Schedule, schedule, schedule! After work is the "Second Shift". There is work to be done, things to put in order, and tasks to accomplish. Don't just resent it - streamline it.
Start a load of laundry when you get home. Takes 2 minutes.
Tip#1: The Blitz. Everyone helps to clean up after dinner, for 10-15 minutes (hubby too!). Wipe off counters, sweep floor, get dishes in the dishwasher, wash the pots n pans. No one is inconvenienced for 10 minutes, and it's nice to not feel like you are working alone. Kids can clear tables, put silverware in the dishwasher and pick up stuff off the floor. We set the microwave timer and try to "beat the clock."
Tip #2: Pajama Time. My kids are in pjs *before* dinner. They want to eat, and I hate fighting them to get into PJs. Since dinner is one of the last things we do, there's no need to postpone hopping into nightware. Avoid the pj struggle by rearranging and motivating. "Hurry! We have chicken dinner waiting for you!"
Tip #3: Story Time. Get that one-on-one. I would start the 4 yr old on a picture book while you put DD down. Or split the responsibility with your honey. Two kids, two parents. Snuggle. Ask about their day. Try not to fall asleep on their bed.
Loves, kisses, good-night! Pick up their laundry on the way out.
Switch laundry, start a white load soaking.
12 minutes to fold.
You've just had a positive end to your day. The kitchen is clean, the dryer is running, kids are in bed, happy to have had your attention, and you have enough energy to vacuum the tv room, watch The Office, and stare at a blank wall.