How to Explain Cancer to a Almost 3 Year Old?

ok so first. SOOOO sorry to hear about the cancer!!

My mother-n-law has been fighting cancer for almost 3 years. My kids are 4 and 2. I have never told them that she has cancer. When she is staying with us and needs to sleep I just tell them that she is not feeling well. When we are headed to the doctor, which is a lot, I just tell them that she is not feeling good and going to the doctor so he can make her better. Recently, her hair has fallen out and she wears a wig. I really didn't explain a lot. I just waited for the questions (she does take it off around the house) My son who is just 2 did not like her without the wig and will go and get it out of the room and bring it to her to put on, it is best to try to laugh all of that off and we just let it be "funny". She puts it on and everything is fine. My 4 year old never really asked very much. I just told her that nana's hair fell out and she wears a wig so it will look better.

I personally think that it is best to do that sort of thing right now. I am not lying to them. If the day comes where she is really sick and it looks like we are aproaching the end, so sad I know but needs to be addressed, then I will have to go further with the explaination. But right now, I don't feel there is a need because they won't understand and may just scare them. I want as much normalcy as possible.

Just so you know. My mother-n-law had pancreatic cancer and then various other cancers, which does not have a very high survival rate if any and she is still here 3 years later. Breast cancer is so beatable. I am sure she is going to be fine and I will say a few prayers for you. You may never have to tell them anything. After the surgery/radiation/chemo, she will be ok and they will never know anything. My mom's best friend went through that years ago and nothing has come back and it is a thing of the past.

You will get through this!!!

1 mom found this helpful

A quick Amazon search revealed several books that explain cancer and hospitals. These might be handy when she's old enough to ask questions. For now, just explaining that Grandma is sick and weak is probably enough.

You explain it in ways she can understand without too many details. "Grandma is sick and the doctors are going to try to make her better." "We are visiting Grandma at the hospital today. She is staying there until she feels a little better." "Grandma is really tired today. She is working hard to get better." Let your child know what kinds of things make grandma feel better - draw her pictures, visit her, spend quiet time with her, cook for her.

As 3 yr olds don't sit still for long, my dad enjoyed watching children's DVDs with my daughter. He could sit and cuddle with her during the video.

My grandson was almost 2 when my daughter's leukemia came back (too young the first time around to remember anything). We just told him Mommy was sick and in the hospital, and took him for frequent visits. When Mommy first lost her hair, we were afraid he'd react badly, but it didn't seem to bother him at all ... first she wore a head scarf, and then, in the summer, just went bald around the house. He just got used to the fact that Mommy was sick and would go to the hospital for extended stays. It usually took him a few minutes to go to her when she came home or when he visited, but he always remembered her and after a few minutes just played as usual. We used a lot of pictures and phone calls for her to keep in touch, and a laptop with a webcam worked great when she wasn't feeling too badly.

Hi A.,
Why explain to a 2 year old about cancer? Just tell her that grandma is very sick and has to have an operation. Her chest will be very sore for a while and she will have to take strong medicine. Be sure and let her know that it is not catching.

As for the mastectomy, tell her when she is older or when she starts asking questions.

[I had a wonderful friend that said when they bothered her unlike us she could simply take them off and throw them in the closet!,said with a flourish and a wave of her hand.] The very best of luck and prayers to your mom!

I honestly don't think a 2 yr. old child is ready to have cancer explained. I have been around relatives and friends who have had cancer, several have died. There are lots of things that happen visually to a cancer patient. They can swell up, gain weight from drugs and treatments, their hair can fall out, etc.... The child will obviously have questions. Don't tell her the medicine is making her hair fall out, the cancer is making her sick, etc...all that does to a child is make them afraid of taking medicine and other medical related things. As she askes questions tell her the simpliest answer possible. For example, "Where is Grandma's hair"? She cut it off is simple and basic, why? because she did. It doesn't give too much information or go in to too much detail. When she is older and questions what happened then tell her more information.

I would just tell her that grandma is sick and may not feel like play with her as much like when she is sick. I would also tell her the Dr's are taking care of her.

I particularly like Brenda and Randi's advice. She is just three and play it by ear.
This is a good time to show her what compassion is,
and yes, pray with her.
Oh how Our Lord loves children, and I have seen so many miracles.
My wife was diagnose with secondary bust cancer and the doctor gave her one to three years. I told the doctor that she did not know my wife and that we would see.
Well with prayer I can say my wife is still here and that was about 14, yes I repeat 14, years ago.
About four years ago she came up with what is called Reduplicative Par Amnesia. It is a form of dementia, yes Alzheimers, and I have been her care giver. Today she is on oxygen, and takes breathing treatments five times a day.
But Our Lord still lets me enjoy cuddling, bathing and laughing with one another. I am bless in that she is a patient that says thank you and I love you. I have an aide that washes her from head to toe each monday. All other days I bathe her. People say this and that, but as I say I am blessed and on a lot of days when I bathe her we have some great laughs. I think neither the cancer or the dementia will take her. She will probably end up with pneumonia. She has been hospitalized four times with a touch of it. I do my best and leave the rest t God!
God Bless - good luck

Hi A.,
You might go to www.thebreastcancersite.com and find something to help you. My thoughts and prayers are with mom, you and your family.
R. g

A., i totally understand your question. I had breast cancer (lumpectomy) when my youngest son was in 3rd grade. We were very careful not to mention the word "cancer" until after i was back home from the hospital. At 3 it probably isn't an issue but kids learn to relate "cancer" with death and we didn't want to do that to him. We basically told him that Mom had to go to the hospital and would be home in a couple of days. After i got home, his teacher asked him what was going on with his Mom. He said, "i think there's something wrong with her arm" because i had to keep it immoble for 2 weeks. At that point we just explained that Mom had to go have some medicine for her "arm" which satisfied him, and that i might lose my hair..."isn't that funny?, Mom with no hair?" It satisfied what he could handle in 3rd grade and kept him from being afraid...He knew i was sick, he would rub my head after i lost my hair and we made a big "party" out of the head shaving when the time came. We even chased him around the room with the clippers saying we were going to shave his head too. A., be sure to try not to really "explain", there's no way she can understand and you don't want to frighten her. At 3 she's not going to even realize that Grandma had a mastectomy...Tell your mom to hang in there and that God is good. Stay close but don't smother and help her walk thru this part of her life. Your daughter will be a big comfort for your Mom. Good Luck and God Bless. R.

i have 3 and 1 yr old boys. uncomparable to cancer,i have frequent migraines. when i get headaches and cant do things for them like i would like to i keep it short and simple, "mommys sick and she needs you to help take care of her." she probably wouldnt understand complete details about the cancer but surely she would understand if you told her something to the affect of "grammas breasts hurt". for example, i just finished breastfeeding and my older son calls my breast boobs. so if i said mommy cant play because of chest pain, "mommys boobs hurt", he got me a warm towel, kissed me on the cheek, and told me everything would be alright. as long as she knows there is a problem and that theres something she can do shell be sensitive enough to understand and would be happy to do all she can for her granny.

Don't tell her anything! She is a baby, why would a 3 year old need to know about cancer? You said almost 3? not 13? I know it's very hard for you because it's your mom and it can be overwhelming, but why try to explain such a thing to a baby??? Leave her be and let her be happy, that conversation is for years down the line.

I wouldn't try to explain to her what cancer, a meastectomy, chemo, or radition treatments are. I would simply tell her that Granny is very sick, the doctors are going to take out the sick parts, and then give her some very strong medicine. Because the medicne is so strong, it might make Granny feel bad for a while, and it might even make her hair fall out, but she will feel better once it's all over.

I am so sorry to hear about your mom.I thinking telling them it's a germ in Grandma. A nasty germ, they should understand that germs make them really sick. Tell her that you will have to take care of Grandma for a while and be very gentle with Grandma! Good luck!

Wow, I think you have gotten some wonderful responses. I agree with the simple approach for right now. All of the details would be overwhelming to your daughter, and scary. I say, just the basics. Grandma is sick and will go to the hospital so the dr. can help fix her. Afterward, she will be tired and we need to treat her gently. I would wait on the "might happens" and deal with that if they actually do, as they occur - I know that with my DD if you plant the suggestion, that's what she always remembers and dwells upon. No need in her worrying about a bunch of stuff while she is still a bitty one! And whatever happens just keep it simple.

Hugs and prayers to you and your family.

I honestly think she is too young to tell her anything. She wouldn't understand really and it might just scare her. She probably won't even notice when grandma has the mastectomy. If/when the time comes that she loses her hair, then just explain to her that grandma is taking some medicine that is making her hair fall out but it will grow back very soon. Just be sure to stay as strong as you can for your baby girl so she doesn't become scared from your emotions. I know this is a very hard time for you and your family. You will be in my prayers.

A.

you might ask your pediatrician if they know of any books that would help explain it on her age level. I wouldn't have a sit-down talk with her, but just answer her questions honestly as they come. Tell the truth--kids know when you're lying--but make it simple. When she asks why Grandma's hair is gone, tell her that she has a sickness and the medicine is so strong that it made her hair fall out, but we hope it will make her better. I hope things go well for your mom--cancer runs in my family and I know how hard it is on everyone involved. You're in my prayers.

Dear A.,

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom.

My friend found out she had breast cancer a few months ago, shortly after her daughter's fourth birthday. They were pretty honest with her, but they kept things simple. I think they told her that mommy has cancer, which is a disease (maybe sickness if that's easier to understand) that has to be treated. The doctors remove the cancer in the hospital and then give her treatments so that it doesn't come back/make her sick. I almost think it was easier with such a little one because she didn't have any kind of emotional reaction to the word "cancer" yet. I don't know what your mom's prognosis is, but it seems like this simple explanation could help explain her need for treatment, hospitalizaion, rest and extra care. If she has to do chemo, you'll probably have to explain that some of the medicines can make you sick for a while/make your hair fall out, but that those problems will pass, and the medicines will help keep your mom well. I would just try to give her a little bit at a time as things happen.

Take care--I hope all goes well.

L.