How to Start "Time Out"

One year olds do not do time out. You pick them up, look them in the eye, say no, and then distract them with some other activity. You take away the toy or object you don't want them to have and it's over. You ignore any screaming or crying and move on.

Time out is for two or three yr olds to about age 10. It lasts 1 minute per year of age, and the child has to be able to stay sitting still on their own. Clearly 1 year olds are not capable of this. You have to be able to explain the reason for the time out to the child and one year olds do not have the language or reasoning ability to understand the point of time out.

(I'm a child psychologist who works with children and families)

3 moms found this helpful

So much conflicting advice! Clearly, it's up to you to decide what's best for you and your family. Here's my two cents:
Personally, I am not comfortable with using discipline techniques that set up an adversarial relationship between my children and myself. I am just skeptical of the long-term value of creating any "me-versus-you" dynamic. This is NOT to say I think it's OK to be a doormat, however. I just think true discipline is everything you do BEFORE there is a problem. I agree with the dissuade and redirect comments--"punishment" is so rarely needed when you're helping your child behave appropriately and reinforcing his positive behavior. At 13 months, a demonstration of appropriate behavior with your attention seems more important and effective than a moment of sudden isolation that may or may not feel related to the "infraction."
I use "time out" at my house but only in the context of needing a break from a frustrating situation or an escalating conflict between siblings. More like, "Sounds like you need a break. Come sit here with me for a minute so we can rest," or "How about I read to your brother here so you can have abreak upstairs for a few minutes?" If I am really about to lose it, I will announce I'm feeling angry or frustrated and so giving myself a time out for a few minutes to calm down. My oldest, now age six, now does this occasionally himself.
At 13 months old, he's still very much a baby, so I suggest using very, very logical consequences to inappropriate behavior (if I cannot trust you to stay close to me, you need to stay in the shopping cart) and giving instructions in positive, concrete terms. (Such as "Thank you for walking slowly with me," instead of "No running!")
My son's preschool teacher said conflict between parents and chidren is almost always because the child legitimately needs attention, is hungry or tired, or is going through a developmental phase that needs understanding and healthy ways to meet the need. She was very wise and had an amazing relationship with all the children in her class and very few discipline problems.
I LOVE the books "The Discipline Book" by Dr. William Sears, "Adventures in Gentle Discipline," by Hilary Flower, "Hold On To Your Kids" by Dr. Gordon Neufeld and ESPECIALLY "How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk." They have truly saved my sanity and helped me teach my children without coercion and yelling.
Best wishes!

2 moms found this helpful

Most people do timeouts wrong. It's not a punishment. It's a few minutes for the kid to calm down and get a do-over.

It goes like this:
1 - warn them "do you need a time out"
2 - give a chance to correct behavior - even if you think he's too young - "3-2-1-TIME OUT!"
3- pick him up and put him in the corner. Sit down next to him. If he tries to leave, pick him up and put him back. "Time out".

The most important thing is to keep your cool. You are NOT punishing him. The poor lil guy just needs some time to cool off. It's hard for kids to make good choices every time. Keep your emotions in check. Wait for him to be ready.

4-time outs at an early age mean a lot of anger and screaming (on the kid's part...let him get it out. you want him to start understanding his own emotions). ask "do you feel angry?" "i feel angry when you _____ _____ ____ _____" You only get 4 words. Don't lecture. Don't grind it into him. "are you done being in time out?" "do you want a hug?"

If your boy is too young even for that.....give him a time out by picking him up and taking him into a different room (diffuse the situation for him) where you let him sit on your lap and tickle him or hug him or sing him a song or ask him if he needs a hug.

OR give his toy (the offending toy) a time out by putting it on the fridge for a few days. "oh no, your ball needs a time out!" "no, your ball isn't supposed to hit my head. It needs a time out until it can remember to not hit my head."

You're accusing the toy instead of accusing him. You're not mad at him. He'll remember not liking missing his toy. but he also won't get defensive.

2 moms found this helpful

This is way too early for time out. Babies really do not have a sense of right and wrong. My husband's favorite saying at this age was "dissuade and distract." By 2 yrs. old, they have a better sense of doing what they are told and that there are consequences when they do not.

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To be honest I don't think there is a magical age to start time outs it's whenever you feel you need to start it. My daughter is 2 and I can't remember when exactly we started time outs but it was a while ago. If she did something wrong I would give her one chance to stop and if she didn't she went in time out. I would take her to her corner, get down to her level and explain why she had to sit there. Then I would leave. She would start to cry as soon as I walked away but would always stay in there until I came to get her. And to be honest I would only leave her there for about 30 sec. And that's all it took. I have heard to put your child in time out for the same minutes as their age. So a 1 year old would go for 1 minute. But 30 sec. to 1 minute still works for use and she is 2 now. If they won't stay in the corner on their own you can sit with them. Just no talking or eye contact until the time is up. I think that it's great that you want to set rules now so your child will understand and get used to them now.

1 mom found this helpful

He is absolutely not too young for time out...but at this age it is best to put him on the counter or on a table and hold his hands. Just for about 1 minute but it really seemed to work with my daughter. HAve you heard of love and logic? they have a really great tool with the uh oh song. Love and logic magic for early childhood. It changed our parenting style and therefore our children and their behavior for the better.
good luck

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I used distraction more than timeout at 18 month stage. It is my understanding that until they're two-ish timeout is kind of lost because the attention span is so limited. It was much easier to baby proof the entire house than keep telling her "stop" or "no".
I've also learned that leaving a child after telling them they've been naughty, putting him/her in timeout sends a message of parental abandonment in response to behavior (i.e. "I won't be here/love you anymore if your behavior is imperfect"). And lots of times it's emotional overload that the little people are dealing with. I chose to sit with my daughter when she's in timeout, after she's calm, talking to her about it the hows and whys of the situation (she's 2.5). If I KEEP IT SIMPLE she understands.

It is important to set limits, also remember that he's just a baby still, it's ALL about exploration & experimentation at this point, this includes exploration & experimentation of your reactions to his actions.

GOOD JOB MOMMIN'!
A.
p.s. the book "Your One Year Old" by Ames & Ilg is great
p.p.s. domesticity is not necessarily innate, lots of it is learned :)

1 mom found this helpful

I started time-out with my son when he was 18 months old. I started with 1 minute. When he turned 2, we moved to 2 minutes. And now that he's 2 1/2, we do 2 1/2 minutes. Obviously at 18 months old, he was too young to really understand, but I wanted to establish the idea. I would just have him sit there, even though he was just playing and had no idea he was even in trouble. But as the months progressed, he began to understand, and right around age 2, time-out became VERY effective. He's 2 1/2 now, and I LOVE how well he responds now. I can say "Please don't hit (or whatever he's doing) or you will sit in Time-Out". He knows that sitting on his time-out stool isn't fun, so a lot of times he'll stop. If he does go to time-out, he sits on his stool for the full time, and when the beeper goes off, he comes and gives me a hug and says "sorry". I feel time-out is a VERY effective discpline tool.
BUT I think 13 months is probably a bit too young to start though. I think distraction is the best method of discipline at that age. Just remove that temptation or problem and distract him with a different toy or activity. I would wait until he's between 18 mo-2 yrs to start.

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It sounds like you are starting out just fine. It is important for the child to know what he cannot do and what will happen if he does it. That way, he can choose to be naughty or nice. Explain to him that the punishment will be time out. Never keep a child on time out for more that 2 minutes per age. A 2 year old could be on time out for 4 minutes.
And never decide that something he has done deserves time out if the rules regarding that behavior have not already been spelled out.

I have a 17 month old. My pediatrician told me that 18 months is about the right time to start time outs. He did, however, suggest "reverse time out" until then... instead of putting your child in time out when they are misbehaving, you leave the room, as they are generally doing it to get your attention. I admit, I don't know how well it works, as we haven't done a ton of it... generally when my daughter is doing something to warrent it, it directly deals with her safety (like standing up in her high chair) and I'm not about to leave the room when she's doing that!

I asked our pediatrician about this because I have twin 18 month olds that are testing my patience. He said that time out doesn't work until about age 2. The strategy at this age is distraction. Frustrating, yes, but I really don't want to put energy into something that doesn't really work. So, we'll weather the storm for 6 more months! Good luck!

Mrs. Vela V.
I personally feel they are never to young for time out. As soon as they start testing their limits, thats when you need to step in. I'm not saying to be to hard for its really healthy for a child to test their limits. But when you feel it's going to far then say You need to stop or mommy's going to put you in a timeout. Then if they proceed then do it put them in a time out. I have three kids all now older, but all three had their first time out by age one. When you have more than one, like in my case they got timeouts for arguing and that landed them both or all three in their personal time out corners. Any talking or more arguing or trying to get out of time out I warned them then told them that mommy has just added another 5 minutes. I always set a little egg timer so when they heard it go ding they knew mom was going to say it was okay to leave their timeout. My two youngest one time got all the way up to 30 minutes before they knocked off what ever they were doing wrong, it was so long ago I don't remember, I just remember it got to 30 minutes and by the time the timer went ding and I told them they could come out of their corners, they had both fallen to sleep. So I let them and they woke up happier and played great the rest of the day. I don't know if you've ever watched Jon & Kate + 8 but they had to start their kids early just cause there was so many. They have some pretty good ideas also. That and it's just a really cute show. I kinda wish they had had their kids before me cause they have some great traveling in car ideas.
Good Luck
E.

We started "time-out" when my daughter turned one.. At first we usually just took her away from the situation and had her sit for maybe 10 seconds to get her mind off of whatever it was. By 18 months, we could just tell her to go to time out and she would go and sit against the wall while I set the timer. (1.5 minutes) After the timer goes off, we have her say Sorry and we kiss and hug her and tell her we love her but that we don't hit, or whatever the situation was. It has worked extremely well. She hardly ever has to go to time out and she is almost 2. However, I think whatever you choose to do, just be consistent! If you threaten time out or taking a toy away if the behavior continues, stick to it! :) Good Luck!!

One thing that you get to realize is that at age 13 months what may look like not listening is actually the opposite.
At that age children are starting to define boundaries.
When they hear "no" they many times will repeat the action to be clear that it is that action that got the "no".

Once you are sure that he is still not obeying when he is totally clear what you are saying "no" to I would suggest (Instead of time out) some logical consequence.

Example: If you are saying "no" to him getting into something. He is not allowed in the room that thing is in.
(Hopefully this makes sense since I am not clear what you are saying "no" to.

Another thing I would look at: Are you saying "no" on too many occasions? Are there times when other words might work better?

Kids start to understand time out at about 18 months. At 13 months, you don't even need to say no, you can just redirect him to something that is ok for him to do/touch/eat/whatever. Sometimes easier said than done, but it's usually what works the best at that age. Just make sure the common areas are safe for him and replace breakables or unsafe things with his toys or things that are ok for him to play with. That way he can explore and get into cupboards and things but everything in them is safe. Time outs just won't be effective at this age. Try in a few months, and start small. Make sure you explain why something is not ok so that he always understands why he is in time out. But for now, just have other things around to distract him.

Hello,
At first it will be harder for you than for your child, but you have to pick a spot for time out and then you tell your child to sit here because he was naughty. Then you set a timer, usually a minute for their age so 1 minute. If he gets up you don't talk but put him back and start the timer again. Repeat this until he stays there. Once he sits there then after the timer goes off go to him, tell him this is why you were in time out and give him a hug and tell him you love him.

I found redirection really works well at this age. But if that doesn't work you have to do more.

Be consistant and he'll learn when you mean no. Don't give in even once. He'll learn to take advantage right away. I would say he needs to learn to stay in the time out place for a minute or two at the most. If he goes back to what he was doing wrong right away but him back in time out.Good luck!!! Happy New Year!!!

Time out (or any consequence) only works at preventing future misbehavior IF the child can understand cause-and-effect relationships ("if I don't do what mommy says, then I have to sit"). A one-year-old is too young for this kind of thinking. It generally develops around 2.5 to 3. So, I would say, redirect. Catch her before she gets "into trouble" and direct her off to something else you'd rather she do. It takes lot of patience. She'll test her limits more and more in the next few years. Just calmly interrupt what she's doing, get her to do something she should be. Even when she's old enough, time out should be sparing, or it looses its effectiveness. Good luck :)

Distraction works great, if that fails a playpen for mini breaks works great. Only put books in the playpen and a lovie.
Hang in there.
R.

At about 13 months I just held my daughter in my lap firmly where she wasn't able to move for 1 minute. Then when the time was done I explained to her that what she did was wrong and pointed out the things that were ok. It worked well for me. Hope this helps.

I think that it is just the right age to start time out. The thing about time out is that it needs to occur consistently (every time your child breaks the rule) and needs to happen alot for it to be effective. For a 13-mo-old, only 1 minute in time out is appropriate. Put your child in a play pen to keep him in place. We also use the crib for our 22 month old son, but this is controversial as some people feel that he will associate the crib with punishment. This has not been our experience but it is something to consider.

I highly recommend the Love & Logic series. They have CD's & books plus many classes are taught locally. http://www.loveandlogic.com
We use these techniques with both our boys - 3 & 18 months. In a timeout situation, our 18 month old is told once not to do something. Then taken to his crib for 3-5 minutes. Example: He was continually opening the dishwasher and standing on the door to get things out. Within 3 days, he no longer opens the dishwasher. He understands that he will be taken to his room. He may not understand why he can't stand on the door but he knows that mom will out him in his crib. Be consistent and it will pay off.

I didn't have time to read all the responses you got, so I may be repeating what someone else already said. I started using "time-out" with my twins at 18 months, before that they just didn't really understand what was going on and pitched an even bigger fit. I have learned that raising kids is all about picking your battles and learning to let some things go. Obviously, step in if your little one is getting into something dangerous, but if it's just an annoyance, sometimes it's better to let it go and clean it up later rather than fight at the time. I also firmly believe in letting children experience natural consequences. For example, if you don't eat dinner then you are hungry until bedtime snack. If you are bouncing on the couch after I asked you not to and you fall off, well I'm sorry but that is what happens and now you bonked your head. Etc. Try that and with some things and some kids it is more effective than enforcing something unrelated to the issue like time-out.

At his age, the best thing to do is remove him and put him away from you and whatever he is getting in to. Put him in his playpen and walk away. Be firm but at the same time he doesn't fully understand and they don't have a long memory span. So if you don't catch the issue as it happens, don't expect him to remember what he did wrong.

I started time out at 18 mos. Put my daughter in the corner facing the wall for one minute.
At one, the best thing is to remove them, if he pitches a fit, let him. But remove him and set him in a playpen or even a highchair and distract him the best you can.

Have different tones and different words for different things. NO TOUCH, for something dangerous in a very firm tone! Find other words if it is just something that you don't want him to get into at that moment but not dangerous. Like Please leave it. Keep your instructions very simple and short so he can retain what those words mean.
Good luck! Just wait until the toddler years!

Personally, I don't think it's too early for time out. My suggestion for getting him to "understand" time out is to get a chair or stool (something specific, and his size) specifically for time out, and nothing else (not for playing with, eating on, etc.) and put it in a specific place out in a room that you spend a lot of time in during the day so that it's not hard for you to enforce time outs. When he does something "time out worthy," tell him "no," sit him on the chair, and start a timer for 1 minute (1 minute for each year of age). When he tries to get up, set him back down and say he's in time out. For the first little while until he gets the concept, you should probably stay right by him so you can put him back on the chair when he gets up, but don't look at him, engage his attention, or play with him. Just be there to put him back. When the timer goes off, tell him "We don't do ____" (whatever he was put in time out for) Then go about your normal activities. I started time out at about 18 months with my first daughter, but should have probably done it sooner. My twin boys started time outs at about 15 months, and my last daughter (14 months now) just had her first time out last week. She knew exactly what time out was, though because she has seen her older three siblings go through time out many times. Anyway... it's just my opinion, and it really depends what your son responds best to. I'd say try it out for a while, and if it really doesn't work, try something else for a while, or come back to time outs at a later age. Good luck!