How to Convince DH That It's Time to Start Working on #2? - Woodstock,GA

Please don't try to convince him. When it comes to having a baby, you need 2 to say yes, but only 1 to say no. I think you should talk to him more about it, finding out if he really wants a second or if the economy is an excuse.
I think if you talk him into it before he's ready then he will resent you, possibly resent the baby, and would definitely not be the help you need with 2 children.

I know you want to go ahead, and I had mine at 36 and 38, so I understand the argument, but if he's TRULY worried about his job right now, listen to him! My husband got laid off last summer just as we had moved into a new home and I was pregnant with #2. He found another job making about 1/2 of what he was making, and although we're getting by, I STILL have not been able to find a job that will cover child care costs and allow me to bring home some $$$. I LOVE my kids and my second one completely, but this has been an EXTREMELY stressful and frustrating year. You're right -there's never a perfect time to have a baby, but some times ARE better than others. I would really talk to him about how worried he is regarding his job because it is difficult to find another one quickly. It also REALLY sucks when you're pregnant and going to deliver and you're having to pay COBRA costs (although there is some help from the Obama administration now for that) -and getting new insurance. Because of the lay off and getting a new job and COBRA expenses last year while I was pregnant and delivering, we owe around $3500 in medical bills.

SO -really find out if he's just using it as a stall tactic or if there is real concern. Also, make sure he is on board. If he really doesn't want a child right now, it's worth it to wait a little later because you will be astounded at how much extra there is to do with a toddler and an infant. You really need for him to be on board and happy because you're really going to need his help!

It's too funny - I'm 37 and had this EXACT same problem. What worked for me was when I started gathering items for a yard sale. He seemed to get a little panicked when I was getting rid of big ticket items, such as car seats, crib, etc. At that time, we were finally able to have a good discussion about the fact that I don't think it's fair to the baby to intentionally wait until after 40 to have another child (I stress "intentionally" b/c I know plenty of woman have children after 40 with no problems, and many don't have a choice in it, but if I can try to have one sooner rather than later, it would seem to be in the best interest for the baby. The rest God will take care of.) Not to mention that prenatal care is potentially more expensive just because of my age. We've decided to try again just after this summer, and hopefully we will be on our way to the second child soon. Ultimately, we're not really in control, but I have faith! Hope this helps and good luck.

There needs to be a compromise. I understand your husband's concern about possibly being unemployed. That would mean no health insurance for the pregnancy and delivery. You might qualify for medicaid but things could be extremely difficult. Why not wait 6 months and if his job then seems stable, try for #2. We are all hopeful that things will improve and if he feels more secure in his job before that, then go for it. Your part time work and him drawing unemployment it would be very difficult to stay afloat. I know you feel your clock is "ticking" but a few months should not make a difference. Both parents must be in agreement on this one to keep resentments from later on surfacing. V.

Have you ever heard the expression, "waiting for X is like waiting until you have enough money to have a baby." That said, knowing what our economy is like and having experienced job loss in my own past, your husband's concerns are good ones. People still change jobs -- even in this economy... I hope you come up with a good solution to your quandary. I'm on a similar boat.

Just the facts: fertility plummets after age 35. I know - I had one at 38 with the help of chlomid and now I'm forty, nature aint't workin' and it costs money no matter how you cut it - fertility or adoption are both big bucks. I am very grateful for my daughter and I pray every day that God will bring her a sibling (or two!) because I feel so sorry for only children and my husband is one. He can tell you the pitfalls of being one! But only God can grant them and praying will give the answer - whether it's changing your husband's mind or letting you know that this is it.
Be sure and show your husband all of these great letters you've received so he can see all of the different aspects, opinions and views and help him make a choice - hopefully in your favor! Money is usually a temporary situation and God provides - he really does!!

I think GOD would say and has said before "where is your faith my child?" If he provides the bread crumbs for the birds do you not think he will provide for your family? If it is within God's plan for you to have another - then it shall be. You cannot walk around in fear-trust in HIM and have faith my child because GOD WILL always always provide-all you have to do is ASK. Take charge and ask for the things back that satan has stolen and lied about in your life. If it's his will he will bestow those blessing back upon you and your family.
Yes, I believe that God also gave us common sense too - hence the reason I personally stay on birth control because I know our situation and it just wouldn't be the right thing to do right now. God will lead me when the time is right but if it happened by accident I believe that God doesn't make mistakes and that it happened for a reason and I have the faith in him to take care of his son's and daughters just as we do with our own children.
As far as convincing your hubby otherwise-pray about it and God will lead you what to say and when to say it or you may not have to do or say anything about it because God may lay on hubby's heart for the "Go Ahead". Good luck sweetie best of luck!

Tell your husband, in a loving way, that he must stop being selfish.. money will come and go... but what you create with love, never ends. A child is an extension of who you are, and no amount of money can ever make up for the value of a child, whether it is child #1, 2, 3, 4 or so on.

A child is priceless, the joys that a child will bring are not comparable to a price tag, and if he is determining if he can afford another one, truth is, he NEVER will be able to afford one ( make sense ?).. y'all just gotta roll daily with life, and make adjustments, and yes, sacrifices, but it's all worth while !!

Love,
Gaby

Hi Mamas,
I am a mother of six an dif God provide for one HE will make provision for two.
Older mama.

Have him read a book called "The Traveler's Gift" by Andy Andrews.
There is a part in the book about an angel leading a man to heaven and showing him what his life could have been like if he had not allowed fear to rule it.
This book was a small part of my own conversion in listening to God's will and not trying to control everything.
Life is a gift in all forms!
God Bless you and your family!

Updated

We all need to redirect our thinking at many times during any given day. So often we look only at the problems and not the blessings.
You are so right about letting go of the worry over things and situations you cannot control.
If we could just change our lenses and see life and our response to it as God sees it, I believe we would live more fuller lives.
First start with prayer. Pray for God to let you know what He is asking of you. Pray for your husband to let go of fear and have courage to obey the possibilities of a greater plan for his life.
A good and easy read is "The Traveler's Gift" by Andy Andrews.
Of course scripture reading is great as well. It states 365 times in the bible to "fear not".
Children are such a blessing and I truly wish I could have known this for most of my life as well. I am so grateful by the grace of God that He opened by eyes. Today I see my life, my husband, every day as a true gift from our Creator and I live a much happier existence.

God Bless!

Well, you said it...we shouldn't be worried about things that aren't in our control. I personally feel that if money was the issue, none of us should have them. We have children with faith, not money. I personally have had 5 children, 4 living. My husband does not make a ton of money. But we see people around us struggle worse than us! We don't have the debt others have, which is probably why. My husband was not laid off in January, but their hours were cut...severely!! And that is an understatement. We survived! It was actually a blessing. It taught us even more about being more self reliant and self sufficient. It's okay. Did we prevent ourselves from trying to have another child during that time? No. My youngest is 11 months old. I am 40, my husband is 45. I know what you mean about the clock ticking. It's gotten harder for us to get pregnant, but we are always hopeful. I hope you can convince your husband that now is as good a time as any. It can happen 5 years down the road, 10 years down the road and then it will be too late. There is never a good time when you are talking about the economy and money. But having children, what a joy...you can always find a way!

D.
SAHM to 4

I think trying to convince your husband to have another child is not a good idea. I agree with some of the other posters who advised not to do this. Feel blessed for the 2 year old that you now have now

CE,
I'm assuming that DH stands for "Darling Husband." I would take him to a consultation with your OB/GYN to talk about the risk of playing the "waiting game." After 35, the risk to you and the baby increase significantly.

I know times are tough all around, but if everybody waited for the perfect time to have a baby, the human species would already be extinct. At least from an accountants point of view, come tax time you'd have another deduction.

Our first and third children weren't planned. I lost my (secure) job 2 weeks after we found out I was pregnant with the first child. Then exactly 13 years to the day that I found out I was pregnant with the first, I found out I was pregnant with our third...and my husband's plant gave everybody their two weeks notice that the plant was closing. We stuggled a little, but made it through just fine.
Good Luck!
Milly
P.S. I had my third child at the age of 38! He is perfect!

Use your age to your advantage in this argument. Tell him that if you are going to have another child, every month you get older increases the risk that the baby might have a problem. Raising a special needs child is VERY expensive!

Remember to respect him but also talk to him. Read a book called Total Money Make Over by Dave Ramsey. When you have completed some of the steps getting rid of debt, household budget, 3-6 months of living expenses (emergency fund) in a savings account, etc. Then talk to him again with the outlook of we can take care of whatever happens (the what ifs) because we planned ahead. Men need the security and recpect(in the what if....happens) and we do to. Work as a team there is no I in team.

You maybe already there great then pray for the guidance and wisdom. Remember God answers in his time not our time. God Bless.

It's such a guy thing