How to Tell 4 Year Old I'll Be Gone for 5 Days

I went through the same thing. Your daughter will be fine and you will feel guilty but you have to try to have fun. It sounds like your husband is planning some fun things for them to do while you're gone. We first went away for 5 days when my son was a little over 2. The week before I told him we were going away and grandma and grandpa were staying with him. I explained that we were going on an airplane and that we'd be back in 5 days. My son had been on an airplane to New York at least 4 times at that point so he understood the plane ride and coming back a few days later. I reminded him again the day we were leaving. I cried my eyes out when we left. My husband couldn't wait to go away because he is the "stay at home mom" and he needed a break. My son had the best time without us and didn't even want to talk to us on the phone. Now that my son is 7, it's harder to leave because he wants to come with us and he'll come up with all sorts of arguments about why we need to take him. So a little before the trip, just explain what you're doing and where you are going. Show your daughter a map and let her see where you're going. Tell her all the fun things Daddy has planned.... and most of all have fun on your trip.

Hope this helps!

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I went on a trip when my daughter was about that age and was freaking out before hand...She was fine!! I told her that Mommy was going to go on a trip and I would call everynight and she would be home w/ Daddy. It all worked out well. It was so much harder on me. Try to relax, have fun, and know she's in good hands!
Good Luck!

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She will be fine, so YOU need to start preparing YOURSELF for the prospect of being away from HER. For heaven sakes, don't make a big production out of it. Just tell her a few days beforehand, like the others have said. Otherwise, she will sense your anxiety and will think there is something wrong with your leaving, which of course, is not the case. She does not need to grasp the concept of 5 days. Kids don't think like that. She will probably ask where you are from time to time, but (and don't take this the wrong way) it's not like she'll be crying every second, waiting for you to get back. :-) I know how hard it is to go, and I know YOU will miss HER but she'll be having fun while you are gone, trust me. Enjoy this opportunity and try to relax! Easier said than done...I know...

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I would work on preparing her by teaching her about a calendar, the months of the year and the days of the week. My son knew all of this by the time he was 3 1/2 thanks to going to daycare and the songs they taught about the months and the days.

Some children do better if they know what is coming next...my son is one of them. He wants to know what will happen during his day, what will happen during his week. If we tell him - and keep to it - then he is a much happier little boy. He is now nearly 4 1/2 and expecting his first sibling any day. We told him in early June that we would have a new baby in August. Yesterday, at church, he saw the date on the church bulletin and told me "Mama - now it is August. Our new baby will be here super soon!".

If your daughter isn't very order-oriented than the 5 days may not matter all that much. Prepare her as much as you can - encourage her dad to continue her usual routine. I like the suggestion of stickers on a calendar. My son loved his Advent Calendar last year and I didn't have to answer "How much longer until Santa?" everyday. Talk to her on the phone. My son has a lot of long distance family but he knows that he can call his grandma or his aunt anytime he asks us to...and he can carry on good 5 minute conversations. We have also used Skype - I find phone easier but it is nice to Skype when he wants to "show" someone something he made.

You will be fine! Enjoy the trip! C.

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I have to leave for two full weeks later this month (over the start of school). I talked to my kids about the need for me to be gone before I took this job in May. This trip is a surprise, but I may miss some things. But it opens up amazing opportunities for me and my family at the same time. I'm worried about all of my kids, and my husband! haha - he is not used to having to do it all - he has never had me gone more than 3 nights, and that was only because my baby brother was leaving to go fight in Iraq, so I headed to Texas when the kids were 3, 1, and in my tummy :o). So obviously one came with me. I have been talking to the kids about this trip for the past month, once I found out about it. I will of course bring them something fun, I will probably mail them postcards, a few at least!! I think it's important to keep up with some routines (morning words, nighttime words, after school, etc...) if you can via phone. Or definitely try the Skype thing! I am going to have to get a camera to take with me - but I am excited to do that!! Then I can still at least blow kisses and see my babies smiling faces :). So do a LOT of talking to her - and try to plan activities for them to do while you are gone :). Luckily, by the time I go, flag football will be in full swing and so is Tae Kwon Do...so my husband will need meals prepared/planned ahead of time and a schedule! Good luck!! And have fun :o).

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It depends on the kid, but I don't think you should start telling her too early. That might just make her more anxious and make you second guess your decision and then you will start feeling guilty and it will be a big stress to deal with.
She's going to be with Daddy so you're not completely ditching her or anything. If your daughter isn't used to you being gone, she may do everything to get you to change your mind or make you feel badly because she can't go. I'm just saying that lots of little kids will try that and there's no reason to start getting her worked up about it now.

I used to have to travel a lot with my husband for business and my little girl was so great. She knew she was staying with Nannie and Grandpa and loved being with them so she didn't feel like she would miss out on anything. She thought that I was actually the one missing out on the fun.
She liked going shopping with me and finding clothes and picking out what I would wear to this function and that function and helping me pack. It was a girl thing. We'd go get lunch and find the things I needed and pick her up some things to take to Nannie's. She was totally cool with it. I look back now and realize how amazing she was about the whole thing. I had and still do have friends whose kids freak if they go out to dinner without their kids.
I wouldn't tell your daughter just now. Not for something 3 months away.
You know your daughter best, and maybe she will be excited for you and your mom to have some time. Maybe she will be excited to help you pick out a dress and know she helped you get prepared for this special event.
I don't think it hurts kids to know that mom goes places sometimes.
To know that we had a life before children and share our stories with them.
I know your daughter will be just fine as long as you are fine with it. If you start getting upset about leaving then she will get upset and it will be tougher for all of you.
This is a happy thing.
And you can't wait to get back to tell her all about it.
Like I said, my daughter loved being a part of the process but even still, I didn't start the planning too much in advance. The time leading up to it would have been longer than I was actually gone and I just didn't drag that part out because then it was "how many days til I go to Nannie's?"
A 90 day countdown is a long time for a kid.

Just have it in your mind that you are going. You are not harming your child by being gone. Five days will go by so fast. Not just for you, but for your daughter as well. Nothing wrong with some daddy time.

Best wishes!

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My husband and I are taking a vacation in October and will be gone for 6 days! (We've never left for more then 2) Our kids are 5, 4 and 2. We have already told them that we'll be leaving for 6 days and they are staying 5 nights with their Grams and Poppy. They know the months of the year and when they ask how long until we leave we sing the months song and they they say, "ok now 2 months to go. I think you should start telling her about it now and talk about all the fun/exciting things and she daddy will do while you're gone.

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I would help her make a 'how many days until mommy comes home' chain out of construction paper. Her and her dad can take off a link every night as part of the bedtime routine and when there is one link left, she will know you will be home soon.

As for actually leaving my kids ( 6, 2, 4 mths), I went out for the first time in three years this past friday, just for the evening, and freaked out! No advice there. Sorry!

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Whenever I go away I put together a little calendar of the days, just some small boxes with the days on them for the virtual calendar (any small box or even an envelope would work) for my little one to open with dad and know how many days til I'm back. About 1 week before I go, we mark the days off the calendar - so she does not feel stressed about the time away. My little one is 5 so for her its pretty easy- I get stickers, hair ribbons, bubbles, small jewels & twine for a bracelet, etc.. that way she opens a box each day and can count down the time I am gone, I also set aside 5 minutes each afternoon or evening and call just to say hi and catch up on her day... works like a charm for us! She will let me know what she's done and where she put the stickers in her book, how she did her hair with dad, etc...

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Good for you for taking time for yourself and going on this trip with your mom. I traveled to Chicago for a week to visit friends and family by myself this past spring and it was a great way to recharge my batteries. I came back refreshed and ready to resume mommy duties.

In my opinion, I wouldn't tell her until closer to the trip. No need for her to worry if she is really attached to you. Just let her know when you start packing that you are going on a trip with Grandma to visit friends and you will be back soon. You can really play up her bonding time with daddy. Tell her you will call all the time for updates and if you have access to a computer with cameras you could maybe Skype so you can actually see each other. Daddy could create a calendar for the week and they can mark off the days together with a heart on the day you return and a picture of an ice cream cone inside. Then you can all go out for ice cream when you return. Maybe daddy could plan a couple of extra special things that maybe he wouldn't normally do to entertain her while you are gone. Daddy should be prepared if she is asking for you often while you are gone so he doesn't get sad and offended. Instead, he can have an activity set up where she draws you a picture each time she misses you and he compiles them into a book for you. You guys can also send text messages/picture messages to each other on your phones. One last idea...ever heard of the book Flat Stanley? I know a lot of schools read that and then make a paper doll that they send to family members who take pictures of their flat stanley doing things around their city. Maybe your daughter could give you a small toy or stuffed animal that you can bring and you can take pics of it at all the places you visit while traveling. Emailing the pics or sending on your phone would be instant gratification for your daughter, but showing them to her when you return would be good too.

Have an awesome trip!

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Hi!
First of all, you are not abandoning your daughter. Second, your husband sounds like a considerate individual who is looking out for your best interests and I imagine it will be true with your daughter as well.
Take the opprtunity your husband is offering to fully enjoy your mother. Set some time apart until the trip to spend special mommy-daughter time with your little one so she understands what you will be doing with your mom. I would put off telling her though. November is a long way off to a 4yo. A few days to a week before is enough time.
Explain that as you and your mommy are older you will be taking a longer mommy-daughter time while she has some daddy-daughter time. If you are feeling really guilty you could write her a letter for each of the days you'll be gone. However you choose to tell her, be sure you sound positive and upbeat. She will take a cue from you about how she should feel about this. If you in any way communicate uncertainty, fear or sadness then she will feel that way. When you think about it, she will be getting time with her daddy who sounds like he is really looking forward to giving her that time. Maybe some of that mommy-daughter time can be spent working on a special gift for her to give her daddy while you are on your trip.
You are giving her a very special lesson: learning to value time with her parents. How many of us look back on our time with our parents and wish we could have do-overs or more time? Find all the positives in this opportunity and when you are full them, then take the time to explain to your daughter how wonderful this time will be for all of you. And, of course, how much you will look forward to sharing and listening when you get back.
Peace, A.

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I would wait until it's almost time and then mark the days on the calendar. You could put a star sticker on the day you'll be back. She'll be fine. I left my oldest dd when she was 3 for 3 days and I missed her alot, but she was fine with her daddy. :)

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Just tell her you'll be going for a week (and demonstrate this on the calendar) and that you'll miss her. At age 4 she's at the perfect age to learn all of her days of the week and how we divide up time using a calendar. I wouldn't stress beyond that. We over analyze everything we do in regards to our kids these days, and usually things aren't a big deal unless you make them one! Tell her you can call her on the phone every day (that's usually exciting for them) and that you'll send her a postcard in the mail (kids LOVE getting mail). Play up how much fun she's going to have with Daddy -and make sure Daddy has some extra fun stuff planned to do just with her.

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I've had to travel for work on many occasions since having kids. They still really don't understand the concept of time as well as we think they might.

If you're concerned, I'd start talking to her about it now. If you keep a calendar, you may want to show her physically when you'll be gone and help her understand time relative to that.

If you have a laptop with a webcam, I'd set-up a Skype account so you can talk to hear each night. The sound quality of the Skype feed is so much better than a cell phone. It's what we usually do with my kids when I'm travelling and have a few minutes. Plus, it's free.

Good luck and have a great time!

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I would write a love letter to your daughter for each day you are gone. Something she can open in the morning when she wakes up... along with a little wrapped present. A sweet way to mark the days.

I'm surprised that your friends and family would not want to meet your daughter. Have you considered making it a three-generations-of-girls trip?

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Tell her now, and make it sound FUN, for goodness sake, don't make it sound like you are abandoning her! Have her help to plan a bunch of things that she and daddy will do (have several things ready to tell her about - just in case she doesn't have too many ideas). She is old enough to look at the calendar and see what 5 days is, so have something fun that she will do each day. I would not tell her too much about what you are doing, just that you need to be away, and daddy will be with her. Tell her you will call her each night to say goodnight (make sure that you can) and every morning to say good morning. Have a great trip!

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I think you will have more anxiety than she will. I would wait until a day or 2 before hand. Have fun!

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don't tell her until about 3-5 days prior.

make a calendar for her so she can count the days once you're gone.

give your husband plenty of ideas for activities when you're gone so they don't just sit around counting the hours till your gone. think of 1-2 new things that can be new memories just for her and her daddy. she'll love that and she'll have stories to tell you when you get back.

don't call every day or multiple times a day, let your daughter dictate how much she wants to talk to you. talk to your husband about how she's doing once she's in bed. sometimes you cause more harm than good when you call too much.

HAVE FUN and realize that this is less about you feeling guilty and more about a wonderful opportunity for your daughter to create some wonderful one-on-one memories with her dad.

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Hi Tracey, first of all let me say you have an awesome husband. personally for me, i would not and never did leave any of my children, I think you all should go as a family and let your husband still bond and entertain her while you are at the reunion. I have a 4 year old in my daycare who's mom went to Guam for 5 days, i kept her and her little brother as I do during Military deployments, but ever sence then she has has seperation anxiety issues, like everytime her mom leaves for work she's worried she will never see her mom again, her mom gets home from work and she says things like mommy you came back you didn't die. All kids are different, so your's may be fine with it, just wanted to share that with you, cause you never know. J.

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Hi Tracey, first of all let me say you have an awesome husband. personally for me, i would not and never did leave any of my children, I think you all should go as a family and let your husband still bond and entertain her while you are at the reunion. I have a 4 year old in my daycare who's mom went to Guam for 5 days, i kept her and her little brother as I do during Military deployments, but ever sence then she has has seperation anxiety issues, like everytime her mom leaves for work she's worried she will never see her mom again, her mom gets home from work and she says things like mommy you came back you didn't die. All kids are different, so your's may be fine with it, just wanted to share that with you, cause you never know. J.

Do not feel guilty tell her closer to tye time you have to leave if you are going to have a babby sitter have her come over before you go and let her get use to her have fun i am shure your daughter will be fine A. raised 4 and now have7 grandchildren A. no hills

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DO NOT FEEL GUILTY TELL HER CLOSER TO TYE TIME YOU HAVE TO LEAVE IF YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE A BABBY SITTER HAVE HER COME OVER BEFORE YOU GO AND LET HER GET USE TO HER HAVE FUN I AM SHURE YOUR DAUGHTER WILL BE FINE A. RAISED 4 AND NOW HAVE7 GRANDCHILDREN A. NO HILLS