How to Change Toddler's Diaper Without a Struggle?

Hi, J. -

Like the others said, it's mainly a phase that will pass soon enough. She's frustrated and that's her way of letting you know. If you think about it...she is just sitting there playing and then somebody picks her up and takes her away from what she was doing and changes her. Imagine if you were in the middle of doing something interesting (everything is incredibly interesting to a baby) and several times a day someone comes in and picks you up and takes you away from what you are doing and changes your clothes. Babies don't understand the necessity and they can't communicate their frustration.

Though all babies will throw food on the floor (learning about cause & effect), if you try teaching her some basic signs...more, all done, milk, eat, hungry, etc. it might lessen some of this (and some other communication frustrations) when she is able to tell you she's finished BEFORE she begins entertaining herself with the food throwing game!

You can get the Happiest Toddler DVD and some other sign language DVD's (Signing Time is the BEST) on Amazon or sometimes at your local library.

Hang in there, it won't last forever. :)

A.

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My son has been struggling with diaper changes since he could roll over & he's now 17 mos old. I try to distract him with a toy, book, even the tube of diaper cream--preferably something he doesn't see very often, so it's interesting to him for the 2 min it takes to change his diaper. Most of the time it does work, although we still struggle sometimes. If he throws a tantrum, I just hold him down & get the job done as fast as possible. GL!

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You have to distract your little girl in some manner. Try giving her a small toy to hold onto while you are changing her. You might also try singing or counting with her. You could use the time to teach her the alphabet song.

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This is such a hard age. I'm right ahead of you with a 20 month old. I also have a daughter who is 5 years old and she did this too...so you're not alone and your child is totally normal! I wish I had the magic answer, but just today I struggled with my son while changing his diaper. One of the things I've done that works is to hold them down if they are fighting. Sometimes it takes just a hand and sometimes it takes by practically laying on him (not with all my weight). Just keep doing this until you can get her to stop fighting you and allow you to put a diaper on and do it quickly!!! Anyway, the message you want to send is that you are in control and they are not. Hope this helps...

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Hi, J.. Well, Sweetie, I hate to say it, but what your daughter is doing is actually normal for her age. Testing is absolutely right -- she's coming into a sense of her personal power, physically and in her relationships, and she's experimenting with it. She's probably not verbal enough for your "bribes" to mean anything to her. The promise of a reward after she sits still for 5 minutes doesn't mean anything to her, because she's getting all the reward she wants by rolling over, asserting her independence, etc., while you're trying to get her to do something she doesn't want to do.

I had the same problem with my son when he was nearing 2, also. Once babies get mobile and become toddlers, they are a force of nature and very hard to stop. It's not natural for them to sit still. I learned to dress my son one limb at a time, to sort of sneak him into his clothes, etc., but you're right -- a messy diaper is something you don't want splattered around the room.

Here's what I think might ease the problem a little bit, anyway. Your daughter sounds just HUNGRY for mastery, for independence, for being able to exert herself and assert herself. I would try giving her lots of opportunities to show what a big girl she is, how well she can do things all by herself, and then maybe she will not need to show herself off by fighting you all the time with changing and dressing. Try making sure that she has space to run around most of the time without being restricted or scolded. This will give her some safe independence without getting her in trouble with you or getting on your last nerve.

Give her toys that she can use to show mastery -- they used to have a doll with zippers, snaps and buttons which kids could use to learn zipping and buttoning. Let her dress her dolls; teach her to put on some of her own clothing. Maybe she could put her shoes on, and then you can tie them. Maybe this is a good time to introduce her to taking turns; make a game out of it. She's not going to be very good at it just yet, but I get the feeling these are the kinds of things she wants.

Plastic building blocks, like giant Leggos and stuff, may be good for her, too. Show her how to build things with them. It sounds like she may be precocious, which means a bit ahead of her time in some things.

Remember that she's exploring and trying to figure everything out. Kids this age LOVE the new concept of cause and effect. She knows she can get certain reactions out of you when she does certain things. Toddlers are often drama queens when it comes to attention -- it's not a bad thing, but they like big reactions, and they may do anything they can to get them. Try giving her big reactions and lots of praise for other things, and minimize your responses to her squirming around for bathing and dressing. You will probably find that she will do more of the things that get her the most attention, and will not do the things that do not get her a big reaction quite as much.

They like rewards, in other words, and the rewards have to be IMMEDIATE, because they simply do not understand delayed reactions. The only reality for a toddler is what is happenning RIGHT NOW.

Well, I hope this is helpful and that your little girl truly does become the happiest toddler on the block.

Peace,
Syl

I distract my 16 mon old boy with "something" and it works every time. It could be some shiny toy or even an old remote control.

Have you tried giving your daughter something to hold while you're changing her diaper? All it has to be is something that she will focus her attention on for a minute or so until you're done! In regards to her throwing her plate off of her high chair, have you tried the bowls and plates that suction cup to the tray? My son has figured them out but they might be good for your daughter at least for a little while. Good luck!

change it while she is standing, holding a toy or something they feel less powerless good luck

I know you already got a lot of responses...My 18mo old daughter does the same thing. I use the Happiest Toddler methods and it does work! If you don't have time to read it all right away, just turn to pages 176-180 and read about the "clap growl" it gets their attention and lets them know you mean business, it sounds funny but it works! The book is actually a very easy read, and SO useful, I can't say enough about how much it has helped my daughter and I. I also give her something to hold during diaper changes, a toy doesn't always work, she likes things that aren't "toys"(don't all kids!Lol..) so usually a diaper or the tube of diaper cream, she's starting to role play, so we'll pretend to diaper a stuffed animal or baby doll. But read the book, it will help make these challenging toddler days fun and more enjoyable! Good Luck!

Hi there, I bet u got alot of responses already but i have a daughter who is almost 18 mths too. I guess kids that age does the same things. I usually distract my kid while changing her by giving her to play w/the tv remote, phone or some toy that gets her attention. It works all the time. I also have a 4 yr old who sometimes helps to distract her so i can change her. Good luck

J.,
I, too, have an 18 month old. What she is doing is very "normal". They all do it. The more you get upset & frustrated, the more she is going to challenge you.
This is a phase that will pass. Try to stay patient with her. She is just testing her boundaries with you. I would not bribe her. Diaper changes are not optional.
Heather

J. - I don't have any advice for you but I did want you to know you're not alone. My son is 17-1/2 months old and he is doing the same things (throwing food, his plate, kicking & hitting when we try to change his diaper, ect.) I'll be watching closely to see what advice you receive. Good luck & feel free to drop me a line if you need to vent to someone who's in the same boat. :-)

Hi! We have the same with our 19 month old and what really helped her was a few toys that were diaper change only. we got a puppet (actually a wash cloth hand puppet from pottery barn kids) and finger puppets that we play with (she tried them herself while i take care of business). we also have a small book or two and I ask her to read to me. then she has some grooming tools like her comb or toothbrush and she grooms herself.

Only a few more months of diapers..... :-)

Ever heard don't sweat the small stuff? This age is nothing but small stuff. Change her on the floor so she can't get hurt. Give her some control over her body. How would you feel if someone was doing thigns to you and you did not want them to and they made you? Expect her to not be happy and want to get away. Make her part of the process so she wants to...maybe she wants to try the potty. It's a bit young, but you never know.

I see this age in a very positive way. They are awaer of their individual self and exert that self often. I try very hard not to thwart the process and instead to work within it.

Not sure why you think talking to an 18 mo old will do the trick, haha. They don't listen to more than two words or so. Maybe "be still". Try to only use what you want, not what you don't want.

I think when we get old, and need our diaper changed, it is so we can remember what it was like to be a baby, without the right or the ability to make our own choices, having others control our life experience. I think being extremely elderly no longer able to care for yourself must be very much like being a very young child. With that, I try hard not to do or say to a child anything I would not want said or done to my very very old grandmother who spent her last days in a nursing home.

I have not read teh book, so I can't say anything about it. I also don't use books so much for the how as I do for the why. I like to know developmental abilities, behaviors that are normal, etc. I try very hard not to stop behavior that is not going to hurt anyone or anything, and to manage behavior so it allows them to do what they need to do safely. For me, in your case, that would mean no longer using a changing table and letting her run naked a bit if she did not want it back on just yet and make it at least partly her business about her diapers.

She spends her day away from her family. She needs this safe place to act out and be a toddler and be the center of your world a bit. Maybe trying to play up big time the behavior you prefer and paying less attention to the behavior you don't care for may help also. (Still with the guide that she cannot hurt others, hurt herself, or damage things.) Maybe Dr. Sears The Discipline Book would help because it does say a bit about what kids can do and can't do and what is something to correct and what is something to smile and enjoy.

P.

As a time saver: You can check out the Happiest Toddler on the Block DVD at the library. It is definately worth watching. The biggest thing I remember from it is to acknowledge their frustrations and let them know you hear them even though you can not give them what they want right then.

It is just a phase... Please don't let her get the upper hand on you now! Stand your ground, buy pull ups for the day so you can change her in ANY position: upside-down, standing up, on her back, however she struggles less, but DO NOT give in. Her first attempts at testing you are the ones that will surprise you the most, but are the ones where you make it clear that you mean business! It'll go away slowly but surely... I wish you good luck and LOTS of patience.

As for the crying 'til she turns blue, ignore it. My neighbors kid would cry and hold his breath until he passed out...literally, he would do it to anyone who crossed him, his parents, me, his teachers, grandparents, it was only a way for him to try to get what he wanted. The doctors gave it a name I can't recall. But all in all, it was only attention getting behavior. Ignore it, make sure she's safe and IGNORE it. It'll go away faster that way.

Again good luck, and if anything worries you, ask your doctor for advise, he's seen it all, trust me!

For a quick fix put her in pull ups. Not for potty training but for ease of changing. It's much easier to just pull them up than to fuss with all of the tabs!

If she doesn't like having her diaper changed, why not begin potty training her? She's old enough. Put her on the toilet first thing in the morning when she wakes up and "reward" her with something special only IF she does something. You work full time so I understand you may not be able to put her on the toilet throughout the day, BUT that doesn't mean you can't begin making a routine that works for your family. On the toilet first thing in the morning and just before bath time each night is how you start getting her used to the toilet. On the days when you can be with her all day, let her run around naked. Good luck.

OK, so you are working full time, in the house or out? If out, then your daughter is at a care-givers or someone is in the house with her? These factors come into play.
At 18 months, she's toddling about and probably ready for potty training. This will be her new ooportunity to exercise her will.
While you are still doing the diapers, then Yes, get off the changing table, she's likely to jump off of it the second you reach for the diaper...
change her on the floor (as she's standing...this will be a new game to her) ask HER to get the diaper, the wipes, etc. and perhaps get a baby doll for her to put the diaper on...after you are done. Now we're into another new and exciting game.
That's what it's all about, dear. Fun and Games...
We do it as adults, too. Remember meeting your husband? We play "cat and mouse" until we make another little game-player...So, have fun, be creative and watch that little girl grow into an expert! Lots of praise for doing a good job builds self-esteem, so after you praise her, give yourself a hug, too.

Hi J., I am going through the same struggles. what is it about their diaper being changed? my daughter does the same stuff you described above! so frustrating at times, i actually hold her down and let her fight me and cry and then she gives up, i feel bad often though. but at the end of the day i am in charge not her. i also took some of the advice of others and got that same book "The happiest Toddler on the Block" I have a membership to Orange County Library and because i hate to go there, i often check online for their inventory. I searched for the book above and came to find out they also have a DVD. I selected both and received them within days. So far so good and it offers a great approach. if you hear any other good advice, let me know. The DVD takes only about an 1 hour to watch and understand. The library system is free and you can do it all remotely online! perfect! good luck!

I KNOW how frustrated you are--hang in there!! My children are 3, 2, and 1, and they've all gone through (or in the case of my youngest, still going through) this stage. I never figured out how to completely cut out the diaper/clothes changing tantrums, though sometimes it helped to allow my child to hold a toy and keep asking lots of questions about it. That didn't always work, though.

At that age, they're going through a stage where they realize how little control they have, and they want so much more. Give as many choices as you can, but you'll still have those struggles at times. For me, I just tried to change diapers/clothes as quickly as possible and move on!

With the throwing things on the floor, I definitely would not make a big deal about it at all, or it will continue. As soon as you notice your child is done, wash her up and get her down. If she does throw it on the floor, I would put it back on her tray and say something like, "Nope, food goes on our tray, not on the floor," in a positive and calm voice and then get her down before she can do it again.

In a few months, she will get over this stuff. It will get better!!! : )

OH MY GOSH! I have an 8 year old daughter and a 9 month old son. My son tries to get away everytime I need to change him too. Before I get him dressed or try to change him, I get a variety of his favorite toys or things he can play with so he stays busy looking at the toy while I change him. If I'm at home and not in a big hurry, I leave the diaper off for a few minutes so he thinks I've given up and then I put the clean diaper on him (he tends to lay still just long enough when I do this). However, there are times when I just need to get the baby changed and he screams through the whole thing as I battle to keep him still just long enough to cover his bottom. Unfortunately children will always continue to test their parents no matter how old they get, but we must try to keep our patience while we teach them that it is important for them to listen to us and do as we ask them. Sometimes surprising a baby by saying their name loudly and firmly gets their attention enough for you to tell them "No!" I think it is very important to show a child at a young age that they can't get away with misbehaving.