How to Tell 8 Yr Old That Santa and the Easter Bunny Aren't Real.

Updated on April 01, 2008
W.P. asks from Ocean Springs, MS
15 answers

I have twin 8 year old girls who are starting to ask lots of questions about Santa and the Easter Bunny. The girls are in 2nd grade and they are hearing lots of talk at school about the fact that these two figures don't exsist. My husband thinks we should just let the cat out of the bag. He hasn't always been keen on them believing in these myths anyway. I am more traditional and loved the mystery of both figures when I was growing up. Anyway, we both think it's time they are told the truth. Now, how to do it. I want to break it to them in a way that helps them to savor the special memories of believing and to feel special about being old enough to know the truth. I also want them to realize how important it is to keep the secret from others who still believe, especially their younger brothers. Lastly, I don't want them to feel like we've been lying to them all of these years. Please give me some advice on how best to aproach this. One last bit of info is that we have always placed emphasis on the real meaning of both Christmas and Easter so I don't need advice in the religious aspect of this subject.

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So What Happened?

Thank you all for your great advice. As soon as Easter was over, the questions stopped. I'm off the hook for now, but I'm going to take the advice of several of you who said I should look at the history of the figures and tie that into our present day traditions. I am going to take bits and pieces of all of your suggestions and I will let them believe as long as they'd like.

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W.C.

answers from San Antonio on

Explain to them why you did it. Since you still have smaller chidren too, you could enlist them to help next year so they will understand. Good luck.

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D.M.

answers from Houston on

i also have an 8 yr old W., and he is asking questions as well. When he asks them, I answer them honestly. It is wonderful that they already know the real meaning behind the holidays, so the rest should fall into place. I just explained that kids need something to look forward to, so thats where Santa and the Bunny come into play. You have to use your own judgement to know when and what to say, but if they are asking questions I would say don't lie to them! Its a hard situation but will get easier! Have a great day!!

D. Mattern-Muck
The MOM Team
Raise your income and your rugrats at the same time!
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"The only thing that counts if faith, expressing itself through love." Galatians 5:6

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M.H.

answers from Houston on

WHAT!?! Dont exist!?! Surely you jest.

I still believe!!!

Margaret:)

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K.W.

answers from Corpus Christi on

I would never tell my child that... Just tell them that Santa exists in your heart, and if you believe in him, he is real... they're 8, they still have a few good "believe in santa" years left!

Even if they wonder if Santa isn't real, don't let that thought come from you or your husband. If you act like he is real, then to them he can still be real.

Edit: in a nutshell, what Chelsea said :)

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J.G.

answers from San Antonio on

W.,

I have two boys 12 & 9 and I have still not told them and never intend to. I am not niave enought to think they don't know, but I will not admit the lie. I simply tell them every year that I believe and that if you don't believe, you don't recieve. That pretty much fixed the problem. My boys are 2 of 8 cousins that are together all the time. We have only had one incident were someone said that Santa wasn't real. My 13 year old nephew had an issue about 2 years ago. We simply stated our case and then took the rest of the children to the website www.noradsanta.org. This tracks Santa's path on Christmas Eve. My nephew came in and within 5 minutes was leading the pack of cousins on the website. I also teach kindergarten, and when the children ask me, I always say the same thing if you don't believe, you don't recieve. It really helps us, hope it helps your girls.

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B.C.

answers from San Antonio on

W., nows not the time!! The Best time would be Christmas!!

This coming Christmas, have the girls "Play" Santa Claus for
the two boys!! Since the boys are so young, I figure their
bedtime is before the girls>>so>>after the boys have gone to
sleep, ask the girls if they would like to help you play Santa Claus for them? Then go thru the routine of "Unhiding"
the boys gifts from Santa and have the girls put them under the tree!! Tell them that now that they know the secret of the Wonderful Gifts of Santa that they are not to tell the boys and that the secret if a secret!!
At that point since they have helped you it is easy step to
explain that Santa is the semble of "Giving"! That there is
a joy of giving rather than "Getting"!
Then, try to make sure they are up before the boys the next
morning and again remind them that they are in on the secret!
They'll get a big kick out of watching the boys enjoy the excitement of Santa!!

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C.L.

answers from San Antonio on

My parents were so great about this. I was a "believer" when all my friends stopped believing and tried to convince me. Finally, I went home and asked my mom. She said to me "I will always tell you the truth, because I want you to know you can always trust me. But the magic of believing is in your power. Sometimes just believing means not asking questions. It's up to you." And I never asked. I knew that the responsibility for keeping Santa alive was mine. I also never felt my trust was betrayed. I felt like my parents were giving me permission to grow up and she illusions at my own speed, and I was so thankful to them for that. Even now, Christmas and Easter have a special magic to them that I get to pass on to my children.

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C.R.

answers from Houston on

When our first asked these questions we had decided to hit on the meanings of the holidays first, then we would add that the gifts stop coming when you stop believing in the meaning. Our youngest (7) just started asking the questions and it was our oldest who gave the speech about the meaning, not the toys, and then repeated what we've always said, when you stop believing they stop coming! Our oldest has known since third grade, but will tell you every year that she believes in the meaning and the figure.

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T.W.

answers from San Antonio on

I agree with some of the other responses. Google the stories behind the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus. I have 3 boys, 20, 17, and 10. We don't consider it pretending in our house. It's the magic of the meaning, and the traditions of the stories. My boys have never accused me of "lying" to them, they have always just enjoyed the joy and magic of it all. I have always told them that your friends say it isn't so just say ok, because if someone else still truly believes then you may hurt their feelings. If you ask my older boys they will tell you, yes there is a Santa CLaus. When they were old enough (early teens) they would stay up with me and stuff the tree or Easter baskets. They enjoyed this. Let your children enjoy it while they can, take it from a mom with older kids, they don't stay young and innocent for long.

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J.S.

answers from San Antonio on

W.,
We have always been honest with our children about Santa and the Easter Bunny, but I remember believing when I was a child. We tell the kids, they're not real, but it's fun to pretend. We also make sure they understand that some kids do believe they're real, so we should let their parents handle that and not us.

If you're a Christian, you might be interested in some books my mother read to us. Do a search for "Easter Bunny, are you for real?" and "Santa, are you for real". It's kind of neat to learn about the background behind the holidays.

Be honest with your kids about why you allowed them to believe this. Adults get caught up in the excitement with their kids and don't mean to seem dishonest. It's what our parents probably did and you wanted the "magic" to be there for them. If they want, you can agree to continue to pretend and again, from a Christian perspective... as long as they know the reason we celebrate these holidays.

Hope this helps.

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C.D.

answers from San Antonio on

Hi W., I find myself wanting to offer some enlightening advice on how to tell your children that these mythical figures don't exist, however in our family we have always had a saying, "You stop believing, You stop receiving!" Therefore, I choose to believe to this day. Your children will figure it all out on their own soon enough. I don't think a special pull aside talk is necessary at this stage. Let their doubts surface and answer their questions as they arise as honestly as you see fit. I would allow the magic of Christmas (Santa) and the Easter Bunny to continue in their young minds as long as possible. Childhood is so rushed these days.

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M.J.

answers from San Antonio on

In my experience, once your children start asking the question....they are already having doubts themselves.

My daughter is 9 1/2. She has asked me several times if I am a) Santa; b) the Easter bunny and c) the tooth fairy. I tell her that Santa, and Easter Bunny and the tooth fairy rely on parents to be their eyes, ears, hands and feet. She thinks that is cool that mom gets to help all of the above! I even got a new nickname...the Easter Mommy!

I think 8 is the typical age when children start to let go. But let them make the decision to let go on their own. So much of the innocence of childhood is lost in today's world.

And when my daughter still asks me "Do YOU believe in Santa Claus"? I can answer honestly....Yes, I do...because Santa embodies the spirit of giving, and you are never too old to believe in that!!!!

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S.C.

answers from Houston on

W.,

My then 9yr old son bounced through my bedroom door early one morning after the toothfairy had visited him. He was sooo excited that she left him money and wrote him a note about his new nightlight and praising him for brushing his teeth so well. The excitement settled down a bit and he got this serious look on his face. The following conversation took place:

Mom, are YOU the toothfairy? Oh, sweetie, why do you ask that? In a small voice...Because I recognize your handwriting. Well, do you really want to know? Yes, I can handle it. Okay, here's the deal, yes, I am the toothfairy, and I left you that money and the note. Now, listen carefully, this is a fun game parents play with their kids, so be sure to keep this between us and not share it at school. His face brightened a bit. (to my confusion) Are you upset or disapointed?
Nah, it's soo cool, MY mom is THE toothfairy. How do you get into other kids bedrooms, do you wear a costume, do parents let you in, how do you know when someone has lost a tooth? I just giggled and grabbed and tickled him telling him well, it's just all a secret!

We've not talked more about it, but I think he's got it sorted out. He's played along very well for his baby sister. Almost too well, really. He'll tell her when she has a wiggly tooth (she'll be 8 this next month) see that toy, if you want it, write the toothfairy a note that you want the toy instead of money! What a sweet stinker!

Point is, even if you do tell, it maynot be the results you think you'll get!

S.

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G.Q.

answers from Odessa on

W.,

You should check out the origin of Santa and Easter Bunny where it came from. F.i. with Santa, a man named Nicholas did exist in the year 200+ (I believe it was 243 or something like it) and he was the Bishop of Myra. I am originally from Holland and we celebrate St. Nicholas day real big every year (Sinterklaas) and he was very generous to kids especially, and all nations in Europe celebrate him in Dec. In Holland it is always on Dec. 5th, we are not sure whether it was his birtday on Dec. 6th or the day he died and the tradition of giving and generousity continues till today. I go to schools and tell them this story all the time. As a matter of fact the Dutch were responsible for bringing the story of St. Nicholas to the Americas when they came to the state of New York.

As for the Easter Bunny, it is the same, it has its origin in Europe and the eggs is supposed to be a new beginning etc.

Instead of telling the kids it is not true, just tell them it was a long time ago and we continue the traditions. Just like Jesus was born over 2,000 years ago and we still believe in him, not??

You can google for origin of both traditions. Unfortunately nowadays it is so commercialized, we never send gives for Easter for I heard some people do. Good luck!

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H.

answers from San Antonio on

Awe, just let it be. They will find out about it soon enough and they will understand because they will be older and more mature, it will not scar them for life, believe me. Let them be children and enjoy the time while they can. And they will forget all about it.

H.

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