How to Handle 11Year Old's Upcoming 1St Period (Menstruation)

My daughter's a long way off from this, but I would celebrate her venture into womanhood in a discrete way & maybe take your cues from her directly. Is she self conscious or shy? Is she excited about getting it? I was excited about getting it and had all the birds & bees talks & health classes at school, but I was still very self conscious. The first time I got it, my mother called everyone she could think of (or so it seemed) in rapid succession and told them on the phone & made a huge deal of it and I was MORTIFIED! I had family friends & relatives for weeks and months after making a huge deal about it and it was just awful! Maybe take her shopping and out to lunch just the two of you when she gets it. Depending on her personality & nature, intimate & special may be the way to go. This is not to say that it's not a special event & it should be downplayed or hidden in some way, but I found that age and hormonal changes to be unsettling and embarassing, even though I had every opportunity to celebrate with other women. No one ever told me it was a bad or scary thing either - I had great talks and great changes to ask questions, etc. I was just a private little person, I guess. The red tent thing or red celebration would have made me crawl into a hole and die - take your cues from her & her individual personality.

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a special girls day out would do it.. lunch, mani/pedi's... anything to spend some time together

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In Christine Northrup, MD book "Mothers and Daughters" there was a wonderful chapter on this. She put out an idea about celebrating your child through letters written by family members, friends etc (all women). They write about her blossoming, getting their own periods etc. The book suggests putting the letters in a secial box with small gifts.

I had all intention of doing this. I sent an email off to
her grandmothers, aunts and Godmother and other special women friends write to her. I started getting some letters and then my daughter had her period. While they were not in a special box, she loved the letters and still has them 2 yrs later. I took her out to lunch and we got a pedi together as well.

Good luck!

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Hi C. - my daughter has wanted her ears pierced since she can remember. My husband is adamantly against it until she is "older."

My idea is to get her ears pierced when she starts menstruating - to celebrate that right of passage.

If your daughter already has pierced ears, then how about a cell phone? Something like that that has to do with being grown up and/or responsible might be a good idea...

Good luck! My daughter is also 11, and I went to an awesome presentation in Milford last week where an expert talked about this age exactly - what we can expect, what's coming, etc.

She gave us a list of a few books that really looked good - if you'd like the list, please conact me and I'll get it to you.

In the meantime - bukcle your seatbelt!

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Hi C.,

A similar question was asked in recent months, and there was a lot of great information shared. I suggest you do a Mamasource search on the topic of menstruation or first period.

Good luck!

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I'm nowhere near there yet, but I think a lunch or dinner just the two of you, at a place that's more grown-up, would be a nice way to celebrate.

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I think you should celebrate with her, as this is her official rite of passage into womanhood (yikes! how time flies, huh?). Spending a special day together - even if its just movies and popcorn at home and manicures/pedicures will be special and give you time to bond with her. I like the idea of the letters that one mom had. I also saw that mother/daughter special by Christine Northrop on Channel 2 and it really gave me some good ideas. She also mentioned giving your daughter a special necklace. Tell her it's a celebration necklace and she can where it every period to help her celebrate and remember what a precious gift menstruation is. Have you ever read the book The Red Tent (I can't remember the author)? It was sooo good but it was especially enlightening to read how special it was for the women every time they got their periods and how they took care of one another during that time and bonded.

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I celebrated it in a very low-key but effective way(for her that is)...I gave her a rose & a large hershey kiss. As much as they know about it all, it is still nerve racking for them when they actually get it. It brought a smile to my daughter's face.

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Hi Catharine,

I won't have your situation for awhile yet as my daughter is only 5 but I plan on having a 'Woman Day' with her when she does get her period. This was an idea I got from the Cosby Show where Mrs. Cosby celebrated Rudy's Woman Day anyway Rudy wanted.

I like this idea of celebrating because it really is there first HUGE step into womanhood and is something that should be celebrated.

Just my two cents.

E. P.

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I have a long way to go still. My daughter is only 2. But, I have many friends with daughters who have been through this. We have a pretty strong community support network. One of my friends has hosted a "Red Tent" event around the full moon every month (for about a year now). Women of all ages are welcome. It is a safe nest to come to and be nurtured or nurture oneself). See if there is anything like this in your area.
Some friends had "Red Parties" when their daughters started to menstuate. Everyone dressed in red and they ate red foods (even red cake). The women had a sharing circle where they shared their experiences and thoughts with the young women.
We have also done "Rites of Passage" rituals with many of our communities young men and women as they felt that they were ready. All were different, but they all included some self-assessment, some challenges, and some heartshares by both the men and women in their lives. Each one that I attended was powerful and healing for me as well as a wonderful celebration of self-worth and growth for the young adults.
I realize that, not all communities have this to offer. If you are interested, you may contact me privately for more details (____@____.com)on how you could put an event together with your friends and family. I see so much value in not just acknowledging, but celebrating passage into womanhood. There is such a stigma in our culture of embarrassment or just the awkwardness and unsureness (not to mention hormones) that accompany this great mystery. It is important to give our children a positive attitude about it.
If you don't think that your daughter will appreciate a big to do, the other suggestions here were good. A grown-up dinner out with Mon sounds nice, or a special treat of some sort... just, please, don't ignore it.

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I would take your cue a bit from her. Obviously you know her and we all answering your query do not, but some girls are very modest and shy about their first period and would rather crawl into a hole than have it recognized, much less celebrated (at that age, I was like that). Definitely talk about it with her so that she knows it's certainly nothing to be ashamed of and so that she knows she can always come to you with questions. Then ask her if there's anything she'd like to do to commemorate it, and offer the great suggestions that that you've received here on mamasource. And don't be surprised if YOU'RE emotional! It's kind of a big deal - you're baby is growing up. :-)

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