How to Get Dad More Involved?

This is totally normal in my experience. I have talked to a lot of other women about this and I think men are generally timid around kids that are under two because they feel inadequate because the whole process comes more naturally to us as women and they don't want to mess something up.

I got my hubby more involved by giving him tasks like bathing the kids, entertaining them while I showered, that sort of thing. Then I would be sure to compliment him on how awesome he was with the kids. Over time his confidence grew and he was more involved.

I think men just assume that we got it all handled so they don't help out. I don't think it's intentional, but I do think they are intimidated by babies, even if they don't admit it. I would just recommend giving him some jobs, without letting him know what you are doing, and then praising him for it that way you don't end up feeling resentful.

Good luck!

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Hi C..

I went through this exact same thing with my husband. This doesn't mean that your hubby is not "father material" as someone else said... he just views things a little differently. I'm sure he is a good daddy when he does apply himself. =) This sounds like something I could have written for advice on when my daughter was a baby and I stayed home with her. I stayed home with her the first two years and my husband and I had many arguements over this issue!! Here's a couple of things I did that helped me and may help you. Discuss, discuss, discuss with your husband. Let him know how you feel... just a good heart to heart with him sometime when baby is down sleeping and you guys can talk. My husband used to say he would try harder, things would get better for about a week, then he would fall back to his old ways!!! LOL. But communication is very important. Another thing, when my husband came home I would try to give him at least about 30 minutes of time for him to unwind before asking for help. Let him kick off his shoes, grab a beer, newspaper, magazine, remote... whatever he's into...and let him veg for about 30 minutes, then ask him if he can play with baby so you can prepare supper, etc. This really helped us out a lot, because I realized my husband needed a break from work too. It does take some men longer to "get it". But don't give up on him. Some men have to be trained by us wives because their mothers fell short, haha. At least that's the case with mine. Another thing, I encourage you to get the book - The power of a praying wife, by Stormie Otarman. It changed my life. It teaches you how to pray for your husband. Blessings to you and your family. A favorite quote of mine - "A man works from sun to sun, but a woman's work is NEVER done."

1 mom found this helpful

Alot of woman go thru this. Its a phase in life, that you have to go thru, unless you decide to not stay at home or find a different option. And we all knowhow stressy and frustrating it can be. I don't think that it is bad from your husband to try to help you out on his suggestions. He talks to you about it. You don't have to do it if you don't want to.
Alot of men really don't know how to entertain little Baby's like that, doesnt mean they don't want to help or are not interested. You will see, as the child gets older he will be able to play more of a role, when it comes to this.
Why don't you send them out with the stroller, so they can take a walk? They both get some fresh air, and you can take care of your things.
A.

Sometimes men feel in last place after the baby arrives because they take up so much of your time. My advice is to try to have the baby fed and happy when he comes home and like many other responses said, give him 15-30 minutes of down time. BUT-during this time, don't complete dinner, clean up, etc. Put the baby in the exersaucer, swing, bouncy seat, or on the floor with toys, sit down with him and put your hubby first. Help him relax and yall can have some adult conversation and you can have some down time too. When time is up, finish up dinner while the baby is occupied or until the baby starts fussing and ask him if he can get her until you finish up. I believe when you put him first and put your marriage first even for 10-15 minutes he will want to help you more. He may be resentful of the baby for taking your time and attention. Not that he doesn't love the baby, but he misses his wife. I know this first hand and putting my husband first has really helped and it is a good marriage model for your children.

Your husband obviously is NOT father figure material! doesn't want to be bothered! How sad! To tell you to put her in
day-care and go back to work so you can have a break!
whatever!!! ~ I would not ask him for no more help! he has said more then enough! There is a neat play area at 1st Colony Mall (Sugarland area) by the food court, loads of moms go there w/small children possibly you could meet some moms' there! I would definely find things to do! get more involved in! there are also alot of church's that offer moms groups! you might want to look into that! don't always be home either when your husband gets home! be busy!! ~
Good luck !! ~

I know exactly where you are comming from my husband is the same way, but the difference is I work also. I usually have to ask him for help which is annoying to me because I work Full-time, I take care of our son and go to college so sometimes I feel like I just need a break and he apparently doesn't think that. He is wonderful about letting me go lay down if I really need to. Usually I'll be falling asleep on the couch and he'll tell me to go lay down. It took him some time to get used to the fact that we have a child and both parents need to be involved. My son is 21 months old now and my husband and starting to really help out more. What worked for me is explaining to my husband how I felt and we discussed it. Where are you located? I'm in Bossier City, Louisiana

Hi well I felt what you were talking about because I too had the same feelings. I have a 21 month old daughter and she started day care when she was four months old. I am happily married most days. I think that the main issue is that you are tired and you must want your husband to help you at night because you are tired. This is perfectly normal and any child under 2 can really wear you down during the day. Most likely if your husband has not listened to you before he is not going to. men are totally different than us and he probably feels like his work at the office is just as tiring if not more than yours. I am sure that a baby at home is much much more work but men will neer see it that way. I would suggest going back to work. Babies need schedules and structure and interaction with other babies. Why not try to get a preschool teaching job part-time and enroll you daughter in the same school so that you can enjoy her most of the day but not for every waking second. Adults need to work and babies need to socialize. I went through the same thing. I felt tired and unappreciated by my husband... it was driving us apart. To fix it I went back to work enrolled my angel at daycare and we all are much happier now. Every minute we spend together now is about bonding and quality instead of another chore. p.s. every week gets easier with a new baby... they sleep better, longer and they eventually stop wearing you out.

Hey C.,
Oh my goodness!!! I know exactly where you are coming from, my husband did the same thing!! But just like everyone said, you really need to just sit him down and talk to him!! Let him know that he might work a 'FULL-TIME' job, BUT yours is 24hrs/7days a week and he can help a little to give you a break and refresh!!! AND I totally know how you feel about the interaction thing also!!! I am a new sahm (7-06)BUT I'm able to say that know because of this amazing team and company that I work with to help me earn an incredible income from home with my daughter right by my side!!! It is great and you really get to interact with a lot of people!! If you are interested visit my website http://mommys.stayinhomeandlovinit.com and 'get more info' and I'll contact you ASAP!!
Good Luck with everything, he will come around once he realizes how MUCH work you put in also during the day!!!
C.
'Stayin Home and LOVIN it!'
http://mommys.stayinhomeandlovinit.com

I would tell dad that when he has had a 30 minute break to relax, you will finish dinner while he plays with the baby. Then sit on the couch near him, set a timer and when it goes off, hand off the baby and say, "dinner will be ready in 15 minutes, thanks for helping". You both deserve a break at the end of the day and your baby deserves the attention of both of you.
C.

the only way to get him more involved is to tell him. tell him you need the help. it's especially hard in the first year and you need the extra support of a mate. if you're insistent on being sly tellhim how her face lights up when he gets home and she sees him, that should gt him involved for at least an hour every day when he gets home.

Hey C.!

Unfortunatly I dont know that I will be much help! I'm going through the same issue right now myself. The only difference is I'm working also. So my husband and I both have full time jobs. I dont agree that "he's not father material". I think they just need a little extra help. I know our main problem is that i spoiled him from day one!! And his job he has now he gets up at 4 a.m. I understand that but he catches up on the sleep before i get home and on the weekends. I've tried the discussing, and heart to heart, and even (yes i'm sad to say) the i'm so sick of this i'm ready to leave discussion. I havent and that would be my last resort. A friend of ours actually told me some good advice, i havent followed it, but i probably should!! He told me to leave the baby with my husband for a day. Just to go to my mom's or shopping or something to get out of the house all day. So then he has no choice but to take care of the baby. I've wanted to do that so many times, but i just cant stand the thought of leaving my baby behind all day. I know he'd take care of him, but its just the thought! We do have our good days and bad days. But it will take time for anything. I know that. Like I said I'm not much help, but just thought you would like to know you arent alone. Just keep praying, one day hopefully he'll open his eyes and ears to see what is going on!! Good luck!! If you want to talk you can email me anytime!! :)

T.

Congrats on being able to stay home with your baby! he problem I see is that a lot of men see spending time with their children as a chore instead of a joy! They are not little for that long and soon she will not want him to hang out with her. For SAHM's, it is a 24/7 job with not many breaks and husbands need to help out once in a while or deal with the house being a mess until he can pitch in...Good luck!

My husband and I just recentley went through this same situation. I stay at home and my husband works. I finally just broke down manly from the stress but I put it to him like this " You go to work every day, and get to come home from work and get a break. Where as I work 24/7 and don't get a break". You are not the only parent and if your husband still doesn't come around the hard way is to hand her to him and say "HERE"! you watch her for awhile so I can take care of things. Sometimes not giving him the option to say no. I know this is alittle bit of a harder way of doing it. But I tried the nice way with my husband and it didn't work. But I hope it works out for you.