December 15, 2006,
P.P. asks from Cowpens, SC on November 29, 2006
How to Preserve the Memory of My Husband Through the Holiday Season
I am just looking for a little advice in order to get through this holiday season. This is not a normal situation,I know,but any thoughts would help. I need to know how to get myself and my daughter through and make Christmas as enjoyable as possible. My husband of seven years recently passed away,and my five year old daughter is having a hard time of it.(naturally) I am trying to think of maybe some kind of new tradition that would make this hard time special for her,as well as trying to carry on with our old traditions without her father. This is tough.
L.S. answers from Roanoke on November 29, 2006
sorry to hear of your loss i would start a new tradition with your daughter like get some balloons and have your daughter write a letter to her dad and tie the note to the balloons and send it to heaven and keep this tradition every year and this way your daughter will know that her dad is waiting for the letter evry year from her hope this will help.
L. from vinton
1 mom found this helpful
C.B. answers from Norfolk on November 29, 2006
My condolences are with you and your family during this time!! A suggestion is let her pick out a special ornament in rememberance of him and every year let her place it on the tree and talk about something special. I know it's not easy right now but as time goes on the pain will heal. You'll never forget him but the coping will become easier and the better memories will stand out. I also agree with the balloon idea. My sister does that every year on the day that her daughter passed and they stand infront of the house and each child says something that they remeber about their sister and let the balloon fly into the sky. I hope this helped and God Bless you and your family :-)
1 mom found this helpful
S. answers from Spartanburg on November 30, 2006
I think you definitely need to preserve his memory and keep that memory alive in your daughter as she is kinda young and may tend to forget things about her daddy as she gets older unless you keep that fresh. I would suggest maybe going to his burial site a couple days before Christmas and taking a stocking and just do some decorations for daddy, and make him a special Christmas card that you can put up with the other cards you receive and have a day where you look at pictures and watch home videos and it be all about dad and all about his memory, and cry, laugh, on that day. then let Christmas be Christmas. Your little one will get gifts and let her enjoy the day, do what you would normally do, if you would go to a relatives house do that, if you cook dinner do that, just keep whatever traditions you have set up the same, it helps with the routine, because if you try to do something completely different, it somehow just doesn't feel right and you end up being sadder than you would have if you had left everything alone. My heart goes out to you, and I can somewhat relate as we lost my step mom 2 years ago and those Christmas' are hard, but somehow they tend to get easier each one that comes and although the memory doesn't go away the saddness does over time. I wish you the best and you and your daughter will be in my prayers over this season. Merry Christmas to you.
C.R. answers from Spartanburg on December 15, 2006
I feel so sorry for your daughter. The bad thing is it is not going to be easy, especially if this is your first Christmas without your husband. I haven't lost my husband but i have lost my parents. i have told my children thru the years the traditions we done as kids. i have kept the most of them.
I have made new ones. But until your daughter can deal with dad not being there you are going to be mom & dad. i have really put some thought into this and i really don't know what to say. I can suggest only one thing that might help. and i stress might. if you two are at home put dads picture on the christmas tree, on the supper table so maybe your daughter will still feel his presence. Most importantly thou is to let her know that dad may not be there in person but he still lives in her heart.
I wish you the best of luck thru this very tuff time.
I hope you both have a Merry Christmas. And advise for you, be strong for your daughter and let her grieve if she wants, but if you feel the need to cry, DO IT.
Welcome back to the big Cowpens. I'm in Spartanburg.
A.K. answers from Asheville on November 30, 2006
My sincere condolences on your loss. Here's a little advice that someone gave me - Do start new traditions... we get 2 trees, one for the living room and a smaller one for my son's room - he picks out the tree, decorations, lights, etc. and we put it on top of his dresser (securly in the corner) - let your daughter make or buy ornaments of her own choosing (maybe something that reminds her of her dad - even fishing lures would be awesome on a tree!) Do other activties, go caroling, take a drive to look at lights or even bake cookies and take to a nursing home, anything that is new, that you can do fairly easily when you start feeling blue. (Are you involved in a church? Sometimes they have things lined up & need people to put their plans in motion.) It helps tremendously to be around other people, invite friends over (make sure to invite a couple of "younger" guests too to keep your daughter involved), you don't have to have a fancy dinner, rent Christmas movies and have snacks and popcorn.
I hope you are able to have an enjoyable Christmas season.
A. in Asheville
L.P. answers from Charlotte on November 30, 2006
HELLO P. P
FIRST OFF..I'M SO SORRY!
I HOPE YOU HAVE FAMILY HERE IN YORK FOR THE TWO OF YOU!
I ALSO LIVE IN YORK. I'M A MOTHER OF TWO ALTHOUGH I STILL HAVE MY HUSBAND. BUT I THINK THAT IF THIS WOULD HAD HAPPENED TO ME I WOULD THINK ALONG THIS SIDE OF THINGS...WHEN YOU LOSE SOMEONE THAT YOU LOVED SO MUCH YOU GET INTO A DEPRESSION AND THINK THAT THINGS ARE AS BAD AS THEY CAN BE, MAYBE IF YOU TOOK HER TO A CHILDGREN'S HOSPITAL TO MAKE ANOTHER LITTLE GIRL HAPPY HAVE HER BRING A GIFT TO SOMEONE THERE AND SHE COULD STOP THINKING ABOUT WHAT'S BAD IN HER LIFE AND TRY TO HELP SOMEONE ELSE. IT'S JUST A THOUGHT. I MIGHT WORK. IT COULD WORK FOR YOU AS WELL. AND THINK OF HOW NICE THAT WOULD BE FOR THE LITTLE GIRL IN THE HOSPITAL.
TRUELY SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS!
MAY GOD' BLESS YOU AND YOUR CHILD
I TOO WELCOME YOUR E-MAIL AND FRIENDSHIP AS A FELLOW YORK COUNTY NEIGHBOR. ____@____.com
M.A. answers from Spartanburg on November 30, 2006
I'm sorry about your loss, I couldnt imagine who you and your daughter must be feeling. Though I know holidays are the hardest after loosing a loved one. My father in law past away a month after we got married on father's day. Every year for Christmas we go to a candlit service at the cemetary, the people who run it organize it, every plot has a lit candle on it and they have someone to sing appropiate christmas music. This is something we cherish every year and feels like he is joing us. Ive seen people put little christmas trees on the plots. I can imagine this christmas will not be like the ones in the past, but I hope you can find something to do for memory of him and that you are able to have a happy christmas.
M.R. answers from Charleston on November 29, 2006
My heart goes out to you and your daughter. Maybe letting her write a letter to her dad each year telling him how much she has grown and what she is doing. Also buy something special each year that you both can hold on to.
Y.A. answers from Mobile on November 30, 2006
I'm so sorry for your loss. There are many wonderful suggestions here. I know how hard it was for us to go 2 Christmas's in a row without my hubby (military) I can only imagine your heartache. Something fun that we do every year is on Christmas Eve we have a really nice dinner, then we make hot cocoa and grab some cookies and drive around and look at all the lights. We told our daughter that sometimes Santa hides in the Santa figures and if he sees her out then he won't come, so while we are looking at lights she ducks and hides from "santa". It keeps her very busy, works out the wiggles from sitting and driving around and it's such a warm bonding time (especially for the two of you). We always play Christmas music in the car, so it's blaring away as well. In the true military tradition, the best advice is to soldier on. You will never forget, but show your daughter how to remember by living. If you would like to talk more or just need someone to talk to, please feel free to e-mail me anytime at ____@____.com
My prayers are with you,
M.L. answers from Charlotte on November 30, 2006
Let me start off by giving you my condolescenses. It is going to be tough, because it is the first holiday season without him. Sit down with your daughter and include her with the planning and implementing the season activities. Let her know the even though daddy isn't physically with you he is with you in spirit. Remember what was special during Christmas for all of you. She may be five, but let her ideas come to light. It is going to be rough for both of you but it will important that you share the tears together. Bring to light spirit of Christmas. I am in the processing relearning the spirit of Christmas myself. Don't lose it and bring out the happy memories and don't focus on the sadness. GOOD LUCK. and Happy Holidays
J.N. answers from Raleigh on November 30, 2006
My heart reaches out to you and your daughter. It's important to keep his memory alive, yet keep the spirit of the holiday as to not overwhelm the both of you with grief. Maybe when she writes a letter to Santa, she can include a portion for her father. Make it a chance reach out to the memory of her father while talking to Santa, which could be a way of making a wish come true. It could be a way of her expressing what she wishes she could say to him, or let him know what's been going on since he's been gone. Good luck-- always remember, prayer goes a long way
T.G. answers from Norfolk on December 15, 2006
first of all-how brave of you to think of making things positive during the holidays! That said, did your husband have any traditions of his own (yours, his family etc)?.
If you could take one thing from him and make up your own for you and her to get through-would that help?? Maybe an ornament with his picture (letting her put up the ornament on the tree?). Something positive seems to be what you are looking for and still keeping the memory of your husband and her father is awesome. Maybe playing a favorite song during the holidays too?? Hope this helps! T.