25 answers

How to Talk to My Daughter and Son in Law

I have 3 grandchildren and both their parents smoke my youngest grandchild months has been having lots of trouble breathing around them. Now the parents have been on vacation for 2 weeks and I have had the kids. My youngest has not had any trouble with breathing while he has been with me. When they come back and he starts having trouble again what do I do? This has happened many times when I have had the baby for a few days at a timeI mean when he has trouble he turns pale blue around his eyes and mouth. I have taken him to the dr. and so have his parents and of course the dr. said to quit smoking but they won't do it. I can't believe that they will put a cigarette before their childrens health. What should I do about this?

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

My daughter and son in law got home and I told them that they were NOT getting the baby back till they quit smoking. The dr. told them that and also the hearing specialist told them that. It is in all the records that he is not having any breathing problems while he is with us. So far they haven't quit or even tried to yet, so life goes on. On a happier note, the baby has improved in his left ear and can hear some-dr. said it was because no smoking and the pollin count has gone down some. Thank you everyone for your help and concern

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I really hate to say this, but it sounds like they are truly neglecting their child's health. They need to be willing to at least stop smoking around the children, go outside to smoke, I understand it's hard. One thing you could do to bring it to their attention is that if the dr or anyone else sees that they're not putting their childs health first then they could report them for neglect.

smoking is bad for anyone. It's enough danger things in the atmosphere to add on. Be wise and live longer

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I guess I'm the big *B* in the group, but I'd tell them if they don't start the process to try to quit, I'll be reporting them to child protective services. If the baby is TURNING BLUE from lack of oxygen, that seems to me like a pretty clear case of child endangerment. It infuriates me that people place their own desires & conveniences over the long-term health of their children.

1 mom found this helpful

Smoking is not something that people do just because they want to tick off others or for fun and looking cool. It's an addiction. It doesn't ruin your life right away like heroine or Meth it does it slowly but it is just as addictive. Only instead of shooting up three times a day or more you inject it every 10 to 15 minutes. It is very powerful because it becomes part of who you are. Everything you do can revolve around it.

I feel sorry for your grand children but you giving them the what for is only going to tick them off probably and they may be leary of letting you watch them - so that you don't ever see the benefit of them being in your home. Don't be to overbearing. Give them a suggestion as to where they could go and them tell them your concerns. And then... drop it.
Invite the kids as much as possible to your house. :)

They go to school so their not in smoke all day. I understand how you feel but pushing one way just makes them push back harder.

God Bless,
L.
I have been smoke free for three years on this past March 28th. I went to have aricular therapy at Leslie-Cams in St. Louis, MO. It was still difficult but it worked.

Hi K.,

I for one have never smoked but I grew up in a smoking home and as I get older I think the more sensitive I becmoe to smoke.
The other posters are right, it is an addiction, for some people. I am a registered nurse with over 25 years experience, 6 of those I worked with a lung specialist in the hospital and in his office. Some people are just able to lay them down and not even think about them again. Some can't. From my observation, it's harder for women for some reason. Although my mom just quit a year ago after smoking 2 packs a day for 40+ years.
The cumulative, long-term devestation of smoking can be horrible. And yes the second hand smoke for the kids can certainly have effects as well. My grandmother was diagnosed with emphysema a few years before she passed away. She never worked outside of the home nor did she ever smoke a day in her life! But she lived with my grandfather, a heavy smoker, for years.

As far as talking to the kids, that's tough. I agree with the other posts that you may risk alienating them. But it is not only the grandkid's health you're worried about, it's their's as well!
There are the obvious risks of lung cancer and emphysema. But there are also the yearly colds and bronchitis episodes that will take longer and longer to get over. They may not notice now because the kids are small, but they will notice at some point the difficulty in enjoying activities/life with the kids because they're tired and/or having problems breathing. And the hidden problems with their hearts and circulation systems that may not be seen for years. My step mother, as I type this, is at risk for losing one of her legs because of poor circulation. And yes she has been a life long smoker. They have even found nicotine in the cells taken during exams of women with cervical cancer!

Have them look at the money they'll save. If both are smoking, have them calculate how much money they could save in a week, month, year, if they quit.

Bottom line, tell them you love them. You are not wanting to be a meddling mother but you want them to be healthy.

Good Luck and in good health,

L. K

It's hard to tell grown folks what to do...try getting a humidifier, air purifier or something for the children. Good luck & God Bless!

Good for you for trying. Can the doctor provide you with any literature to show them about what it does to the kids? Perhaps scare them a little with the facts (even though they are bling to what is happening to their children in front of their eyes). You may not get them to quit, but maybe you can get them to smoke outside or at least in another room and where a jacket or shirt while they are smoking then take it off when they are around the kids. (The nicotene gets into the clothes they are wearing and then when they hold/interact with the kids it exposes the children. The jacket might help with that.) Good luck.

smoking is bad for anyone. It's enough danger things in the atmosphere to add on. Be wise and live longer

I smoked for many years, I would quit when I was pregnant, but after my first two I started shortly after they were born. After my third I knew I could not start again (since I only want 3 kids)and here we are 3 years later and I am still not smoking, I have days where I could. I never smoked in my house or in my car. I know second hand smoke was still a factor but I felt I was doing what I could. Talk to your children! They are your children and your grandchildren, so your kids may get mad, they will get over it! I doubt they will withold your grandchildren from you because you offer them a break. Just be tactful, talk to them about only smoking outdoors and not smoking in their car. They cannot stop smoking unless they really want to but you can encourage them to be more responsible.

Out of desperation, one thing you could do is to turn them in for child neglect. Ignoring the health of their child is a form of neglect. I know you would hate to do this and it would put a split down the middle of your family but you might have to put the health of your grandchild first.

Good luck and many prayers,
D.

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