January 02, 2008,
B.F. asks from Inver Grove Heights, MN on December 27, 2007
Husband and My Sister Fighting
Well, Im not sure how to begin so my sister lives with me, my husband, and 2 kids. A little over a year ago they bought a house together as an investment. It's in my sisters name and my husband did all the work and now manages it(they rent it out). Ever since the house they cant get along. My sister is taking over a lot of the house so that my husband can't be invovled because she blames him for anything and everything that is wrong with her life(that deals with money). She is single and unhappy with the way her life turned out so Im sure that has something to do with everything. She is finally turning things around by going back to school but I do daycare out of my home and she works for me which isn't a great income for her. She wants to move out by June which I'm not sure is possible. My husband wants her to move out sooner and get a new job but I feel like I'm kicking her out. I also need her to do the daycare or else I have to hire someone else. He is even willing to give her money to move out. This whole thing is causing stress on my marriage and realtionship with my sister. Im not sure if I should have her move out or deal with it for a few more months. My husband said its up to me because she is my family. They use to be close and got along really well. Im worried their relationship is ruined for good. I just dont know what to do. I want to send them to a counselor so that I dont have to deal with it because I get stuck in the middle. Any advice would be so helpful.
B.H. answers from Minneapolis on January 02, 2008
My initial thought was if they use to get along so great and now don't did something happen on a personal level they're not telling you about?
S.A. answers from Chicago on December 30, 2007
In completely my own opinion, I think that your suster should move out. It sounds like she's been staying with you for awhile now. She is an adult and need s to learn to stand on her own two feet. She should have some income from the house, right? And she could still keep working for you, or get another job. I know you're worried about how your sister will do, but that needs to be her concern. I'm worried about the stress on your marriage. Your sister will always be your sister, but your husband might not always be there and you have your own family to worry about now. Good Luck with whatever you do.
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P.K. answers from Minneapolis on December 28, 2007
Going into business with family is never a good idea...I think it has worked out for some families, but I believe those are rare cases. Sounds like there are alot of different dynamics going on that causes stress. The house, living situation, work situation, etc. Tackle one at a time. I would try and get her to get a better job. Sounds like she feels a little lost and maybe a bit inferior to your husband, which may explain why she's so defiant when it comes to the rental property. She needs to do something good for herself so that she can feel good about herself again. Maybe once se finds a decent job...she'll be able to find the income to move out. Once that happens, I believe that many of ther issues, like the relationship your husband and she have regarding the rental property may get a little better. She will have self respect, and he will respect her again for her hard work and getting out on her own, instead of him still supporting her. Push the job first, then moving out, then...see what happens. But,...I'd set some limits. I'd make sure that she has the incentive to get that job. Ask her to start paying rent, or...increase the rent, etc.
A.P. answers from Minneapolis on December 28, 2007
I would have to get rid of thr problem, and that seems to be the rental house. Sell it and equally give money to her and your husband and have her move out on that money before you totally hate each other and you and your husband end up in splitsville.
N.J. answers from Minneapolis on December 28, 2007
you have an obligation to your family, meaning your husband and your children...you don't have the obligation to your sister, although you might feel you do. honestly you don't need the added 'drama' that comes along with having your sister live at your house....it is very nice of you tel have her there, but things like this don't always work out and you need to find the priority.
unfortunately in this situation I would probably tell my sister she would have to move out. Your marriage came first the day you said I do...
sell the house and be rid of the burden and stress it has caused, either that or have your sister move into the house being rented and have her find a roommate...
T.L. answers from Minneapolis on December 28, 2007
Did you try to make them talk to each other about it and maybe when your sister starts blaming your husband tell her that he really isn't to blame and it isn't his fault about her financial woes. I think that if your husband did all the work in the house then he should get some of the income she gets from renting it. Their relationship may be salvavable. My fiance and me were living with our daughter and is sister and brother in law ans we all got along great until after we moved in together. Then we didn't want anything to do with each other but after we all moved out and went our separate ways we started to talk and became friends again. It was never like it was but I think we all just needed a break from each other. I would bring up the subject very gently and casually about moving out sooner, maybe ask her what her plans are, if she is planning on a house or an apt, stuff like that. I hope that some of my rambling helps. Good luck!
V. answers from Minneapolis on December 28, 2007
I agree, your sister needs to go. However, your hubby may be SOL if his name is not on the deed. You need to seek legal advice before you sell the home. Legally, your husband is not entiltled to a thing b/c the house is in your sisters name. Good luck.
J.R. answers from Minneapolis on December 28, 2007
I would make them sell the house and then she can use her money to get started on her own. They're never going to get along and it will just get worse. Make them end it now before it's too late and you don't have any relationship with her anymore. A year from now when you don't have the stress of them fighting, the house, or her living with you you'll thank yourself for doing it.
T.S. answers from Minneapolis on December 28, 2007
I have always been in the mind set that it's not a good idea to go into business with family or very close friends. I've known several people who have done this and it never works out. But what's done is done.
I agree with the other mothers who've said sell the house. Definatley sell the house. I know the housing market isn't in the best of shape now, so it might sit, but you could always have them give first dibs to the people renting it.