How to Help Almost Three Year Old to Learn to Entertain Her Self

Try getting her a timer and using it to time various activities around the house - 15 minutes at a time. Make it fun. Challenge her to see how many toys she can pick up in 15 minutes and things like that. Then you can make one of the challenges 'lets see if you can color by yourself for 15 minutes' or 'Lets see if you can sit quietly and read for 15 minutes" but then make sure you play with her some more when that 15 minutes is over. Also, if she fails and comes to you before the time is up, don't punish her. Hug her and thank her for trying but also advise her that we will keep trying a little later too. That way she is learning to trust that you will still be there for her and always have time for her too, but still empower her to try to do somethings by herself. 15 min is a good amount of time because it is not an eternity to a child. Also, with the timer, she can see and hear the time passing and that there is a defined end to the task.

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i know exactly how you feel...but i would feel guilty if i wasn't spending every moment with her-i felt like the tv was a babysitter. do you have any kids in the neighborhood? you may want to invite one over for an hour. that way she'll start developing playmates w/ kids too. you may want to take turns w/ a mom...to give yourself a break! also, if she's turning 3, she can start doing all activities (ballet, music, swimming, gymnastics, etc) in a class w/o you. that way she'll exert some energy too, and you can just watch. i know it's a hard time, but soon this problem will pass, she'll start wanting to play w/ her friends over you...and you'll miss it!

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Here are a few suggestions. First of all, try to have a schedule for the day. You can even make up some symbols that she can put up on a flannel board to help her see what she will be doing during the day. These high energy kids need structure. Also, limit her intake of sugar and artificial colors and flavors in her food. Also, plan times for reading books, doing crafts , going to the park, the pool etc. Can you set up play dates with friends? maybe she would also benefit from a mother's day out. Good luck. J. K.

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I actually have kind of had the same thing with my 4 year old. He's the youngest of 4 children so you would think he would know how to entertain himself but he seems to think he's an only child and my only job is to play with him! He loves to play with the bigger kids and have his little friends over, but when he's on his own it's harder and I have laundry, cooking, just taking a shower he would sit in my bathroom and talk to me and just wait! Here are a few suggestions that have worked for me. First off play with her for a little while, but then explain you have to do something else, feed the baby or load the dishwasher or whatever.Keep it short, so she knows that if you say you'll be right back, you mean it. If she throws a fit, or whines about being bored, tell her it is not acceptable, that you're happy to play with her but not every minute. If she keeps up, put her in her room to play alone, not exactly a time out, but time away. Another thing is sometimes kids this age can't choose an activity and get started. With her help create a "by yourself" box or shelf and put only a few special things. When she can't find anything to do, point her in the direction of her "by yourself" section. Put items in there that are better alone by nature, but let her help choose. Third, involve her with the baby. Let her choose a book to read to him, or say come sing a song with me to your brother. Something like "twinkle, twinkle and let her use her hands to flash the twinkles. or "wheels on the bus". If he's crawling, let her help gather some of his playthings and then hid them so he can crawl over and find them. Don't feel guilty about this either, helping her to learn to do things by herself is really a favor. I think we've all known people who never wanted to do something unless they had a friend to do it with and they miss out on a lot. Finding her own imagination as good company is actually a great gift that she'll take with her to adulthood.

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One of my daughter's was just like this, I outsmarted her with the T.V. watching, I had videos of her favorite Barnie or veggie tale when she showed an interest in them, I then purchased an age appropriate toy of that charachter, she began to use it while she was watching T.V., and then when the T.V. was not on. This worked especially well with Sesame Street. I am using the same technique with my grandson, but letting him know there are HIS toys to play with @ Grandma's house, he's excited about playing with what he's watching. Maybe it will help. Best Wishes
R.

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Have you thought of sending her to a mother's day out program? I work at one and it is wonderful for the children and the parents. Mom gets much needed free time and the child gets to learn and interact with others the same age. I love teaching and my students love coming to learn and play. You can sign up for as little as one day a week or as many as five days a weeks. For her age she would do well in a 2 or 3 day program.
Hope this helps.
A little about me: I'm a mother to 5 kiddo's ages 19 to 7

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I had the same problem with my son. He is an only child, so I am really his only playmate around the house. I was getting NOTHING done around the house because I was playing with him all day. I decided enough was enough and I had to slowly wean myself from being his constant companion. I bought a kitchen timer at Target. I then told my son that he would have to entertain himself for 15 minutes and then I would play with him when the timer went off. It worked pretty well and he would help me set the timer each time. We did this several times a day. I gradually increased the time he played alone each week. Eventually, we didn't need the timer anymore! It's a little difficult for them at first to figure out what to do, so you may have to give them a few ideas of things they can do.

Brenda

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Great that you have arranged to be at home to be able to do what you enjoy, and that you are aware of your daughter's spirited temperament. At her age, a child has social and emotional needs, and you cannot meet all of them. Time for a playgroup, mother's day out, trips to the library and bookstore for story time/craft time. It will take you out of your home and away from your garden and kitchen, but it is what your daughter requires. Learning to play by herself is not in her temperament, or she would already be doing that. Accept her right where she is. Later, after developing more maaturity and autonomy, she may begin to be a self-starter.

Perhaps you can create a carpool sometimes with another mom (there are many MOM's Clubs and playgroups around--check craigslist.org in your area) so you have occasional times by yourself and 9mo old while your daughter is playing with another child or engaged in an activity elsewhere. Then reciprocate and have that child over to play with your child, as is appropriate. You are not your child's playmate, you're her mom. Of course you will join her for tea parties, stuffed animal games, hide-and-seek, etc from time to time. But now is the time for her to broaden her social and learning environments.

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i bet when the nine month old gets a little older, she will be so busy with him you will start to miss her wanting you as a playmate!

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let her help you do the cooking stirring addind things ,also there are wonderful Y-TECH vidio games that will teach her ,her colors ,numbers ect they are great she is just the right age the games start at 3 yrs they hook to T>Y> nbut let her help you she can hold the babys bottle ,get her a lilttlte broom set and she can help clean up after cooking
L. TX

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I bought my kids a small hand held chalk board and some plain white chalk. Show them how to write the ABC's and watch their eyes light up as they learn to write their name the 1st time!

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Hi T.,

My daughter is 3 and 1/2 years old now, and I remember going through this although I am now pregnant with my second child, so I did not have to care for another baby. To give you some hope, when mine turned around 3, she started going in her room and playing on her own for 30-45 mins. at a time. This is also around the time that she started to do a lot of pretend play. So, she does not want me all the time because she pretends. I do set up time for one of her friends across the street,to come over so they could play for 2 hours. It is actually easier because they entertain each other. Just an idea and hope it helps.

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I agree with the suggestion to look for a Mother's Day Out program. My son just turned 3, and he's been in one since August. I'm also a SAHM, and I initially thought there was no reason to pay to have my child go to daycare, but I realized a few things: 1) my son needed to be able to play with his peers a lot more than he was getting the chance to (he's a very social child), 2) I was due with his sister (she's 6 months old) and I was going to need time with her, and 3) I was advised to try day care to help with my son's speech delays. So I decided to give it a shot.

It's been a little over 8 months, and I still think it's the best thing I could have done, for all of us. My son's speech is vastly improved, he's learned so much--I tried to work with him on things, but he didn't care to try with me; put him with his peers and he just soaks knowledge up--and he is so very happy. He adores "school" and can't wait to go every morning (although he doesn't go Wednesdays--that his day to do things with me and we have a mom and child music class that day). I also get time to myself when the baby is napping and I'm able to give her the same benefit of my undivided attention at times that her older brother got. It's been great for all of us.

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I find that computer programs really work. Reader Rabbit, Calliou and Clifford are great! It works for ages 2 and up, and she's learning great fine motor and intellect at the same time. Don't be afraid to let her use the computer.

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Sounds like time to get her involved with other children. She will learn from them and be able to bring that "learning" home with her.

You can either put her in a part-time "Mothers-day-out" program for the both of you, or join your local MOMs Club. MOMs Club is a national non profit organization that supports stay-at-home Moms by providing activities and organizing formal playgroups (usually by age). Dues are nominal and are only like 12 dollars a year. They also have philanthropic activities (charity fundraising) so it is an all-around good program. momsclub.com is a good place to start....good luck!

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She's just old enough for mother's day out. And it is SO worth the money. We weren't sure we could financially do it at the time, but it was so worth every belt notch.

I'm not sure what's available in San Antonio, but when my kids were that age and I was a stay at home mom (now I'm a work at home mom), I took the advice of other (older) stay at home mothers I highly respected - great mothers and great kids. And they all assured and encouraged me that just because I chose to stay at home and even homeschooled a while, etc., that I needed breaks from my child too and it wasn't evil or even selfish to recognize that need. I also wanted each child to get some undivided attention from their daddy and me as well. MDO programs offer a small window of time away from home, usually 3-5 hours, and an opportunity for little ones to make new friends. And many MDO programs offer some preschool type academic preparation. Capital Gymnastics offered a variety of educational and enrichment activities, including gymnastics. It also brought me in contact with other Moms with kids the same age as mine and opportunities to develop friendships for support that way. You don't become close friends with every other mommy you meet, but I made two very important friendships there that later really helped during two deployments and again later after I was in a massive car accident and had to rely on help from others while I dragged myself to doctors several times a week. You feel the stress now, but let me tell you - you never know what's around the corner. Sometimes we're so busy being moms we forget we need to build new friendships and a support system as well. (Quite easy - I totally love my kids and am easily swallowed.) We may not always think about it in the moment, but in a crisis, it's crucial to kids and parents. And sometimes it's crucial to plan play dates so mommy can get a break.

Other gymnastics places up here have MDO programs too. And many churches as well. Ask around and call the gym places you can find in your area. Personally, I really liked the gymastics because it reduced the amount of injuries around the house - no kidding! (My kids are still adventuerous at 11 and 9!) And it gave my little ones a foundation in fitness as well.

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What I do is set aside time each day just for her. Get an egg timer, and tell her that for 15 mins (or whatever you want) she has mommy's full attention and that you will play whatever she wants, but that after that you have to do mommy things.

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T.,

Your daughter may still be adjusting to sharing your time and attention with her new brother. Is it possible for your daughter to help with playtime or feeding her little brother? Another suggestion is to sit on the floor near where your daughter is playing while you're giving attention to your son. I've learned that sometimes if I just sit on the floor close by, my 3 yr. old plays much better by herself and doesn't disrupt me as often. When that doesn't work I try to incorporate some lessons in developing fine motor skills (coloring, lacing objects, picking up small objects and putting them in a jar, etc). I know another mom mentioned mom's day out program. That would certainly give you a little 1:1 time with your son and a little mental break. Have you thought about bartering your knowledge and skills as a registered dietician for a couple of days during the week for your daughter in mom's day out? Good luck!

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One thing we do is play hide and seek, but instead of me hiding, I hide a stuffed animal. It keeps my 3 year old occupied for a while. We also play Hullabaloo, which is a DVD, but it gets him playing and running so I don't really count it as TV time. Dress up and pretend play work some (like go make Mommy a dinner in your play kitchen and tell me when it's ready). Playing with water works too. Good luck!

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I don't know if I have any ideas but reading your "a little about me" sounds just like me - My daughter will be 3 in July (VERY spirited) and I have an 8 month old son and I am an RD. (you are brave to include that information) I work part-time, 3 days a week. Anyway, good luck with your daughter. I have similar problems especially the negative behavior, attention seeking and, including my daughter takes away any toy I give to my son - so frustrating. Of course he could care less at the moment. I am hoping she grows out of it. Good luck.

I'm in the same boat as well. I don't have a 9mo old, but I do have one on the way and I have a feeling that it's only going to get worse! What part of town do you live? Maybe we can do a playdate!?~
Thanks