Hubby Does Not Want Another Child?

If either one of you says no, then it's a no go.
There are plenty of only kids that are fine without a sibling.
You and he calmly talk about why he says no and why you want another.
If he changes his mind, then you can go off birth control and begin trying to conceive.

In my own marriage, before we even got together I told him I wanted kids. My previous boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me saying he decided he never wanted kids and I didn't want any sort of confusion with a new guy. When our daughter was 4ish, my husband told me he thought he never wanted to have more kids. I cried for about an hour, and apparently sounded like my heart was breaking, which it was. We had previously agreed to three, and having him spring that on me was terrible. We ended up having a frank discussion into the night that involved him saying everything was going great with the one, why risk it with another when he wasn't sure he could love it as much (a common fear for dads, I think) and me saying that if he was serious he needed to tell me now because I wasn't going to waste the rest of my childbearing years on him. We laid out what we wanted to do before having a baby financially (paying off bills, etc) and 2 years later I've got a much better paying job with benefits that include a partially paid maternity leave (didn't have that before, will definitely help!) we've paid off the car and most of the credit card, and are finally trying to have another baby. He's still kind of scared, but less than he was when we first discussed it, and we've agreed that the 2nd will be our last and he'll get a vasectomy after the baby is born.

If we'd never had that discussion, I'm not sure where we'd be right now, marriage wise. Right now I feel the happiest in my marriage that I've ever been, and he's mentioned that I'm a lot more touchy feeley than I usually am, but knowing that we're on the same page and there's nothing hidden really makes me happy. Had he never said anything, just continued to not want another baby or help me work towards being able to afford it, I think I would have quietly resented him until I couldn't take it anymore and left.

You and your husband need to talk. Why do you want another baby? Do you feel your family is incomplete, or do you just want a baby to cuddle because they're cute and snuggly? Can you afford it? What are your husband's reasons for not wanting more? These are things you can only talk about and work out with him. Good luck.

When 1 person in the marriage is not in agreement, then the answer falls to respect the spouse who is NOT in agreement.

Table the plan for a while and revisit it at another date. Don't fight, don't argue about it. Have real conversations. Find out WHY he may not want another child. If you are SAHM, this adds another huge burden to him for providing for his family, he may think about the financial and emotional constraints were as well.

There is SO much to consider vs the "I want"

In No way should you "accidently" get pregnant. That type of "accident" usually results in divorce later due to the going behind the back and trust is gone. Everyone's life is turned upside down when that happens.

My husband who in pre-marital counseling said he wanted three or maybe four kids....kept putting me off and putting me off on having even one...

I know this is slightly different situation...but bear with me...

One night I took him out to dinner and calmly explained to him that "I felt" always use how you are feeling...that I felt betrayed...and that he lied to me about our future. That he sat there six years before and told me and God that he wanted children but push come to shove he really wasn't looking like he was going to follow through. And that it was a deal breaker for me. That I could not live the next 40 or so years with a man that I resented and felt got me to marry him under false pretenses. I could not look at his face everyday with out coming to hate him for it. I was 28 and our fertile years were slipping away quickly (he wanted to wait another 10 years before even trying).

I told him the ball was in his court, but I needed a decision. He asked me to let him think about it...and I agreed.

He came back to me with a plan...one that involved paying off a debt we had and waiting about three months to start trying...but on good faith I would stop birth control. He was scared...very very scared...about a lot of things...money being numbers one, two and three...

So, you have to talk with him and find out...calmly with out tears if you can...and without your first child present...talk with him...

When one person in the marriage doesn't want another baby and they're adamant about it then you have to be respectful of that fact and learn to cope with it.

Are (ahrrrrr like car) = it's happening right now
Our (ow-errrr like hour) = belongs to us

Have you listened to him? REALLY listened and focused on his "why's"? If you are just focused on what you want and what he doesn't want, then you aren't going to get to the actual issues.

As the product of "I can do what I want and have a baby if I want-- even if you don't want to" conception, please please please sit down with your husband and do exactly what the other posters are suggesting: talk. Find out what your husband's concerns are around having a second child. Finances and timing are very legitimate concerns... my mother took a chance on having me without my father's blessings (he's wanted to wait until he was out of the Coast Guard and working, settled) which then led to a lot of other bad decisions on her end (because, guess what? He wasn't overjoyed that she'd gone off birth control without their mutual agreement) and them splitting up before I was born.

My situation was the worst-case scenario, of course, but all that to say-- when we marry, our allegiance to our spouses has to be our first consideration in our marriage. So talk, go to couples counseling if the gap seems to hard to bridge on your own. You may find that there are some very realistic considerations to wrestle with before having another child, or you might discover how to move your marriage through this hard time even without the promise of having a second baby. Personally, I believe the relationship between the parents has to be solid and good before you go forward... I chose my husband knowing we might not have kids, but I wanted him first, children second. I could live without kids, but I couldn't live without him. Hard choices, but if I were in your situation, that's where my own priorities would be.

What you should do is talk to him and find out why he doesn't want another child. And then LISTEN to his reasoning. Don't get your argument ready in your head, but really listen to what he's saying and try to see it from his perspective. Then ask that he do the same for you while you explain why you DO want another. Is this something you discussed before marriage? I realize that people change, but if you both agreed on only 1, then that was always his expectation. Just like if you agreed to 2 (or more), then that's YOUR expectation.

After our 3rd was born my husband was DONE. He hadn't been 100% sure of our 3rd, but after she was born was totally in love with her and still thanks me for "convincing him to have her." (It was more of a "oh come on, let's have another"...."I don't know....well...ok" LOL) He was worried about the finances of raising a family of 5. He was also nervous about tempting fate; we had 3 perfectly healthy and beautiful little girls and was a little scared that something could go wrong if we had another. His final point was that, with our youngest and oldest being 4 years apart, he wanted the girls to be close in age. In the end I couldn't sway him a second time, so I had to respect his wishes. I would never force a child on him that he didn't want. Even though I know that he would love any child we had, I know he wouldn't look at ME the same way and I couldn't betray that trust.

You really need to have a no-holds-barred discussion with him where you both lay it all out there and sift through the worries, concerns and reasons both for having another baby AND not.

Respect your husband's wishes. Talk to each other - not argue, but talk. You need to understand each other. If you need a counselor to help, do it. Do NOT try to have another unless he is on board unless you want to destroy your marriage and child.

You need to discuss the pros and cons of having another child. If he is the only supporter, he might be worried about how he can financially handle another baby. You two need to figure this out together. Don't come off birth control without his knowledge. That's just wrong on so many levels.

Go to a marriage counselor and talk through this. That is what one of my friends did.

respect your husband's wishes unless and until you are able to persuade him to your pov.
khairete
S.

Did you guys discuss kids before getting married? Did you agree to one and then decided you wanted more? Did you have one and then did he decide he only wanted 1?

You guys are going to have to discuss this, like really discuss this. There are two of you, with two sets of needs that need to be balanced. i dont' agree that if he says No, it's no. You get a vote too. A lot depends on his reasons for saying No.

One of my friends was like this. She had her 2 kids and made hubby get fixed. Then she started regretting it a few years later. She found herself really wanting more kids. It was too late for her and hubby though. They got divorced and she married a man who could give her more kids.

She has 2 more children now and is happier and is finally complete.

So if you really do want more kids and hubby doesn't you really have to resolve this where you feel good about the decision.

If you know you want more kids and you can't sway hubby then divorce will happen so you can be with a man who does want more children. It's that simple.

So if you want to be married to this man the rest of your life and want to have more children you have to figure out how to tell him that you have to have more children. What kind of compromise can you work out with him? Is his word the final word? Or do you have any say about it in the end.

You have to come to terms with this in some way or you're going to resent him and hate him in the future. It will eat away at you and you'll miss out on the chance to have that family you want.

So either convince him, change his mind, change your mind and be happy with that, or move on.