16 answers

How to Help My Heart Broken Teenager

Hello mamas,

My daughter came home from school today crying a lot. She said her boy friend broke up with her. She is 14 (9th grade) and just met this boy this school year. She invited him home once and he seemed to be a good kid. I feel terrible and don't know what to say to comfort her (and try not to say wrong things!). She said she didn't know why, he simple said he didn't like her any more. She is a very smart, kind and sweet girl. I can't imagine what could cause an abrupt break but I guess it's just a teenager thing.

I was a picky and terrible teenager so I did send a couple of boys away and didn't have much experience being heart broken myself.
What should I do/say? Does the boy owe my daughter an explanation? Is there any book for my daughter and me to read about relationship?

Thanks a lot!

Thank you

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thank you to everyone for the precious advices. My daughter is still sad, but she cries less now and still attend all her activities as usual. We also planed a walk (and may some shopping) with her best friend.
It's such a comforting feeling that I am not the only mom out there going through this.

Featured Answers

I think the best thing you can do is just be there for her and perhaps do things to help take her mind off the breakup. Go shopping, go out for ice cream, or have a girls movie night. Maybe allow her to have a bunch of friends over for a slumber party. Remind her that she is a beautiful, smart person and that you love her.

6 moms found this helpful

More Answers

I think the best thing you can do is just be there for her and perhaps do things to help take her mind off the breakup. Go shopping, go out for ice cream, or have a girls movie night. Maybe allow her to have a bunch of friends over for a slumber party. Remind her that she is a beautiful, smart person and that you love her.

6 moms found this helpful

I've had 2 girls go through the whole dating experience. All the "right things" to say aren't helpful, even if they are true. All you can do is listen to her talk. The next time she brings up the subject, remind her that dating is full of happy times and sad times, and that she is in the process of learning what she wants for a future permanent relationship. Then ask her what ONE thing about that particular boy she would like to see in a future husband. Is it his smile, his sense of humor, his ambition? Then ask her to tell you what ONE thing she learned in the relationship that she does NOT want in her future husband. When I asked my girls that, it seemed to get them thinking on something other than an emotionally hurt level.

5 moms found this helpful

I'm also late to respond, but as I have a 14 year old daughter, I thought I would share my perspective, particularly in response to those who said that kids at this age shouldn't date.

My mom didn't let me date until I was 16. Of course I "dated" behind her back (in group settings). If she hadn't had the strict age 16 rule, I could have used her advice as I was navigating through these formative teenage experiences.

My 14 year old daughter hasn't yet had a boyfriend but she is allowed to (maybe she hasn't had one yet because she can and its not a forbidden fruit thing). One of the reasons I advocate for allowing kids to date once they are about 13/14 is that this is a learning experience just like any other. Kids learn to walk before they run, to read before they write. All learning is a process and "dating" at 13/14/15 is done so as part of the process of learning to date. The kids who "date" at this age hang out after school at the coffee shop or go to the movies or out to eat - and it's all done in group settings. These can be safe learning opportunities. If the first time someone dates is when he/she is in college, there will be little guidance and a lot of freedom.

And just like when a toddler falls while learning to walk, teens will stumble when learning to date. But with involved, supportive parents and friends, the teens will survive the bumps along the way.

4 moms found this helpful

I think some of the mommies respinding to you are mean. Not 'letting' your teen have a boy/girlfriend or date is just plain silly and they prolly will any way, then hide it from you.

I remember how much relationships hurt as a teen. It is a real blow to your self confidence, then there are all the friends gossiping about the break up.

I say give her some space and time to be sad, listen to her and find ways to boost her self confidence. Have some good Mom/Daughter time - get a pedi, coffee, go window shopping stuff like that. Let her know she is beautiful and loved and after time the pain will pass and that it will happen again. Hang in there.

4 moms found this helpful

Why do you even let your daughter have a boy friend at 14 ??? I think its absurd, and of course this is the reason why. My son is 15 and I told him no dating in high school, period. When he is in college he can date when it will actually mean more, and he will be more mature to deal with these things. Young teenagers don't have the life skills to deal with relationships of the opposite sex. Why encourage it either ? You're lucky your teen doesn't come home pregnant or with some STD. Kids (even good kids) can have a moment where they make the wrong choice if put in a situation alone with one another. All those hormones are bound to be out of control, and I would set new boundaries and tell your daughter you were misguided and did not use proper judgment and you have changed your mind on letting her have a boyfriend at such a young age. Encourage her to have friends of both sexes, but just that Friends. All the rest needs to wait till 17+ My son realizes that getting good grades and getting into a good college is more important now, and when he is more emotionally ready for a girlfriend and the whole dating thing = college age, that's when he will do that.
Kids at 14 don't even know what dating is - they can't even drive or go out 'on a date.' Its pathetic. They think they are so grown up, yet they are babies feeling pressured by society, their friends, the media to have a significant other at such a young age. As parents we need to explain that its a BAD idea, and encourage them to have friends, or get a hobby, get involved in their community, take the focus off all that immature behavior.

As far as your daughter (in addition to what I said above you should say) tell her 'this is how some boys are - unpredictable and they can change their emotions with the wind, just as some girls do....that kids at that age don't truly even know what having a boyfriend/gf is - and there is a lot more to it than saying "I have a b.f.' Tell her if she wants this type of pain to happen again, she will be foolish and have it happen all over again - but you know better, and she needs to trust you and your life experience, and do without all of this now.

Your child does NOT need to love your decisions for her. Too many parents are trying to stay on their teens 'good side' and just want them to be their friend. FORGET IT !!! You are supposed to be their parent, not a friend. They have enough friends, but only one parent who needs to guide and direct them - and Raise them to be responsibly mature young adults with good strong morals and values. Be the parent here and stop being the friend......

3 moms found this helpful

The "chicken soup for soul" were great books for my younger siblings a while back when ging through their teenage stuff. Thiss was like early 2000's. I read a few too and they really spoke to kids. Also do slip in the adult thing about reality of teenage life, its all just practice anyways. You also need to build her confidence, let her know because one boy doesnt like her anymore doesnt mean others wont adore her every minute. Also explain how a real relationship works. More than anything just be there for her, dont be too mommy and dont be too much in the backround.

3 moms found this helpful

I'm a bit late to this and just scanned the answers .. I didn't see where anyone pointed out that once the pain has ebbed this is an EXCELLENT opportunity to teach your daughter about the importance of NOT giving up her girlfriends for a boyfriend/romance.

We all know how hard that is to do (even as an adult) and I think it's a great lesson to learn even if she doesn't have a 'boyfriend' (we use that term loosely at age 14!!) for quite sometime.

3 moms found this helpful

He does not owe her anything. He is also maybe 14/15. They do this. All kids do this. She will one day have another boyriend that she gets tired of hanging with and kick him to the curb. Then he will come to his mom and she will have to say, some girls are like that.
All you can do is listen and give her some extra lovin. Go out Christmas shopping and get some cheesecake, or a mani. She will like the girly time and forget about him soon enough.
Or have Daddy take her somewhere, to a movie or something and have him lavish some extra lovin.
My son is 21, my daughters 13 and 15. My son had a girl as a senior but even then never just dated her alone. He always went with a group. Same goes for my girls. THey can go out in with a group.

3 moms found this helpful

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