Well first off, he can't keep you from your kids. You need to see them and they need to see you. This is a tough situation and a lot will depend on him if it can be repaired. If he is refusing to let you see the children you may need to get some legal counsel as to how to proceed. Even when spouses cheat and there is a divorce, both parties get to still be parents, so I would definitely not let him prevent you from being with your children. There is really so much going on in your post and I think you need some help to sort all this out. Do you have a church home? If so, I would go to the Pastor and ask for some counsel and ask your husband if he is open to going together. There is no excuse for your actions and you need to ask your husband to forgive you but talking with an outside party to try and identify what things led here can help in the future either in your marriage or another relationship. As far as not having skills to get a job, if you know the alphabet there are temp agencies that can put you in a filing room of a company. You are a mom to four small children, you are tougher than you think. I am sorry you are going through this I know you must be devastated and mad at yourself. Ask God to forgive you, forgive yourself and get some help. Your marriage may or may not survive, but your life isn't over, so don't give up on it. You still have four beautiful children and they need their mom, even if she did make a mistake. Hang in there.