35 answers

Husband Goes on a Trip and I Dont Hear from Him - Am I Wrong for Being Upset?

My husband went to Miami to visit a good friend of his for the weekend. While he is there, I dont hear from him - no call or text. This gets me so angry! I have to text his friend to ask him to have my husband get in touch before my husband will send a text saying that he's fine, not to worry or be angry. My husband doesnt even call to ask how I'm doing, knowing I'm home with two young kids (2 yr old and 6 month old).

His friend reassures me that they're fine, they're behaving, and just hanging out. So if that's all they are doing, I can't understand why my husband cant even say a 2 minute hello. Only when I got upset and let his friend know did my husband call. But I missed his call bc I was taking care of the kids, so we havent spoken at all. So I text hubby that I was upset and I just get a short dont worry response.

Any other day, my husband calls at least once a day just to say hi and texts often. So this whole experience has just made feel like he wants to forget about me and the kids while he is away having fun. Really has left a bitter taste in my mouth about letting him go away on his own on a non-business related trip. He is not even home yet, but i do know i'm hurt and angry and I dont even know where to begin about confronting him about this without sounding jealous that he got a mini vacation or whiney.

Am I wrong for being upset? Is this a guy thing? Is it ok for a partner to go away and not be in touch? I am wondering if this is a normal experience. Thanks

JUST WANT TO ADD: of course, i tried to contact him first before contacting his friend. the reason i ended up contacting his friend is bc i never heard from him, which is extremely unusual for him. he is a v responsive phone person and has even been upset with me in the past when i didnt call him to say hi

And yes, I have been away from home for vacation without kids and husband and i always called at least once a day (even if it was just 2 mins) to say hi, make sure everyone was ok, and to say goodnight to the kids. i dont expect him to be on the phone for a long time, but a simple hey would have been really appreciated.

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

First, I just want to say thank you to all those of you for sharing your opinions both for and against me.

So today, my husband came home from his trip and I took most of your advice and stayed calm. I didn't mention that I was upset at all, but he was also avoiding talking about his trip, which leads me to think he didn't want to admit he ignored me the entire weekend. So when I finally asked in the calmest, nicest way possible why he didnt call even once or text, his answer was "i thought you were mad at me and i didn't want to deal with it." WHAT?! i told him i was upset that he didn't try to get in touch at all even if it was just a text and that i have no idea why he thought i would have been mad in the first place. he then proceeded to get upset and told me that i always get mad whenever he goes away (OK LADIES, UNTRUE!!!) so this is the part which then led me to start arguing. he just walked away from me and said, "i was good. i didn't do anything, we just drank and hung out." and he just didnt want to talk anymore.

i dont really know who this guy is, but this man is not my husband - well, not the husband i know everyday anyway. i dont know what happened between the time he left and came back, but i have a sneaking suspicion he and his friend must have really "gone to town and partied their butts off."

one thing he did do is bring home dinner and he has been looking and acting apologetic since we had the initial conversation. and out of nowhere he did casually say next time, he'll call. but a part of me is still angry about this whole thing. i just feel he dismissed my feelings and i know something must have happened bc when i asked questions about the trip, he gave really short answers and didnt offer details.

i'm thinking of just letting it go, but my best friend says that if i'm too easy on this issue, it'll just happen again. i dont really know but i do know i dont want to stay upset - it's tiring - so i guess we'll just have to see.

Featured Answers

Ok, when I am on vacation I enjoy my vacation and I allow him to enjoy his vacation as well. I ask, before he leaves that he contact me when he lands so I know he is there and that he notifys me when he is on his way home other than that no contact needed.

8 moms found this helpful

Lots of great responses from the moms that said to give him his time. You two had different expectations going into this. He sounds like a good guy otherwise so make peace with it and move on. If I'm gone for fun, I love to not be tied to a blackberry, a droid and a laptop everyday no matter where I am.

Give him a very warm and exciting welcome when he comes home and don't hold a grudge!! It's so much more fun to be happy.

6 moms found this helpful

This is normal. My hubby calls all the time too but when he's out of town with friends, I don't hear a word from him because he's so busy. It upsets me too.

5 moms found this helpful

More Answers

Ok, when I am on vacation I enjoy my vacation and I allow him to enjoy his vacation as well. I ask, before he leaves that he contact me when he lands so I know he is there and that he notifys me when he is on his way home other than that no contact needed.

8 moms found this helpful

Well the thing is, this is out of the norm for you and he. BECAUSE, normally, he DOES call/text you and you said he is a very responsive... phone person and has even been upset with you... when you didn't call him to say hi. And that normally, HE DOES call you at least once daily, just to say hi.

SO that is why, this has you... bothered. It is not his norm. At all.
Thus, the concern is there.

If my Hubby were away... even if he goes out after work, he calls me. Just to let me know of his ETA, back home.
Or if he is going to be late in getting home or if his plans changes. It is just courtesy and caring and letting me know what the hell is going on... since I am home with the kids.
My Husband calls. Even if he is in a bar with friends after work.

You did call your Husband first, Before you tried the friend. You tried being reasonable. You did what is pretty normal. But your Husband's reaction... is not normal. Not his norm.
Thus, the concern.

Frankly, I don't know what is the problem.
Sure he is on a trip. But a Husband can still call.
Gee and you are home with the kids. What if something happened???? The common sense thing to do, is to call your Wife back or answer the damn phone when she calls.

I would be irked too.
I don't blame you.
This is.... strange?

The thing is, even if on 'vacation' or a trip with buddies, it does NOT take a lot of effort to just call home for 2 minutes. Geez... anyone can find time, on a trip, to do that.
My Husband went away with my daughter to Europe once, on VACATION.. HE called each day, to let me know how they were and what not.
He is a Husband. He is a Dad. And I was back home with my son.
He called.

Vacation or business trip...a guy CAN call home.
It is not much effort to do that.
It is NOT out of sight out of mind.

7 moms found this helpful

Going away on a trip means youre going away on a trip and shouldnt have to be tied to home. That's what a "get away" is. Communication should be there if there was an emergency but other than that one should be allowed to enjoy their time away from home if they want to.
When you are the one at home you are bored and wondering what the other is doing, but the one that is gone is having fun and is distracted from home and doesnt think about it.
If you had an agreement that he would call you at such and such a time that is different, otherwise let him be.
If you were gone for a wknd with friends do you really think you would stop what you were doing to call home? I wouldnt. Maybe you would, but some people just want to detach for awhile, obviously that's what your husband needs.

7 moms found this helpful

Don't be that girl, the one who starts calling friends when she can't get her man on the phone. It just makes you look crazy, possessive and jealous and gives women a bad name. If it's a non-emergency, leave a message and he'll call you back when he's free. While you are home, live your life and don't worry so much about him calling you. You'll survive a weekend if you don't speak, and he may get a chance to miss you if you leave him be.

6 moms found this helpful

For what it's worth, my husband NEVER calls when he's away - unless he needs something. No, wait. Occasionally I can get him to call to say that he arrived, but that's rather a rarity. Try to confront him with it and he says, "Huh??"

It's the way he is. He's not a very good communicator, because he doesn't
seem to think this kind of communication is necessary. His family is the same way, and he's uncomfortable with anything else, even after all these years. He doesn't know what he's missing.

You get to choose whether you get upset at your husband or not. That's just another way of saying that you can choose *not* to get upset.

On the other hand, if he comes home from his trip with a changed attitude and lipstick on his collar... get upset.

6 moms found this helpful

Lots of great responses from the moms that said to give him his time. You two had different expectations going into this. He sounds like a good guy otherwise so make peace with it and move on. If I'm gone for fun, I love to not be tied to a blackberry, a droid and a laptop everyday no matter where I am.

Give him a very warm and exciting welcome when he comes home and don't hold a grudge!! It's so much more fun to be happy.

6 moms found this helpful

I think with two very young kids at home, he should have ONE relaxing fun weekend with his friend and you should let this communication gap slide just this once. Now start planning YOUR weekend getaway! Be as nice as you can about his weekend away, it will help him agree to staying home with the kids. Don't make it like you are going away to punish him for not calling. I Hope you can get away for a fun weekend with a girlfriend and NO kids to refuel and come back refreshed cuz I know you need it more than him!

5 moms found this helpful

I think the thing that people forget in situations like this is that while you are at home, doing your normal thing, he is not. He is on a vacation with a friend, having fun. He may be in a different time zone, on a different schedule, or happen to be somewhere that's not conducive to calling. I think if you trust your SO & everything is otherwise normal, and there is no emergency that you need to contact him about, this shouldn't be that big of a deal. I understand why you are upset, but there is no point in holding onto it or fighting with him about it when he gets home.

I guess I'm different. I don't blow DH's phone up while he's working, and he doesn't bug me when I'm out & vice versa. We live together & if all is fine, then I just see no reason to be on the phone with each other all the time. He is not a big phone talker & I am ok with that.

I've been out of town & forgotten to call - once I was out of town for a wedding, pre DD, and the other was for work, after DD was born. I was on a totally different schedule & my routine was off, and by the time I remembered, it was too late to call. I would've been pissed if DH would've pulled what you did, and then had the nerve to be mad at me over what pretty much amounts to a miscommunication. I say that because you 2 obviously had very different expectations of each other while he was on this trip. Use it as a learning experience on how to do things next time, not as a reason to fight with him.

ETA - I'm sorry, but I'm LOLing at "change the locks". Dramatic much? Who would even do that?!

5 moms found this helpful

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