How to Deal with Infertility Blues? :(

We had this discussion the other night with a few families on our street who'd all gone through infertility treatment. They're the same age (early 40's), and one couple was able to conceive through IVF, and then had another child without even wanting to try almost immediately.

The other family was unable to keep a viable fetus in utero and chose to adopt instead. Today, they're completely happy with how life evolved.

In our case, we were able to carry to children full term very easily and have 2 healthy, gorgeous, thriving kids. But, a few weeks after my daughter's birth, I was diagnosed with cancer. After 5 months of chemo and 18 months of no cancer visible, I'd like another child. My husband and I are on opposite sides of the fence - I try to be thankful for the 2 healthy children I have. I missed almost the entire first year for my daughter, and I regret that along with our son's second year (my diagnosis was the day before his 2nd birthday).

My experience taught me that things do happen for a reason. It took cancer to open my eyes to what's wonderful in life and not to focus as much on what's missing.

Time is the hardest thing to pass when you want something desperately. It will lead you down the appropriate path - spend all your energy on loving your 2 current children as conditionally as possible, and you never know what surprises may lie ahead.

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After deciding to try for #2 (our first together), we got pregnant within 2 months. Unfortunately, it was an ectopic pregnancy that almost killed me and we lost our baby at 6 weeks. My older sister was pregnant at the same time and she was able to have a healthy pregnancy. Although I was SO blessed to have a healthy neice, I was so torn up that she got to have her baby and I didn't. After trying for 9 more months after that with no luck, my doc put me on Clomid for 3 months. It didn't work for me. We had given up trying b/c of the stress but after getting a hsg done to clear my tubes, I was pregnant on the one year anniversary of our first one's loss. She's 2 1/2 now and b/c of the stress that "ttc" put on us, we decided that we wouldn't actually ''try" for the 3rd, to just see if it happens. Well, Saturday I just found out that I am expecting #3. We didn't use protection for 2 years and it JUST happened.
I know exactly what you're going through. I hated looking at all the teenage moms who didn't have to try and the abusive parents who took their kids for granted. Diaper commercials made me cry, etc.
4 months isn't any thing to be too concerned about and the clomid DOES help about 50% of women. If not, it's not the only thing that you have going for you. Keep God's will in mind ( I know it's hard) and try not to stress out, as that will make it harder. My prayers are with you and your beautiful family!

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My husband and I have been blessed with our miracle son as a result of several rounds of IVF. I wish you and your husband the best, regardless of the route you choose. The biggest thing to consider is a pregnancy that is being "assisted" is the risk of multiples.

For those that think this is playing God, how do you receive any medical help when sick? That's the same....ugh, what a pet peeve.

Good luck and God bless!

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A therapist told me that I needed to give myself permission to deal with my infertility when I was ready to. I was overwhelmed by the news at that time and couldn't even function without tears. 11 years later I have a wonderful, healthy adopted son (we became a family when he was 6 1/2 mos old) and I can't imagine my life without him. I encourage you to consider adoption.

BTW, I was told waaay back then that no meds are indicated until much longer than 4 months. Try to hold off on that roller-coaster ride if you can!

I'm available to chat if you'd like.

S.

1 mom found this helpful

We tried for almost a year for our 1st one, I had crazy periods also... she said to try the clomid and it worked the first time! after that I never had to take it again, we have a 3 year old, 2 year old and 7 month old and I am due in Oct with our 4th!!! So, I would take the clomid if I were you. It made me VERY emotional!! but you only take it for 5 days.
As for dealing with it daily, it was very hard, I just prayed every day and everytime I was thinking about it, now God has blessed us abundantly, and I can't wait to see how many more He will bless us with!!! :)
Good Luck, I will say a prayer for you and God Bless!!!

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Be patient. Four months really is not long at all. It took my husband and I a year and a half to get pregnant the first time. Why? Stress. So do pray, meditate, do yoga to help relax.

I would also suggest that eating healthy, exercise and whole food supplements will help as well. Certain supplements will help to get your periods regular and do it naturally.

Many blessings.

1 mom found this helpful

Dear Motherof2,

My husband and I have a beautiful 3 year old that we love to pieces. We have been trying for about a year to get pregnant. I have PCOS and I rarely ovulate. I've taking a few rounds of Clomid and I'm not pregnant yet. It is rough, but I try to stay calm and relaxed because stressing will only make things worst. Just try to be patient and know that you aren't alone.

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I sure hope you are blessed like my dear friend Heidi was. She had two children. A boy and a girl. She always wanted a big family. It just was not happening. When her youngest was 5, she finally got pregnant. She miscarried at three months along. It was so hard for her. A year later, she concieved again, then lost it. She and her husband resigned to being happy with the two beautiful children they had. Then along came Grace! A seven year gap, then this beautiful little girl came along. When she was a little over a year old, Heidi discovered herself to be expecting again. Guess what! Twin boys! What a beautiful family! Keep praying, dear! Don't give up hope! I pray you will be able to concieve or be blessed with adoption. Hang in there!

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I had problems conceiving with both of my boys and it was a hard time. All of my friends were moms or pregnant already and I had been trying a year when my sister got pregnant. She was afraid to tell me! But I kept reminding myself that my husband and I were both ready and willing to adopt and we would make a family somehow. We were just about to inquire about adoption when I learned that I was pregnant with my first son (2 years after we started trying). I was on Clomid for about 10 months.
For my second son, I knew I wanted the kids about 2 years apart, so we started trying on my son's 1st birthday. After a couple months, I asked my OB to put me back on Clomid and I got pregnant during the first cycle. My boys are 2 years and a month apart. Miracle!
Don't give up. If you haven't tried the Clomid yet, do it. And try to focus on being happy in the moment. I don't know if it was coincidence, but with my first son, my husband and I had said "Forget it! Let's just forget about making a baby for a while" and they we ended up pregnant. So try not to put so much pressure on yourself and enjoy life now. Because when you do get pregnant and that baby comes along, it'll be too hectic to sit back and enjoy! :)

1 mom found this helpful

Don't be afraid to feel the pain. Grieve a little when it comes up, let it wash over you like a wave, and then subside. Then find something productive to do and get your mind on something else.

But really, 4 months is not a HUGE time to wait. The first time we tried to get pregnant we waited 7 months with no luck, then I got a good job and we quit for a year. Then started trying again, this time 7 months until I got pregnant. I was on the pill, so it probably took that much time to get me back on track again. That's what you're doctor's going to do, help your body start ovulating again. It will come, but it might not be scheduled like you'd like it to be. Everyone's body works on its own schedule, so it can be different for each of us.

Lastly, don't stress or obsess about it. Stressing causes your body to dump lots of cortizol (sp?) into your system, and this will have lots of negative affects on your body. Keep a positive attitude and focus on things to be grateful about.

Best wishes!

1 mom found this helpful

We had to try for 10 months to get pregnant. It was the longest 10 months of my life! The last month, essentially I had given up. I didn't temp/chart anymore, I drank wine and coffee, I didn't schedule rondevouz with my husband ;) etc. I did all the things I was not doing "just in case" the other months. And, that month we didn't try is the month we conceived our son.

Things that helped me relax were yoga classes and massage. There was a massage school close to where we live that offered massages for $12 (by students, but they were great!). Take care of yourself, don't stress about living as if you are pregnant (except take those prenatal vitamins every day for sure), and focus on doing fun things with your family.

Good luck... I hope you get some good info from your doctor and that you get your + very soon!

1 mom found this helpful

Relax! It's only been four months! We were trying for over a year for our first, and I found out one of my hormones was low. I was prescribed Clomid and was pregnant the next month. I wouldn't consider this infertility! Just a little delay, that's all. Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

In a different way--I had three miscarriages before having my son.
I believe that God's will happens in His time, not ours and that helped me deal.
To tell you the truth, I find it a little odd that you are this upset after only 4 months of trying. Usually, they won't do "anything" unless you've been trying unsuccessfully for a year! I think you're jumping the gun a little on this. It hasn't been "that" long, after all.

Personally, I don't like IVF. I feel like IVF is playing GOD.

The advice that I've given several friends who were debating IVF so that a pregnancy would save/strengthen their marriage - don't do it. If a marriage is having difficulties, that is why they aren't getting pregnant. Why bring another life into that world of chaos?

The advice that I've given several friends who were either debating IVF for the sole purpose of having another child, or were stressing about getting being pregnant, is this:
1. Answer this question: Do you want another child? Yes/No.
2. If yes, does your hubby/S.O. agree? Yes/No
3. If yes, embrace your decision, and then let it go. Don't give your body a timeline or ultimatem, it will let you down everytime. Don't take shots, watch charts, take your temp, etc. Its a proven fact that the less stressed you are, the more carefree you are, the more lovingly carefree you are, the more responsive your body will be.

So make your decision, tuck it away, and then be patient and wait for your answer.
Hugs.
M.

Slow down, girl! Go and try acupuncture. I know it sounds weird and crazy, but after years of being infertile and trying all the infertility drugs, and doing IVF to get my kids, I was diagnosed as premature menopause, even though I still was getting my period.

I tried acupuncture as a last result, about 4 sessions (btw it doesn't hurt), and now my bloodwork is normal and my hormones are all balanced out. Periods not weird anymore.

All your doc will do is tell you to wait until 6 months to a year of trying to get pregnant, then will start you on harmful drugs to make you ovulate, like Chlomid. Then if those don't work, the hormones they give you get stronger and stronger. They can get you pregnant, but they don't fix the whacked out hormones in your body.