How to discipline toddler who hurt a cat?

Even at 4 she might not really know what "choke" means. Choking could have meant holding the cat around the belly, not necessarily the neck. Although this still means that the behavior needs to be dealt with, and she needs to be watched closely around the pets, she may not have meant that she sought to squeeze purposely around the neck with the hands, which is of course the adult definition of choke. I say this because my toddler says choke when she carries the cat around the middle.

Maybe it would help if you pet the cat with her and talked about petting nicely and how much the cat likes it, and how much he wants to be with her when she pets him nicely. They are still pretty impulsive at this age, and their wants drive them. Hang in there, it might just be what it is, she wanted the cat to stay. Watch for other signs of aggression and "meanness" before you panic.

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You cannot trust kids this age alone with an animal. I know, I have 2. It is so good that she came and told you. I make my kids apologize to the pets if they treat them wrong, just like they would have to do to another kid. I also take away there fav. stuffed animals, the ones they sleep with, after they have been warned. This is the main reason that I did not get my cat declawed, so he can defend himself!! And yes my daughter has scratches on her, but she is learning to treat him nicely.

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Dear A.,

Not knowing why your daughter was sent to her room and why she became so upset as to choke the cat, my response is not meant to scare you.

However, it is something to consider.

It is possible that your daughter has been touched in an inappropriate way and is acting out. Someone may have controlled her into a very frightening position and threatened her. If this has happened, the person, or people involved may have told her that if she said anything, her family would be hurt.

I would sit down with her and have the kitten on your lap. Explain that the kitty is just little and cannot defend herself. Ask her gently why she choked the kitten and if she understands why it is wrong to do that. Explain the kitten could have been hurt very badly. Let her know how proud you are of her that she told you about the choking and that it was the right thing to do because the kitten is an animal and can't tell such things whereas people can. This may encourager her to open up.

I hope this helps.

M. C S

I am a divorced grandmother of 62.

For the same reason 4yos are not allowed to babysit yet, they should not be left to care for pets unsupervised. They have no concept of cause and effect, no understanding about 'permanent injury' or 'death' and cannot be expected (at least not by anyone rational) to pretend to do so.

The cat should not be alone in the room with her, particularly if she is in a foul mood, but just generally, too. Small children have no idea how to care appropriately for animals. It's certainly not the child's fault, and she is not an evil little monster. She is a small, innocent child who has a great need (which will not go away soon) for supervision in order to learn appropriate social behaviour.

No one is born knowing how to care appropriately for animals or other humans... it's learned behaviour, and it cannot be learned in a bedroom alone.

Did the cat seem hurt in any way, if not I wouldn't worry to much about this. Work with her a little about how to touch the cat the right way. A 4 year old squeezing a cat because she wants to hold it is not that strange. If this continues, you may want to make a rule that she isn't allowed to touch the animals unless you are with her. I sgree with the other mom who said she probably doesn't even know what 'choke' really means.

While I applaud her honesty, I would definitely tell her that if she's going to choke the kitties, she will not be allowed to have them in with her.

Plus, if she's going to have a tantrum, she DEFINITELY cannot have a kitty with her. Better explain to her now the nature of cats: they do what THEY want and will not like being forced. Ask how she think she would like it if you did that to her when you're having a bad day.

Nip this in the bud now, A., before tantrums get out of control and her behavior gets any worse.

I don't understand what you mean about staying calm. You're teaching her what? You don't need to go out and flog her for God sake, but showing her some anger every once in a while could teach her the true impact of her behavior.

Hello A., The fact that your daughter told you this is telling to me. If she did it or not, attention is the reason to tell you about it, she wants to push your buttons. Otherwise she would have kept it a secret. This little girl needs something, and this is a cry for help. Take her for some therapy. Find out if she is acting out because of a trauma or something. If she is fine there, then her world needs to be rocked. If children aren't held accountable for their actions at this age, then the teen years will be awful. She shouldn't be left alone with ANY animals or other children, and she should know that it is because of her actions. Getting attention this way should backfire for her instantly, or she will continue this behavior in the future for more attention, since it worked the first time. Take this very seriously A., it is a sign that all is not well in your daughters life. Just keep in mind that your daughter isn't bad, but her actions are. You should love on her, spend special time with her, talk and play, when her actions call for it, but when her behavior isn't good, than the behavior she receives should equal her actions. Good luck, let me know how things go for you and your daughter.

Well, she willingly came to you and told you about her missbehavior, so first praise her for that. Hopefully she has expressed remorse. Then, let her know how serious her actions were--that the cat could have been hurt or even died. If you are too harsh on her you run the risk of her never coming to you again with the truth.

Keep an eye on her and do not let her alone with the animals for a while. Don't panic this probably is an isolated incident.

4yr olds definently have a mind of their own... but at that age they are old enough to comprehend such things like 'if you choke the cat, you will make it so he cannot breathe and he will die.' While that seems like a lot, she can mentally grasp that. Most kids at 4 don't have the cause and effect thing in place until mom and dad put it there... if you do THIS, THAT will happen. Sometimes it takes something hard, like choking the cat (or in my case my 4yr old sitting on the new baby's head and accidentally smothering him-lol he's okay) for the child to understand cause and effect because it's something they absolutely CANNOT do again. Good luck!

Oh dear A.,
Please take this seriously, regardless of your daughter’s aggression towards the cat you have to watch that the kitty doesn’t bite or scratch your daughter. We have had a cat for years he is darling and very sweet. However, I never knew that a cat bite is 80% infectious where a dog bite is 20% infectious. I know this because I spent the weekend with my son in the hospital after he was bitten by a Cat he developed a serous infection that only took 12 hours to develop! As far as your daughters aggression towards the cat kids love to play make believe with animals and they don’t know the dangers that can happen while playing with a living thing vs. a stuffed kitty. Best of luck, maybe she doesn’t know that she could have hurt the kitty, she just wanted to play.

Staying calm is not 100 percent the correct response here -Mistreating an animal because it is not acting the way you want is always wrong .
Your daughter should see that in the way that you respond to such a statement .
However the secondary reaction would /should be "can you tell me please what you mean by choked"
Explained that mistreatment of an animal or person is never tolerated for any reason.
For reasons of hers as well as the cats safety she should not be trusted alone with it until all of this is worked out .
She very simply may not understand the gravity of what she did . Perhaps there is something in her past you have to deal with but by all means SOMETHING needs to be done to protect the cats from your daughter and to insure that the cat does not injure her trying to protect itself .

I would watch how she reacts in general with her anger. Does she get out of control a lot when she is angry? Explain to her how that would really have hurt the cat. If you continue to observe this behavior with her talk with your doctor.