My husband is having an affair. A few months ago I noticed a lot of calls made on his cell phone to one particular number. He said it was a friend from work that he was just friends with, then I found a text message to this "friend" that began "Hey sweetness". I confronted him and he denied anything is going on. Now he has put a security code on his cell phone. I asked AT&T who is our cell provider if there was anyway I could retrieve and check his text messages and they said no. I have researched about software that can retrieve text messages off of a SIMS card. Has anyone used this? It seems complicated. I need to confirm that something is going on because I am scared he is going to play dirty if we separate and divorce. I asked for a divorce two years ago but he wanted to stay together for the sake of the kids. Now I think he is denying everything because he is afraid I will fight for custody but I'm all about having a civil and fair divorce without being mean or vindictive. If someone has some experience retrieve text messages off a cell phone, I would really appreciate any suggestions or advice.
I don't think you really need to see them to really know whats going on, I believe you already know.
Good luck.
I am so sorry this is happening to you. I will pray that God gives you the strength to get through this hard time. Please remember to keep showing your kids lots of love as you go through this because they do sense when something is not right. I know, I've been where you've been.
If you need proof, you probably need more proof than that. I would hire a private investigator to get real proof and then confront him, even if you don't want a divorce. At least then, he can't deny it anymore and you can start from an honest foundation. You will also know and not speculate anymore and be able to deal with the situation in knowledge and truth. You're not getting straight answers from him, and this is your physical health that he's playing with. You can't begin to heal your marriage...and you don't want to end it either...without knowing truth. If you want to keep your marriage together, then you need to humble yourself and fight for your man. You will have to get on her level to do so. Make him want you and that home you've built more than anything. It is possible to save this. But, no matter what, seek the truth and don't just wonder or be suspicious. You have every right to be jealous. He's your man and your kids' father. He's in the wrong already, even if he hasn't physically cheated yet. But, your marriage can be sweeter than it has ever been if you start on truth with humility and work from there. It will be a long road, but will probably be worth it(I say probably because I don't know him or you). If you loved each other at one time, you can love each other again even after betrayal. I've seen it happen personally. Seek the truth.
I would try a different approach. If you think he is cheating on you and now he is locking his cell phone out, it's obvious that you guys have some trust issues. Sit him down and ask him why you two are together and see if there is any hope for you as a couple. If not, there is no need to stay together. He can date whomever he wants as long as you are divorced. And vice versa. That is no way to live though. It's a horrible, betraying feeling when someone you love is cheating on you. I wouldn't put yourself through it. Just have a long talk with him about your relationship and end it if it needs to be. There is no reason for him to sneak around and there is no reason for you to have to chase him around, looking for clues. It will take all of your energy. When you talk to him, try not to bring up the possibility of him cheating on you--it will only start a fight and to get accomplished what you need to, you cannot fight. You stated that you have children too. Don't put them through all the anguish of trust issues between the two of you. They pick up on that stuff and it hurts them too. Save your energy for them--they need it. Good luck!!
Wow----I am soo sorry! Just a few months ago, I went through the same thing with my mom and dad. AT&T told us the same thing---we could not retrieve any text messages. What we did was print out all of the cell phone records that showed their communication from when the affair started. The "ho-bag's" phone number was from out-of-state so it was easy to identify on the home number records as well.
Get online and print out the previous month's bills and go through them with a fine-tooth comb!
Good luck!
My cousin went through something similar. She quitely gathered evidence against her husband before going to a lawyer. She waited until he asked for a divorce an then was able to take him to the cleaners (he was a bad man). If you are considering a divorce and are worried he might 'play dirty', then be as sweet as pie for a few months until you can get enough dirt on him. Hire a PI if you have to! Good luck!
I agree with Mari. If you feel this is already over, I wouldn't put anymore thought and energy to these thoughts. It can really only lead to hurt all around. It will take on a life of it's own if you let it. If you are done, don't waste time, energy and recourses on him and this relationship. Instead seek the help of a lawyer. He/she could tell you if this avenue is worth persueing from a legal perspective. Best of luck to you and I am so sorry that you are going through this.
Call the number, ask for a meeting, be very nice and just let the other person know that you just want to confirm in order to know the next steps to take and make the way clear for her to pursue the relationship further. You just want your life to be on track without all the drama and you need her help so you can resolve the issue.
Just remember, it's not so much her fault as it is his and your anger should be directed at him, The best way to resolve this is to just get the facts.....cry later! Don't buy software, if you want proof....hire a private detective! Pictures don't lie!
I understand you wanting to stick it to your husband but really, in the end it will only hurt your kids. Making your husband out to be the bad guy (which he most likely is) is not beneficial. I suggest you end the marriage as fast and a peacefully as you can. If he refuses to sign papers, I believe after a certain amount of time you don't need his signature for the divorce anyway. Talk to a lawyer and see where to start. It's hard enough for the kids to be going through a divorce don't destroy your husband in front of them just like you wouldn't want him to do the same to you.
best of luck.
If you think he is having an affair, why put yourself through all the anguish and read what is being written. I have feelings like this at times but ask myself, "what would I do even if he is having an affair?" My answer would be get help from my Lord through prayer and go to my church for help. Now, if you need the messages for evidence against him maybe you can just take his phone to a PI and see if they can figure it all out.
I just think you should try not to read the messages yourself. I would get very upset doing so and not sure it would be healthy for you.
I personally would not bother. But since you asked, I think if you look online you can get software that will basically crack the code, which is usually just 4 number long. Of course, you would need to get his cell phone from him long enough to hook it up to the computer which is probably not going to happen. I would consult a lawyer. You don't have to file or even tell your husband that you have seen a lawyer but you will likely need represented if you were to get a divorce. I have rarely seen where a woman did not get custody of her children unless it was apparent that she could not take care of her children. I hope you are able to work this out with minimal effect on your children.
