust to the lifestyle, but it isn't the the way I would have wanted to continue to live. I am not trying to persuade you into doing anything, except talk to your hubby, with this response. I love my husband very much, but I didn't want that life for me or my children. I really understand how you feel and urge you to maybe make a compromise. One I can think of is maybe you will agree to him he can go on the road for lets say 1-2 years when your children are in school and it isn't so hard on you. Honestly though, if you both can't compromise and you aren't willing to live this way, you don't have many options. I wish you the best of luck!

S. I think this is normal. My husband and his uncle have recently started their own buisness and starting this spring he is going to be out of town for weeks at a time. I feel thew same way. He is living his dream but I feel abandon. I am pregnant with my fourth child and dont want to go through this alone. I know it will confuse my children. There are night that is work late now and they dont understand why he is not here when they go to bed. I am not sure of any advise to give you but I can tell you that I think the way you are feeling as pretty normal. I feel the same way.

I agree with the other ladies. You should have a say in what happens. It ISN'T fair for him to leave you with two young children so he can live out his dream. There is always going to be a need for OTR drivers, so what's the harm in putting that dream off for a little while? At least until the kids are maybe school-age? If he's so close to his children, how could he even consider a job like this during their most formative years? These are the precious moments you can't get back. If you miss them, that's it. Sounds like you two have a lot of talking to do. If you can't come up with a reasonable solution together, perhaps you should have a third, uninvolved, party enter into the picture, such as a pastor or counselor. Good luck. Update us and let us know what is decided.

My father drives for ABF and he loves it but there are no little ones at home.. I am a safety director for a Trucking Company here in Dayton and my guys are always home on the weekend.. i also have local guys that work 7 a.m.-6-7 p.m. Unfortunatly if he is just starting out there is not a big choice because most companies like mine you have to have 2 years experience.

Good Luck.. But you both need to agree..... you will resent him if you dont agree.

Oh S., I know how you feel. My husband became an otr truck driver 7 years ago after 24 years of a good marriage. He loves it too. But I felt abandoned, we had a 16 year old son, and a 15 year old son and a 4 month old baby girl.
Yes, I did have help with my sons, but I also had teenager headaches galore plus an infant.
I can tell you that it does get better with some time and the pay was very good.
My husband got hurt unloading the trailer and has not worked for three years now, and I love having him home. I hope I can be strong enough when he does go back to work on the road.

MANY trucking companies have dedicated routes for their drivers and this means that they work all week away from home but they are are HOME on the weekends.

Discuss this route with your husband and tell him to look around at the companies. I know Swift Trucking does this.

He is still gone but he is home every weekend instead of gone for 3 weeks at a time. He will miss so much of his kids growing up if he is gone so much.
Oh and a note, it may be his dream but it is hard work too. And he may just be wanting to provide a better life, financially for his family. Support him but let him know your feelings too. Good luck dear one.

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