How to Politely Ask for Presents:) ?

no way to twist this: either you have a comfort zone asking for what you want....or you don't.

As for the bashing, sorry.....I didn't even read the other posts. I have a very strong opinion of your needs: No, I never assume that someone is bringing me a gift. To phrase it as such....would be inaccurate. What you really have is a shopping list....& we should never assume others will pay for our needs.

So that is my only recommendation: simply ask "if you can give her a shopping list". To assume she will "gift" these items to you is presumptuous. :)

& (sigh) after reading your post all over again, I say "cancel the trip". The very fact that you & your DH are not openly welcoming this family says it all. & this is based on your entire last paragraph. For me, gifts are gifts, & should be from the heart.....not matched item per item. Dang, there goes the bashing! :)

14 moms found this helpful

For me it would help to know what country she is coming from and the customs of that country.

Since you are skyping with her - tell her - hey Jane - before you come out can you pick up a couple of jars of the BBQ sauce (as an example) - I've heard wonderful things about it.

This is NOT a bash but observations. If you take it as a bashing - I'm sorry in advance. These are my observations of your post.

It sounds like you are keeping score and EXPECT to be compensated for your time and her using your home as a hotel.

When we lived in Europe and we would come home for vacation, yes, we would bring stuff with us but it was NEVER expected.

As to the gift of a drawing - you were irked by it? Seriously? You SAY you don't expect anything however, when given something from the heart - you were IRKED by it. THAT is showing expectation. So if you are EXPECTING her to bring something - TELL HER YOUR EXPECTATIONS. She will NOT KNOW if you DO NOT tell her. She cannot read your mind.

You are hosting people for free - BECAUSE YOU OFFERED. If you have expectations of PAYMENT then you need to convey those expectations. However, most people when offered or told "if you come to Chicago, you can stay with us" that's an INVITATION meaning that the HOST takes care of you ....kinda like when you invite someone out to dinner..."would you like to go to dinner with me tonight, Sunni?"
"Sure, C.."
"okay Sunni, I'll pick you up at 630. I'd like to take you to the Outback.."
When a conversation goes like that - you are being taken out.

You are NOT being taken for a ride. YOU OFFERED YOUR HOME to this woman. There, in reality, should be NO EXPECTATIONS of compensation. If this is going to be a problem - TELL HER YOUR EXPECTATIONS!!

12 moms found this helpful

i don't think you can necessarily ask or gifts but if there are things you are wanting from that country why don't you say: could you please bring this and this and this for me because I cannot find them here. I will pay for them of course. and then she may or may not ask for money back. the things is whether the invite was made casually or not, it was put on the table and she took your invite. you can't 'punish' her by now asking for gifts. it's up to her to decide if she will bring anything or not.
EDIT: after reading your update I ask you kindly to call them up and tell them you cannot host them. I can't imagine going to a foreign country staying with people who are already pissed off about my visit. There is no gracious way to ask for gifts. There just isn't. The drawing by a 9 year old was supposed to be special. Not to irk you.

9 moms found this helpful

I have to say, we have traveled extensively out of the country to Chile, and have grown fond of a few things from there to eat. I am always able to find SOME company in the US that carries them. I would suggest you google those items if you want them and simply don't ask the guest to bring them. There is a limit on how many bags/weight of bags when traveling and she may have exceeded her limit. She may also have already gotten you something.

Look on the internet for the things you are craving. I do not think there is a polite way to ask for these things. I do not think you should expect things when an invited guest comes to your house. I am interested in your comment of "If it matters, I sent many expensive gifts in the past for her daughter, I do not have daughters and I love to shop for a girl. I never expected anything back, but it sort of irked me when the present I received from them was the drawing of a 9 y/o done by her." You sound ungrateful. I am sorry...you do. No one asked you to do that...you admitted yourself that you like to shop for girls. And the "I never expected anything" comment...well, then why are you complaining about a picture drawn by the little girl?

Sorry...you lose out on this one...you appear to be greedy, and my guess is, you are.

9 moms found this helpful

When you host people - you should not EXPECT them to buy something. If you don't like hosting for free, you need to be up front out that, and lay out guidelines.

You got something and didn't expect anything in return? Well, yes you did. You were irked when you didn't get something equal. Right there, you gave with expectation. Expectation your friend didn't know of.

There is no "polite" way to ask for gifts, because it's RUDE. You can't NOT sound greedy, when you're being greedy.

9 moms found this helpful

You are not being bashed here, you are just not getting the answer you want - probably because the answer you want doesn't exist. There is no polite way to ask for presents from someone else, period. Either you realize you are being impolite, don't care, and ask anyway...... Or you decide you don't want to be impolite and don't ask. There is no polite way to say "buy me stuff"!

Other posters recommended you tell her you would like her to bring you some things, then if she offers to pay for them accept them graciously as a gift. If she doesn't offer to pay for them they pay her and thank her graciously for bringing them to you.

9 moms found this helpful

If you want those items then you should ask her to bring them with expectation that you will reimburse her. If she offers to gift the items to you then that's nice, but otherwise you should expect to pay her.

It seems that you and your husband were never taught the concept of gift-giving/gift-receiving and hosting. A present is something a person does willingly, because they want to and not because they want something in return. When someone is a guest in your home you are supposed to gladly feed and entertain them. If you all made some arrangement to barter items in exchange for the visit then that would be different, but you feel this woman is obligated when she really isn't.

No matter what you say, you did not have to allow them this visit. You could have and should have said "no" or even avoided speaking to this woman since you obviously don't care for her.
When they announced their visit, you could have said "Oh, I am sorry, but I will not be able to have you for a visit in May. I will let you know if and when a visit will work out well for us".
If you are in a "bad mood" about the visit then please call it off. People can usually tell when their company is unwanted and I'm sure they'd much rather stay home than travel a distance only to be treated poorly by such ungracious hosts.

8 moms found this helpful

To paraphrase, you made an invite casually. Your friend accepted the invite. You now expect her to shower you with gifts because you were so gracious to invite her to come stay with you? I'm guessing she's going to be putting out quite a bit of money to come visit you. I think it's a little presumptious of you to assume she will be bringing gifts. You're all worried about it now and it's only January, she's not even coming for 4 more months. She probably hasn't even thought about what she is bringing yet.

Let me tell you something...when people come to visit me, I shower THEM with gifts as a thank you for spending their time and money to come see me.

As others have said, you could offer to pay for the items you want. Ask her to bring them over for you because you can't find them here, with the intent to pay her back...then it really wouldn't be asking for a "gift."

8 moms found this helpful

i think you need to look at yourself rather closely here. you say you 'never expected anything back' but in the same breath you're irked by only receiving a hand-drawn portrait from the child.
you're worried about 'being taken for a ride' and your husband wants to know why you're 'hosting and feeding these people for free', and you're clearly resentful of their impending visit. none of this screams 'gracious hostess.'
i think the best thing for you to do is to tell her what you'd like from her country, offer to pay (hopefully mean it) and maybe you'll get lucky and she'll just bring it.
i also suggest you practice polite ways of saying 'no' to visits you don't cherish so you don't have to work so hard on nice ways to ask for presents.
khairete
S.

7 moms found this helpful

So just because your friend was rude in inviting herself to stay with you, you feel it's right to be just as rude and request gifts from her when she comes? I'm sorry but there isn't any way possible for you to come off looking "not rude" or "less rude." She doesn't owe you anything and guests don't have to reciprocate your generosity in hosting by bringing you gifts from their home country. It doesn't matter one single iota what you've sent them as gifts in the past.

True friends don't keep a score card.

What you should do is call your friend and tell her that you have a short list of items that you'd love for her to bring with her and during that phone conversation you offer to pay her back for them while she's visiting. Then you'll have what you want and you won't seem greedy.

While they're visiting, the way your guests reciprocate for your kind hostessing is by keeping themselves tidy, helping you out with suppers, and cleaning up after themselves. If they stay for more than a week then you can ask t hem to help with basic chores. THAT is how guests "pay you back."

7 moms found this helpful

I don't believe there is a polite way to ask for presents.

If it were me, I would ask if she would mind picking some things up (at my expense) and mailing it to me (at my expense) and I would PRE-PAY her to do so.

Is it proper etiquette for someone to bring something to the hostess, yes I would but I would never ask for presents or expect them.

Also, next time,I would not casually invite someone to my home if I were not ready for them to accept. If the timing was bad for you, you should have let her know when she announced she was coming. A potential guest cannot know if the timing of a visit is not good unless you communicate with them.

Good luck.

7 moms found this helpful

I agree with Lola. If there is something that you would like to have that comes from her country, you may ask and insist on compensating her, offering even to send the $ in advance (maybe using PayPal or something fast) so that she doesn't have to pay out of her own pocket. But to suggest that somehow she "owes" you something is just wrong. You invited a friend to stay in your home, you are not running a B&B where people need to "pay" you for your hospitality. Yes it's customary to bring a gift for the host but there is on polite way to hint around at what you want. If you truly want these things from her country, be prepared to pay for them.

7 moms found this helpful

There's no way to ask for a gift in a nice way. Now, you can ask her as a favor to bring stuff that you want with her, expect that you will have to pay her for them, and perhaps be pleasantly surprised if she says "oh, don't worry about it, my treat." But you can't be annoyed if she lets you pay her for the stuff. I don't expect my friends to bring me stuff - it's nice when they do. They don't expect me to bring them stuff. The gifts are the friends that are visiting.

For whatever reason, you didn't feel comfortable NOT offering your home when she called and you let yourself be pushed into something you didn't want to do, so you're stuck there.

Sending expensive gifts to her daughter was YOUR choice - you didn't have to but you said you like to cause you don't have daughters. But you changed your mind when you got a present back that didn't "measure up".

7 moms found this helpful

There is no nice way to ask for gifts, the nature of gifts are that they are given freely, not by request.

Now if you want to charge a fee for room and board you can say I would love to have blah blah blah from your home town in return for all the work I will be doing. Sure it doesn't make you look all warm and fuzzy but it does serve the purpose you seem to need by your post.

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I don't think anyone is taking a dig at YOU, but more so the title of your post. It's an oxymoron. But if it works for you that's fine. I honestly didn't read all the answers. But if you are requesting specific things, add that you would like to reimburse the bearer of the gift.
Keeping score in life, is not a good thing.

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Personally, I think that's rude.
I would never expect anyone coming to my house to "spoil" me with gifts, even if they were coming from another country. If she brings a material gift be thankful, if not, she is coming to America, Chicago even, one of our greatest cities, to spend two weeks with you. Enjoy your time and consider that your gift.

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i think if there are things from that country that you would like, you ask her if she will have room in her luggage, can you send her some money to purchase some things. i would never assume they would pay for something, or that they "owe" you or "should" bring things.

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Just wondering, are you Korean? I have heard of the expectation of gifts amongst Koreans, and, as long as it is not out of the norm in your particular culture, I would go ahead and ask for them. Maybe put YOUR kid on the phone and ask for a particular gift :-) Hehe, worked for her to do it to you!

Sorry, I know that's terrible un-American of me, but my husband's culture is similar--it is a GREAT insult to visit someone's home and NOT bring them a gift, and it is very common for the recipient to make their desires known and for them to expect them to be fulfilled, within reason.

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Tell her that if she would be good enough to pick up a few things for you, you will pay her for them when she arrives. Otherwise--there is no way--unless she offers.

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I have to ask, which is it? "this invitation was made casually and she took me up on the offer and will be coming for two weeks" OR "I invited her after she very heavily was ASKING for it, and the way they told me they are coming was not polite as well. It is not like they enquired when would be a good time to come". It doesn't make sense to me that both are the way it is...

Regardless, this is an old friend who you are supposedly fond of. If it is not a hardship for you to have guests for 2 weeks, that is lovely. If it is, then you need to tell her when she arrives how much time you can spend with her and give her options of how she can get around your city. Busses, taxis, etc.

I have been both the guest and the hostess. I have never had a guest come without bringing something. I have never asked a guest to bring anything.

I normally don't ask my hostess when I travel what she would like. I ALWAYS bring a gift. If I know something that they like, then I get that. One hostess did ask me if I could bring some baking chocolates to her. She can't get them. I was thrilled to do it and brought them along with my other gift. She offered to pay me for the chocolate - I refused.

So, if you don't feel that she is smart enough to "get" that she is supposed to bring a gift, tell her what you want. Only if she can buy it at her airport can she bring you liquids like alcohol, unless she wraps it up securely in her checked luggage. Still, it might break. And only if she is flying direct can she carry it onto the plane, buying it inside security.

Sometimes you have to say no to people whether they use their child to ask or not. If you truly didn't want to see your old friend, you should have told her that it wouldn't work out. You can only be used if you allow it, Sunni. I have to say that if I knew someone felt that way about me coming, I would want to know, rather than them resent me for being there.

D.

4 moms found this helpful

Is this friend aware of your expectations? Is this a cultural norm for them? If not, you can't be mad or offended if they don't bring gifts or even mention that they intend to bring them, and you certainly shouldn't ask. It isn't fair, since they would never understand or get it.

It sounds like cultural differences at play here. And short of this person having full understanding of your customs and resulting expectations, they probably have no idea they're offending you. However, if you were to approach them with the requests you are intending here, they will most certainly feel offended by you! So in short, and in response to your question, "NO, I wouldn't ask them for gifts...nor expect them, unless this is customary for this person and you." Otherwise you will be considered offensive and rude.

I have never required out of town guests to bring gifts, nor do I expect them to do so. Likewise, I have never brought gifts as custom...only as a special treat with no expectation of anything in return...even if I'm a guest.

I will go even further to say, I have never heard of what you speak of either, so I'm going to guess this must be some custom that I am not familiar with, and probably isn't mainstream for this country...so sorry so many people are saying what they're saying, but this is probably why you're getting the reactions you're getting.

With that said, I would ask this person to bring the things you want as "a favor" because it is something that isn't accessible where you live, but not expect to receive them as a "gift." Be prepared to pay for it, and tell her you will. Hopefully, if she's a true friend and a generous person, she'll not accept the money at the time of payment. If however, she does, I personally wouldn't take offense. I would just be thankful that she was able to bring something to me I couldn't easily find at a store here or buy without having to pay taxes and fees for importing it here.

In the future, if faced with a situation where someone said they were coming to visit, I would immediately ask when I could come visit them at the hotel. That way, they know right away that you have no room and/or time to host them. I'd only invite someone as a house guest if I were equipped and emotionally up to do so. And as I mentioned earlier, I never require payment or something in return for hosting a friend. If they're friends they are treated like family, and that means room and board is free. I would never expect my parents or cousins, aunts, or uncles to "pay" for their stay. Visits are about reconnecting, spending time together, enjoying each other's company...NOT running a hotel or travel agency or service. If that's the way you feel about this person, you should do the both of you a favor and recommend a hotel. Otherwise, I do believe this visit will be wrought with bad feelings and misunderstanding...not a happy and warm reconnection with someone dear to your heart.

4 moms found this helpful

"I can't wait for you to come. I looove the xx so much, I would be thrilled if you brought a few bottles back so we could enjoy it together, if it won't be too much trouble or expensive transporting it, we can help with the expense."

I love chocolate covered macadamia nuts from Hawaii (it's my home state, and I haven't been back in years), I never feel embarrassed to ask my (very, very close friends) who go there if they will bring me back a box, I always offer to pay for it, but they never accept my money.

In the long run though, one can never expect another to bring gifts.

4 moms found this helpful

The whole concept is disgusting. She's laying out plenty of money already, assuming time off of work, airfare, walking around money for while here, etc. There isn't a nice way to be greedy.

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I'm sorry -you simply cannot "ask" for gifts -ever -no matter what the circumstance! It's tacky. You can say, "Hey -would you mind picking up some _____ sauce and this ________ drink? I'll pay you back when you get here." Then she will most likely bring it and insist on making it a gift to you, but at least you're offering compensation -and you should be prepared to give it to her if she asks or doesn't make a gift of it. You should offer compensation when she arrives and give her the opportunity of declining it. She may have something particular she always takes people from her country, or not, but regardless you can't ask her to bring it to you for free.

As far as the way they announced their visit -in the future just tell people, "Oh -sorry -May isn't good for us. We'll be around some, but you'll need to find another place to stay." You don't have to let people stay with you.

4 moms found this helpful

I think the best way to go about it is to bluntly ask her to get you whatever you need, and offer to pay her back when she gets here. *Hopefully* she'll immediately nix that idea and tell you no repayment is necessary, that she'd be happy to get those things for you because of your generous offer host them. But she sounds like the type that very well may expect you to pay her back. If you truly want those specific things, I see no other way to get them, because you can't flat out ask her for gifts without seeming tactless. I do hope you can put all this aside when they get here and enjoy their visit with you (regardless of how irked you're feeling - and no judgment here, I'd probably feel the same way if someone wrangled an invitation out of me like that).

3 moms found this helpful

The only tactful way to ask for something is if you are also offering to pay for the items, thereby the only actual "asking" you're doing is for her to make the purchase & bring it to you. There is absolutely no other possible way for you to do this without coming off greedy.

I'm giving the benefit of the doubt on this one by assuming your wording in your post comes off not as you intended it to (with an innocent question, rather than a greedy woman who really would rather not have houseguests & obviously should not have invited them if that was the case).

3 moms found this helpful

I agree with the other posters - tell you there are some things there that you and hubby would like and ask her if she can pick them up for you and offer to pay her when she arrives. Then, when she arrives and you offer to pay her, hopefully she will decline. If not, then pay her.

It could be that she doesn't have the money to buy things for you. Did you ever consider that she thought to come see you because she needs/wants a vacation and can't afford to pay for travel, hotels, meals, etc., and she thought that coming to see a friend would be a way to take a vacation without breaking the bank? And she probably had her little one get on the phone to make the announcement because she didn't know how to come out and ask?

Sometimes people are experiencing things we don't know anything about so we should take care not to judge or get our panties in a wad over something as inconsequential as this.

3 moms found this helpful

Unfortunately there is no polite way to ask for gifts. If you really want the things that are region-specific, ask her if she could buy you a, b and c from her country and bring them to you when she visits and you'll compensate her for them. If she has manners, she'll refuse hte compensation given that you ARE letting her stay with you for 2 weeks, feeding her, etc. but be forwarned that she may be clueless and actually expect you to pay. So only ask if you truly are OK with paying her for the items you want. Other than that, there's not much you can do.

3 moms found this helpful

No asking for gifts, I think. You can ask her to bring something and offer to pay her for it. Do you think she would get a hint like that?

The taken for a ride bothers me. you should charge money for company if you feel like that.

3 moms found this helpful

You are not greedy!! Honestly, she is probably planning to surprise you with some presents! I like Julie's advice that you casually ask her to pick up certain items. Say you will pay her back and unless she is a lowlife, she will say they are gifts. Tell her how much you love certain items. Shame on those that critisize you!! You are opening your home to someone and shame on the guest that would come empty handed!!

3 moms found this helpful

I understand what you are saying. You have to put out of your mind the circumstances in which she asked, because you agreed and did not take the chance right then and there to say no or offer an alternative time they could come. As far as the uneven exchange of gifts in the past, you just have to let that go too, as there is nothing you can do about it. You can ask her to bring those specific items, saying they only come from there and you'd like her to pick them up for you. She may ask you to pay at that point, and you'd have to agree. When she comes with the items in tow, this is another point where she might ask for payment and you'll just have to pay. The proper thing for you to do, if she does not ask for payment, is to offer to pay. She will either take the money or be gracious and tell you she does not want the money. You are free to ask for the items, but be prepared to pay. There is really no way to ask for presents.

3 moms found this helpful

I don't think it's rude to want a little something back for housing and feeding two people for two weeks! That's a long time and a lot of food too! I like the idea of asking her to bring some stuff with that you've been wanting and offer to pay...hopefully she's got enough smarts to refuse your money. If she can afford to fly this far then she can afford a little bit as a way to say thank you. If she arrives with nothing, you can go grocery shopping together and ask how much she can chip in. We're not well off, so we often split the grocery bill when we get together with friends for a weekend.

2 moms found this helpful

How about this: "Do you have any room in your suitcase to bring me x, y, and z? I will, of course, reimburse you for these items." If she doesn't refuse your offer of reimbursement, she is a jackass and a freeloader. Don't invite her over again. Good luck! I hope the visit turns out to be fun.

2 moms found this helpful

This is being way over thought.. you noted above, she asked you once what you would like her to bring and your response at the time was? You say in the past you sent expensive gifts to their daughter and while you weren't expecting anything, it irked you to receive a drawing in return, done by their child. Thing is.. you have to be honest with yourself here.. you DO have expectations, that is why you were irked.. To me, this visit already sounds like there is room for disappointment. you sound like an overly generous person and while that is great... sometimes, YES.. people do take advantage. I know, it's happened to me on several occasions.. at this time, personally, I would probably not bring it up. Seems to me, if you felt totally comfortable with her, then you wouldn't have to ask us what is the polite way.. I've been in your shoes.. ten years ago, I had a friend come from Germany TWICE.. and stay for a week each.. he never once brought trinkets.. left us with a long distance phone bill... didn't clean up after himself .. after that, I grew weary of some people.... also, I have given various people gifts after gifts. I no longer do that. my list is small... use this experience as a learning experience.. make some new boundaries and stick to them... I am still a generous person, but I no longer allow people to walk all over me.... You sound very similar to me... and I know the resentment you might have.. I just found that you can't change others and make them see the light... we have family members who are VERY well off.. yet, they are the most thoughtless and cheap people .... and then I have other family members who don't have nearly as much as they are the most generous.... you have to know your audience.... again, use this as a lesson.... and perhaps rein in some of your giving.... I am not saying don't be the good person that you are... but you have to put a limit on some things.. or yes, you will be continuously taken advantage of...

good luck!!

2 moms found this helpful

When I have visitors who are coming from somewhere I want something from, I just ask them if they would mind picking me up some ______, since I am unable to find it in my local area. Having been both the visitor and the visitee, I see nothing wrong with it.

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I believe that if there is a specific item that I would appreciate having and it wasnt too much trouble to have her transport it to me as she is comming anyway, I would ask her if she could get it for me and offer to pay her for it. Depending on the cost of the item, she may choose to gift that to you. In regards to the childs drawing.. when someone sends my daughter any gift at all, *birthday, Christmas, Easter etc* I always have her "write" a thank you note (she is 5) and she always chooses to make a special drawing to "gift" to them. I have never offered any gift in return other than the drawing. (which now I am worried that I may have offended someone by not sending something more.) I do hope that you can enjoy your visit with your friend and her daugher. Perhaps they will surprise you and give you some money to compensate your kindness for allowing them to visit your amazing city. But, I would try my best to not expect it.

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I think you should not expect that she will give you a gift. But if there are a couple things from that country you really want, ask her to please pick those things up for you letting her know you will pay her back. She may bring you these things you want and when she gives them to you she may say that they are her treat. But if she does take the money from you, please don't feel put out. She is your guest and you are hosting her and to me it is just nice to have a friend spend their own time and money (on a plane ticket) to come see me. My friend's company would be the only gift I would ask for. I would never expect a gift.

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I would just mention how much I would like such and such a drink or food and ask straight out if she can bring it. Then, offer to pay. I have often done this and 99 percent of the time the other person says 'no,no' my treat.
As far as getting a picture done by the daughter I think that is an absolutely wonderful treat and cannot fathom why it isn't appreciated. We do not send gifts, expensive or cheap to people in anticipation of what we will get back. At least in my life I don't. I send it because it makes me happy. And I have collected pictures on my refrigerator and walls over the years from many a thoughtful child who took time to do that.
I am also a person who does just arrive with a gift and do not ask what someone wants unless they clearly are very poor and need new socks or something. Perhaps she is like this. But back to my original plan if you want, just be straight out and tell her you want those things. Then offer to pay and if she says no tell her you'll see if you can figure it in your budget.

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I think asking her if she would mind bringing you X and X since it is not available in your area is fine. I would not make it a shopping list of course but just a couple of things. Tell her how much you love to have access to those things and hope she could bring them to you.

1 mom found this helpful

I am not going to bash you - but I do agree with the others, that if you have invited someone you can't expect gifts. Now if they were any sort of people then they would ask could they contribute financially or to the food, but for them to bring gifts, that is their own personal choice. You can get anything you want on the internet these days, so why not just research what you want and buy it?
I come from another country, and when my family comes over I ask them to bring me stuff, but that is my family. If this friend is very close then you could ask, but otherwise I wouldn't

1 mom found this helpful

Like some people have said, say that you can't get xyz here in the US so could she bring some and you'll pay her for them? Then see how it goes. If she never offers to pay for stuff while she's with you, then mention a few times how you have to pay her for the items but "spacily" forget to do it. If she does bring you someting or pays for some meals etc, then pay her for the items. I don't think it's rude if you love these items and can't get them here. Just say that. It's not asking for a gift if you say you'll pay her for them. I know I would bring something to my host and/or pay for things during the visit but I'm not sure i'd ask ahead of time bc I'd assume they would be polite and say "oh, nothing, don't bother..." And while she's visiting, decide how good a host you want to be. If she's not contributing at all, don't stock the refrigerator... Don't cook nice meals etc. See how it goes the first week. But if seems like they're not good guests, minimize the damage by doing the minimal for them. But try to be optimistic and hopefully she will show appreciation.

1 mom found this helpful

I like OneandDone's suggestion of asking if she minded picking up a few things for you and bringing them with her when she comes for the visit. Bear in mind that some of these things have to packed in her luggage and if the bottle is glass, it can break. You might be better off asking if she would mail it to you just for that reason.

I think you are justified in wanting it... and I think it is the right thing for them to do to bring something, or at least treat you to some dinners out when here.
That being said though there is no nice way to ask for it.. sorry. No creativity in the world will help you with that one...
The best to get some compensation is probably what has already been suggested... ask her how she wants to split the food bill when she is there...