13 answers

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen

Last week or so, someone made a comment about the book "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen". I later googled it, and found "How To Talk So Kids Will Listen, And Listen So Kids Will Talk" by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish. Has anyone read this book, and did you like it? I am interested, but it's checked out at the library and I'm thinking about purchasing and downloading it to my phone. In the past I've read 1 2 3 Magic and Love and Logic. Does it go with their methods?

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I find 1 2 3 Magic and Love and Logic to be insulting and very disrespectful of children. I didn't get more than a few pages in because there was no way in the world I could swallow their approaches. I would much prefer How to Talk So Kids.... And yes, my son is generally respectful and nice because we model that behavior and treat him how we would hope to be treated. We get plenty of compliments on his attitude and behavior from teachers and strangers, so it's not just my opinion.

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Love Love Love this book and recommend it to people often. They have another called Siblings Without Rivalry that is also excellent.

I don't think it's much like Love and Logic. I know a lot of people get a lot from that book, but I didn't like the way it was written and I didn't agree with some of the methods for my own family.

Another book that is good is How To Behave So Your Kids Will Too...

Bets of luck!

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I did it as a study with other moms and felt that it gave me some good tips. Not everything works with all ages or kids, but a lot can be applied to various situations. One mom has a 3 yr old and a 5 yr old and implemented tips in different ways. One was old enough for lists, for example, so she could have him write down steps. I often find that if I can be calm enough to get to the bottom of it, we can avoid a blow up. I don't always remember, but I am better about getting DD to use her words...because I try to.

Now, I will say that some of the book is "dated" but it still overall applies to modern families. Natural consequences still work in 2013.

2 moms found this helpful

I find 1 2 3 Magic and Love and Logic to be insulting and very disrespectful of children. I didn't get more than a few pages in because there was no way in the world I could swallow their approaches. I would much prefer How to Talk So Kids.... And yes, my son is generally respectful and nice because we model that behavior and treat him how we would hope to be treated. We get plenty of compliments on his attitude and behavior from teachers and strangers, so it's not just my opinion.

2 moms found this helpful

I had how to talk so kids will listen and foudn it very helpful. My mom heard about it and got it for me before I even had children of my own because I am a teacher.

Easy read, realistic ideas.

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Hi J.,

To me it is a lot like Love and Logic. I haven't finished reading it yet, but I am enjoying it.

Blessings!
L.

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It's a quick book to read and the techniques work! I recommend it often. There is a teenage version, too.

I have not read Love & Logic or 123 Magic, so I can't compare them.

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I'd definitely recommend it. I've actually not read THAT one, but the follow-up book for teachers "How to Talk So Kids Can Learn" was the primary texts for one of my college courses in classroom management, and I've loaned it out to several new teachers over the years with good results.

Should be a pretty easy read, and the strategies (if it's anything like the teacher book) are clear and actionable with good examples.

Hope this helps.

2 moms found this helpful

I don't think that the other books would be inconsistent with "How to Talk... "
it's just that How to Talk will be looser than 'when your kid does this, do this' type books.

How to Talk is not a book on discipline, it is a book on interpersonal communication, triggers, reasons kids (and spouses) turn off their ears and ignore us.... I loved this book and I do think it's worth buying, just to have on hand years down the line.

For me, this book was a real game-changer in how I worked with my preschoolers and I utilize the concepts in this book nearly daily. What I love about it is that it really helps parents of older (five and up)kids help their kids figure out how to solve their own problems through opening up those conversations to their ideas as well as our own. This also allows the children to take ownership and investment in their own solutions to regular challenges, which is less 'doing to' our kids and more of a 'doing with' approach. This does, sometimes, challenge us as parents to let go in some areas and however, I have found that sometimes our kids have unconventional solutions which work for them (ones we as adults might not have thought of) and resolutions better all around.

I think the other piece of this book I appreciated was the focus on the child's internal reality. This book opens kids up because it guides the parents in giving active validation to our child's ideas and feelings.

For what it's worth, I think 123 Magic and Love and Logic are both very effective, but just want to warn that we still want to parent authentically, and there will be times when following the book for the sake of following the book is actually counterproductive in our relationships with our kids. And consider getting the book copy, as there are fun little 'comic strips' of how their techniques are utilized; I found that I used a lot of sticky notes to mark pages, etc.

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