I grew up in this situation and when I was 14 I hated my stepdad as well. So similar. My suggestion is to get a family counselor who can give insight to your husband on how to deal with a 14 year olds emotions and how to have the 14 year old deal with her emotions. There is no way to expect both to act like grown ups in a civilized manner. There are so many layers of emotions that the 14 year old is dealing with and doesn't have the skill set or knowledge to handle them correctly. It is said that the brain is not fully capable of dealing with these complexities until at least 18-20 ( I just took a child development course which was so enlighting). The husband is dealing with being a parent to someone else's kid who has no interest in being his daughter. Very tough for his position as well. I feel bad for my mom and her being in the middle too. I could have cared less at the time, because teenagers are still very selfish in their thoughts. So, I wish we had a mediator or a counselor to get us through those rough times. It wasn't until I was 19 and moved out of the house that my stepdad said he was proud of me, I cried, and we hugged..and my mom was shocked. They were in the process of getting a divorce ironically. The Dad becomes the hero in this story because he is separate from the day to day life in which you are dealing with and can come in and support the daughter. I wish you luck. Do know that overtime you will re-establish a good relationship with your daughter. My mom and I are great friends, but those years can seem like they'll last forever.
J. (Mom of a 7, 6, 3, and a newborn coming..:)