How to Deal with Depression

You could try family service, they have counseling and base payment on your income. They helped me, and it only cost - get ready - $2 a session...
Best wishes for the best outcome.
W.

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Hi, T.!

First let me say that I'm NOT an expert,neither have I had depression, but I've worked with many different people as both a pastor's daughter and a teacher for high-school students and adults. I don't know the details of clinical depression, but here are some of my opinions anyway: :)

I think one important thing for people with depression is to realize that it is OK to feel like they feel. I don't know how familiar you (or your husband) are with the BIBLE, but a good read through the Psalms (not for the feel good stuff - although that is there) lets you see how King David (named as a "man after God's own heart") goes through terrific ups and downs and in-betweens. He is angry, hurt, exaltant, loving, desperate, hunted, hateful, sinfull, broken. All those emotions are reflected there - and he was STIll a "man after God's own heart!" There are others too - Elijah (or maybe Elisha?) prayed that God would just kill him, he was so miserable in the place he was in!

Anyway, I'm not trying to be preachy, just showing one place of encouragement for me and others when we feel like we are so BAD for feeling the way we feel. I do believe God is the healer of everything, but I also know that doctors can help out too.

So, best wishes to your family. Hope things look up soon!

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T.,
You have a rare and wonderful husband if he is able to admit he has depression and actually say he needs some help. That is VERY hard for men to do, so GOOD ON HIM. That said, you're right...it will not just go away. You might start by calling your/his general doctor and explaining the situation. Physicians take depression very seriously these days (thank goodness), so maybe he can recommend a somewhat affordable treatment alternative, or maybe he can even right a script for something (if he's seen your husband recently enough). I was ADAMANTLY opposed to taking anything the last time I struggled with depression. My doctor looked me square in the face and said, "OK, well you're going to." He was right. Everyone responds differently to different meds, but for me Wellbutrin was a wonder drug. It helped immediately and in a big way. There are so many out there. I needed it only temporarily. SOunds like a lot of your husband's depresseion might be situational (a new baby brings a lot of fear and responsibility to men), so maybe he can work through some of the issues (with help), and go back to being his "old self." Unfortunately, therapy is something you are just going to have to work into your budget somehow. Invest in someone well-regaurded. Call around, you might be surprised who will work with you financially. One last thing--while a change may indeed do your husband good, he is in no state to make major life decisions right now. Maybe you can gently support his need for change (help him research jobs/places to live) with the understanding that you guys cannot make a move until he is mentally sound again. MIght help if you find some research about that to help plead your case. Good luck to you and your family.

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Hello T., I have a friend is in a similar situation and what she did was she paid to see the doctor for her consultation and then they prescribed an antidepressant and some medicine for anxiety also because she was going through the same ideas that in another place it would be much better with new people and a new job. In the end some of those things will have to be changed if they are causing him to be down. but for now you can get some medications for as low as $4.00 for a months supply even with out insurance.
Always check walmart or tom thumb and some times if you prefer one place they will match the price.

I hope this helps.

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Contact your local mhmr office. They can help and low fees. But there is a waiting list.

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T.,
What a good wife you are!! And how awesome it is that your husband came to you to talk to you. Alot of men won't do that b/c of the stigma of mental health. My advice to you is get him in to a doctor. He needs to be evaluated and may need medication. YOu can also google depression and look at signs and symptoms of depression. I would also make sure that he does not feel like hurting himself. If he does then please make sure you take him to the ER. Good luck to you and your husband!

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I've fought depression for a long time and I can tell you that, although it is hard to do, getting enough exercise plays a huge part. Also, instead of going to straight to medications, try having his hormone levels checked. When any of our hormones are out of whack it can affect/produce mood disorders. Is he tired a lot? Because that could signify a thyroid prob, because depression is another symptom of an over or under-active thyroid.

But, if it is mostly displeasure with his job, just try to be supportive and happy. My husband made a major career change a few years ago and it is important for our bread winning hubbies to be happy in their work.

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T.,
Let me start by saying what a good wife and friend you are by supporting him like this. I am actually dealing with this right now too. I just got the courage to do something about it. My father is in the mental health field so I know it is nothing to be ashamed of, but it is still hard to admit there is something that you can't handle on your own. It is possible that if your husband makes the changes he wants to that it will help, but it may not. Do you really want to take that chance? It could help at first but then he could realize it's not enough and want to make bigger changes, or worse get more depressed and hurt himself or others.

My advice would be to do what you can to get him better now. I understand the insurance is a big issue but I'm sure there are programs to help with that. Explain it to the doctor and ask for suggestions or referrals. Also ask about getting on a clinical trial maybe. The cost of medication and doctors fees will be paid. I would think they would also provide counseling services because they need more evidence than just the patient saying I feel better or worse. They also pay you because it's a new drug. That said, don't dismiss the idea just because of the risks. They go through a lot of testing before they get to the clinical trials. They are also often just testing a slight variation in their formula of an already proven drug. If I did not have a good insurance now I would have looked into joining one. After exploring the options, you can make the best decision for your husband and family.

Good luck to both of you.

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There are many therapist that will work on a sliding scale and work out a smaller lower price for those who can't pay or don't have insurance. Talk to your primary care doctor for a referral or a starting point. I've used this kind of service before, however its been a good 15 years. Don't get discouraged if it takes your husband a while to find the right therapist too.

It won't get better on its own, however his situation can improve. He needs a good listener and non-judgemental attitude. That's sometimes hard to do as a spouse. (believe me I know) I wish you the best of luck.

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Hi T.,

I also delt with post partum depression and it went away on its own after my first child (like you) but it did not go away after my second child. I felt like my emotions were on a roller coaster and I was along for the ride! Your husband probably feels like if things change (he starts over) he will feel better, when actually the change needs to be within him! Since you don't have insurance and I agree with you that changes made in your life may very well help, I would first try to find some things he enjoys doing and incorperating those a little more into his life. Exercise is soppose to help tremendously (I was not motivated enough on my own!). I truly believe a healthy lifestyle helps too - our bodies don't run so well on JUNK! And if he still feels in the "dumps" then I would look into the medication. Zoloft works great for me! Made a big difference!
Best of luck - my prayers are with you!

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Hi T.. It sounds like you and your husband are having a difficult time. It does sound like he needs to see a counselor. You mentioned you do not have insurance. Will you be able to pay out of pocket? If not there are resources out there for people who do not have insurance. I can give you some names of people to call if you tell me what city/county you live in. I work in the mental health field. I would definitely recommend taking him to see someone before the depression gets worse.
K.

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As a Licensed Professional Counselor, I ask that you seek help for your husband. Depending on you address, free counseling may be available. If not my office, uses as sliding scale to she if he can be helped from talk or medication or a combo of the two. Our phonr is ###-###-#### I pray he will give someone a call.

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I have gone through this myself. At one point, I moved, switched jobs and gym, and tried to distance myself from everything in that situation, trying to outrun the feelings I was having. Well, as you might have guessed, the depression followed. I went to many different therapists until I found the one that "spoke the language" I needed to hear. I did not have insurance at the time, but finding a way to pay for it was worth it. I also took (still take) antidepressants which were prescribed by my regular doctor. It's typically easy to get a prescription for them--most doctors simply make you take a quiz to help determine if you are truly depressed. (I am not advocating medication for every person, of course.) One frustrating thing is trying to figure out which medication works for you. You're already depressed and if the medication doesn't work, then it can make you feel worse. You have to have patience and a support network to help you through. I believe there are generic versions of several antidepressants that are affordable.

Please feel free to PM me if you need more advice or just want to "talk". I can also give you the name of the therapist that helped me so much. I have dealt with depression on and off for a long time and am finally functioning happily--if that makes sense.

Good luck to you and your family.

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Does your husbands job offer counselling? Some employers offer it to their employees at no charge. He would just need to talk to someone in HR to find out. Everything that they do is confidential also, so no worries about his co-workers finding out what he's going through.

I would also suggest not making any major changes until he speaks to someone. He really needs to get to the bottom of the issues before deciding if those changes will make a difference in his life.

I think it's wonderful that he confided in you how he was feeling. When my husband was in school last year, he too hit a depressive state and wanted to change everything. We sat down, had a long discussion about little things that WE could change together, and started implimenting them. I think he was overwhelmed with school, work, family matters, and not having any free time just to get away. I tried to handle as much of the family stuff that I could (also working full-time), we set a specific time for everyone (3rd and 6th graders) to study without distractions, and we established one day during the weekend where he got to do what he enjoyed (when he wasn't working) the other day we spent doing something away from the house as a family. It wasn't but a few weeks and the change in him was very evident.

Sometimes things just build up over time and you don't even realize how much your dealing with until you wake up one day and you are overwhelmed and consumed by everything you have to deal with.

I wish you and you husband the best and hope that this is just a short term situation for you.

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Some churches has counseling services. Or they recommend places to you, they generally pretty good prices. I know talking to a third person that was unrealated to my husband & I has helped him at times, as well as our marriage. Depression doesn't always mean you need meds, I think a lot of people think it does. I don't know your husbands case, so I don't know if he does or doesn't. The advice I'm giving is from personal experience/family members. Are you involved in a good church? It has also helped my family a geat deal to be involved & have people around us that keep us accountable to everything in life. If you need to go the medical way, the state of Texas provides insurance. There is also this pretty good priced insurance that my friend told me about. Next time I talk to her I will find out the name for it. Hope all goes well, & y'all are able to work through it. It is awesome that he reached out to you & isn't trying to keep it to himself.

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I wouldn't start anything new until he is evaluated. New things like that may seem to be the answer, but right now the chaos will actually make coping skills worse. I agree with seeking out a county or city mental health facility. Every counth has one. You can go to an emergency room, but I doubt they will prescribe unless he is having suicidal thought or a manic type event. Then they will do a referral and expect you to follow up. They can't turn you away for the inability to pay, but they do bill you and expect you to make payments. The first step is treatment. Then remember that you will have to balance out some things he wants. Like realize that he may have some good ideas, but that swithcing jobs, moving and getting new friends will not cure depression with those things, because the problem is with you. I would also make sure that he is eating healthier. My husband has depression. And he feels worse when he is eating more junk food, especially at work. I also make sure he takes his multi-vitamin with a morning reminder. I also try to encourage him to do some things he enjoys, like watching movies a couple of times a week. He is also a loner and needs a certain amount of "alone" time. Hence, the movie theater. Then he can decompress and deal with the kids and ME :)
I also try to make sure he gets plenty of rest, as he works night shift. And when I think he is having problems I make sure he has his medicine, gets a follow-up at doctor, etc. I also try to encourage some exercise activity with the kids, like walking along while they are riding bikes, as exercise helps depression as well as sunshine. Sometimes he really doesn't see how far he has slipped. So I watch him pretty well. He did take medication, but currently isn't on any. It was low dose prozac for about 2 years, but has since tapered off. since he doesn't want to take "drugs". but he is open to them if he or I think he needs them. And he trusts my opinion.
I think that it is awesome that you two have a good enough relationship for him to be vulnerable and tell you and for you to help him cope. Alot of men find it hard to admit shortcomings or weaknesses like that. my hubby suffered for about 2 years before i got him talked into going to the doctor to be treated and has done very well since.
But we also know that he can have symptoms at any time and we also watch for those as well. You don't have to see a mental health professional. If you have a family physician you may need to start there first. Some medications like prozac are very effective and generic, so are very affordable.
good luck,
L.

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T.,

As a person who has dealt with clinical depression for the last 10+ years of my life, let me start off by saying that your postpartum depression is WAY different than the depression he's suffering now. Your postpartum depression was your body adjusting to life after having supported a baby for 9 months. His clinical depression, if that's what he is diagnosed with, is a chemical imbalance in the brain that will not just go away like yours did. It's physically impossible for him to do that. The reason that I'm harping on this point first thing is that I my own DH still doesn't all the way believe that I really have a medical problem. He thinks I should be able to just snap out of it if I tried hard enough. This has made it a lot harder for me to stay on track with my own treatment, and I'm so glad to hear that you are open to what your own DH is telling you.

With that said, and with my own experience, this will not go away on it's own, nor will it get any better if he changes his environment, friends, job, whatever. It will follow him until he turns around and faces it. Trust me, I know how expensive the treatment can be, but there are medications out there right now that are on the $4 generic list, and there are a lot of therapists who work on a sliding scale, based upon your income. Both of these I would recommend, because the meds deal with the chemical imbalance, and the therapist can give him invaluable tools on how to deal with it.

I applaud all your efforts in trying to help him, and I wish you and your husband nothing but the best!

E.

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T.,
I am so sorry that I don't have any advice to send to you. But I didn't want you to feel like you were alone, so I'm writing to say that I will be praying for you and your family. Does your husband's company have an employee assistance program. many companies offer one to three visits with a therapist who could recommend someone. Many therapists are available at little to no cost if you go through a county or state agency. And churches, like the one I attend, often have a licensed and registered therapist on staff. It sounds chemical by your description and often it only takes a short time with drugs that can help to bring someone's brain into a place where it begins to make the chemicals on it's own.

Know that I'm praying for you and that as much as you love your child and your husband God loves each of you infinitely more. Ask and then LOOK for His answer. I'll pray He makes it abundantly clear to each of you.

Suzi

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Contact a local mental health facility and explain your situation to them. Sometimes their services are free or on a sliding scale. It sounds like your husband needs to be on anti-depression medication. I'm happy that he has shared this with you - that's a good first step. And - depression is more common than you know. Medication could make a world of difference. Please don't delay - he's asking for help and it sounds like he needs it. Also - I suggest that you tell him not to change up anything right now - don't start a new job or move, etc. Let the medication take it's course and then make those big decisions. I've been on anti-depression medication at certain times in my life and believe me, it really, really helped me. Good luck!

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Trust me...moving and starting new doesn't alleviate the depression and it can be quite stressful actually making the depression worse. Especially if he feels it was the wrong choice. I would deal w/ the depression first and then move if you want. Try an urgent care or clinic and see if the doc can't write a prescription for an antidepressant. They might if he tells them the situation. Some generic brands of the antidepressants are pretty cheap. He would have to take them for a month + to see if they are having an effect. There is nothing embarrasing about this. These days with the stress we are all under, most of the people I know are taking them and reportedly they have helped alot. Good luck!

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The girls pretty much said everything that needs to be said...GOOD JOB. I just have one thing to add. If he does need medication, there are several anti depressants at Wal-Mart costing only 4$!!! Im on one right now, Celexa.

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He needs to do my nutrition response testing. I am so excited about it. I can find out if one of his organs needs nutrition and help that organ so that we can heal up his body, and he won't need to get on medication. He won't have depression once we find out what is causing it. Call my office. ###-###-####

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I don't know where you live but you can go through the county MHMR and they will sign him up for a program called Norstar and help him find a counselor that takes it. Lake Regional MHMR has an office in Greenville and Royse City. My son is 33 and he has been asking for help. He went to the E.R. at Glen Oaks in Greenville, Texas and they sent him to Green Oaks in Dallas who in turn got him into a program. He has just been diagnosed with depression and being bi-polar. His problems began in his late teens and he had problems through his 20's and it just gets worse. It is good that he is seeking help now before it get too bad. My son would not get help for his problem until now.

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T.,

Your right depression is very serious and needs to be taken seriously. I would recommend getting him to see a Christian Counselor asap. There are several things that can set depression into motion and I believe a counselor can narrow that down for you, and sometimes just being able to talk freely helps. There are also some other things I have heard really helps being on a good vitamin and on Fish oil. I am an Arbonne Consultant and we have some really great vitamins that are hybrids and a RE9 fish oil tablet that people are raving about. I make no medical claims with either one, but have had several people have amazing results with both. Please contact me if you are interested. C. Ezzell ###-###-####, ____@____.com
PS... I also have a great christian counselor in the dfw area if you need a recommendation. I have been seeing him for a little over a year.

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Depression is a serious issue. It is not likely that it will resolve itself. Your husband need to seek out a good counselor to help work through what is making him depressed. I would recommend a Christian counsellor, but if your family is not comfortable with that any good counsellor can help. Though it may just be a chemical imbalance, there are usually issues underlying it. He also needs to discuss getting on an anti-depressant with his Doctor. There are a lot of good ones on the market that have few side effects. I don't know your husband, but for most men, it is difficult to ask for help. If he is asking, there is something wrong and it needs to be taken seriously. I would not recommend any major changes without seeking counselling first, as when you are depressed you do not always make decisions for the right reason. That is not saying that you should not support your husband, you are right on. You need to support him with prayer, understanding, and encouragement. Also, keep private this asking for help. I know we as women need to seek advice and talk through these things, but men are more private and he is truly opening up to you and laying himself out there. Keep it private between the two of you and your counsellor. That is the biggest mistake I have made is talking to all my friends about issues between my spouse and myself. Good luck and God Bless.

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Look into the JPS health network...
I know they have plans for ins and stuff I dont know details I have just heard about it.
Look into it... Get the man some help.... Be proud of yourself for standing beside him when he is not acting like himself.

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Hi T.,
Where do you live? There is an organizattion call MMHR in Denton county that can access him and gethim treatment without insurance. I know htere is an office in Dentona nd Lewisville and there are probably other locations as well.
You can do an internet search.
If he really feels bad he can also go to the emergency room of any hospital and ell them he is depressed and they will probably admit him and have him evaluated. They cannot turn him away even if you have no insurance.
It is important thathe get evaluated because also between 20 and 25 many men can have a mental break that is the beginning of bi-polar disorder, it can either start with depression or mania.
Once he is evaluated the Dr will know if is situational depression that counseling and shorterm med would help or not.
Good Luck,
K.

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T.,
I live a chronically depressed man. I have heard it said that depression is anger turned inward. My hubby has had a whole host of reasons to turn his anger inward and I won't go into them here. I knew when I met him he was depressed. I just thought my love and care and a new life away from his family would do the trick. It did not. 4 years into our marriage, after many tears and arguments, I finally convinced him to go to a dr. He is now on meds and most likely will be for the rest of his life. He has tried to come off of them in the last 6 years, but it didn't work.

Don't wait too long to get your hubby to some counseling to talk about whatever is bothering him. Please Contact IMPACT counseling center at ###-###-####. They are based out of Lake ARlington Baptist Church in Arlington.

Exercise will help get those endorphines moving. Even if it is just a walk. That might buy you some time to get him to the dr. I know you don't have insurance. Be prepared to pay the price. If you don't pay it now, it will be higher later.

Praying for God's healing hand....

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Call Texas 2-1-1 community helpline, they might be able to refer him to an agency. Maybe he doesn't have to pay.

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Been there, Done that. It does effect the whole family. My husband said it felt like he knew what he needed to do and what he should do but he just couldn't make himself do it. He lost his job due to the depression and his temper just got worse and worse. Treat it Now. Have him see a doctor as well as a thearipist. There are clinics for low income that work on a sliding scale. Don't be afraid of anti-depressants - they are life savers and not expensive (generic runs about $4 a month). Most of all, give it time to work once he starts treatment. There is no instant cure for depression, it will take a lot of understanding on your part.

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Hi T.,
First, let me say how wonderful it is that your husband has revealed to you how he's feeling. That's HUGE. The one main thing he can do is begin or up his exercise routine. Exercise truly helps.
Second, I have depression/anxiety and have been on Lexapro for a year and a half which really helps me. However, you mentioned that you don't have insurance, which could cause a financial problem if he wants to go with medicine.
I have recently learned of a natural remedy called SAM-E. I read about it in a book by Brown, Bottiglieri, and Colman called "Stop Depression Now." Teodoro Bottiglieri, PhD, is a senior research scientist and director of neuropharmacology at Baylor Univ. Medical Center's Institute of Metabolic Disease, Mass Spectrometry, and Biochemical Diagnostic Unit in Dallas. (Wow, that's a mouthful!)
Anyway, I have wanted to try this myself but haven't yet. I am an elementary teacher and I don't want to change my medicine until after school gets out. These last two weeks are very stressful!
I hope you will be able to either find the book, Google the SAM-E, or maybe even talk to the professors.
Good luck!
LeAnn

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I had a touch of depression, and I have worked as a medical assistant for about 10 years. The doctors and drug reps all recommended I try St. John's Wort before taking any prescription. It is an over the counter natural supplement. I do not want to lead you to believe this is a cure, if he is just struggling with a mild case of depression, I believe this will help. If it does not help, then you should contact a doctor, and he should receive counseling as well as prescription treatment possibly. Good luck, I will keep you in my prayers. - C. A. in Mesquite

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T.,
I won't repeat what all the other ladies have said but I did want to reitterate a couple of points.

I have struggled with depression for the last 8 years and no matter how much your husband thinks that moving, changing jobs etc will help him shake it, it won't work. I thought that myself and NOTHING has made it go away.

My husband thinks that I can just "snap" out of my depression if I really wanted to, but just know that it isn't that easy. Counseling and the help of medication is going to be the best thing right now.

You can also research natural ways to help with depression, I've been reading that we can control depression a LOT with changing our diet.

You seem like a very supportive and loving wife, keep up the good work. Blessings to you!

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I can totally understand what you are dealing/going through. I myself was diagnosed with depression in my late 20's after going through a very, very traumatic situation in my life. I tried for several months to get over it on my own but finally i needed help. I did see a therapist that really help me alot. Talking openly about my feelings with someone who wouldn't judge me and would be impartial to my situation really helped. I was put on anti-depressants and took them for several years. I feel as if I have things under control now just every now and them I get "the blues". I was really tired of having to take medication to just feel normal so I quite cold turkey, bad idea. Tell your husband he might try St. John's Wart, it's natural and seems to be a milder version of what I took or at least that what I felt like. I no longer take medication daily just a St. John's Wart when i start to feel down. Please be patient with your husband and let him know you will be the shoulder he needs to lean on.

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Dr. Phil says not to make decisions while in the middle of the storm. So I think it would be a bad time to make decisions right now. I would seek counseling...maybe at your local church. I think you can get help from MHMR. I don't think you need to start moving everytime he feels this way. I think you need to learn to deal with whatever issues he is facing head on. I'm sorry you have to deal with this..My mom is manic. I think part of the reason is because she never learn to deal with things. She took drugs which can help but can make it worse. Take it slowly and each day at a time...I hope you find the help you need.

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Dear T.,
I too am 23, I have been married for 4 years and I have a very rambuntious almost 3 year old. From my own experience Depression is so much more than the postpardim (???) depression. I suffered from depression from about the middle of 8th grade until graduation several years later. I did my best to put on a happy face at school and later work, but people always asked me why I looked tired. I got very upset over that.
I got so depressed, for a while I turned to self mutilation and boys. I cut myself until my parents found out. Boys I was able to hide. I did not understand what was going on with me and why I was so unhappy all the time, even when I was doing my best to have fun. My senior year my mom finally got the clue, but didn't really do much to help. She did try to get me to see a counslor at school, but that just made me mad. I was not ready for someone else (a stranger) to be all up in my buisness.
I wish I had gotten help, I truely believe that I would have made a lot fewer mistakes, have a lot less to be ashamed of and I would not have ugly scars on my legs and arms.
I am not saying that your husband is this bad, I am not even trying to scare you, I am trying to say that insurance or not your husband is screaming for help. He told you he is needing it. If it has been a couple of months then it is already taking a toll on him. Depression can be caused by a million differnt reasons. Please get him help before it (the depression, not your husband) ruins your family.
It took 4 years of my life and turned it into hell.
I just had a thought, Men have to adjust to a new baby too. Maybe he has been feeling like your new baby, which I am sure he absolutly loves, is getting all your love and he is only getting left overs and obligations. Just a thought.
Do get him help. Your family is worth the money!
LP
Even in moving it will follow, I still struggle now and then, but I have taught myself how to handle it. I consider myself a very happy person.
Good Luck!

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T.,

Depression is very real, and as a therapist once told me "if you had a big gaping gash in your leg you would get it fixed right? Depression is something that is treatable and you can correct why wouldn't you?" Remind him that if you move you have to take YOU with YOU! That will not fix anything! He will want to work from the inside out. He might just need to truly talk to a therpist and get it all OUT! Parenthhod often brings a yucky childhood out to slap us in the face! It sure did for me. Therapy WORKS and I do not have to be on any med's today or be in therapy. Keep supporting him and you will see what a difference just that makes! I have two children but did not have post partum. I know they are very differnt. One is hormonal and one is emotional. Get on line and read about depression, it will help if you do the research. Great luck!!! S.

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T., I empathize with you and your husband. However, I would urge you both to get some help BEFORE you make any major decisions, such as quitting a job, moving. He probably should see a doctor and ask about a generic antidepressant. The newer antidepressants usually are not generic and can be very expensive, which could depress your husband even more. Generic meds are usually around $4.00. Depression, however, usually needs a two-pronged approach: Counseling and meds. Check to see if your church has counseling staff or check with groups like Galaxie Center in Garland who charge on a sliding scale. When a person is actually depressed, they are, in effect, in an "altered state"; i.e. their brain chemicals (neurotransmitters) are in some sort of imbalance and that directly affects the way they think about things and process imformation. Many times every thing looks bleak and one may just want to "go away and escape"--move, new friends, new job, etc. If, after he receives treatment, the two of you still feel you should do all those drastic things, then you are in a better position to make INFORMED DECISIONS. If he has felt this way 2 months, I would seek help immediately. Start with your family doctor. Good luck to you both.

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Hi T.,
You are so good to be so supportive. It is really wonderful that your husband sees that he is having trouble as well. There is hope. There really is. The feelings he is having in regards to work, friends, and life in general are very common in those who are depressed. There are many avenues for help. If you do not have insurance that will cover care you could try a few things first. These have been clinically proven to help with depression. These are great avenues to try first UNLESS YOUR HUSBAND IS AT RISK TO HIMSELF OR TO OTHERS. If he is suicidal or at risk of harming others I believe you can go to the Emergency Room and they can direct you to help.

1. Excerise - this stimulates the a part of the brain that is connected with emotions, etc. Make sure he gets his heart rate up for a good length of time.

2. Cognitive Therapy - "thinking" therapy, you can actually do physical therapy for your brain and can truly REWIRE your brain and make PHYSICAL changes to the neural pathways by working on changing the way you think. It is amazing. A good book for this is: "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" and its accompanying workbook "The Feeling Good Handbook" by David D. Burns MD.

PBS just aired a special last night called "Depression: Out of the Shadows". It was really good in relation to showing how clearly clinical depression is a MEDICAL disease that is for the most part treatable.

It is important that you continue to support your hubby as you have been doing. You may have to let things he does or says (as long as they are not physically abusive) roll off your back. Just remember that he is suffering in a black hole and may not see the light. I know that it is really hard for you too. I can tell that you are a wonderful wife and just right for him.

The advantage you have, in being healthy, is that you still have your wits about you and can see who your husband really is, the promise your lives hold, and that all is not lost. You can see "the light".

The most important thing you can do, in addition to the above, is pray. The power of prayer can be felt no matter where the recipient of the blessings is. I know this to be true. The Lord can help even when we feel that there is nothing we can do. He knows all that we go through and He knows just what we need. I believe in the power of prayer.

Also, you can help make sure that he has something to look forward to everyday, even something small. (A favorite meal, time with you and the children, a chapter in a good book.) Also, if he can have something major to look forward to every few months like a weekend trip or a concert or symphony or a visit from family and friends that will help.

All of the above things being done, medication and therapy may be required to pull him out of this. Try to help him see that those things are okay and that he is not somehow weak for taking that route. If he broke his leg he would not refrain from going to the hospital to have it set, or if he had cancer he would not refuse care, or if he had diabetes he wouldn't stop taking his insulin. To not seek care for those things wouldn't be considered strong, it would be considered unwise.
It is exactly the same with clinical depression.

I hope these things help. Keep praying and everything will work out. You can get through this.
Best Regards,
A.

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T.:

I'm sorry to hear this. Do you have a local church that provides counseling? Many do and they will work with you or charge you on a sliding scale fee. My church does. I also believe there is a national mental health organization that deals with mental health and they maybe able to give you some referrals based on your circumstances. Also, look in the directory of your white pages (located in the front of your phone book) which may list it.

I hope this helps and you are able to find the help your husband needs. I'll keep you in my prayers.

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Please seek in your town mental health resources, do not stop searching for help. Be aware of his moods, talk to him, make notes so that you can have data on his emocional condition which can be of help to his doctor later on. Please do not take any of his moods personally, he just might need professional help! Just love him, encourage him, up lift his spirit with positive feedback, be assertive and firm. You're a wonderful wife for asking for help on his behalf.
I have a sister that showed mark depression in her youth, she refused help so many years later she ended up with anxiety, panic attacks and even psychosis.
The longer you wait to treat mild depression the longer would take to get hold of a good treatment....just like diabetes or any other desease.

You're on our prayers!

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