How to Address Death of a Grandparent?

There is this book that helps explain death to children, It's called Waterbugs and Dragonflies, you can find it real cheap on ebay for maybe 3 dollars.

2 moms found this helpful

I am so sorry for your losses. It is important to be open with your son and for you to explain it to him as best you can. As difficult as it is, be honest with your child about what has happened. Use age-appropriate words that your son understands and base the conversation on your beliefs. Reassure him. Answer his questions. Let your son know how you are feeling and invite him to express himself also. I wish I could tell you exactly what to say but it really should come from you. Just listen to your heart and let your faith be your guide. Best wishes:)

1 mom found this helpful

I'm sorry for the loses you and your family have encountered. I lost my father 4 months ago unexpectdly. My daughter is almost 5, we didn't know how to handle this either but around the 3rd day, we were just honest and told her that Papa would not be at Nana's house becuase he died and now in heaven, watching over her. She understood a little and have asked about him from time to time but she understands that he is god and the angles and will never be at nana house anymore. we can tell thats its hard on her becuase they use to talk everyday and becuase they lived 4 hours away, she would only visit about once a month but the calls were daily. What made her feel a little better was us putting picture of her, papa and nana in her room and we openly talk about him and some of the things the two of them would do together. I highly suggest you be honest about the death of grandmother and your father with your son.

1 mom found this helpful

you may need to explain a few times but you need to let him know so he can cope. try talking about God and angles then animals that may have died (maybe even watch all dogs go to heaven) then gmaw and gdad it my be hard for him to understand at first but soon he will get HElp my daughter but she was a little oldered about 4yr

First off, I just want to give you my condolences on your father. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

My boys were 3 & 6 when my dh grandmother passed away. My younger son was very close to her. We were honest with the boys when she passed away. We explained that "Memom" got sick and died and went to Jesus. We told them that she was very old (93) and lived a full life and God thought she was ready to come home to Him. At two you don't want to say much more than that. They did ask questions (especially the younger one), but I think it's healthy and we answered the best we could. The questions included where she was, can she see us, etc.

There were two reasons that we handled it this way. First, about 2 years before (when my older was 4) we had a dog that we had to put to sleep. To spare him the pain of losing Boo we told him that we sent her away to play with other dogs. I thought this would work, but about a YEAR later he started asking for us to bring Boo back home and would tell me to stop when we passed the vet's to get her. We finally told him that she got sick and died, but he never forgot her (even now). I know it's not the same, but I think "sparing" a child from the pain of death does not help them and doesn't allow them to grieve that person (or pet).

The second reason is that I NEVER had anyone die in my life until my father passed away when I was 14. I think my inexperience with that life lesson made his death even harder.

Death of a family member is painful and difficult, but children have the capacity to get it on their own level.

I am sorry for your loss.

I have been very honest with my twins. I tell them that this is the natural progression of life. We live, we grow up get very, very old and then we die. Just like the seasons change, just like the flowers grow, bloom and fade, just like an apple tree will flower, the fruit will ripe, fall to the ground and a new tree will grow from the seed.

New life comes, just like my twins or your son, and now it is their turn to live life. I am a christian, so I tell them that when we die we go to be with God. I don't tell them that God wanted Grandad to live with him because I don't want them to think that God takes away from us, so that he may have.

They really understood when I related it to nature. And I tell them that its OK to miss the people we love, but that the things that Grandad taught him, the fun they had together, is our gift from him to keep forever.

First of all, I am SO sorry about your loss. I just wanted to tell you that I can relate some to your situation. My father-in-law passed away, very unexpectedly, 4 months ago. He was at work and had a cerebral hematoma, was air flighted and passed away 2 days later. We didn't even get to talk to him... he was in a "coma".
We have a 3 year old son that thought his "Gigi" hung the moon. He has asked about him and asked to see him, but we just keep avoiding the question. They lived 6 hours away from us, so it's not like we saw them everyday or anything. But I am so glad you asked this question. We have discussed how we are going to tell him when he does understand it more, and we have decided that we are going to say something about Gigi being in Heaven now and looking down upon us everyday. Something about God needing someone to drive his tractor around (he loved driving his tractor) in Heaven. It's just SO hard -- I wish you peace with it all -- especially since it was your Dad. It is hard enough with it being my father-in-law. Many Blessings to your family!

I can't imagine having to share this news with our children! I am so sorry for your loss(es). I don't have the answers you are seeking but agree that the "sleeping" idea probably isn't a good one. I thought my Great Grandmother was "sleeping" when I attended her services when I was 9 years old so I never said "goodbye" to her. I regret not being able to do that. My heart goes out to you and your family. God Bless!

I guess it really depends on how you feel about the afterlife- or if there is one. If you believe in heaven, then it is always nice to describe where the loved one went to live so they can "get better", and that they can't come back, but you will go see them one day a long time from now... or something along those lines. We haven't lost any loved ones yet, but my daughter (only a month older than your son) tells me about our cat who went to live with Jesus and now she (the cat) feels much better.

First of I am sorry to hear about the loss of your father and your grandmother. I wish the best for your and your family.

Secondly, I am a believer in wide open honest communication. No topics off limits. My hubby and I are very open with each other and we are the same way with our daughter.

Yes, it is hard for a little one to understand but if you don't explain in some way, they will be confused.

For us, it started with my daughter's best friend dying at age 4. The little girl was perfectly healthy to everyone's knowledge, however, one afternoon she complained of a bad headache and died within 6 hours. It was shocking. We did explain to our daughter that her friend died. She didn't fully understand but I don't regret being upfront and honest with her. My daughter noticed the grief we mom's were going through for our friend and her family. Children know when something is not right.

Move up a couple of years and we've had to put 2 of our beloved dogs down at the ages of 14 and 15 each. We explained that they had a wonderful life with us, they were very old, sick and went to doggy heaven. I had a book about Dog Heaven that we read a LOT.

I might look for some book that is on or about your child's level to read with your child that helps you explain what happened.

Basically, you just have to do what is right for you and your family. What is right for some is completely wrong for others. Maybe the responses you receiv here will be uplifting for you and give you the resources to make your decision.

Again, my thoughts are with you and your family.

There are SOOOO many books on this for kids. I recommend you go to the library and ask them, I mean children's books not ones telling you how to explain. I can take 20 minutes flip through and decide which one you think he will relate better too and which one you think he will understand. When we told our boys about a family member dying, we kept it short, simple but HONEST, very bad illness, not strong enough to fight it, Jesus wanted him home, he is now in Heaven watching you and smiling. Good luck!

There is a fantastic book by Maira Shriver called "What is Heaven?" It really helped when my husband's father died and my oldest son was two. It is written for them, not us. It did help us though. She wrote it for her daughter when Rose Kennedy passed. I hope it helps. I am sorry for your loss and will keep you and your family in our prayers.

just be honest, kids know when you are making stuff up, they may not understand but they know, and it is best to tell them sooner than later, my grandfather dies when my kids were young, I told them that Great Grandpa died, and went to heaven, and that although we will miss him, and we may cry about it, but that's okay.

Don't delay telling your son, but it is important to tell him the truth, understanding death is hard for a child, but it is easier to understand that he has died, than to just let him think he disappeared or you are hiding something/someone from him.

Well, I am sorry to hear of your loss! I am sure it is hard to deal with on many levels, and I hope you find the strength you need to handle everything that comes your way. With your son, he is capable of hearing and understanding more than you think. However, I would advise being careful with your words. For example, if you say he was sick and died, he might fear that anyone who gets sick will die. If you tell him Jesus wanted him to come be with Him now, he may wonder why Jesus does not want him (your son) to be in heaven too. Sort of complicated, so I would be simple and direct. I would say that grandpa died. That his heart, or breathing..whatever went wrong really, could not work any more. Share with him whatever your religious beliefs may be, and go from there. I would just state things like they are, and answer questions as they come. Books always do a better job at these things than we do, so I am sure there are several that could help! Best of luck as you navigate these rough waters. ~A.~

I'm sorry for your loses and will keep you and your family in prayer as you go through this difficult time. But as far as telling your son, I would just tell him that God needed them up in heaven for something special and that he will see them again when Jesus calls him to heaven. Not sure if your ok with saying that, but it would possibly make it seem that they are still alive, just not there.