How to Control Anger

My son went through that when he was about that age. His problem was that he had ADHD. There was nothing I could do to make the tantrums stop. I tried everything. I have just started something new with all 3 of my boys that you might want to try. They each have their own jar. Everytime they do something good, whether it be using their manners, cleaning their room, eating all their food, etc., i put a marble in their jar. But everytime they do something inappropriate or wrong they get marbles taken away. At the end of the week we count their marble and they get money for each marble and get to spend the money on whatever they want. We just started so i don't have to much feedback yet but they are very excited about it. Good luck to you! W.

There is a great book called "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. Read it -- it will give you lots of good advice.

I don't know what he throws, but if it is a toy, put the toy in 'time-out'. If you don't have any toys to throw, well, you see my point. You can also do a 'show' with 2 or 3 of his favorite toys and give him an example of the right and wrong way to act when something goes wrong. Then let him act it out with the toys. This may become a daily routine and could help with all kinds of learning issues.

A. N

Read "How to talk so kids will listen, and listen so kids will talk" This book deals with how to validate our children's emotions so they don't get out of control. You may never completely do away with temper tantrums as they are a developmental reality. They will come to an end when your son develops the emotional tools to control his impulses, however you can aide in the process. This book explains how we as parents often talk to the behavior and not the emotions behind it. It's amazing how simple acknowledging what the child is feeling, giving the emotion a name ("I know it's frustrating when..." "It makes you angry when"..."You feel sad when"...), giving them the fantasy of what they want ("Wouldn't it be great if we could play with toys all day and we didn't have to take baths ever"...or whatever your issue is). I know it seems counterintuitive, but it works so well it's scary, and best of all it requires no punishment or yelling. It simply requires talking to your child, validating their experience and giving them the words to understand what they are feeling and most of all letting them know that whatever they feel is ok and that you understand. It's amazing what can happen when we respect the fact that our kids are people and they have emotions just as we do. We don't appreciate it when we have a bad day and others tell us to "Get over it". When we get angry with our children for being angry we are in fact telling them the same thing. It's important to understand that their emotions are as important, valid and real as ours are; so we teach them to acknowledge what they are feeling and that it's ok and then we can redirect that energy from throwing to talking. GoodLuck, I've been where you are. This book was a life saver.

Maybe you could find a special " quiet place " in your home and tell him that when he feels like he's too angry that he can go there and no one will bother him until he calms down and is ready to talk about it.... you could use his room or the hallway, someplace not associated with time out.

M.:

I had a daughter that had terrible tantrums up till the time she was about 10. We did go to counseling and it worked for us. What we were instructed to do was first to take away anything that she threw and then we were just to sit down and watch the tantrum. They lasted less time when she had everyone's attention. We then moved on to telling her that there was only one day a week she could have a tantrum and it was a designated day like only Mondays. Every Monday we reminded her it was her tantrum day and asked if was she planning to have one because we wanted to watch. The tantrums eventually faded away. My husband thought the counselor was nuts but it worked for us. My only regret is that we waited until she was 10 to take action.

My daughther went through something similar when she was that age. She's get so mad that nothing would calm her down. Punishing, reasoning, nothing!! I found that when she got to that point, the best thing to do was either for ME to leave the room and ignore her or send her to her room until she calmed down. She's either end up falling asleep or let it go and sneak to the door to peak at me to see if I was still mad..

I have a 5 year old too and he does the same thing!!! I dont know what to do either but something that has helped me is to sit him down after he has thrown something and make him sit there for a few minuites. It helps sometimes. Most of the time he throws things at his brothers!