How to Discipline a Toddler for Whining

I say something similar to the other poster. "I can't understand you and when you are ready to talk clearly you can talk to me." Or if she starts pointing I say she needs to use words. She can use signs. I don't care, but eeeehhhh and pointing gets nothing. If she doesn't make a choice, then I choose.

The simplest (but also the hardest, because you have to be totally consistent!) is to just not be able to hear the whining! "I'm sorry honey, but my ears don't work unless you talk nice" repeat 500 times a day.....

Well, 20 month olds generally whine because they don't have the vocabulary to express what they want/need, and they get frustrated, so they whine. Encourage him to use his words. If he's whining and pointing at his empty juice cup, say 'more please!' very pleasantly. If he gets close (like says 2 syllables of anything), then he gave it a shot and you can oblige. If he continues whining, say 'I'm sorry, but I don't know what you want unless you use your words'... (don't NOT give your child water or juice if they're thirsty, but make them take a shot at asking, you know what I mean?). My 18 month old son only says about 4 words :( This is a daily struggle for us. The whining is out of control because he's SO frustrated... but we're getting there! Persistence is key :)

I tell my daughter I cannot understand her. If it continues, I walk away. If she still does it, I tell her she can either talk to me or go to her room because I don't want to hear the whining. It is usually nipped in the bud pretty quickly because she hates being put into her room 'in trouble'.

Stay calm (ha ha, not always easy) and make him ask for what he wants in a "big boy" voice. And yes, if his vocab is limited, just enough that you understand is fine. I don't automatically not give in b/c the positive reinforcement of giving them what they ask for when they ask right seems to make the biggest impact. Mine youngest is 4 now and when she is tired she still occassionally does the point and whine but it's hilarious to see the change that comes over her when I remind her we don't whine and to ask right. She gets a big smile on her face and uses her manners well.

A 20 month old does not have the vocabulary that he/she needs in order to communicate. Could I suggest that you look into the wonderful advantage of sign language?? Both of my grandsons used sign language from the time they were very VERY young...they are now 32 months and 18 months. Of course the 32 month old no longer needs to use it but you should see him "teaching" his 18 month old cousin to use it!!! It is so nice to not have to guess what the toddler wants...he tells us if he is cold, hot, wants water or juice, he gets excited to tell us that he saw a motorcycle, a train, when we go to the zoo he can tell us which animal he wants to go see first.
I personally would not "discipline" a toddler for whining...I would kindly tell him to "use his words" or try to decipher what it is that he is upset about. You shouldnt discipline someone for their feelings...you teach them how to deal with those feelings...whatever they are. Model the behavior that you want from your child...kindness, understanding, love, etc.

Holy heck, i re-read my answer and i sounded like a total B$%ch
I should have been more specific.
I don't ignore my son when he "whines" I do try to encourage him & now his L. sister to find another way to communicate what they want.

So if my lil girl starts whining, I will tell her that I can't understand what she wants when she whines. She needs to find another way to tell me what she wants.
Teach him ways to point at what he wants, or sign it somehow.

On my good days I say, "I'm sorry, but Mommy cannot understand what you're saying." They usually try again and know that that means without whining. Sometimes they need a second reminder. If that's not working we might take a deep breath together. I'm still teaching my 2 year old (and his speech is not great), but my 5 year old knows exactly what he's supposed to do and how he's supposed to behave.

i can only ignore it to a degree until it drives me freaking bonkers. when my L. girl is whining i do a few things... #1 - i do NOT give her what she wants, even if i'm able to understand what it is... #2 - i'll ask her to repeat herself in a pleasant big girl voice that i can understand... #3 - i'll put her(or tell her to go) sit in the big time out chair until she's ready to stop crying/whining... good luck, it can be maddening!

My daughter has (or had) two whinney girls. They stopped it by with holding what the girls wanted until they asked for it in a "happy voice". It took a while, but it worked. It has worked for my other children too if the parents don't put up with the whining.

Good luck to you and yours.

Our pediatrician recommended the book "1 2 3 Magic." So far it has worked fairly well for us. The key is to not react to them with any kind of emotion. They ask for something that they can't have and they start whining so you say "That's 1." You give them 5 seconds to stop and if it's is still going on you say "That's 2." After 5 more seconds if they are still whining you say "That's 3, time for a time out." Then you put them in their room for as many minutes as they are old. That give you a break from the whining and also removes them from the situation for long enough that they usually forget what they were even whining about. I was surprised at how well it works with my 26 month old son. Usually when he's whining and I get to "2" he says "no whining, time out" and moves on to playing with his toys or something (he doesn't seem to listen at just 1-but 5 seconds is much better than 10 minutes).

when my kids whine, I tell them "I can not hear when when you are whining. If you need something, then you need to use your big girl/boy voice and talk to me". If they still keep whining, then I walk away from them and I ignore them until they can talk to me. They usually get the hint pretty quickly

I have had to go through this with all 3 of my kids, ages 11, 6, & 4. I know first hand how frustrating it can be. I try to stay very consistent with my response. When one of them would start to whine, I would turn to them and calmly state that I don't listen to anyone who is whining. Then I would tell them that when they are ready to talk to me without whining, I will listen. Then I would turn and walk away. This has worked with whining, crying, yelling and screaming.

With whatever you decide to do, the key is to be consistent. This is one of those things that will not go away quickly. It will most likely take a long time. All of my kids revert back from time to time to see if they can get away with it.

At that age, I think the only way you can really deal with it is to not give in to it. He's too L. to really understand consequences, so I don't think punishment is really fair. But you can reinforce with your actions.
For my DS at that age (and even now, he's 3), if he whined for something, he automatically didn't get it. Bottom line.

Now that he's 3, he actually gets a time out if he starts whining about something (for him, it's usually "I want a cookie, etc..."). It's worked pretty well for us.

Ignore the whining. Teach him tools to help communicate. Just teaching him (please) in sign language will help. If he's not talking much, you're going to have to learn his signs as well to figure out what he's wanting/needing. But you can teach him to ask before giving what he wants.

The sign for please is moving your right hand in a circular (clockwise I believe) motion over your chest (or probably your heart).

For goodness sake, whatever you do, don't do the "ignore it and they'll stop" thing. That just shows them that it's ok to do in the first place. Ask him to ask for something properly by saying, "Juice, please" or whatever it is. I understand that speech may be limited so keep it limited. Give him 2 or 3 chances to ask properly. If he does, great. If not, send him away. If he throws a fit put him in his room or in his crib until he decides to stop. When he complies give him huge praises for asking properly. Be firm. He will do whatever he's is allowed to do.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

Hi, J.:

When the child whines, use that situation as a teaching opportunity.

If you were a teacher, how would you teach him how to ask in the appropriate way?

Somehow, whining is easy for him to communicate that way. He is
still a baby.

One response concerned me. Swatting a child teaches violence.

Teaching takes time. Don't get discouraged.

Good luck.
D.

i also started the 1-2-3 magic book and the techniques in there really work for us. in the past i also used the suggestion that several moms had about telling him that your ears don;t work if you whine, etc. which also seemed to work. whichever methods you choose, you just need to be consistent.