Husband - Dyer,IN

Updated on March 22, 2011
H.M. asks from Tinley Park, IL
20 answers

Ok I'll try to make this short, my husband of 9 years (together 11) does not have the best teeth. Growing up he never really took care of them neither did his parents, when we met they were not great but not nasty either didn't bother me. Before we got married we spent over 7K to get work done in his mouth including braces the dentist he went to recommended and when the braces to come off to do veneers (sp) The denist moved before the veneers when on (thankfully) and he went to another and told my husband that it was a good thing he didn't do that as the tooth and bone was to damaged and the teeth would have just rotted and caused an infection under them. Long story short they recommend dentures or he get bone graph done and implants. Well dentures he refues to do and the price for implants is about $3k per tooth and he needs 3-4 of them done and that is just the tooth nothing else (graph for bone or gum)

I feel very frustrated at the process because we spent 7k to do the braces and all the other work and now he wants to spend more $$ on his mouth. It has always been an issue for him but I feel sometimes that he should have taken better care of them when he was younger. We really don't have the $$ to spend on them maybe in a few years but he feels he should be able to get it done now. Also the insurance which I carrie only covers 50% up to a max of $2k.

Am I being selfish by telling him no? Also just a bit more info he does not routenly see the dentist.

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D.C.

answers from Chicago on

Augh . . . so sorry!
Have you thought about getting a second (and maybe third) opinion?
I wouldn't rule anything in or out until you do that.
Good luck.

5 moms found this helpful

K.E.

answers from Birmingham on

I don't think he should be able to drain ya'll's money UNTIL he's actually taking care of his teeth, i.e. seeing the dentist on a regular basis, after all, they don't give new livers to alcoholics, same theory.

But then once he shows he DOES care about the health side of it, yes, this is an important part of his body that needs to be fixed.

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A.F.

answers from St. Cloud on

If it were me, I would gladly let him have it done. Dental health is so important and when you know your mouth is attractive and healthy, you feel good! I would want my hubby to have teeth he can be proud of.
It's a shame that his parents didn't help him learn to properly care for his teeth. Try not to hold it against him.

I don't blame him for not wanting dentures. My dad has partials and they are very painful.

If you can possibly afford it, do it!

5 moms found this helpful

L.A.

answers from Austin on

Yes, you are.

He is a grown man and wants nice and good teeth. It is really not totally his fault, his parents did not help when he was a child.

Can he get a part time job? Is there anything you all can sell? How about a huge Garage Sale, dig deep and really get rid of stuff. I know our dentist has a financial company that will allow patients to pay of large charges for extensive dental work

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A.P.

answers from Gainesville on

Well
that is a tough one, true he should take better care of the teeth when he was younger but we tend to think we are invincible as children/ teens young adults.

I think you should strike a deal with him, he needs to do regular dental appointments and take care of his teeth, and he can do the implants one at a time, but since the $ is so expensive what are somethings he can do to help allay the costs? Like stop eating fastfood for lunch or ...Also talk to the dentist about a payment plan we did that for my kids braces and for my ex's dental work he needed to have done.

on a side note dental health is very important to overall health so what would be happening to these teeth if he does NOT do the implants? are they going to fall out? get infected? I don't know but its something to think about..

3 moms found this helpful

S.J.

answers from St. Louis on

Discuss a budget plan. Your husband is not asking for a boat or a motorcycle. He wants teeth. His parents either didn't teach him how to properly care for them (not his fault) and/or he inherited bad teeth from his parents (again, not his fault). What IS his fault is his current lack of trying. Not regularly seeing the dentist as an adult with bad teeth - what does he hope to accomplish?

Agree on a budget but make him agree he will maintain these precious expensive teeth in a healthy way - this means regular dentist visits.

Good luck.

3 moms found this helpful

J.P.

answers from Stockton on

sometimes bad teeth and mouth issues are hereditary. Granted he probably could've taken better care of his teeth, but that doesn't necessarily mean that he wouldn't be having these issues.

don't you want your husband to feel good about himself? Maybe he could do it in steps instead of all at once. Do the bone graph and one tooth - and next year do another tooth - etc.... I imagine that part of the reason he does not see a dentist regularly is because they tell him what needs to be done to fix it and then he cannot get it done because you don't want to/don't have the money to spend on it.

If it was your teeth and your self confidence how would you feel if he told you he didn't want to spend the money on it and that you should've just taken better care of your teeth previously?

3 moms found this helpful
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M.R.

answers from Phoenix on

Honey, how does he take care of his teeth and appearance now? Not going to the dentist routinely to me qualifies that he's not putting in the recommended care. But does he at least brush and floss daily?

However, I also think it is not entirely his fault that he did not take care of his teeth as a child. That was his parents duty to teach him those habits and enforce those habits.

Also, can you get another opinion? And what about finding a local dental school that can accomplish these implants for a fraction of the cost?

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A.L.

answers from Alexandria on

I feel like if this is a vanity thing it is selfish, and he should go with what fits your family budget. However, if this is something that he needs and will affect him to his core (not like botox or lipo), maybe even a wound he himself is trying to heal, then I would consider doing what makes him happy. However, I would only help him get there if he agrees to take better care of himself. I would say a trial period of him really stepping up the oral hygiene and then looking into the procedure.

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A.H.

answers from Omaha on

dental health really is very important. It can lead to so many other illnesses in the body if not taken care of properly. I would make a compromise with him and have him do the dentures until there is a time down the road that he can do the implants? It is great to fix all of these problems for cosmetic reasons, but he needs to go to the dentist every 6 months for routine dental healthcare. I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. Good luck!
A.

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L.L.

answers from New York on

I agree with Dana, but also feel bad for your husband. My parents didn't take good care of our teeth growing up either, resulting in bad teeth for me now. I know it's easy to say "you should've taken care of them growing up!" but if parents don't instill good teeth brushing habits, then children certainly aren't going to take the initiative.

Anyway, I posted on this about a month ago, one of my front teeth is dead and turning gray, and I'm so hesitant to get a crown because it's so expensive. But like someone said, it's MY smile and most of the time, I don't want to smile because of it. So, we're going to spend the cash and have it done.

$3 thousand per tooth sounds very expensive to me though. Maybe have a few more opinions for sure.

Good luck.

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L.W.

answers from Cincinnati on

well looks like my hubby could have wrote this for me about 10 years ago...I have over 25k in my mouth and they do not look perfect like I would like them to. my gums and bones are fine..mine have all been filled from cavities multiple times. I have had (gosh) about 8 or 9 root canals, cap on all my fronts...and that is not including the braces, head gears and retainers I had as a kid. My parents did not teach me proper hygene on brushing my teeth and sadly my smile is a result. There is nothing you can do about the past...its is what it is. Depends on if you and him can live with what he has. I would first go get a second opinion..and dont tell the second doctor anything about what the first one said.
secondly if you want to do it in one shot you might want to pick up suplimental dental insurance (next year) for what is goign to cost over the 2k (I have done this before through affordabledentalinsurance.com) Next you will want to use your flex spending...you can get proceedures done tax free...so if you chose to just do the proceedures 1 tooth at a time, you can max out your insurance tax free....See how your insurance works. Mine dental yearly calendar starts over on 04/01/2011, so anything I have not used, I make sure i use up before 04/01, and then do the rest of it after 04/01...kind of like having 4k in one year.
I will say having the implants is a long process. ...they have to pull the tooth, then let it heal (about 4-6 weeks) then is the implant stuff..which take awhile because they have to make a mold of the mouth, send it off to the lab to make a perfect fit etc..

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L.G.

answers from Eugene on

If you want a horse with better teeth go buy one. Otherwise take care of the husband you have. Insurance covers next to nothing. It was written by congressmen who were naked in bed with the insurance industry. In the next three years nothing will be covered that you need and in the years to come as well.
Do yourself a favor live in the present moment. YOU CANNOT REDO THE PAST. You can only move on into the future.
Dentures are a nightmare. Spend the money. Our health begins in our mouths. Men have died of heart attacks brought on by infected teeth. Do some research and decide if you intend to keep this husband of yours. If so spend the money he's most likely worth it.

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T.W.

answers from Boston on

I would let him do it, dental health is so important!! Let him get it done and work out an agreement that he needs to regularly see the dentist for cleanings and general maintenance. I think it's money well spent and you can most likely work out some payment option. I would also do it because you do have dental insurance that will at least cover some of the cost.

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R.K.

answers from Appleton on

I recently lost 2 teeth because of gum disease. I now have a partial but can get implants. I discussed dentures but the dentist told me removing all the teeth totally changes the shape of your face and he didn't want to do that. Can he have one tooth done at a time or have the bad teeth removed a get a partial?

1 mom found this helpful

M.L.

answers from Houston on

It sounds like having healthy teeth are very important to him now. It's not his fault that his parents failed him in this area, so I would simply put that frustration out of your mind.

Neither my husband nor I routinely see the dentist either, but that doesn't make us dirty people who don't care about oral hygiene, or who don't deserve to have healthy teeth. But, I would still urge him to take care of what he has now.

I would make a budget with him on ways to fund this, maybe he can do one tooth every 6 months. Perhaps he can get some work done at a local dental college for cheaper. Maybe he can get a part time job at nights stocking shelves or delivering pizza, mowing lawns on the weekends. Look at things you can sell on craigslist (unused furniture...), hold a garage sale, a family car wash.

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J.K.

answers from Kansas City on

yes I think you are being selfish. I went through the exact same thing with my husband and we are still paying for it, and we have been married for 20 years. He goes to the dentist all the time. My mother took us all the time when we were kids, his mom did not. Your teeth are the first thing you notice about someone, and he wants to look his best, don't deny him that.
Also, make sure that you take your kids to the dentist on a routine basis, that way they won't have to go through that when they get older.

1 mom found this helpful

M.P.

answers from Provo on

I would make a deal with him signed and witnessed by the dentist and everything, that if you spent that amount on his teeth, that he then has to go to the dentist and get checked up every 6 months. Floss, brush, gargle, daily. That is a ton of money just to waste if he doesn't take good care of his teeth.
I also would put down that you get to spend that much (eventually) on some thing you care about on you. Like a new sewing machine and serger or breast augmentation (if that's what your into) or whatever. It's only fair in my eyes.

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K.B.

answers from Salt Lake City on

I'm thinking he is way to young for dentures, even though they are cheaper I doubt they are as durable, so the cost may not be that different over the long run. It is frustrating, because that is a big expense, but I do agree with the majority of the other posters, you need to work together to accomplish this, it's not simply an issue of cosmetics.

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K.P.

answers from New York on

Solely my opinion here, but your smile/teeth are often the first things people notice about you! What is his job? Does he come into contact with people face-to-face often? He needs to get his teeth fixed, which I think you agree with. Your issue is that the cost is outrageous and there is a less burdensome option.

If you can't pay cash to have this done, then he either needs to wait or go with the dentures. Just keep in mind that an unhealthy mouth can lead to other medical conditions!

IF he has any of these procedures done, it needs to be within the context of regular dental check-ups. My husband has terrible teeth (so do his parents) and we spend a fortune every couple of years on fillings, sealants, etc but I can't imagine him having anything other than his beautiful smile!

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