How to Make It Right with My Husband?

I can see both sides of the argument. When you are stressed, it makes it difficult to say how you feel without being harsh. Tonight, try talking to him after your son has gone to bed. Let him know you said some things that were out of line, and let him know you were hurt by some of his comments. You are both trying to provide the best home you can for your family, in different ways, and it's sometimes hard to understand exactly what the other one is going through. Just listen to each other, and know that you both have the same goal.

Yeah, I know it is hard to hear, but you messed this one up a bit, and it is up to you to apologize. I am guilty of the same kinds of things, I want things to be perfect, and normal, and be a wonderful mom, even when the situation makes it difficult. Really, the parade was a big no no, but you know that. And, while he wont voice it, I imagine your husband is actually more grumpy because he is scared! Your health problems have scared him, and now he is stuck working his tail off, and hoping that things are ok on the home front. What a tough position to be in! We are not a family of fighters either, we have never called each other a name, nor mentioned the word hate, so I imagine you are just sick about it! The only way to really fix it is to acknowledge his feelings, and apologize. Explain that sometimes you get caught up in wanting the best, and struggle to find the balance when you are have to stop doing so much. Acknowledge that your son would not have cared about his birthday, but that you wanted to make special memories for him, and ask him if there is a time next month that you guys could try again, and schedule a fun family day. Sometimes I think we get so caught up in our own feelings we forget to think about our husbands. We are much more expressive than they are, but I am sure that he feels worse about not being there than you did. His wife is in pain, his son turned 2, and he had to work!! So, really, it is important to validate why he was concerned, and apologize...humbly and sincerely, take responsibility and it will get better. Good luck, I know how miserable you must feel about this one!!~A.~

A.,

I don't think you did anything wrong. I COMPLETELY understand why you did what you did. I'm the same way w/my kiddos. I had surgery on my knee this year and was on crutches from Feb. to June. It sounds like you are a strong independent women. It is hard for you to stand on the side lines so to speak.

Now on the other hand, I can understand his aggravation. Times are hard right now. Bills are piling up high for some of us. Just sit down and explain to him your decision may of not been the best decision BUT, as a strong mother it is hard for you to just sit back all of the time (injured or not). Let him know you didn't mean to say the things you said and remind him of the "for better or for worse" vowels the two of you took.

Try to work together as a team and sit down and explain your feelings and why you did what you did. Also, allow him to sit down and express his feelings (w/o interruptions).

Good Luck and God Bless!

Eliyah

I agree that you need to do all that you can to rest so that your foot can get better and get better for good. When you get up and do things like you did yesterday you are only prolonging the process or so it seems. I agree with the prev.poster that your son would not have known whether you celebrated yesterday or three weeks from yesterday, he's two and has absolutely NO concept of time. Your hubby probably is tired and stressed out and so I am sure that it lends him to being a little gripey,-try to love on him and make sure he knows you appreciate what you are doing. I must say though, I do think that he is in the wrong for calling you names, he shouldn't have said that just as you saying you "hate" him.
As far as your son, some ways to "de-energize" him without you getting up...have him see how fast he can run and get a certain toy etc., get him to jump like a bunny/kangaroo etc., have him go get whatever he likes to play with and get up in your lap or sit at a table, with your leg propped up, and play-my two year old LOVES to play with cars, over and over. Also, he loves to play with play-dough-we do this almost every day. It may be a little messy but it keeps him entertained. Will he play in the bathtub while you sit near by? I know that these are difficult days but there are ways to entertain him, while hubby is gone, while still keeping your leg propped-HTH!

Okay...here's the deal. You did not do what you needed to do. Should your husband have tried to come home early when you asked...maybe but since the overtime will end this month I would let him work as much as he can. There is no reason for you to have taken your son to a parade. Yes, I'm sure he enjoyed it. However, I'm sure he also enjoys having his mother around, which he won't when you have to go back into the hospital or worse since you are not taking care of yourself. Not being able to stand not having him entertained is your issue...your son will be fine.

Your son has no concept of time. He does not know when his birthday is. If it had been me I would have planned to celebrate his birthday on a day that your husband could have been home to participate without stress. Your son probably stayed up too late and had too much excitement, plus he was subjected to the tension and possibly overheard the yelling. None of that is good.

Bottom line...stop making things harder then they need to be. Use videos or utilize this time to allow your son to learn how to play independently. One week will not traumatize him. You have to do what you have to do and you MUST take care of yourself. I cannot stress that enough.

There is not a stay-at-home parent around who has not had to stay home with their child while batteling the flu or a stomach bug. Everyone has those times where they cannot do their normal routine. Kids are resilient.

You should apologize to your husband and remember to appreciate his support. If he did not care about you he would not work the overtime and he would not be yelling at you for not taking care of yourself.

Good luck with your leg and stay off of it so you can get better soon. Blood clots are nothing to mess around with...

I think you are both stressed. There has obviulsy been a huge trauma to both of you over your health. he probably feels that working working working is the way he knows to be there for you, even though that means he isnt home. That is how my husband feels. I understand that you wanted to have a special day, as you should, but you need to not complicate your health. I know that this is a hard balance. I am sure he is stressed and tired and worried about you, that is why it all came out like that and you are tired of being told what to do and being restricted. It was just an outburst. Just talk to him, tell him you see his point now and TALK about both sides of it.
Good luck

It sounds like you have a good relationship. Every relationship that is under stress will have some rough patches and people say things they don't mean when they are angry. I would just tell him that you are sorry for the angry words and that you love him. Tell him you appreciate how supportive he is. Don't beat yourself up over it, it sounds like you guys are under a ton of stress and generally handeling it very well. Apologize, reinforce the fact that you love each other and move on.

I had blood clots, too, after a medical ordeal, so I feel your pain. Medical issues sometimes mess with people who don't know how to handle it. My husband didn't know how to deal with it, so he handled it badly sometimes. It sounds like maybe your husband is doing that, too.

Just tell your husband that when he doesn't pitch in, then you have to take up the slack. It doesn't matter what your health is on your son's birthday, so I understand you doing what you did.

I think your husband maybe angry because to him it may seem that you are not taking care of yourself...on that day. So he's probably lashing out at you the only way he knows how. I would tell him that. Tell him to get to the root of the problem & ask him what you should have done differently since he wasn't there.

Tell him that he needs to get over it. You made a decision (may not have been the best one in his eyes), but it's over now. Next time he needs to come & help or get a friend to come help you.

Good luck!

I hate to say it but I agree with him. You should not have gone to a parade because of all the standing and walking. I think your life should be more important than your son having one birthday that was spent at home instead of out celebrating. You're husband is probably worried about you with your health issues. But as far as working it out sometimes it just takes time after a big fight for things to seem normal again but maybe you two should try and sit down and have a calm adult converstion about how each of you feel. Take care of yourself and I hope everything turns out great.

You need to do all that you can to rest every second the rest of this week. You knew that you weren't supposed to be standing all that time. Your son is two and he would not have known any different if you had done something for his birthday next week. By going out and then throwing his anger back in his face, you literally told him that his sacrifices for you were pointless. You were the one in the wrong this time. He can't help the overtime, especially if it's just for this month. I would use lots of videos this week for your son. Active though he is, one week of Mommy getting better will not ruin him or make him feel like you don't care. There are lots of parades around Thanksgiving, and he'll love those just as much.

You need to apologize profusely to your husband and then keep that foot up. The reason no one is feeling right today is in your email. You know you goofed, but you don't want to admit it. You did exactly what the child care was supposed to keep you from doing this week.