How to Break the Cycle... 5 & 6 Year Old Bickering Constantly...

When mine bickered, I put a puzzle on the dining room table and told them they had to work together for 15 minutes without talking.
If they talked, the timer started over.
By the time 15 minutes was up, they were happily working together. I'd give them the option of continuing with the puzzle or going off to do their own thing.
They always chose to continue working.

Divide and conquer.
If being together is the problem, then separate them.
There is no need for them to be together all of the time.
When the bickering starts up, send them to opposite sides of the house (on different floors if possible).
There are lots of things that each can do on their own.
Read, work a jig saw puzzle, crafts, make paper airplanes, etc.

When my kids were doing that and they couldn't be nice to each other I have them jobs. I made them copy pages out of an encyclopedia. It pretty much curbs the behavior. Write the jobs of the day down not the regular jobs but stuff like dusting the baseboard sweeping out the garage, pulling weeds etc. Put it on the fridge have at least 10 things on it. And give them one warning and then bam straight to the work list. It works :)

My 5 and 6 year old are the same way - both girls. But as much as they bicker and snap at each other, they play together very nicely a lot of the time too.

When I hear one of them being rude, I remind them that that is NOT how we speak to people in our family (or anyone, really), and then they're good for a few hours :) LOL

Also, I think rather than punishing the undesirable behaviour, try to positively reinforce the good behaviour. You hear the older one helping the younger? "That was very kind of you to help your sibling. That must make you feel good about yourself too." That kind of thing.

Separate them. Don't reward their bickering by giving them one-on-one attention with separate parents, or a nice play date with other friends. (Although I do think it's important that they have separate friends.) An incentive jar is a fine thing but don't make it so difficult to enforce and monitor that it makes YOU overwhelmed, especially when you aren't home. And don't let them think that they can be mean and nasty and then just make a few nice comments within earshot of you to get marbles. The proble with rewarding the kid with the most marbles is that it sets up a competition, and that's already the problem - they compete instead of cooperate. And I'm not sure what you do with the other kid when you take the "winner" to the movies or the pool. The point is to get some cooperation and some peace and quiet through cooperation.

I would tell them you don't want to hear it, that they may think their nastiness is getting them somewhere or that you're going to take sides, but unless someone is bleeding, has a broken bone protruding, or is on fire, you don't want to know about it. They are old enough to shut their mouths, and people have to learn to deal with others they spend the day with in school, camp, families.

Try not to snap - I know it's so hard - but it reinforces the idea that people who are irritated by others should be snapping. Which is what they are doing with each other. Try to do the opposite - send them outside or to their separate rooms or corners. (like boxers in the fight ring, they have to separate) Do not engage them at this time - leave them alone. If they have any electronics or computers/iPods in their rooms, take those away. Set a timer for 15 minutes. Second offense 25 minutes. Third offense, 35 minutes.

You can try an incentive jar, but another option is a chore jar. If they have time to nag and whine and argue and demean, they have time and energy to contribute to the welfare of the family. Take a bunch of cardboard strips and write chores on them, then put those in a jar or paper cup. They have to pull out a job and complete that chore. Alone. No arguing or they take 2. Chores for 5 and 6 year olds can include sorting laundry (lights and darks) and putting a load in the washer (print instructions about how much detergent and the water settings and tape it to the washer front so you don't have to engage in a discussion, which gives them attention), unloading the dishwasher, setting the table for the next meal, taking out the trash and recycling, cleaning the cat litter box, running a vacuum or a swiffer on the kitchen floor, dusting, matching up clean laundry (socks, underwear, towels are easy and wrinkles won't matter). Of course, picking up toys and dusting their own rooms should be on the list, reorganizing their sock drawers and their shoes in the closet, cleaning out the hall closet and organizing boots and other off-season items, pulling weeds in the garden, sweeping the garage are all things that can be done by a kid this age and which don't have to be perfect and there's little or no chance of anything valuable being broken. Once the job is done, the cardboard strip goes in another jar or cup until you decide that the job needs doing again, in which case it goes back into the regular jar.

They'll find out that they can earn the good times by not participating in the nonsense. And if they fight, they BOTH get jobs - it doesn't matter who started it. That sucks you into the debate and makes you the referee. If you SEE someone do something to the other, then the offender gets the job. The ones who gripe at you and complain over and over get an additional job. Then you LEAVE the area and do not hear the fallout.

If they don't get an audience, they'll settle down.

Good luck. I know how frustrating it can be and how easy it is to just explode and give them a piece of your mind!

My two are 3 years apart (boy and girl). And even though they are practically best friends (yes, even now at ages 12 and 15), they go through times when they get on each other's nerves and they bicker. It's normal. It's part of testing out different behaviors on people who you KNOW will accept you back (eventually, lol). It's "safe" to test out being moody, obnoxious, whatever.

When my two got on my nerves with it, I just separated them. They don't have to have different activities elsewhere--just tell them "You are not allowed to talk to, touch, or have any contact with each other until I tell you that you can." If necessary, they go to different rooms (usually, they are fed up with each other too and glad for the break).

It never lasted long. My son is a peacemaker, and very quick to sneak a note to his sister "hey, you want to be friends again?" ... Before I know it, they are throwing paper notes across the hallway at each other on the sly. ;)

In the car, when they cannot physically be separated any further, the quiet is nice and peaceful. :)

My mom used to tell us to take it outside, that she didn't want to hear it.

I've found my kids go through cycles. They're also 2 girls very close in age and there were periods at that age they did great and then they'd be at each other again and then great again. Not sure there's a lot you can do except I agree with praise the good behaviour. We do tell them how sisters are forever etc. Mine are doing well this summer and I keep knocking wood... They keep rotating through different toys. Zhu zhu pets for a week, AG dolls the next week, Barbies etc. They also are going to mainly 1/2 day camps together but also have some separate playdates. Maybe bribe them?... Stupid question and maybe I'm all wrong on this but do they have enough to play with? We do have a fair # of toys which goes against my nature but I kind of feel like it's ok bc they actually do play with them. Like I mentioned above. Yesterday I came home and they'd gotten their lego sets out and made a town again. They even go back to Thomas the Train and will use that for a few days. So are they bored? Would a new set of something help and you tell them it goes away if they bicker?

I have 3 children and my husband, they are older now, but yes... the bickering can make anyone go a little crazy.

Currently our children are 22,21,19,16 and 15. I felt for a long time that only 2 could get along at any given time and the "third wheel" was the one they tortured. It varied day by day who was being picked on and other days, they just all fought.

What we did, was made them hold hands til they could get along when any 2 were bickering and fighting. They had to use team work to get things done becuae they were not to let go for anything buy to go potty. They had to make beds, set the table, dust, all their chores, pull weeds (they hated pulling weeds and the fighting would stop FAST. They had to fill 1 big bag together and if they still were fighting, they had to fill another When we ran out of weeds, they had to do the neighbors for free). whatever their responsibilities for the day were, they had to learn how to be a team and make it work together.

Now that our children are older, they are actually all pretty close. My husbands girls are a bit more distant, but my 3 talk every day and the younger 2 hate to be away from eachother. My oldest lives in Hawaii now and they all miss him tons.

I honestly believe, the fighting comes from too much energy and they just need to find a way to wear themselves out.

Good luck and keep your head, it doesnt last forever and just keep in the back of your mind... they too will have children one day!

I saw a photo of two children in a large shirt labeled, "Our get along shirt."

I would think about not only your reaction (your frustration, your reaction, your involvement in small squabbles) but what triggers them. I also do things like send the kids outside when they squabble. I regularly watch a friend's 6 yr old and when he and DD are getting on each other's nerves, out they go. She can ride her toy car and he can play super hero with sticks.

Both families also have a "if you can't share, it goes in toy time out" policy so the kids know that bickering over toys is useless.

I also agree to catch them being nice. Praise them a lot for getting along.

Send them outside if it's safe. If they have separate rooms send them there at the first comment. If not, one goes to the room the other sits in your room.

If all fails...duct tape?

When/if my kids bicker, I am just blunt with them.
I tell them stop it.
They BOTH are not being nice.
They KNOW it.
They KNOW they are irking each other.
So why, keep doing it?
It is THEIR choice.
Back off, or you both will not get what you want nor have play dates.

My kids are 6 and 10.

I also tell my kids, that they are siblings. They are supposed to have each others back. They are family. Love is not a weapon. I don't do that to them, and they therefore should not do that to each other.
Period.
And if one of them, even says anything mean, or does anything mean, they are scolded.
Or I tell them "If you cannot cooperate, I will not cooperate with you either. You are making the WHOLE house, unpleasant..." and I walk away. And I make them apologize to each other.
It takes 2. And it takes 2, to stop.

No one, is happy as a clam all the time. Adults included. BUT so, if someone is grumpy, then, separate yourself, SAY you are wanting time alone... and it is FINE. I don't guess at it. I TEACH MY KIDS to speak up and SAY... if they are needing time alone. I taught them this since they were 2 years old. And so that they are self-reliant. And they are.
Because, everyone is different and everyone needs to deflate or have time alone. If either of my kids says to the other "I want to be alone.... and play by myself now..." it is FINE. And the other kid will respect that... and not be in her/his face.
I taught my kids, to ALSO say these things.
They don't "wait" for ME... to separate them.
They do it. Too.

Mine are 4 and 5 and bicker a lot. I find it is worse when they are tired, hungry, bored, or watch too much tv. I can get ahead of it, instead of react to it, by making sure they play outside every day, eat meals and snacks on a schedule, and get 12 hours in bed each night. Aside from that, I keep them very busy and have 4 out of 5 weekdays with plans outside the house. I have 1 day of big plans like a long day at the zoo, and the rest are smaller plans like a picnic at the mini-park at the end of our street. Our at-home-time includes bike rides around the neighborhood, backyard soccer, swimming, washing cars, etc. I alternate those high energy outdoor activities with quieter indoor ones like board games, reading, play doh, etc. 30 minutes of alone time in the afternoon also brings them out refreshed. Neither nap, but they stay in their rooms and we all get a break from each other. With the bulk of their time filled, they appreciate "breaks" when they can choose to play independently or together without me. I do my best to save electronics for when I am making dinner. That is the time of day I am tired and want to get dinner on the table without interruptions.

Oh, and chores...they both have chores around the house to do...independently in different rooms. They each have a sense of purpose, importance, responsibility...and I make sure to point out how well they have completed their work and how it benefits the whole family, so each can hear how the other has done good work and get their own praise too.

Mine also go to school and day camp together. I thought that might be too much time together but they don't even notice each other there for all the activities and tasks they are forced to focus on.

I extended our part day "day camp" to full. They don't fight there and they are busy and behaved! They love it!

I got tired of having them come home just to fight!

I would make a rule that they are not allowed to speak to each other. Tell them tonight at bedtime and start enforcing it as soon as they get up tomorrow morning. If one speaks to the other, that one goes to her room, door shut, for 30 minutes. The next infraction, 1 hour, etc.

After a day or two, they will be begging you to let them interact!

This sounds similar to the question I just asked. (Kind of) I have started sending my girls to their rooms every single time they whine, bicker, cry, fight with each other, or anything of the kind. I'm not sure yet if it works but it gives a few minutes a peace and quiet!

I like Ladybug's answer better! I think I may have to give that a try!!!