How to Keep Them from Leaving Too Soon... UPDATED SWH

Updated on March 05, 2011
L.P. asks from Uniontown, PA
23 answers

Warning: another question about my upcoming nuptials. If this bores or otherwise annoys anyone, please, just feel free to move on without responding. :)

Brief recap: We are having a very small (50-ish people) wedding at a local bed and breakfast, with exchange of vows outside, and a dinner inside following. We have the 'reception' room for 3 hours, but there is no dance floor, we won't be having a dj, etc.

My hope/intention is that people will not just eat and figure it's time to leave. I'd like people to stay and socialize, since it is my 'reception' after all. What can I do to encourage people to stay and mingle for a while? I will be providing beer/wine, so that should help a little, but I'm thinking I need to structure something to encourage people to stay for a while.

We haven't decided yet if we are having a cake, and we don't have any attendants, so not sure about toasts... I suppose we could ask someone to do them, but that seems cheesy to me... I don't know? I did plan on having music playing the whole time, a mix that we make up oursleves...

Any ideas of some things that can either take up some time before or after dinner or that will encourage people to stick around for a little while after eating?

Thanks for any suggestions...

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So What Happened?

Thank all of you ladies who let (encourage) me to go on and on about my wedding. It is so wonderful to have all of you out there to bounce ideas off of, and to be supported by. I don't know what I did before I found you! ;) I only have about 3 months total to plan my little wedding, and I tend to be pretty obsessive about things being just so, so my head is kind of spinning... and I'm sure that won't stop until the weeks following the wedding and I've had some time to actually realize that I'm really married! So I truly do appreciate the opportunity to share my ideas with you and to get your feedback. It helps me immensely and keeps my head from spinning right off my shoulders!!! Thank you ladies!!!

Good ideas here.

And yes, I do search online for ideas, follow several blogs, have my favorite wedding sites bookmarked, etc. But I still like to run things past you wise and creative ladies and get ideas from your experineces! Thanks again!

Featured Answers

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A.B.

answers from New York on

Sugar pie you need a little music. Doesn't have to be DJ, can be i-pod on a dock with speakers. Pick fun, loving songs that mean something to you. Do in order of soft music while eating then more upbeat afterwards. YES to cake, they have to wait till it's served. I think you need to invite some of us mommas we'll keep the party going (lol). Number one thing for you....RELAX it all goes by so fast you'll be wondering what the worry was all about!

3 moms found this helpful
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B.D.

answers from Pittsburgh on

A few thoughts...

With a small intimate gathering people might be more apt to stay since they won't feel like just a number.

If you are going to play music don't play it so loud that it is not conducive for socializing. I am put off when the music is so loud that I can't talk to or hear the people sitting at the table with me.

Come up with how you would like to have the night play out. Create an itinerary and have it sitting on the table so the guests no what to expect. What I mean is 4:00 Dinner Served 5:30 Cutting of the cake 6:30 _____________ 7:00 ___________.

Maybe even state on the invitation that the reception is from 4-7 so that the guests know what to expect and can block that amount of time in their schedules.

2 moms found this helpful

More Answers

E.S.

answers from Dayton on

Lol...you gotta have a cake!
People will stick around for cake! ;)

4 moms found this helpful
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M.V.

answers from New York on

Maybe you could have someone go around to each table and videotape individual messages for the bride and groom...people would be likely to stick around if they know their turn "on camera" is coming. Also, I think you should do a cake if feasible - people usually look for that, and then take it as a signal that the festivities are coming to an end. Best wishes!

3 moms found this helpful
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N.K.

answers from Philadelphia on

We had a very similar wedding--it was so great. No phony traditional stuff. No dj, just a playlist on ipod over the room speakers. We did a couple toasts, but nothing formal. There was a little tiny cleared space for dancing but just very casual--like we did a "first dance" but it wasn't a big production--mostly everyone just talked and hung out. 3 hours is not that long, it will fly by. Plus, your caterers will time the food so that it's spaced thru the nite, and "after dessert" will kind of cue the end of the evening.
I feel like I'm not answering your question--but I think the answer is, you don't need to do anything else! Just be a lovely, sparkly bride and enjoy your guests.

3 moms found this helpful

L.W.

answers from Detroit on

Congrads! no bother that is what we are here for...

*Ask 2 people who are special to your union to make a toast
*There is this frame for wedding couples where you can write a message on the mat purchase that and ask the guest to sign it.
*Create a book and ask your guest to sign it with best advice for a married couple.
*put a camera on each table so that the guest can take pictures of the sourroundings for you.

Update: Oh yes! I concur take a radio and cd's with you.

3 moms found this helpful

J.S.

answers from Chicago on

After cake, put out a dessert table with coffee and tea.

By this time, you'll be up and mingling with your guests anyway - lead by example! Some will stay, some will go. There's really not much you can do.

2 moms found this helpful
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K.P.

answers from New York on

Space out the evening a little bit... and ask your best man (or witness) to help you keep things moving at a pace you are liking.
- cocktails and appetizers **Went to a 2nd wedding recently where the couple asked e/o to bring their framed wedding portrait to the reception. They were displayed throughout the cocktail hour and it was a really unique conversation starter**
- toasts (best man/MOH or from your families)
- dinner
- "thank you" speech from you and soon-to-be hubs
- cake and champagne
- coffee

**I know that you guys aren't doing the whole "reception" thing, but make sure that there is some music playing so that there is no "silence". Nothing kills the mood like quiet and full-blown lighting!**

2 moms found this helpful

F.H.

answers from Phoenix on

I think it would help to have either a cake, or wedding cup cakes and some are even doing Krispy Cream donuts! (not sure if they are in your area or not) There are some really cute ideas for that. and I would mention to a few family friends that you would like people to "stick around and socialize" so maybe if they see people getting antsy they can put the word out that the couple would like people to stay. good luck and congrats!!!!

1 mom found this helpful
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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

L.,
This might be re-stating the obvious but are you providing a reception time on the invitation? "Reception at XYZ 6-9 p.m." Something like that?

1 mom found this helpful
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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

Do you plan to do toasts and the cake cutting? Those things can be spread out. Usually people will leave after the cake.

1 mom found this helpful

T.B.

answers from Bloomington on

You and your hubby have to be up dancing and going from table to table socializing. If you are keeping everyone engaged in the event, then they will stay!

1 mom found this helpful
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K.L.

answers from Erie on

One question - how much do you want to include? You could ask everyone to bring along something that is meaningful to their relationship with you and hubby, e.g. photo, ticket stubs, old T-shirt, and have them share it and a good story with everyone at their table (or on camera if you decide to film the event). If that's not your style, then just keep the appetizers, main meal and desserts spaced out so people can mingle in between - talk to the manager at the B&B to see how others have encouraged this and how table arrangement can help.

One suggestion - if you don't have a DJ or a photographer, have someone as the MC/schedule keeper. You should be able to relax and enjoy your day without worrying if everything happens at an appropriate time (and nothing gets forgotten). Ask someone - who has the right skill set - to manage the clock and give cues for whatever you decide to include.

1 mom found this helpful

T.K.

answers from Dallas on

I went to a really nice reception where the bride had a basket of bubble gum and the groom a basket of cigars. They both took thier baskets, split up and worked the room. They went group to group handing out thier thing so as to be sure and visit with everyone. It's easy to overlook peole in the frenzy and feelings get hurt, so I thought that was a sweet way to be sure they got a chance to visit with everyone for just a minute at least. Everyone waited paitently for them to come around, so it cut down on people competing for thier attention too!

1 mom found this helpful
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J.S.

answers from Boston on

I would really encourage you to have some music, even if there is no dance floor. Even something simple like bringing an iPod with a mix of great music on it and hooking it up to any available sound system, or renting some speakers, would make the atmosphere more festive and party-like. We had a similar size crowd for my dad's retirement party and we did have a DJ and dance floor but only a few people danced, which was fine. Everyone else stayed (and stayed, and stayed) talking and catching up with relatives they hadn't seen in while, but I think that having some music playing made people stick around.

1 mom found this helpful
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M.F.

answers from Youngstown on

I don't think people will eat and leave. They will probably hang around and talk it's a wedding and everyone there loves you two so they will celebrate with you guys. You talk about your wedding as much as you want it's an exciting event for you I couldn't shut up about mine....

1 mom found this helpful
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K.S.

answers from Pittsburgh on

If the drinks keep flowing and the music is good (maybe a mix that you love) I doubt people will leave. I wouldn't! Don't close the bar for dinner, it kills the party. Just my experience. Have a GREAT TIME!

1 mom found this helpful
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M.S.

answers from Philadelphia on

I think a few toasts and a little cake-cutting would be nice. I don't think it's cheesy at all.... I think most people will stick around for cake... (a good incentive)

Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful
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L.L.

answers from Topeka on

Don't play music too loud~you'll need something sweet if not a cake do a desert table filled with cheese cakes,mini cakes,pies,eclairs,mini cupcakes or do an all candy & sweets table with pretty glass containers (Hobby Lobby)
You just can't feel that you need to keep your guests as long as possible they came to the reception they came to eat, socialize among their family & friends to me I call it day after that.You can make their exit happy with a party favor on whatever you do decide.You don't have to have attendants & surely don't ask someone to make a toast.Maybe you & your husband do a toast to say Thank You to your guests for coming.
It's not that i'm bothered by your wedding questions I just tink you'll benefit with magazines the visualization part on what your trying to achevive as your themed wedding.

1 mom found this helpful
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L.B.

answers from San Francisco on

Even though you don't have a dance floor you may still want the dj to provide dinner music and make announcements! They keep things moving along in an organized fashion. I really think a dj would be beneficial.

1 mom found this helpful
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J.M.

answers from Boston on

Dance! If people are up and having fun, they'll stay. We did nothing "special" at our wedding to get people to stay, but we paid the dj for an extra hour, and people were having so much fun that our venue basically had to kick people out. We didn't do "wedding" music, but stuff that people thought was really fun - we got a lot of comments about the AC/DC, but it was pretty awesome seeing our great-aunts and great-uncles up there rocking out : )

On a more practical level, keep rolling out food. So maybe don't have a cake, but an assortment of desserts that can keep being "replenished." Cupcakes would work. So if you put out 30 cupcakes on a buffet table, people will come up and eat, but then if you put out 30 more, some people will be convinced to stay for "just one cupcake" and other people might stay for a second : ) Probably a little more money, but food gets people to stay. It also avoids the traditional "we'll make our exit right after they cut the cake."

Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful
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M.R.

answers from Chicago on

I think if there is free alcohol flowing most people will make their own party, depending on the people you have invited, of course. If it's an older or conservative group, they may be looking for bedtime and you can't do much about that. If it's a younger more fun L. group - the alcohol will encourage them to stay and have fun.

1 mom found this helpful
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J.R.

answers from Glens Falls on

Make a DIY program that tells guests what to expect including toasts (they aren't cheesy, they are fun!), cake cutting (or dessert), throwing the bouquet and tossing the garter so they don't take off before the event is over. Here is a link to a cute DIY guest-book- conversation-starter idea to keep your guests busy: http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/photogallery/25-gues... You can also have a friend do a photo booth where people can dress up in silly hats and boas and have their picture taken. Have a large empty frame they can hold up in front of themselves for the picture.

BTW, I for one am not tired of hearing about your wedding plans. I am excited for you!

1 mom found this helpful
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