25 answers

Husband Doesn't Want to Know Baby's Gender, How to Handle Family/friends

Hi Moms!
I am five and a half months pregnant with our third child and very excited. We have two sweet daughters ages 6 and almost three. My husband has decided that he doesn't want to find out the sex of our third child, but didn't mind if I did. I had an ultrasound the other day that clearly revealed "who" will be coming in November. Since my husband doesn't want to know I cannot tell anyone else in order to respect his wishes. He really liked the excitement of being surprised at the delivery and wants to enjoy that again. I have told everyone twice that the baby was shy for both ultrasounds and that we cannot tell, however, I am sure that they know that I already know the gender. How can I go about fielding questions from family and friends about "who" the baby is...I hate lying and telling everyone that I don't know. Seriously, some people are getting a little peeved because we are keeping it a secret. It is actually getting a little stressful for me. I even posted it on my facebook page that the baby "didn't cooperate" for the ultrasound so that people would stop asking me. I know they mean well, but I certainly can't tell even a few people when my own husband wants to be surprised at the delivery.

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Hi Moms! Thank you so much for all of your helpful responses! We had three family parties to attend last weekend, and, sure enough, I was asked at least three times at each party if we knew what we were having. I responded truthfully that my husband did not want to know, but I did know and that we wanted everyone to be surprised. To my surprise, people backed off once I told them that I wasn't telling because my hubby didn't want to know, especially if he was standing right there next to me. They are all waiting for me to "slip up" and blurt it out accidentally, so I lovingly refer to my little one as "the baby" routinely so that I don't slip. It is much easier with no one knowing than some people and not others. Thanks again, your responses gave me the confidence to stand up so that my husband's wishes are respected.

Featured Answers

We did not want to know either and it was so exciting!

We also did not share the names we were considering either.
People would try to guess the sex and the names.. it was pretty funnyPeople were so convinced they knew...

My best friend wanted to know and her husband did not. So, she did find out and shared with only select, close family members. However, her husband told the family if he was ever told prior to the birth, that person who spilled the beans would have to buy him a new Dell computer. No one slipped in the entire 9 months, and even my girlfriend was buying new clothes for her baby and just hid them in the house. I guess this proves a secret can be kept amongst close family & friends.

More Answers

Just simply answer, "We want it to be a surprise!" And smile and change the subject. Don't feel bad about it!

3 moms found this helpful

Just tell them that your husband doesn't want to know. Therefore, you're not telling anyone so that you don't ruin the surprise for him on accident. People should accept that easily enough. If not, they have serious issues. :)

2 moms found this helpful

It's really no one's business but the 2 of you! Just be blunt and say they will have to be surprised when you announce the babies sex after delivery...no need to say you know. I wouldn't even confirm that for them. Just say it's going to be a surprise and leave it at that! If someone wants to give you a shower, ask for it to be after the baby is born.
Or say, well, we think it's either a boy...or a girl! Congratulations and good luck!
Be sure to come back and tell us too!

2 moms found this helpful

Why the lies? Just tell people you are "trying to preserve the surprise" and then change the subject. Any specific information is none of their business at all.
It is your child, your body, your marriage, and your choice. People will have to deal with it. There is no reason that they "need" to know. If they are trying to pick a color for a blanket they are knitting, for example, they can just pick yellow.

1 mom found this helpful

No need to lie, just tell them it will be a surprise when the baby is born - pretty simple really. It is your baby, don't be bullied into telling the sex especially, if it will ruin it for your husband.

1 mom found this helpful

we kept our daughter's name a secret which made some people mad, but it's your choice.

This reminds me of Gilmore Girls when Jackson didnt want to know the sex and wore a button so people would know not to say anything to him. Your system of just not telling anyone else makes much more sense. :-)

1 mom found this helpful

Don't lie to people, just tell them you are not sharing.

1 mom found this helpful

Tell them that you requested not to know and leave it at that. By telling them the baby was shy you are making it appear that you and your hubby really want to know up front. If you say you requested not to know it'll show them that you are waiting until delivery and their questions will stop.

I didn't find out with my first 2 because there are actually very few things in life that are a suprise and I wanted my children to be the biggest suprise of all. With my twins they slipped up and told me that 1 was a boy but the second was a suprise.

Best of luck with your growing happy family.

1 mom found this helpful

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