48 answers

Husband Forbids Me from Having a Dog, Is This Right or Wrong?

I am an animal lover and always will be as I was raised around a farm. My husbands mother is an animal lover like me as well so he was raised around animals aswell but does not care for animals. We have a cat but I am very much so a dog person. So the cat isnt doing it for me. I asked my husband if we could have a dog (I want one and my son wants a dog aswell) and he said NO! He mentioned that if I get a dog he is divorcing me. I personally dont think this is the right way to go about things but I could be wrong.....what do you guys think? **ADDITION:.His problem is the mess,in his eyes all animals ruin a home. I think with proper training, the right kind of dog this is not true. I do not make him clean up anything the cat does, I do it and told him that it would be the same with the dog. He did not mention money or time etc...***

I understand people saying that I need to respect his decision but at the same time what about MY decision? I am definately not being one sided but there must be some compromise. I see both of us as the head of household and I think we should BOTH make desicions together. Not just him and not just me.

**I know exactly what most of you guys are saying and yes I know exactly what it is like to have a dog and the responsibilities. I dont expect anyone else to take care of it...I know I will be that person and I am fine with it. I am just not sure it is right to FORBID someone unless sanitary purposes (hoarding) or we dont have time or money. Neither fall in our category. But for me not having a dog is NOT the main issue is the fact that he would forbid it and threaten divorce which worries me the most**

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

You say he mention, not he told you he would divorce you if you got a dog. That sounds more like I want you to know I don't! want a dog!

Just because someone was raised around pets doesn't mean they enjoyed it. He was a child, he had no choice but to be around animals. He is an adult now and doesn't want to be around dogs.

His wording may have not been the best but it is his house too.

11 moms found this helpful

This decision is one similar to having another kid. The person that votes no is that one that typicaly wins. Sorry.
Anything else is just totally unfair, especially since he feels so strongly about it.

9 moms found this helpful

If he is that adamant I would NOT do it.

A dog needs to feel welcome and loved . . . it's not fair to the dog to bring it into a hostile situation.

JMO.

6 moms found this helpful

More Answers

You say he mention, not he told you he would divorce you if you got a dog. That sounds more like I want you to know I don't! want a dog!

Just because someone was raised around pets doesn't mean they enjoyed it. He was a child, he had no choice but to be around animals. He is an adult now and doesn't want to be around dogs.

His wording may have not been the best but it is his house too.

11 moms found this helpful

To me, there is no compromise here. I mean, there will be a dog or there won't. It's not something you can have a few days a week when he's not around and it won't affect him.

I was raised around dogs and frankly, I refuse to have one. My husband had a dog before we married and she was part of the package deal. She was a good dog, don't get me wrong, but she was a dog, none the less. She was exciteable and knocked me down when I was pregnant, she layed in my flower beds, for some unknown reason it was ME she chose to shake off near after swimming or running through the sprinkler. She wasn't an inside dog, but she crapped everywhere in the yard and I flat REFUSED to pick it up. I couldn't take the kids in the yard to the fruit trees without navigating the mine fields. My husband cleaned the yard at least once a week, but on hot days, the smell of baking dog poop made me ill.
On a side note, she was wonderful with the kids. After our divorce and she was old, my ex husband moved and she came to stay with me and the kids. (If you can believe it). The poor thing was in pain with arthritis and didn't get around very well. I even let her sleep in the laundry room in the house and often sat on the floor with her when I knew she was really hurting. I cried my head off when my ex husband had to have her put down because she was suffering so much.
So.......I'm not heartless. I'm really not.

If you get a dog, you invest in them for length of their lives. The food, the poop, the vet bills. You can't just take off and go somewhere without having someone to look after them unless you take them with you. That's not a lot of fun for someone who doesn't love dogs.

I have friends who have dogs and I can't bear to go to their house. They jump on people, there's dog hair everywhere including the kitchen. It doesn't bother them, which is fine, but I feel like I need to shower for two days straight when I get home.

My point is...having a dog isn't something you can push. If your husband tells you he will divorce you over it, he's telling you he really, really really doesn't want a dog. If you force the issue and get one, it's not fair to the dog knowing your husband won't be happy.

My kids asked me many times for a dog knowing full well the answer would be NO. I'm a single mom who worked my head off just to take care of the two of them. A dog would have sent me over the edge. It wasn't realistic. I was at work all day and they had school, activities, etc. I couldn't afford vet bills and dog food. We didn't have room for a dog in the house, not that I would have allowed it, but I didn't have shelter for a dog outside either. If they didn't follow through and take care of the dog, that would have left me and I would have resented it. SO not fair to the dog.

If you and your son need a doggie fix, maybe you can volunteer at a local animal shelter.

Sorry you're going through this, but like I said, a dog isn't something you can really compromise on. Everybody has to be in it for the long haul. It's not like "majority rules and we're having tuna casserole tonight"...it's about a living being that takes a great deal of committment, time, energy, and money. Some people just aren't dog lovers and for a dog's sake, that's just not something you can try to force.

That is just my opinion.

Best wishes.

9 moms found this helpful

This decision is one similar to having another kid. The person that votes no is that one that typicaly wins. Sorry.
Anything else is just totally unfair, especially since he feels so strongly about it.

9 moms found this helpful

If my husband brings home another dog I am OUT. We have had the same conversation as you and your husband. My experience with having a dog has not been been good and I refuse to do it again.
Dog = no wife.
Laura
Just thought I would add, after reading some of your responses. I love my husband, I love my children, I love my life....I do not love dogs. My husband can't stand rats. What if one of my kid really wanted a pet rat? (BLECH! But I know kids have them!) Would I say to my husband, "if you really love our son you will let him get a rat?" Of course not. It has nothing to do with how much you love him or he loves you....he doesn't want a dog.

7 moms found this helpful

If he is that adamant I would NOT do it.

A dog needs to feel welcome and loved . . . it's not fair to the dog to bring it into a hostile situation.

JMO.

6 moms found this helpful

It seems to me that someone who threatens divorce is considering divorce. The pet isn't the issue.

6 moms found this helpful

Next time, make sure you marry a dog lover, is all I can offer.

:(

5 moms found this helpful

When it comes to dogs, I think both people have to agree because they are a huge commitment and dogs are really a lifestyle- from your weekend freedom and activities, to the need for pet sitters, to walking the dog..... and most dog people I know even gear their vacations to be dog friendly. Its kind of like adding another child. So both parties need to agree. It seems like you want one really bad, so for your sake I hope he gives in. As for wear and tear in the house, they absolutely do cause quite a bit, especially the larger ones. I cleaned houses in college and I knew within moments which people had dogs based on clues in the house. Always, two or three of the following existed; clawed up wood floors, piles of pet hair, scratched up doors and sliders, nose smears all over glass doors, grimy carpet with stains, messed up yards, oder, pet paraphernalia (beds, toys, dishes) in conspicuous places. Houses with dogs always had more grime. I think anyone with pets know they make some concessions when it comes to their house, but they find its worth it. But some people are not able to make these concessions. Is your husband type A by chance? I hope you can work it out, but don't fool yourself, a dog is going to have some negative effects on the condition of your house, and will most certainly bring some lifestyle changes as well.

FYI, my mother and me are animal people and the issue of messes, vet bills, and commitment to the animals is a constant source of strain in our marriages. I may not even get another pet after the one I have now because of it. And my father nags my mother to death over her pets, (even though he loves them as much as she does).

5 moms found this helpful

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