Hello, I have a question.
My aunt has been taking care of this elderly women for the past many years. She is not related to this lady. The relationship is kind of complicated: this lady was best friends with this one lady who had one child. The lady died, but this friend of hers remained kind of close with her daughter. After many years, the daughter had her own daughter who married my aunt's son. So when my aunt's son and that daughter go married, my aunt got kind of friendly with this old lady and would help her with things. She's been going to her house every Thursday for the past 10-15 years, taking her grocery shopping, taking her to doctors, helping her take care of different things. Now this old lady is already 97 years old and her mind is starting to go. She's been accusing people of coming to her house, taking stuff like old shoes/old clothes/old books from her. She's already accused the daughter of her best friend, then her daughter and her husband and until recently my aunt was the only one that she was still ok with, but recently she's starting to accuse my aunt also. She claims they break into her house, she won't let anyone come into the house, won't go to a doctor etc. She doesn't really have any valuables in there, and it's all old things that she's claiming they take from her. She's becoming paranoid and it's becoming a big problem. My aunt is getting worried, that pretty soon she won't even let her in. She can't leave the house on her own, needs assistance walking etc.
She really needs some help, but my aunt is at a loss, doesn't know what to do.. She does have some kind of a nephew (brother's kid), that hasn't really been around at all, but is the only living relative that we know of.
My aunt is thinking of calling this lady's lawyer (she used to take her there to make her will etc) so she knows who the lawyer is.
Can she call the lawyer to see if he can disclose if there is anyone listed as far as far as who would care for her and make decisions in case she became mentally unstable?
Are there any agencies that you can call in a situation like this?
Any help would be appreciated.
She could contact the lawyer and explain her concerns and ask the lawyer to contact any family that he/she might be aware of. I doubt the lawyer will give her the contact information.
She could also call the areas agency on aging and see if they have any programs or suggestions that could assist this woman.
She should start with your local office for the aging. They should be able to put her in touch with all the appropriate services.
While the attorney can't tell you any confidential information, he/she can listen. You can find out if a Power of Attorney has been named. The attorney can talk to the person named as POA. If none has been named your aunt may be able to petition the court to be named as power of attorney. The person named acts in the other person's best interests. And can be talked to by doctors and attorneys who can reveal confidential information. The POA also has access to bank accounts to pay bills and make deposits.
It sounds as though this lady is suffering from a form of demetia and needs to be evaluated by her doctor. She may need to be placed in a nursing home or have a 24 hour home care assistant.
As someone else said your county should have a department to take care of the elderly. The people in this department can advise you better than most of us here.
Many states have Adult Protective Services offices. But even if the state this woman and your aunt live in doesn't have that as a stand alone ... there should be a child and family services that you can call.
However, I'd start with contacting the nephew first, if at all possible.
I wouldn't go to the attorney to ask anything ... he can't tell you. You could contact the attorney to let him/her know what's going on and they might have information to contact family.
Meals on Wheels
Companies like Home Instead, Comfort Keepers will provide light housekeeping, etc. for a fee of course.
Adult Protective Services is an option if you feel she is unsafe or of unsound mind.
Many States have a department of elderly affairs division or similar. Which you can Google Search.
Here is Chicago's (if this is the city she is in):
http://www.cityofchicago.org/city/en/depts/fss/provdrs/se...
She is not family. She can't just call that Attorney and expect to get personal info. about the woman or her relatives.
That elderly woman she cares for, seems to be going through Dementia or Alzheimer's.
she needs medical care.
But needs professional help.
By contacting the Chicago State's dept. for the elderly, maybe they can then check on her or provide resources etc. and advice.
Many towns have a division of Family Services, and many have a senior center with knowledgeable staff who know the local resources. Every state has an Elder Affairs office. There are also many social service agencies that have a guardianship service for elders who cannot take care of themselves, manage their money, etc. Calling the lawyer is an option, but so is calling her primary care physician and reporting an elder in need of services. The physician cannot discuss her care with you or your aunt, but your aunt can talk to (or write to) the physician who is allowed to listen! Your aunt has no legal standing and has limited authority, but she's been a wonderful and caring friend for years. Making two phone calls should put her in touch with the proper agencies who will carry the ball from there.
If the family can get involved and make an appropriate decision, that's great - once Elder Services gets involved, they decide. But if the family's not equipped to help, or not working cooperatively, it's better to have an objective agency involved.
This paranoia is very common in elderly people but the sooner your aunt acts, the better.
the lawyer won't be able to give her any information, but i don't think a call to him would be a bad idea. he could get in touch with the family and pass along the concerns.
i'd definitely call the county commission on aging.
i hope the ol' gal can stay in her home. leaving familiar surroundings is so h*** o* the elderly, and she's hung tough for almost a century! but it does sound as if she's not in a position to be fully responsible for herself any longer.
:( khairete
S.
There should be a local Aging agency in her area. In PA, there is one in each county. I don't know how it is organized in other states, but there should be one.
I'm not a lawyer, so I don't know if the lawyer can tell you anything. But I think asking the lawyer who is authorized for medical decisions is also a good idea, since it sounds like this woman needs to go to the doctor for an evaluation for dementia. Someone who the doctor is legally allowed to talk to should go with her.
She can try the attorney, perhaps there is someone listed in her will that is suppose to take over at this point.
If not, there should be a public guardian that your aunt can get a hold of to assist.
Perhaps your aunt can hear her concerns of someone breaking in and tell her she will check it out. Then let her know that everything is secured.
It is best if there is a relative.
My first thought is that this woman really needs to be evaluated by a doctor for her health and her competency. Her family does need to be involved if that's possible.
If that's not possible then Department of Social Services (DSS) may need to get involved in order to make sure that she gets proper care and supervision. The fact that she's behaving differently than is normal for her is a huge red flag to me. The paranoia is a red flag.
She needs to visit with a doc. I know the lady's doc would not be able to discuss things with her unless the lady had signed permission.
She is only going to get worse. Since she's already claiming people are coming in and stealing from her a home health aide would only make things worse for her. Often they accuse the aides of all sorts of stealing.
I hope you can find some sort of support or guide in what to do. It truly sounds like this lady may need someone there 100% of the time.
Long time posters know that I rarely suggest putting old people away. In this case, I would hate to see your Aunt accused of theft by the elderly lady and her family ( who will come out of hiding soon).
"No good deed goes unpunished".
