How to Deal with My Soon to Be Ex-spouse

I had this same issue with my DD bio-father. I wouldn't acknowledge any of his comments or I'd flat out tell him that we are done and the only connection we will have is our child. He even had the nerve to ask me for one last time (if you know what I mean) a few days before my DD and I were to move to SC to be with my hubby!!! Even after not living near him for almost 3 yrs he still makes comments to me on the phone when he calls to talk to our DD.Things like I miss you, I wish I would have straightened up a long time ago, blah blah blah. He's even slipped and told me he loves when we get off the phone!! He is married too!! I just say things like That's nice, I'm sorry things didn't work out, etc. Just stand your ground and just tell him your only connection now are the safty and well being of your children.

S.

1 mom found this helpful

You don't need to be mean to him, but if you have already talked about it and he is still wanting to get back together then just let it go. There is no need to make things worse and you are right it is better to be friendly especially for the children. If you are set on not being with this man anymore and there is no way you can reconcile, then just let it go he will eventually get the idea.

Kudos to you for being friendly with your soon to be ex!
Just keep doing what you are doing. Vent to friends,a journal,a counselor how it bugs you. Your kids will thank you.
Yes really they will. My son thanks me for how well my ex and I get along. People call us Demi,Bruce and Ashton--without the money!
email me if you want to talk more.
All the best

I use to deal with the same thing with my daughter's father. We use to argue a lot because I was over him but he was not over me (at first). Once he realized that I had no intension on getting back with him he STOPPED helping me with my daughter (sad). I am so glad that my daughter is old enough to talk to him herself. So when he calls I just had her the phone and we only if he wants to ask when he can pick her up or help me out financially. Eventhough we did not get a long I always aloud him to have a relationship with our daughter.

I said all of that to say...
Things get better with time.

We get along much better now. Both of us have moved on with our lives and are in NEW relationships with NO jealousy.

The best advice is to be straight open with him, from my experience is that atleast if your open with him, he made still get the wrong idea but atleast you know that you are being honest. I broke up with my sons father and through the years i told him that if it ever got so bad that i moved out that i would never go back. Our seperation was a slow process so I could get the expenses to move out but i was always very honest with him about everything, It didn't matter though because in his mind and heart i was going to go back. so atleast you know that you are being totally honest with him, his feelings may still get hurt or he may get upset but atleast you know you weren't leading him on.

Hi R.,

First of all hats off that you are trying to keep a sensible relationship with your soon to be ex. It seems that he has not come to grips with the break-up. That is unfortunate for him. You don't have to alienate the children because of him. The kids will always keep a relationship with their dad. If he wants more and even if you told him no, just let the kids talk to him. You really don't have to say anything to him unless it is regarding the kids. Keep all topics when talking to him about the kids. After my divorce, it was difficult for me because the break-up was very bad. But after 4 years of dust settling, My ex and I do talk especially for our son sake. I don't talk about anything except my son. He does the same. My son lived with me first and after 3 years he now lives with his dad. I don't go out my way to talk to him unless I am concern about my son. For you, since you too have split the children living arrangement you will be talking more for the sake of the kids, but don't let that keep you from moving on. Start living for you and the kids. Once he realizes you are standing on your own two feet, he will come to grips. Limit your calls and visit to him regarding the kids. If you are going to pick up the kids that live with him. Wait in the car and send the other kids to get them or have the kids wait outside. This will assist in not interlocking in a unwanted conversation. Also if he comes to pick the kids same applys. Your house will have to be respected. He has to ask to come in, again unless it is regarding the kids, he can't just come by and visit. I hope things will continue to be peaceful for you and the kids. Be strong and be happy. Take care and Good Luck.

Be firm with him and make sure he understands your intentions.