What does your husband feel about this? I agree that these particular family members sound less than ideal, and I understand why you don't want to be around them...but you and your husband have to be in agreement. Additionally, it's not so much about, what are you teaching your children if you don't invite them over?, but more about what aren't you teaching your children? There are and will always be people that act inappropriately and your children need to know that and still manage to be okay around them. Also, if your niece is acting rude or whatever while at your house, enforce your rules, there is nothing wrong with that at all. The drinking is a whole different ball game and I accept that is on a different level, but you also have to consider, does your BIL drink around your children, is he visibly intoxicated, how does that exactly play out? You make some valid points and as a mother you do have to look out for your children, but to be frank, the thing that comes to my mind is that they are just the parts of family that you don't like, but every family has them. You may not wish to be around them, but he is your husband's brother and you may just have to deal with it. My other question, and it is truly a question that I just thought of in terms of family dynamic, is what does MIL think about all this? Would SHE be hurt, offended, etc. if your BIL was suddenly no longer on the guest list? That could also cause more drama for you, your husband and your children. I am not advocating either choice, I just think that before you make a move you truly need to consider all the options.