How to Enjoy Kids

I also recently (1 month) began staying home with my boys, 3 & 6. I have realized they are a constant need of attention and discipline. Even though I need to get things done around the house or have errands to run, they are more important and they don't realize my responsibilities yet. The reason I am home is to instill the values my husband and I beleive in and to raise them with respect and discipline. Whenever I get stressed out if they do something wrong or start acting up out in the stores I have to remember they reason why I chose to stay home with them. Instead of getting worked up and start yelling, I take a step back. I don't want the kids to remember MOM as the stressed out mean person. (That's who I felt like was when I was working full time) You have to enjoy the kids and they will enjoy you. You have to make the best of the situation, make a lesson out of it.
If I am going out to the stores I leave early and stop at a playground or a playplace and have the kids run some energy out for an hour or even for 30 minutes. If I can't do that I also get the looks or the people telling me I have my hands full to because the boys can run around and cause all sorts of noise.
Bribing works too :) if you can, tell them they can get something for under $5 at the store and when you finish your shopping help them pick something out or tell them they can do their favorite thing when you get home.
I felt like I was the don't do that and don't touch this mom before and you still have to be but sometimes you have to let the tension down. It doesn't make the situation better and it doesn't make the children independant knowing that MOM is always going to tell me what to do.
I am not saying that my kids are perfect and mature and listen so well (haha - not at all) we still have bad outings or like you say everything is a project, I just try to not get worked up about it. I want to enjoy them and teach them and show them what life is about.

Hello, I feel for you. Staying at home with your children is not for everyone. I am stressed with my two all day and finally decided it was time to talk to someone. I talk to a nurse who specializes in mental health. She has helped tremendously. You are not alone. It is very hard and those who are not in your position may not understand just how hard and demanding it is. Good luck.

Hi C.,
I know how frustrating life with toddlers can be. And enjoying these years is so important. I always wanted kids and thought I would be a great mom, but at times I find parenting and taking care of everything else in the house very over-whelming. Two places that have found a little guiedance are www.flylady.net and the books by Supernanny. I know it seems silly, but she does give simple things to try in all different situations, from disipline to taking trips to the store and park. Anyway, I hope you are able to find some peace and enjoy this time with your kids.

K.

It seems like part of the problem is that you are taking on too much. I have a two year old and a four year old who are absoultely great - but I know their limits and mine as to what kinds of things we can do together, and for now those things don't involve too many errands - only those which absolutely can't wait. I would suggest waiting until your husband gets home and doing the shopping then. It will be good for you to have some time to yourself, good for him to have some time with them alone, and really good for them because going to the grocery store and being expected to just sit there calmly isn't really realistic at that age. Even if you have just one or two hours a couple of times a week. Then, during the time that you are together, pick activities that interest them and you'll see how much better they behave when they have something to engage them.
I also find that when I take them out to do things, I can relax and enjoy the time because I'm not trying to juggle between playing with them and doing laundry or whatever. So we spend most of the day doing fun things - story hours, playgrounds, zoo, etc. When there are things to do at home I try to involve them like having them help with the laundry (you'd be surprised - they really do help with things like sorting and transferring). And then know your limits as to what you can do together out - for example I know I can take them to the zoo, but I would not take them to an amusement park without my husband. I will take them swimming in our pool, but never to the beach alone. Only recently have I starting taking them to restaurants alone - and even that is done selectively. It doesn't make you a bad mom to know that there are certain things you just can't do with them yet by yourself. If I'm ever in the position to have to do shopping with them it's fast and furious.
So good luck - and just try to think about what you're doing ahead of time and if it's likely to be more frustration than fun.

I have been there. Now my situation may not be yours, but I had to share. I also wanted to stay home with my 2 girls age 5 and 2 and try to make it on my husbands sheet metal worker salary and after a month or two I was also completely STRESSED OUT!! But I started to realize that it wasn't the kids that were stressing me it was the lack of money coming in and living pay check to pay check. No matter how many hours my husband worked the bills kept piling in and I took it out on the kids and they noticed my attitude and they started reacting to it. But I have now found a company that I work with where that problem no longer exists and I do love being home again. It is calm and peaceful now. I am not trying to advertise, but I know that this may solve all your concerns, because they are intertwined together usually. Email me if you would like more info Also are you in RI?
Hope to hear from you soon
And I am serious about wanting to help you, because you will notice change immediately
Goodluck
D.

I actually have a 3 year old and a 2 year old. And we all have those days. I have found though that using more positive tones with them seems to work much better. I am not always screaming and they are not trying to fight me every single step of the way. I also have an eleven and twelve year old so I have had alittle practice. I also find that when I stick to a very strict schedule with the younger ones they behave alot better. Wake at the 6:30, 7:00 breakfast.... and so on. Hope this helped.

Hi C. -- You do have your hands full and some days it is hard to LOVE being at home with your kids! It's a wonderful experience, but then there are those days I felt like I was being punished. :) Things that worked for us in the stores were to keep the younger child in the seat of the cart and give her something to do -- I used to keep a very small notebook in my purse with pens or crayons that she could color with or stickers and then the other daughter would have to walk with hand on the shopping cart. If she didn't listen, she went in the back of the cart. As my girls have gotten older, they've helped pick items off the shelf, cross items off my list and now help push the cart. It's not easy, but it's getting better. Also, take some time for yourself! I used to make Friday's at naptime "my time" -- read a book, watch a movie or better yet, do an exercise video. Having 1 afternoon that I looked forward to helped me relax and help me have more patience with my girls. Hang in there & good luck!

I can relate to your frustration. I am a SAHM with 2 boys, 2 1/2 and 4 years. Keeping my expectations in check really helps. I get caught up in my to do lists, so now I give myself 45minutes during the day to do my chores and something extra. Anything else is bonus. My mantra is patience, patience, patience and talking, talking, talking. How I talk to them is how they are going to talk, so only in the past couple months have I been able to get a handle on this by changing the way I would talk to them. My instinct is to yell don't and no, and I still fall back to it. Eye contact is key in our house. Also, for outings lollipops or a treat help. But what works best for me is when I park the car, I turn around and tell them what we are going to do and what I expect. I have left the store without getting anything a few times. There was one day I was at the store two times and had to leave both times, then went back after my husband was home to take the kids. You will love it. Accept there will be bad days and there are things you miss about what you did.

Hi C..

I too, can feel your pain. I have a 3yr old son, and soon to be 2yr old daughter. I have had alot of luck with the 123 magic book also. The key is to be super consistent and give time outs whenever and wherever, regardless of where you are. My son has had time outs in the grocery store, at the zoo etc. Since he has started preschool (he attends a summer program) things have improved ALOT. I get a break from the two of them constantly annoying each other, and he gets to run off some steam with friends. I also have tried to not yell which seems to just make me more upset. It also helps if you can "punch out" when your husband or whoever comes home, and let that person be the referee until bedtime. Good Luck! And don't let other people's comments in the store bother you. People always seem to have to comment about everything, it's really annoying.

I work part time so that I work while the kids are in school. It is great but most of the time I feel like a taxi driver! LOL As for the discipline and how to enjoy the time with your toddlers. Well, keep them busy and entertained. Try dancing school for one thing. They are both old enough for dance. I did that with my kids and they loved it. Still do actually. My daughter is starting her 10th year of dance and my son his 8th year! Do you have friends with kids? Have some playdates. What about preschool now for your son? He will learn social behavior there even with it being only 3 hours a day two days a week. When you shop it is difficult. I kept my kids in a double stroller at that age. Repetition is the key. Don't say things you can't stand behind. Be firm with the timeouts. The book the other girl suggested is great. I had it too. It was recommended to me for my son when he was in preschool. Good luck and ENJOY those toddler years. They are gone too fast! Mine are creeping into the teen years! Daughter is 11 and son is 9.