How to Raise a 2 Yr Old Child (Girl)?

I just answered your other question so maybe you're tired of my thoughts but hey, you not here to whip me (j/k!!) so I'm gonna answer.
I know this one: 3 girls here so I've know the drama of divas!
First, deep breath. Being a mom is tough. And SHE'S TWO!!!!!! Welcome to the stage where they are gonna test the limits--all day every day. But you are the grown-up here and even though she's not in control of HER emotions and capacities, YOU can be in control of yours. Tell yourself that a few times. I'm the grown-up here. I'm the grown-up here. Repeat. Another deep breath.

Okay, so you sound very...overwhelmed...snowballed...cornered. Here is my BIG suggestion: Go out of the house by yourself--find a quiet place. Take a pen and paper. Make a list of the traits you want your daughter to own as an adult. Who do you want her to grow up and be? Forget how she's been today..who can she become???? Okay then look at your list and acknowledge two things: 1) she's gonna need an example to follow and 2)she's going to need practice. Next decide what needs to change TOMORROW for her to be shaped in the direction you want her to go. Go home and post your lists where you can see them every day. Copy them so you see them all over your home. Discuss them with the other people in her life. Make the goal your priority.
Go one day at a time and remember this is a marathon, not a sprint. And remember: She's still a baby!!! You are a grown-up. Stop whipping her. It's not gonna help her be who you want her to be. You want discipline tips go to your library and rents some books on it: there are lots of techniques out there and you may have to try several before you land on one that works for you. And then P.S. as soon as you think it's working it will probably change but hey, you're learning to roll with the punches, right?!?!?
Long post. Sorry. Good Luck.
P.P.S. I forgot to add one other thing you will need to remember in order to keep your sanity and hopefully, get the results you want. This is a biggie so I really should have put this in earlier: You can't control your daughter. Not now when she's two, not when she's eight, and not when she's sixteen. So my point in adding that is that you can only control YOU!!!!!!! Think about all the power that gives you! Almost any household knows the old adage that "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." It''s been said a long time because it's true! So is the opposite: if mom sets a good example of self control and general happiness and grace, it will ooze out on everybody else and you'll be amazed at the changes that can take place. You can be the syrup on the pancakes, mama!! Sweet and warm!!!

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Yes, you are a terror mom if you are whipping her. Stop whipping her. If she is screaming, put her in her room for a time out and then ignore her screaming. Stop hitting her.

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Please don't whip your child. She's too young to know how to behave yet and it's up to you to teach her, and demonstrate to her, the rules in a supportive and loving way. It's hard, I know. It takes a lot of work to civilize a kid. It is by far, the hardest job I have ever had and I've had some pretty demanding jobs.

You are so lucky that you live in Los Angeles and you have these really great resources available to you. I don't know what part of Los Angeles you live in but maybe contact your local hospital to see if they offer parenting classes. And there are books on this subject that are really great about how to teach your child how to behave in a healthy supportive way. I haven't tried them but a number of members whose advise I usually agree with recommend the Love and Logic series.

You are right that rules and boundaries are very important for children to learn. I'm glad that you are taking the right steps by seeking out advise from a variety of sources (us members) so that you can hopefully find the method that works best for you and your daughter.

Wishing you and your daughter all the best.

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Hi, yes, this is long, but if you will, please read it through with an open mind. Thank you ~ ~Have you checked into Dr. Sears site or his books? This is a wonderful place to start. Also, each person caring for a child should have an understanding as to how to handle things and what the ideals are for the child. This must be talked about and discussed as needed. Wouldn't each agree, (Mommy, Daddy and Auntie) that the child needs love and to grow up being/feeling loved in order to become the person she is meant to be. What would each person name that to be? Would each respect the standards for her to become intelligent, loving, kind, good, responsible and creative? I would think so. In order to produce these things You (parents) must Be these things. Children only know what's in their environment. Parents are their models for their behaviour, especially and foremost Mother is absolutely Key in this. Children even feel what their mother feels. TV is very dangerous to children especially before age 10. It creates erratic and kaotic behaviour. Even the Ped. Assoc. has said No TV for children under 3. They also continue to impress upon parents the importance of free play and that it is crucial to their brain and body development as well as their emotional well being and this Playing is something that must be able to be continued all through their growing years. The lack of free, creative play is an epidemic in this country and most don't even know about it. (Check out the Alliance for Childhood site) If your Aunt is caring for your daughter with any regularity she needs to recognize these things too, and instead of giving in to demands, let her just play, she doesn't need to be at the child's beckon call every 5 seconds, it's too much and actually puts stress on the child which just turns into a vicious cycle. If she truly wants to help and to love the child then she needs to be willing to learn new things herself, which means educating herself in the ways of a child and the phase of development she's in. Be willing and able to learn little songs and nursery rhymes and play with finger puppets and such. Understanding the phases of child development is key to it all. And understanding the depth of the part you play as her mother is everything. At the age of 2 the child is just beginning to sense herself as an individual, you will see this again at the age of 4. The child is in struggle at this age, therefore the screaming and obstanancy. Running around the house is what toddlers do. You wouldn't tell a bird not to fly would you? This running around is a cry for interaction in a more creative, calm manner. Before she gets to the point of being out of control, do something with her, sing a little song, for example, Pop Goes the Weasel. Sing and clap your hands and sing it again and again and before you know it she's singing and clapping and dancing. In this way you have taken all her energies and changed them into something creative, you've given her something to do with her energies. Just be sure to not be too loud or too excited because her level of excited will mirror your level of excitement. She has to do something with all that baby energy, so what's it going to be --- a vicious cycle of running and whipping or a pattern of fun and loving and delight ---- Your Choice, not her's. ~ It takes a lot of work and a lot of energy to be a mamma and it's often a thankless endeavor, but if we remember why we're doing it and who we're raising and loving we can keep it in perspective. ~ You said you don't want your little baby girl to grow up to be a spoiled brat and yet that is exactly what you're creating by doing what you're doing. Violence begets violence, Love begets love. First and foremost look to yourself, each person, each parent must do this and realize their child is acting upon and reflecting back what they have received from them first. They can't get their behavior anywhere except from the parents and or the people/person caring for them, it's a simple fact of life. Children Only Know What They Live. She's only 2 (TWO), she has a long way to go before entering adulthood, which begins at age 21, no matter what the law may say you are not an adult at 16 or 18. Science just recently discovered that the teenage brain in still forming and growing and lacks rational thought patterns, that should tell you a lot. ~~ Decide to take charge of yourself, don't expect a 2 year old to know how. She looks to you for her guidance and protection and love. Think on this: She is only 2 years from Heaven. She lives in a different world than you or I because she is a child. Knowing that world and understanding that world will do wonders for both of you. It takes a lot of warmth and love and a young heart to raise a child, to teach a child and to Mother a child. Make time to draw back and reconsider what you want for her and how to go about it and begin with a decision to become the best you, you can be and if you do this whole heartedly, you'll find it takes education, real and true education, self-education. Remember, you're the only Mother she knows or will ever know. What would you like her to remember and say about you when she's 25? Don't expect the impossible from yourself or from her, live and let live. ~~ Please check out Dr. Sears books and sites. The book, You Are Your Child's First Teacher is a great book to read and perhaps get started on another way of viewing all of this. RELAX, don't let stress rule, do what you need to do for You. This too makes for a clearier viewpoint. Let the Fun in. ~ I want you to know I know how hard it can be and how taxing and stressful it can get raising children and especially at this age, sometimes it seems the clatter and roar will never stop, but it gets better. Give yourself a break and let go, tension only creates more tension especially in the child, hence the screamming. It sounds like your aunt doesn't know how to handle the situation, the child, and so she does the easiest thing which isn't always the best thing in the bigger picture. ~ Sending you prayers for healing, love and light in the name of The Highest and The Best

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omg please dont hit a 2 year old child, are you kidding me??! they are completely frustrating and unreasonable and infuriating, yes, thats their job, its not personal. they are testing their limits and learning. it is your job to be her mom, to be the adult, to guide her and set limits with her and teach her, as well as to love her and to be her safe place. hitting her is a cop out and a selfish and cruel venting of your own frustrations and feelings. stop hitting your baby and find another way, please. get help if you need to, it sounds like you are in a bad place, lots of people have been there, its easy to lose yourself. you need to take a breath and see the light and maybe get some help to be the good mom that you want to be. please.

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Positive reinforcement works best! meaning respond to her good behavior more than undesired behavior (the spanking)...

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OK, I understand your frustrations as a Mom of a screaming child- it is very hard to deal with these children. The few things I observe with my daughter- is she is screaming because she can not communicate, you need to get at her level- eye to eye and talk her through the situation. Ask her what she is upset about, then talk her through how to communicate those feelings through her words. The other thing I observe is the screaming elevates the stress level in our house- it results in us yelling, in us being more forceful than we like. She learns her behavior from us and it is critical that we as adults stay in control. For our daughter, we have to hold her in a seat for time outs. You probably feel like a terror Mom and I have at times too. A few times recently she has started screaming fits and I will say to her "do you hear the (insert animal)?" and it has been just enough to distract her and calm her down. Distractions are a good way to divert their attention at the store too- when she become fixiated on something I will suggest we go look for something else. Usually she goes for it. Stay calm and talk her through things- it continues to get better for us.

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Don't give in to her! I don't agree with physical discipline but she needs to understand what you will and will not allow her to do. The most important thing is to BE CONSISTENT! I see so many parents who threaten a punishment but don't follow through and cannot understand why their children don't listen to them! Don't punish her half the time and then let it go sometimes. And if you are going to give her a punishment, make sure you can stick with it. My daughter lost tv privileges one afternoon while I was pregnant and as a result, I lost my nap time (never did that again).

I would also like to add that even though I don't hit my kids, they are very well behaved. I often get compliments on their behavior and manners. And yes, I can take them to the grocery store for an hour without a meltdown (all three are 6 or younger). You can be strict without spanking. Besides, unless you're consistent, spanking probably won't work either.

Also, if you feel your temper getting the best of you, take yourself out of the situation until you calm down.

And like the previous mom suggested, talk to the aunt.

Good luck. There's a reson they call it the terrible twos!

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She's 2 and you are whipping her? Yes, you are a terror mom for doing so -what are you thinking? I know there are advocates for spanking (which although I don't agree with, is a far cry from beating a child (who is 2 years old and just trying to figure out the world and her boundries). Let's remember who the adult is here and who is in control (it's suppose to be you). How would you feel if someone whipped you everytime you complained?

At two (even for many years after that), a child is trying to figure out who she is and how she fits it (of course she is going to be self centered) - it doesn't mean she's going to turn into a spoiled brat. It sounds like you need to just ignore the behavior - when she sees it doesn't get her what she wants, she'll stop. If the screaming bothers you, put her gently in her room and tell her that when she's done screaming, she can come out and join the family.

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Hi Mavreen,

Perhaps taking her to a play group more often may help with her behavior. Young children particularly absorb and model behavior of their peers that really helps with early childhood development. Sometimes it takes a while to adjust, and in the beginning there may be some difficulty in having your child in a class; however, if you keep at it, the consistency and positive reinforcement in many of these programs will be very beneficial - slowly and surely!

You might try some mommy-and-me classes (there are free ones funded by the city or non-profits, and also some you can try for a fee like at Kidspace Children's Museum or Gymboree. Kuki's Playshop also offers early childhood classes from ages 1-3 and are offering free demo sessions this month (online registration needed) if you wanted to try out a few classes to see if something like that would help. I know that Gymboree also offers a free first class as well.

Good luck!

-A. H.
www.kukisplayshop.com

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Mavreen ~ bless you for seeing that what you are doing is not the right way to go about it. I saw your other post, the one about anger, and it caught my eye because I have a terrible mouth on me when I get angry.

You got some great answers here and I agree with the non-spanking, non-corporal punishment. We mamas need tools to work with and a great place to go to for help and support is right here in Los Angeles. I URGE you to check this place out. They have classes and hopefully you're close enough that you can go there, but at least get on their mailing list & try to go to a talk that the director is giving. She's wonderful. It's called the Center for Non-Violent Parenting and it's in the Silver Lake area. Here's a link to their website:

http://www.cnvep.org/new/

Ruth, the director, came to my daughter's pre-school & gave a talk to the parents and she had such a big effect on me. I had a very hard time while my daughter was a toddler. My father had died and I was grieving. My MIL was very sick and there was more stress. My daughter was a very lively, feisty, busy little thing and I just didn't have a lot of patience, but I never spanked. I yelled a ton and was really helped by what this woman had to say.

I would not have a sweet loving relationship with my daughter if I hadn't been able to turn around my harshness and be patient with her. I am so thankful for the teachers who came into my life during that difficult time. A 2 year old is going to test limits, so don't think she's a terrible child when she screams. She's confused if she gets her way all the time and suddenly doesn't get it. Try to keep it simple but when you tell her "No" tell her why it's no & offer her an alternative.

Ages 3 and 4 can be tough as well, depending on your child's personality. Some good books are the Gessel Institute books on ages (Your One Year Old, Fun-loving and Feisty, Your Two Year Old, Terrible and Tender, and so on). These teach about the stages of development children go through. It's important to know what's just simply normal and your daughter is just being human. She'll grow up to be a wonderful person if treated with love and dignity.

I wish you all the best and hope you feel helped by these responses. I hope you will click on the link I provided and find the help I did there. Take care of yourself too ~ I'm sure you're feeling very much at the end of your rope sometimes.

Blessings to you, your daughter & the rest of your family,
C.

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Stop feeding her sweets and starchy foods. Also, a whole grain
vegetarian diet, leaning towards vegan would evoke a better mood.
Feed her chamomile and peppermint teas, and chopped carrots and cukes with natural dressing dip between meals. Nuts and raisins and seeds are
good to munch on. Enjoy them with her.

And send her to her room and close the door when she has temper tantrums. Give her NO attention. And when she is good, spoil her with complements.

And take a mommy and me yoga class and chill out. They grow fast.

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Hello, First of all, the aunt needs to butt out. Second, just stand firm with what you need for your daughter to do. If she refuses, put her in "time-out" even if you have to sit with her. You have to pick your battles and make sure it is something that you really need her to do. Also, whatever discipline you choose, you have to stick with it or she will out wait you.
Good luck with your precious little girl.
K. K.

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Two year olds are from a different planet. Just survive the year as best you can. Three will be better.

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I'm a firm believer in spankings! she's at the age where she is trying to challenge your authority and to see how far she can push you. i would continue with the little spankings and maybe some time in a chair facing the corner or make her sit next to you when she starts to act this way. that way she knows you mean business. this is just a faze and she will go out of it as long as you let her know that you won't put up with her behavior. good luck!

FYI: Mother of 3 18,11 and 1 :)

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