S., I'm sorry. I know how that feels. My youngest daughter has had similar behavior. There is no rationalizing with her when she is in full anger or explosion mode. "The Explosive Child" was a lifesaver book for us. I noticed the first glimmer of this behavior when she was 4. We hit rock bottom when she was 6, which is when I read the book, and we changed our approach with her. Now at 9, things are much, much better. It's not perfect. We still have a few bad days, but they are much fewer and further between than they used to be. It sounds like your daughter is a lot like mine, chronically inflexible, highly intelligent, and strong need to be in control of her own world. I've found that keeping calm and trying to be patient and knowing that her anger mood always passes helps a lot. This is not easy, and does not come naturally to me, but I've gotten better. The more I tried get all authoritative with her, feeling tremendous pressure to "nip it in the bud" during her anger and disrespectful moments, the worse things got. The collaborative problem-solving approach in "The Explosive Child" plus changing my own perspective helped us a lot.