Husband Doesn't Support Me Taking Our 2 Kids to church...HELP!

So does he also not think that you should "influence them one way or anther" regarding healthy eating, exercise, visiting the Dr...

As a parent, your job is to influence. You are to shape and build your child into what you believe is a productive and moral adult. As the child matures, the child then has to choose whether to continue on with the same choices the parents made, or choose other choices. Do not be fooled by the idea that not taking your child to church is being "impartial" and "not influencing." It IS influencing--it telling your child that you do not believe that church attendance is important.

I am a conservative Christian, and my heart goes out to you. Let me please urge you though to remember that you are to submit to God first, and your husband second (this is a mutual submission, not a "husband as king of the house," as your husband is also directed to submit to you...but that's a whole 'nother HUGE topic). God tells you in Dueteronomy that you are to be constantly teaching your children about Him, teaching His commandments to them. That *may* include church attendance--you need to pray to God to get clarity on this. If you feel that obediance to God requires you to take your children to church, then you should. Even if your husband says "no," you must submit to God. In the book of Acts God sends the very powerful message in the story of Ananias and Safira that a wife is NOT to submit to her husband to the point of sinning against God.

Dear M.,
Having read through much of the advice presented by other ladies, I wanted to weigh-in publicly. (I sent you a private message, also.) Your main contention for church seems to be morality, and if you feel led to teach morality, then it has to come from God and the Bible. All moral law is built from the Bible. In America, and most other countries, the founders of free nations used the Bible as the primary source and guide for writing their laws and governing statutes. Outside of God, what other real authority is there? We have the government, but their authority is from God, also. Please respect your husband's wishes not to attend church himself, and do not push for him to go. Invite him to special services, and anything in which you or the children will be participating. Remember that the Bible does place you in submission to your husband. So if he tells you that you CAN'T go to church, you should submit. However, it is rare for a husband to outright forbid church. Particularly, if you are honest with him about your convictions in a restrained manner that does not make him feel defensive about the fact that you have a difference of opinions. With all of that in mind, I would approach your pastor or another godly trusted advisor in leadership at your church and ask for a time to speak with them privately about the matter in order to seek counsel in confidence. I will be praying for you and your husband as well as your children. About two weeks after my son turned four last year, he began asking questions about salvation. I answered his questions honestly and from the Bible. Praise the Lord, on May 10, 2007, he was sweetly saved! What a joy to lead my son to Christ in my home! This is something that I had prayed for consistently since his birth. My daughter is nearly 10 months old and I pray the same for her. I will begin pryaing for your son and daughter, also. At three, your son is probably already aware of the right and wrong, which is the first step. While there is often controversy surrounding salvation among children, remember that Christ said that the adults needed to become as little children to accept his gift of salvation. When your children receive Christ as Savior, be sure to mark the date somewhere special. I certainly wish that my parents had. While I know how old I was, and where I prayed, I do not know many specifics about it. That is one thing that I am happy to say I did differently with my son. I have a record of when, where, etc. so that when he is old enough to ask questions about the specifics, I will be able to tell him without hesitation. Also, I created a special certificate for him on my computer. I know some churches give out certificates for baptism, but I wanted him to have one for salvation, since that is the foundation of his faith.

Is there a church you could all attend? Could you jointly begin a quest for truth so to speak? You do have to be careful of his wishes. Have you talked about religion in depth together, are you able to without a fight? The more understanding between you the better.
Maybe he could do something special with them one Sunday and you could take them to church the other week. If the two of you teach by example respect for anothers beliefs it could go a long way with your kids. I will pray for your family. Don't forget to ask God what you should do. I often ask Him for ideas and help in my life and get some good answers!

M.,
I know you might feel overwhelmed with the situation you are facing, but remember, God is greater than anything we face in this life. Pray that God will touch your husband's heart; I will pray for you as well. I can see you feel strongly about taking them to church with you; in my opinion, you have that right. Maybe approach this conflict with your husband by the fact that in this day, TV and the media overwhelm our children with LACK of morality, and in church, they would be taught good moral standards, as well as some positive interaction with children their own age. I know my 2 year old son loves going to his Sunday school group because he gets to play in a safe environment with others his age. Be strong in your faith; the trials that come our way are meant to teach us and help us learn how to rely on God more.

J.

Let the children decide. I was lucky, I didn't have religion forced on me. For that I am glad. I had t he choice to pick my religion, just BC its right for you doesn't mean its right for your kids. Its not right for your husband, and your right they are his children too.
I found that as I got older I was curious about religions, and that lead me to not only learn about Christianity but other religions as well. The more you know about other religions the more you can see how much they are alike. We need to focus on the good in the world. The point is that I believe in a higher power, it may not be your god, or someone else's god. But I believe.
What would you do if your children were grown and converted to another religion? They are still your children, and you love them regardless of what they believe. Give them the gift of choice now so when they get older they don't resent you for making the choice for them.

Hi M.,

Being a Christian, we are to live by what the bible says and by faith. The bible clearly says that we are to teach the children of our Great Lord. It also states that the children aren't really ours but His. He entrusted His children to us to train them in His ways.

I pray God will use your belief in Him and eventually your children's belief in Him to touch your husband's heart.

L.

I think it is very important to get your kids in church consistently. We need to teach our children to honor their fathers, but we also need to teach them that above all else, God comes first. If what he is teaching is in contradiction to the Word of God, they need to respectfully honor God first, then honor their parents. Growing up I had to sneak out of the house to go to church. My parents were not believers and were ok with me going to church with friends until I started going to a more charasmatic church. My mother did not want me going, so I had to pretty much lie to her to go. I struggled with disobeying my mother, but I was obeying God. Going to church is a very important aspect of the Christian life, the church was created by God. He wants us there. Our children learn by example, we need to teach them this. And as for allowing them to chose- regardless of what you do, it is ultimately their choice. I would never let it up to chance that they find the one true way, I will do everything in my power to influence them into the decision to choose God and Jesus. We have to answer for they way we raise our children, and I would not want to have to explain to God one day why I did not teach my children His ways, and worse, I would not want to know that I did not do all that I could to keep my children out of Hell.

As a christian, you know that you are responsible for telling your children about Christ. You really need to pray about this situation. If you do not show/tell them about God...who will?
I am a Christian and my husband is not, but he does not have any problems with me taking them to church.

ft.

It seems to be a common theme for couples to suddenly have to deal with upset around religious upbringing when children come into the picture. I am Quaker and my husband is a returning Catholic and very conservative. We do not agree on ANYTHING in terms of religious upbringing. Finally we went to his pastor who suggested we not do ANYTHING in regards to religous education for our children until we can find solid common ground for ourselves. From there we could create our FAMILY spirituality. That is taking some time, and it's hard, knowing that our children are missing out on the good things religous education has to offer, but I think his pastor was right. We've had some conversations and we sat in prayer together once. We say grace at meals together, but that's about it so far.
Can you and your husband begin a conversation about creating a family spirituality? Good luck.
C.

Hi M.--It sounds like you're really upset about this and for that, I feel for you.

I'm going to step outside a bit and take your husband's side. Children this young can't understand context or that your church's beliefs are just one way of believing. It could close their minds to other possibilities for either different or no faith. I don't mean to sound scary in saying they could choose no faith--because obviously you chose to marry your husband who is a "non-believer" and you love him, he's a good man--so not having faith obviously doesn't make him a bad man or not worthy.

Would it be so bad if the kids got to make their own decision later, knowing that over the years you and your husband will respectfully impart to each of them what you believe? Later, when they're capable of critical thought, they can choose for themselves what they want. And doesn't faith mean more when it's a choice, and not the result of early indoctrination?

Best wishes making this difficult choice. Your kids are lucky to have such a thoughtful mom.

This is a very personal issue and one that you really have to come to some kind of compromise with your husband. If he doesn't want to attend, and he really doesn't want you to take the children, but doesn't throw a fit when you leave with them every Sunday then you should just resign yourself to going it alone with the kids. You are not going to change his mind by nagging or whinning, in fact you may make it worse. I think your best option is to follow your faith the best way you can without bothering him.

Ask the children's God-parents or a good friend to help you with the kids at church...espically the god-parents that is their job to help you teach your children about your faith as well as all about church.

You have to respect his views and feelings, but you also have to follow your own conscience. Good luck

You need to help you husband realize that in order for your children to make up their minds how they feel about God and organized religion, they need to have some sort of background to base it on. I am Catholic and neither of my parents went to church on a regular basis, but they both believed that my brother and I needed to have a solid background to decide how we felt about God. We went to CCD every week all the way through the churches program. They knew that we needed the background to make an informed choice as to what we believe. We both often went to chuch with one grandmother or the other who both went to church every week. We were encouraged to develope our own relationships with God, even if they were different than our non-church going parents beliefs. Only thorough some knowledge of the subject, even if that subject if Faith in God, can you decide what you believe. Maybe if you explain it to your husband as a way for your children to gather the knowledge of God so as adults they can decide what they believe he may not be so opposed. Maybe if you set aside some time for him to talk to the kids about his beliefs he may feel that you are giving him equal say in forming their belief system. As long as you both talk honestly to the kids and neither of you tries to bash the others beliefs, the kids will get a good understanding of both parents views and be able to make their own path to God. Kids understand more than we give them credit for. Be fair about it and I doubt they we get confused by the differing views. Sorry this is so long. Good luck in coming up with the best solution for your famiy.

M., the first thing to do is to seek God's guidance. Although it is important to teach your children about God's love, it is just as important to teach them to respect their father. Please don't allow this to be a battleground.

Read 1 Peter 2:23 thru 3:1-6

Perhaps you can ask your husband to accept that you want your children to have an educated opportunity to decide for themselves that God is real by exposing them to your beliefs. You will have to be willing to compromise with him.

Remember this...God is more powerful than your husband and bigger than your problems. He will defend you and guide you. Stay strong and know that this is God's battle and He has already won!!!

Love in Christ Jesus,

D. M

Dear M., I know you posted this almost a year ago, but it is my first time on this site. I hope your situation has changed for the better by now. My heart goes out to you and your family. It has got to be hard being a believer and your husband not being one and I understand your dilema of putting yourself in his shoes, however, I recommend not stopping taking your kids to church. You have the responsibility of showing them the truth. And as a christ follower your first responsibility is to Christ not your husband. As hard as it is, you have to convey that to him without making him feel like he isn't important. I will be praying for you and him and your children. Never give up and never stop praying for him. Have you ever heard of the case for christ books? Well the author and his wife were in your situation, Maybe his story would be encouraging to you, I will try to find it online and send it to you, I believe his name is Lee Strobel. God bless you, your sister in Christ, A.

Stay encouraged for God has a plan for each of us. You must continue to pray and seek God and do not get discouraged about what you see for we walk by faith and not by sight. God is able and there is nothing to hard for him!
T.
www.godswordspoken.com

Hi M.,
I can certainly relate to your situation. My husband is on the line about believing at this point. But that in itself is a big step from where he used to be. I've always prayed that God would open his eyes to the truth and I can see how God has been softening his heart over the years. So, my advise to you is to stand firm in your beliefs and lovingly express to your husband how important it is that your children be exposed to church on a regular basis. If he truly loves you, he'll respect that. Keep him in your prayers, everynight when my husband lies next to me I lay my hand on him and pray silently for him. I know God answers our prayers and the bible says that its promises will not return void. Meaning its promises are real and we can stand on them. II Peter 3:9 says, "The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting ANYONE to perish, but all to come to repentence." So it is His will that your husband believe and be saved, so have patience, he'll come around!
My kids do attend church with me and occasionally my husband will come but I never nag him about it and if there's a special event happening on a Sunday and he wants the kids there, I always allow the kids to go with him.
Our job as christians is to be example's of God's Love to the unsaved. Be that for your husband and God will honor that.
See if he'll read the books by Lee Stroebel(The case for faith, The case for Christ, or The Case for Creation).
You're in my prayers. God Bless,
S.

I am a true believer that you do not need to attend church to have a good moral foundation. There are other ways to build this in children, and they can actually learn it from both of you not the church. Are you more worried about what other people will think if so consider this. Maybe you can compromise. Ask if you can take them to church on major holidays. That way they are exposed to the church but can decide for themselves if they want to be a part later in life. Easter and Christmas is a good start. But do not think that you need the church to prove you are a good person. You are can worship from anywhere.

Hello M.,
Just wanted to let you know that your not alone here, i have the same problem,but what i tell my husband is that when they are older like teens and if they deicide that they don't wnat to go to church then i won't make them go, but right now my daughter loves it and gets upset if we are unable to go, my son has fun as well considering it gives him other playmates that are around the same age as him, and when my husband rolls his eyes when my daughter starts to tell him about God and what she had learned i have to tell him to knock it off, and i tell that if they don't want to go i will not push them, but as for right now they and that's it. I really don't care what he says just as long as it's not to my childern or around them. I hope that this Helps good luck
S.

Hi M.,

My partner and I feel the same regarding religion. For that I am very thankful. When our children have presented a question or interest in other faiths, we have tried to convey our beliefs while respecting those of others; whatever they may be. Also, we nurture a sense of family. Here we can create our own thoughts, understandings and customs. Good luck!

Terri

'You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink'. You can take your children to church, but you can't make them believe. That needs to come from their own hearts & desires. As your children get older, they will only be better equipped with the knowledge to make a decision for themselves. Being in a Sunday School class with children their own age is good for their social skills (just like at school), as well as their morality. At the very least, maybe you can work something out where they get to join you every other Sunday, and on the opposite Sunday, they have a special day with dad- or something like that. Do your best to avoid arguments over it; just keep praying- maybe someday your husband will decide to join you.

When the kids are young, it teaches them about your faith. When they get older they can make their own choice. My husband is Catholic but doesn't attend Church unless it is a Holiday. I am Catholic and do attenc Church. My step daughter went to Church with me when she was younger and attended CCD. Her mother does not believe in anything. She is now 11 and my son and I go to Church every Sunday and my step daughter stays home with her dad. She didn't want to attend any longer and I didn't force the issue. She was introduced to it and maybe will eventually go back but I think it is great that you are introducing your kids to the option and when they are a little older and understand more, your husband and you can sit down and discuss options with them. Just talk to your husband about your views on sharing your faith with the kids now.

I think absolutely you should continue to take them. They eventually will make up their own minds about what they believe....they should at least be educated about what is in the bible. I attended til I was about 9, and still didnt learn enough - to this day I feel cheated of being educated. I think it's important for them to learn, that doesnt mean they will be what your husband doesnt want them to be.....it just means that it will give them the chance to make up their own mind.

I understand your wish for a community of faith. If you are open to the children learning about other religions, and services that may not always be Christian, you can try a Unitarian Universalist church with your husband. All are welcome, and you will find us quite an eclectic bunch. You can learn more about us at www.uua.org and find congregations in your area.

This was one of the first conversations my dh and I had after finding out about our first child. I implore you to come to some middle ground, some kind of compromise with him concerning how you are going to nurture the children's spiritual needs, and do it soon. What matters is that you can both agree and adhere to it, and be open enough to allow them to finally choose their own paths later, even if it means rejecting one or both of your belief systems. I understand that Christians believe they are responsible for instilling the Word of God in their children, but you married a non-believer (does that mean an atheist? or is he a deist? is he agnostic? this is really improtant for you to know and be able to explain to the children without judgement) and love him for who he is. Did you plan on converting him? It doesn't sound like it, it sounds like you respect him and his beliefs, even if you don't share them.

There are many UU churches that *are* very Christian, there might be one in your area. I have to say, the curricula for their Sunday school is wonderful. send me a message if you want more info, I'm happy to share what I know.

Just because someone does not go to church or is a non-believer does not mean that he or she hasn't any morals. In fact a religious person is more likely to commit a crime than a non-religious person, some research suggests. Why not wait until the child gets a little older and can decide for themself whether they want ot go to church. I think that organized religion is a bunch of brainwashing junk any how--

The question here lies....what is more important here..your husband support or your children's moral by attending church?
As an infrequent church goer, I go for my children's sake, to build on their foundation and broaden their knowledge of the world around them. As a child I never went to church due to my parents' frustration with the denomination. As I entered adulthood, I became familiar with the church-and spent time at various kinds of denomination and even attended a Catholic College. And here's what I learn after all these years---it's the faith. No matter what place of worship, its the history and the faith that makes one stronger, more knowledgable, more worldly and this was reaffirmed by one of my "Fathers" at my college. When children attend school from early on, they are faced with readings, lectures, and history of "God" and the events that happened early on. Think of the flag salute, or the money we use everyday? Not to make them turn but understand the past and most importantly it builds faith in oneself above all.
My husband who attended church as a child turn against as he got older, and is not big on me sending my children to sunday school. But, I have shared all my prospects and with that he has been "indifferent". We've come to this morale--" I can take my children to church, but it's up to them as to what they learn and what they do with it". Kinda as the same as "You can take the horse to the water but you can't make the horse drink". As they grow, they will make their own decisions, entirely on their own. Being that you and your husband have different views, be ready to accept the views of your children as they get older.
So again, the question lies....what's more important?

God bless, good luck....Mother of 4. (who attends church alone)

There is more to producing and having children that the material requirements. Children must be provided training which can build character. "And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord" (Eph. 6: 4). True moral awareness involves God awareness. Man is not a glorified animal; he is created in the image of his God (Gen. 1: 26). As such, man has capabilities and moral responsibilities. Parents must teach their children of their real origin, purpose, and destiny (Eccl. 12: 13).Please pray for your husband every day Parents can be to blame. Parenting is one of the most serious responsibilities we have enjoined on us. The God who created us has told us how to bring up our children (Eph. 6: 4). Parents who fail to set a good example and exercise their God assigned responsibilities have failed and will have to answer to God. "The rod and reproof give wisdom; but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame," the wise man wrote (Prov. 29: 15). Parents whose children are still at home have tremendous responsibility to attempt to be aware of their children’s goings and comings, their friends, music, video games, etc.