Well, I can tell you the opposite, why I feel I have been able to still respect and love my mother after all of these years, even though sometimes, the sound of her voice can almost send me around the bend..
She told me and my sister a long time ago.
"I will always love you. No matter what you do or say, even if it is the worst thing in the world, I will always love you,. I may be hurt or disappointed. I may be the only person sitting with you and by your side. You will know I will always love you."
This empowered me so much. It gave me such confidence and the fact that she has proved it so many times even with my "toxic sister", she really is always there. She is also honest not in a in your face sort of way, but she uses terms like, "I am concerned." Or , "I feel like you may not understand." or "Sometimes, I wish I could solve this for you.."
Once again not a judgement, but a support of how she is feeling.
We are also respectful of each others feelings, needs and choices. That dose not mean I like my stepfather, but I do respect that my mother married him and he seems to respect her. I giove him lots of credit for that.
My mother has not always been thrilled with my attitudes, but she understands I take ownership of them. She has helped me feel safe doing this.
My mother has never spoken bad about my friends, my husband or my choices. She has had some concerns, but let me have ownership of these things. To me this is showing respect.
I am also honest with her, If I cannot help, Or if I am feeling pressured by her, I can say, "Mom, I really do not care for that person and so, no, I do not feel like it is right for me to attend that event in her honor. Please respect this. I am fine with you going, but please do not make me feel guilty about my feelings." She does the same for me.
The moment I held our daughter, I felt like I then really understood what my mother had said to me. I have also told her and my husband the same thing. I will always love you no matter what..