25 answers

Husband Going Out

How much is too much for a husband to spend out. He use to go out only once a month....now it's at least once or twice a week. We have 2 kids, his job requires 50+ hours a week and 2 late nights. How much is too much?

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

Well, first off do you know who he's with and/or where he's going? If so then there shouldn't be a problem if he's not wanting to tell you or just wonder around then me personally I have a problem with that. I think once a week if fair and you too should be able to go out as well.

Do you know exactly where he is going?
What needs does he meets at those places and how can they be met at home?
Is there something going on at home that is driving him away?

More Answers

I went out once per week and went out one weekend a month with another friend (male) and usually one week during the summer with two or more male friends. We worked hard and had a blast. During the one weekend a month we'd go fishing or floated down a river or camped out in the woods. We'd go for hikes of one to 10 miles at a time.

My wife supported me completely and encouraged me to take the time out on these outings.

Oh, I just re-read my comments. ;-D. I forgot to mention I was a Scoutmaster and the other male was my assistant scoutmaster and the men I was with on the weekends and a week at a time during the summer were the other adult leaders, usually the fathers of the 8 to 14 boyscouts we took with us and taught the basics of wood lore and life. We taught the boys to be self sufficient, and leadership. Many of them made Eagle Scout.

As a husband, I wouldn't even consider going out without my wife unless it was for the reasons stated in the above paragraph.

What can you do about it? Take a proactive stance. Act like you'd love it if he stayed home with you. When you see he is preparing to go out and your kids aren't around wear something soft and see through and frilly/lacy and ask him if he rather spend time with you. If your kids are around, close the bedroom door and ask the same thing OR follow him out to the car or truck . . . well, you get the idea. Unless he's a eunuch he'll stay home with you.

If you lack the knowledge of what motivates most men to give up the old friends and stay with his new best friend (you) read the book, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". Watch the movie, "Fireproof" and get the workbook. He'll wonder why he ever left. AND you'll know why and will have given him the reasons to stay home.

Are you not the woman you were when you got married? Remember, "A model needs perfect lighting, professional make up, and designer clothes to look as good as the average woman does to the man that loves her."

Good luck to you and yours.
P.S. Princess Cruise Lines was the setting for the "Love Boat" TV show for a reason. Think you can't afford a cruise? Brown bag for a year and save the $6 or so per day you'd spend on lunch at a fastfood joint or restaurant and you'll save enough to pay for a week for two on the "Love Boat". Have fun;)

4 moms found this helpful

Your post makes me feel old... Haha. Out twice a week!? Man, those were the days! That's too much... To be honest, I would be irritated if my husband was going out once a month without me! I think once a month (or more) for a date night is completely reasonable and a couple nights out with friends here and there is fun - I'm not against going out separately now and again. But, if I were you, I'd not be a happy camper. My husband is sitting here and I asked him what he thought. He says that even once a week is absurd when you have a family at home. In fact, he thinks it's absurd even if you're just married, no kids, to go out that often without your spouse. I totally agree with him.

2 moms found this helpful

If you could put aside your mom-guilt and had a guaranteed trustworthy sitter or hubby at home to do a great job with the kids, how often would you want to go out. (And remember to put aside the mom-guilt).

That is how much he should go out, with the exception of extenuating circumstances and special occasions. And it would also depend on what exactly he is doing out.

My husband works out of town and I am basically a single mom for weeks on end. My parents live nearby though, and I go out probably 3-4 times a month, depending on the month. And by go out, I mean to a mexican restaurant where we sit and drink margaritas for hours and laugh, or to someone's house to play bunco which is also a BYOB and hang out type of thing. Not exactly club-hopping, but not doing a knitting group or book club either. I see absolutely nothing wrong with going out that often, because my son is very well cared for and I deserve a break. If my husband was home to go out that often (3-4 times a month like me), I would not only be fine with it, but encourage it. But I would expect it to be a reasonable place and spending a reasonable amount of money. And my going out doesn't cut into family time. If my husband was skipping family time it would bother me that often. But if he was going out after dinner and bedtime, I would be okay with it. But it goes both ways and his being able to go out has to be reciprocated in some way. And honestly, if he was home, at least one of those times a month out would be spent with each other on a date night. That is important too. We do that every chance we get.

2 moms found this helpful

My husband only goes out one night a week to play hockey with his friends. He played for many years when he was younger and just started doing it, before that he would rarely go out. The games are at 8pm so he doesn't leave until after my son goes to bed. I actually love that he has some sort of a hobby outside of the house. Occassionally, (like maybe every few months) he will go out without me if there is something going on that is either sports related or a gathering for friends or work that I can't attend if we can't get someone to watch our son, which is also no big deal to me.

My husband works full time (not as much as your husband does) and I am a stay at home mom. For my situation I think one night out a week is perfect, even if I don't get the same because I don't particularly have anything to do! I go out to dinner with a friend every few months and that is it, but that is fine with me. I do think your husband deserves a night out a week at the most, if not maybe one night every other week. But if you want to go out too you deserve the same. Honestly though, if even one night a week doesn't work for YOU then you need to talk to him and figure out some kind of compromise about going out. If he is going out 2 nights a week to the bar when he has 2 kids and a wife at home then that is a little ridiculous to me, I would never be okay with that.

2 moms found this helpful

I just wrote a response...what happened to it?

Anyway, I think if the activities are structured (basketball league and Bible study, for example) and your kids are not too little and you are not a stay at home mom, that's okay. My husband used to play darts every Wednesday when our son was little. I didn't have a problem with that. Now, if my husband was hanging out with friends at a bar twice a week, I would have an issue with that. Once would be fine. Twice is too much.

2 moms found this helpful

Mmmm.... negative. That was my first reaction to this. Just... something off-putting about it. I have close girlfriends that I hang out with on occasion, and my hubby will have a few beers with the guys during football season but... other than that we don't go out separately. It would just be odd. I enjoy going out for a drink with my other Mommy-friends who need a night out every now and again.... and like I said - beer with the guys when a good game is on but random nights out all the time is a definite negative.

2 moms found this helpful

If you are uncomfortable with the amount of time he is spending out side of the home on non-work related matters, then that is too much. Each couple has their own personal dynamics and comfort level. Personally, I wouldn't like it if my husband was working so many hours and then going out a couple of nights a week, leaving me with the kids and neglecting shared family time. If he were going to the gym that would be one thing, but if his outings were a social thing, I think I would be pissed. But that's just me . . .

2 moms found this helpful

I guess that too much is whatever makes YOU uncomfortable. At my house, I get out once a week (alone) and go have a drink. My husband rarely does. I don't know why he doesn't as I encourage him to go. We also rarely get out together. We don't have a babysitter and honestly, I enjoy being out alone. We are pretty comfortable with this.

1 mom found this helpful

1 / 3
Required Fields

Our records show that we already have a Mamapedia or Mamasource account created for you under the email address you entered.

Please enter your Mamapedia or Mamasource password to continue signing in.

Required Fields

, you’re almost done...

Since this is the first time you are logging in to Mamapedia with Facebook Connect, please provide the following information so you can participate in the Mamapedia community.

As a member, you’ll receive optional email newsletters and community updates sent to you from Mamapedia, and your email address will never be shared with third parties.

By clicking "Continue to Mamapedia", I agree to the Mamapedia Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy.