How to Train 4 Mth Old to Fall Asleep by Herself?

Hi J.,
I first wrote this thinking your daughter was 17 months instead of 17 weeks. (then edited it) Read it and you will learn a lot. Right now, she will learn to fall asleep on her own if you put her to bed at the "same time" every night and make sure she is still awake. Even at 4 months, you should read to her. Then say night-night and put her in her bed. It will take some training, but if you stick to it, it will work. Now is the time to do it, because it will just get worse. Lights out. You can reasure her that she is safe by walking in there after 5 minute intervals. "Watch the clock", because 5 minutes seems like a long time when she is crying. Go in every 5 mins. but "do not" pick her up. Just tell her it's OK and to lay down.

I have 4 children grown 11, 14, 18, and 19 yrs old. My children always went to bed and fell asleep on their own. Even when they were in their cribs. The key is to put them to bed every night at the same time. 1)You need to have a routine! and stick to it if you want it to work. Set the timer on the clock if you have to. 2) Sit with her and read for about 15 minutes. When she is older enough to be in a bed of her own, sit in her bed to read. 3)Then Lights out (including night lights) and go out of the room. She will eventually get the routine down and fall asleep on her own. 4)Consistancey is the key. It will work!
Remember one thing too. They don't have to fall asleep, but they "do" have to go to bed on time. You can tell them that as they get older too. They don't know it, but they will fall asleep eventually and on their own.
P.S. Make a vow to yourself to read to her "every" night before she goes to bed. Don't stop when she gets older either. It will be the best thing you can ever do for your child. When she gets older, talk to her about how her day went. My children are 19, 17, 15, 11 and it would take me over an hour to put them to bed at night by myself while my husband worked overtime. I would spend between 15 mins to 1/2 hr. with each of them starting with the youngest. And I still do.
They are great children and we both have learned so much from eachother along the way.
Good luck,
S.

Hi J.,
It seems to me that she just needs to get on a schedule. My oldest, who is now 6, did the same thing to me. I would suggest the book " The Baby Whisperer" by T. Hog (I think that is her last name). It works on getting both you and your child on a schedule using the EASY method, EAT, ACTIVITY, SLEEP, and YOU time. It is not the FERBER method although I did use that for my youngest child to get her to sleep at night, it is a routine that you do over and over to get the child used to the schedule and it also give you that time while they nap. Read the book and try it.. I have suggested this to a lot of new mothers and they all loved it.

Good Luck
T. D.

17 weeks? She's a newborn. Way, way, way too young to expect to have the ability to soothe herself to sleep. Please don't even THINK about CIO. That's nothing but torture to a baby so young.

She needs to be held, loved, cuddled and nursed to sleep.

They are only tiny babies once, and you only get one shot to do it right.

Hi, I'm editing to add, I saw someone recommended the book "Babywise". DO NOT use this book. It is commonly known in AAP circles as a "Guide to Child Abuse and Neglect". The AAP has publicly condemned the author, Gary Ezzo, because his methods lead to starvation, dehydration, malnourishment, failure to thrive, and disconnection between child and parent. All churches that he has been involved with have fomally separated ties because he is just that evil.

For the low down go to www.ezzo.info

Hi there. Sleep training is SO hard!!! I have done it myself, and now my 7 month old wants to get up at 4am and play. UGH.
But it did take us a while to get her to sleep on her own and extend her naps. Yesterday she took long naps, today short ones.... sigh....

So, anyways, try leaving your baby IN her crib, but lie your torso down next to her, repeat sh-sh-sh over and over and pat her belly or her back in a rhythmic way. Leaving her in her crib until she fast asleep is key. Also, go ahead and rock her a bit so she is sleepy, but put her down semi-awake. When she starts to cry, do the sh/pat. There is a great description of this in the book - The Baby Whisperer Solves all your problems.

You'll have to be consistent and do it for all naps and bedtime, and night wakings and she will learn. If you keep resorting to rocking her to sleep, then the new way will not work. It takes patience and time!

Also, 30 min naps is a sign of being overtired. How often do you put your baby down to nap? A 4 month old usually can't stay awake more than 1.5-2 hours at a time. If she is awake for 3-4 hours she is not rested enough to stay asleep.

Babies also jolt at 10 minutes into their sleep. Watch her and you'll see it! If they are overtired, they cannot sleep through the jolt - it will wake them up. Once your baby is more rested she may just start taking longer naps.

There is something called Wake To Sleep (something I wish I knew about when my little one was 4 months old!). Basically what you would do is, at the 25 minute mark tip-toe into your baby's room, brush her cheek or rub her head very gently to BARELY wake her. Too much and she'll wake up all together. If you are not sure if you stirred her enough, give it a minute and try again. You are trying to start another sleep cycle. This may help you get your baby more rested so sleep training is easier.

I am not a big fan of CIO either. I have been tempted myself to stop the 4am wakings, but will try some other things first! But my little one is over 7 months old, 4 months is still young. Give her some time to learn to sleep and you won't have to let her CIO.

Last tip - once my baby was calm but awake, or just fussing, sometimes I would leave the room to see what happened. Sometimes she got hysterical so I would go back in to her, but other times she would just go to sleep! Sometimes she would just fuss. and I would let her fuss until it turned into crying, or she would just go to sleep. This worked best in the middle of the night when she was already sleepy and groggy.

I hope this helps. Feel free to contact me with any questions. I'm no expert, but it sure helps to have someone help you with sleep training.

If she likes the movement of rocking they make a thing that hooks on the crib that vibrates which could help. My son liked listening to ocean waves when going to sleep but you can also try classical music or different nature sounds that create a soothing environment. She's only 4 months old so there is nothing wrong with her getting rocked to sleep just start a bedtime routine and keep consistent. I give my son a bath, put his pjs on, cuddle him while a sing a lullabuy and then lay him down. The consistency seemed to have helped learn to fall asleep.

My guy doesn't always sleep well, but what we found that helps is to have music playing fairly often at a low volume. Mostly like Beatles, Billy Joel, fairly calm but good music. Anyway if he wakes up once he is asleep he hears the music and knows he is safe and where he was left. He doesn't feel lost or left because when he fell asleep there was music and when he woke up there was music. It has been very helpful.

We also found a mobile to be very helpful. If he is not very sleepy we turn on the mobile and give him a few quiet minutes alone with the mobile. Sometimes he will fall asleep while talking/playing with the mobile. That sets a very good precedent for the next time.

Oh, and the routine before bed was super helpful. We do bath/book/boob before bed, same time, every night (mostly). With consistency, now after a bath, even in the day, he will take a long nap.

I would strongly recommend "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child." It's a terrific book that gives suggestions for starting your child on a schedule in their 4th month. The author (a physician) gives a good argument for why the 4th month is a good time to start sleep training. Even though my baby is only 3 months old I have started to take suggestions from this book, and have noticed a world of difference.

My son is now 20 weeks and at 16 weeks his sleep pattern changed. He used to sleep 5-7 hours straight since week 7. The entire month of May he slept 3 hrs, 2hrs and then 1 hr for the rest of the night. So this week, I was desperate and called the nurse at his Dr's office asking about the CIO method. The nurse said he's too young for CIO. To soothe him however I can when he wakes up and obviously can't be hungry. Feed him if I think he's hungry. She also reminded me not to expect anything to stay the same regarding sleep or feeding that he may be in a transition or growth spurt. So, we are now using music all night long to help him go to sleep and stay asleep. I am also not jumping up every time he cries...not letting him cry it out just gaging how upset he is...occasionally he will go back to sleep. Also, we are using the swing for naps as he wasn't a good napper either and he will get 1& 1/2 to 2 hours in 2x a day. So two nights into my new methods and he's sleeping 3 hours straight...better. I hope that helps a little. Good luck getting back to work.

4 months old is still very very young. Even Dr. Ferber, a propnent of CIO does not recommend any type of sleep trying until 6 months. Babies are not physiologically ready to be napping on a consistent schedule, falling asleep on their own etc. until about 6 months. Almost all of the moms I have met since my son was born talked about the 6-8 month mark as to when naps really fell into place and also night time sleep. The fact that your baby sleeps through the night at 4 months is amamzing as most babes are still getting up at least once. I think that we all need to remember sometimes that babies this young are only capable of so much and they are only doing the best they can.

Hi J., my now 1 year old was a terrible sleeper, and as much as I hated to do it we used the cry it out method. It was terrible the first week, but has been wonderful ever since! I didn't want to do it but now I am glad I did and I will do it again with my next baby due in the winter. My son now knows when it's nap and bed time and goes down with no fuss everytime. We have had a few set backs when he was sick and needed more loving, but always went back to it and I coudnt be happier. The first night he cried for an hour till he gave up, but every night it was a few min less, until nothing! We started him around 6 months so we could stop nigth feedings too. I would turn the monitor way down so I wouldnt hear too much and then try to distract myself with chores or whatever. So many people say they hate it, but my mom told me to try and I am really happy with it. We both get more sleep and he can soothe himself with no pacifier or thumb. We did the rocking him to sleep thing for months, taking turns each night and it was just exhausting, plus everytime you think they are asleep and try to lay them down...the crying started again. Good luck, and remember, although they are tiny, they are smart, and they know how to get to you!

Hi J.,
We have a 4 month old as well. He pretty much has the same sleeping habit as your daughter...except the rocking and walking. He usually cries when I put him down for a nap but at night time we lay him in his crib and usually he goes right to sleep. We got to this point by creating a pattern for him. Every night at the same time we put him up in his crib. He cried the first couple of nights but then got used to his bed time and goes right to sleep.
I made the mistake of always rocking my first son to sleep and he would do the same thing as your daughter. I would try to get out of that habit sooner than later. It's hard when there so cuddly at night:)
Don't feel bad about letting her cry a little....as long as you know there's nothing wrong with her. During the day if my babes is crying up in his crib I'll go and rub his belly so he knows I'm there... but I usually won't pick him up and eventually he'll go to sleep.
Good luck!
J.

I agree with the other posters on the books recommended, but also consider that the baby may be sensitive to stimuli. My son was - almost anything woke him up or kept him from settling down in the first place. Try an air filter - one of those machines that takes the allergens out of the air. It works like a "white noise" machine and keeps outside sounds or house noises from disturbing the baby when she's in the lighter stages of sleep. Start on a low setting and work up if you have to. Some people recommend humidifiers, but you don't want to add more humidity into the air in the summer when it's already so humid, and you can create a mold problem. The air filter doesn't use a lot of electricity and it's worth it if you get some rest and have a happier and more refreshed baby! Some people also use a lullaby tape or CD player if it soothes the baby to sleep. You have to be sure the songs don't stimulate her though. GOod luck!

I agree with the others who say that she is too young, and the fact she sleeps through the night so well is just great! Whatever she is doing now will likely change again. She may be going through a growing spurt or a touchpoint. I understand the desire to not have to spend a lot of time putting her to sleep once you're back to work. I've read a lot of the different sleep books and my thought is that you can start developing some rituals and habits that will help that to happen later when she's a little older (which could be only a few weeks from now, or even sooner, you never know). For example, having a bedtime ritual (bath, reading), rubbing her belly in the crib when she wakes instead of picking her up right away, giving her a favorite stuffed toy or blanket to hold. But for now if it doesn't take, don't worry too much, she is still young. Also, assuming you're using a nanny or day care when you return to work, tell them what's going on with her and what you're trying to accomplish (be clear that you're not using CIO). She will likely respond better to their efforts and that will help things along. I firmly disagree with CIO, especially for such a young one. There are a lot of sleep books out there with different stances, and it comes down to what works for you and for your little one. The most rational, unbiased source I've read so far isn't even a sleep book. It's a short chapter in a developmental book called "Touchpoints" by Brazelton. It explains the whole sleep issue succinctly. Keep in mind that this will pass, and the fact that she's sleeping through the night is a major accomplishment!