October 21, 2009,
P.B. asks from Houston, TX on October 20, 2009
Husband Caught Me Cheating HELP
I have been married for 6 years and we have 4 kids all under the age of 4. My husband controls everything in the house from the money to what we have for dinner. Which I don't mind since I am not good at making decisions. I am 24 years old and my husband is 15 years older then me. I met him right out of high school and he has tooken great care of me and our kids. About 3 weeks ago my neighbor came over while my husband was at work to fix the washer well one thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together. Just so happen on this day my husband came home for lunch to surprise me and caught us in a compromising position. My husband went crazy on the neighbor. He even called the neighbor's wife to tell her. He has kicked me out of the house and I am living with friends but I miss my kids. I want to come home but he doesnt want me there. I don't have any money and dont have any skills to get a decent job to support myself. He wont give me money he wont even talk to me. What should I do? How can I repair my marriage?
So What Happened?™
Thanks for your words of encouragement. I called to check on my kids my husband answered the phone He said the kids were fine. He let my two older ones get on the phone but they are only 2 and 3 so I couldn't understand what they were saying. Just to hear their little voices made my day. I ask could I come over to see them he said no. I know he is hurt but he needs to think about the kids. They are with me all the time since he works long hours so I know they have been asking about me. He did says his mother and father have come down from out of state to help him. So I am pretty sure they know what is going on.:( I am staying with friends of the family which have been the greatest. I know what I did was wrong, so stupid I am not that kind of person. I feel so bad because it's like I really need him right now. I wish I was in a better situation. I know Ilove my husband but I think i was looking for a father figure when we met. I grew up in a single family home and my night in shining armour came and rescued me. I dont know the first thing about being on my own, paying bills or even getting a job. I will call legal aide to see what can I do legally to see my kids. I have been on my knees praying that God will forgive me. Thanks for everyone that has given me advise.
J.B. answers from Houston on October 20, 2009
Well first off, he can't keep you from your kids. You need to see them and they need to see you. This is a tough situation and a lot will depend on him if it can be repaired. If he is refusing to let you see the children you may need to get some legal counsel as to how to proceed. Even when spouses cheat and there is a divorce, both parties get to still be parents, so I would definitely not let him prevent you from being with your children. There is really so much going on in your post and I think you need some help to sort all this out. Do you have a church home? If so, I would go to the Pastor and ask for some counsel and ask your husband if he is open to going together. There is no excuse for your actions and you need to ask your husband to forgive you but talking with an outside party to try and identify what things led here can help in the future either in your marriage or another relationship. As far as not having skills to get a job, if you know the alphabet there are temp agencies that can put you in a filing room of a company. You are a mom to four small children, you are tougher than you think. I am sorry you are going through this I know you must be devastated and mad at yourself. Ask God to forgive you, forgive yourself and get some help. Your marriage may or may not survive, but your life isn't over, so don't give up on it. You still have four beautiful children and they need their mom, even if she did make a mistake. Hang in there.
5 moms found this helpful
D. answers from Houston on October 20, 2009
I totally agree with Jen B. You'll have to deal with the consequences but you should still have access to your kids. You're young and you made a big mistake but you are not beyond forgiveness. Good luck repairing the situation.
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M.T. answers from Houston on October 21, 2009
You said in the beginning of your Post that you were not good at making decisions...that is obvious. There is a reason that your husband treats you like a child, and unfortunately you have not proved him otherwise. It is time to work on yourself. I would suggest marriage counseling, as well. Obviously you are not happy in your current situation or you would not have done what you did. Your post suggests that you have no control in your home, your have "no skills", and your husband runs the house. It sounds like you have very little self esteem. If you don't change that he will never respect you...and now possibly never trust you. Maybe there was a reason you sabbotaged your marriage? Maybe you wanted to have control over something? What would have happened if he hadn't caught you?
L.M. answers from Houston on October 21, 2009
Man how do you get from fixin the washer to having sex with a neighbor? Where were the kids? Was there something there before this? Well, your husband may never trust you again, consiquences for your actions. The man that your married to must not be as wonderful as you say or you would not have had sex with a married neighbor. God is your ONLY answer in this situation. Your husband will possibly be unfaithful now. About your financial situation, start somewhere. You will more than likely have to make it on your own now and he should not help you, anyway. He will keep custody of your kids so you will not have to worry about how to feed them. You will get visitation with them. This is not good for you, your kids or your husband. Affairs are crushing. God is your answer and pray hard and go to church and ask God for forgiveness and then your husband. Time will only tell if your husband can forgive you and your actions.