27 answers

How Soon Did You Let Your Baby Spend the Night Out?

I am curious about responses because I am leery about letting her spend the night out as she is only 4 months old, however, my husband sees no problem with it. Oh, and so you know, I attend to her 24/7, he's getting plenty sleep, and sex is not the issue for me because at this time I'm not interested. LOL!

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

I am not going to let her spend the night away. She is too young and I am NOT comfortable with the persons asking because they simply don't spend quality time with her to know her. They think it's as simple as a well-stocked diaper bag, but it's not. It's about relationship building and trust and neither exists.

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I think 4 months is too young , unless it was an emergency and you had no choice. I have 3 kids (ages 7 , 4 & 2) and they have not slept anywhere overnight without me except at my mum's , and that has only been once.

2 moms found this helpful

My kids were closer to 2 before they spent nights away. My first was older (like 2 1/2) and my second was about 18 months the first time my husband and I were both away from them.

I think you can wait without being considered overprotective! :) Sometimes husbands just don't get it.

J.

1 mom found this helpful

4 mo, i would not do it. It was hard at 3 years. getting them used to it sounds like baloney to me, they aren't going to "get used to it" unless you do it consistently, and that just doesn't sound right to me.

1 mom found this helpful

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Here's another way to look at this...
If it's with a trusted relative (grammy, aunt, etc.) and you think that in the future your child will want to/need to spend the night, then the sooner they get comfy there the better! (I used to stay w/my grandparents, both sets, for several nights in a row over the summers.)
There's nothing worse than having an emergency arise and--BOOM--at age 2 or 3 all of a sudden they've GOT to do it. Then they're old enough to FEEL strange about it, know what I mean?
I know when they're little, it's tough to let them go for a night, but in reality, it's easier for someone to watch a baby than a toddler or young child.
It will pay off later if your daughter feels comfortable somewhere else.

3 moms found this helpful

My son was a month or two old I believe. My mom takes him one night a month so we can go out to dinner or do something together and have the night to ourselves. I am pretty much there first thing in the morning because I miss him so much! I am a stay at home mom and with him 24/7 so it is nice to have a break. I have friends that have a daughter and she is rarely ever with them, always spending the night at grandmas house, and then I have friends who have never spent a night away from their baby. Whenever you feel you are ready, go for it. It will probably be harder for you then it will be for her.

3 moms found this helpful

We went out of town for a weekend when our daughter was 4 months old. She stayed with my mom, who came into town for that specific reason, was a great eater and I was able to leave her TONS of breast milk, slept through the night and was just a generaly easy going baby. She did just fine without us, but pumping/dumping was kind of a pain for me and I missed her SO much the 3 days we were gone. I wasn't hesitant about leaving her at all, however, but I did leave pretty specific lists of her schedule, bedtime routines, etc.

2 moms found this helpful

my kid is 3 and hasnt spent a night away from me yet. :-)

2 moms found this helpful

If you are breastfeeding... then you can't. Because you need to nurse her. ON-DEMAND. And if not, and she is away from you and does not feed from a bottle.... then she will starve or your milk supply will diminish.
So tell your Husband that.
It is not so simple.
Your baby is still very young.

That is how life is with a baby.

At most... maybe get a babysitter, so you/hubby can go out. But I personally would not send her out over night or longer, at this age.

I have never sent my kids out... and they are now 7 & 3.5 years old.
Then, I know parents who send their kids out every single weekend. I think that is just too much. But of course, these are kids who are much older and in grade school. Not 4 month old babies. But then that means the parents are only actually with their kids during the weekdays... because on weekends, their kids are at the Grandparents. So they never spend weekends together with their own kids. Kids/babies are not like laundry that you can send out and then pick up later.

all the best,
Susan

2 moms found this helpful

I think 4 months is too young , unless it was an emergency and you had no choice. I have 3 kids (ages 7 , 4 & 2) and they have not slept anywhere overnight without me except at my mum's , and that has only been once.

2 moms found this helpful

If you aren't breastfeeding and your daughter would be going to a trusted family member, then I say let her go! Our son was very little (about a month old) when he started staying at his grandparents' houses over night. He has no issues sleeping anywhere, and loves them to death, and I honestly believe both are because we trusted that they could do a good job and give us a night off! I have to agree with your hubby on this one! :) Good luck either way!

2 moms found this helpful

My son was two before he spent a night away from me -- and it was two nights in a row! He did fine. He saw so much of his grandparents already that extending it over a weekend wasn't a shock for him. He often fell asleep at their house and was carried out to the car to go home. Good practice, I suppose.

He's four now and I just went away for five nights. He handled that well, too.

It all depends on your comfort level, and your child's personality.

1 mom found this helpful

I think it depends on you, the baby and who is caring for her. My daughter did not spend the night away until she was closer to 2 years old and even then I was hesitant. But it was my problem not hers (I realize in retropsect). With my son, we took a trip to another country for 8 days when he was 6 months old and left him and my daughter with their grandparents.... I think it's the difference between first and second children. Don't drive yourself crazy over it... if you aren't ready, you aren't ready.

1 mom found this helpful

my oldest daughter did at 6 months but my youngest didnt till she was well over a yr! It depends on the baby! My youngest daughter wasnt a very good sleeper and I didnt want to "burdeon" anyone else with that so I just always kept her home. My oldest though was 12 hrs a night by 6 weeks old! I also only let them stay with my parents.......They have just started staying with other family members and having sleepovers with our friends kids in the last yr and they are 6 and 4. Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

My 20 month old has stayed the night at grandmas 1 time! While I was in preterm labor with my 7 month old. I cried the entire time and hated it! I was a stay at home mom until last week so they have had me day in and day out since birth! I couldn't do 4 months... I think its toooo young. Not judging if you decide, everyone has their own opinions and I think you should do what is best for you. My sister left her 3 boys with me and my mom every night... she seen them one night a week... She was never there for them and they are not close to her now. They called me and my mom mommy and we tried so many times to get them to see it diffrent. I know you don't do that from your post, I just wanted to clarify the results of leaving your child with someone other then you every night. One night doesn't hurt, but IMHO I think 4 months is a little young! Make the right choice for you though and good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

I can't remember how old my girls were. However, I know there are many things to consider. Most importantly are you ready? Will she be staying with a family member or close friend that are used to having a baby overnight? If there's a problem, how far away is she that you would be able to get to her?

Good luck with your decision.

1 mom found this helpful

My son was about 5 weeks old. My parents kept him overnight for us. We have a different sort of situation in our family because my husband works out of state about 75% of the time. So I am the 24/7 caregiver with no break except for when he is home or when my mom babysits for me about one night a week or so for me to be able to go out with mommy friends. My mom LOVES babysitting. She really wanted to keep him for us. My husband was home and it was New Years Eve and we actually had a chance to do something fun, so we did it. I missed him like crazy, but it was kind of like pulling a band aid off quickly. I did it, we both survived, we all enjoyed ourselves, and after that it wasn't so hard.

I have only left him overnight with my mom a couple of times since then, but she does babysit regularly. I need a break and that is the only way I get it. I know he is well cared for and my mom is happy to do it. If I had to rely on a babysitter, I wouldn't have left him overnight and would probably rarely go out. One of the reasons I live where I do is to be able to have that support of my family. My mom puts him to bed for me when I am out, and when we wakes up the next morning he often asks where she is because she was there when he went to sleep. He loves her.

And I also exclusively breastfed with no issues leaving him. After that first time overnight, I would say hubby and I have a date night about once a month, and I never had a milk supply issue. Now, I know that isn't the case for everyone and some women have to work constantly to keep it up. But my son took a bottle at 4 weeks and I was always able to pump extra on top of his regular feedings. I also worked at it, but I worked at having extra. I introduced the bottle precisely because I knew I was going to be alone a lot of the time and if a need arose for my son to be fed by someone else, I wanted to know he would be able to eat. I also wanted him to be comfortable with his grandma. When she babysat while I nursed, I always brought plenty of pumped frozen breastmilk, she kept a stash in her freezer always. And I brought my pump out on date night. I would pump on the way to dinner and often between dinner and the movie.

I think everyone has to do what they are comfortable with, but I think there are some very valid reasons NOT to be the only person who can care for your child. I am still the primary caregiver and if my mom ever didn't want to babysit, I wouldn't do it. Or if my son ever seemed to have a problem with me being gone, I would think about the situation. But my son is very well adjusted and I know he will be happy and taken care of in any situation.

1 mom found this helpful

You should leave your child with someone else for the night when YOU are comfortable, no matter what the age is. Mine are almost 4 and 18 months and they have never spent the night away. I'm at the point now where I would feel comfortable leaving them with my mom. BUT, they have to be a little older and able to fend for themselves before I leave them with my in-laws. I don't trust them to watch them enough as they are not very careful....my MIL runs around parking lots with my kids, forgets she is watching them and they wander off, doesn't buckle them correctly in carseats and feeds them crackers for breakfast (and this is with me there to follow behind her and redo the buckle, stop them from running in the street, etc. ). I can only imagine what it would be like with out me there to supervise.

So moral is......leave them when you are ready and with someone you really trust. It doesn't matter when others leave theirs. After all, what is the point of leaving them when you're not truly comfortable? YOu wouldn't enjoy your night out or time away :-)

1 mom found this helpful

My kids were closer to 2 before they spent nights away. My first was older (like 2 1/2) and my second was about 18 months the first time my husband and I were both away from them.

I think you can wait without being considered overprotective! :) Sometimes husbands just don't get it.

J.

1 mom found this helpful

4 mo, i would not do it. It was hard at 3 years. getting them used to it sounds like baloney to me, they aren't going to "get used to it" unless you do it consistently, and that just doesn't sound right to me.

1 mom found this helpful

My son spent 4 nights with my parents when he was 4 months old. I went on a girl's trip to the beach, and it was great -although I did REALLY miss him! If it hadn't of been grandparents, I don't know if I would have done it that early, but it was good!

Actually, I think getting them used to it is a great idea for everyone. Both of mine have spent multiple nights and weekends at both grandparents, and now when we travel, they have no problem going to sleep in places other than their own beds and cribs. They also don't have the complete freak out that many kids have when we leave if we're leaving them overnight.

Also -I was never able to nurse 100%, so I always supplemented with formula. I pumped and froze plenty of milk and left it with my mother. It was fine! I am a big believer in pumping and putting it in a bottle a lot of the time so Dad can take over some of those night feedings and you can also go somewhere on your own for a day. Having a baby doesn't mean going insane!

1 mom found this helpful

I haven't yet and am not even considering it. My daughter is 18months.

1 mom found this helpful

At first I wasn't sure what you meant by the question but as far as having her spend the night AWAY from you, my daughter is 2 yrs 8 months and hasn't yet done so. If my Mom lived close that might be a different story - I simply can't entrust my in-laws as they are in their late 70s with health issues and steep open stairs in their house.

However, on about 2 occasions I have spent the night away for work while she was home with my husband and/or mother, and that was fine. Much harder for me than her, and a pain when pumping.

If you meant out of your room, well that's your decision as far as when you feel comfortable. My little one slept in her crib since about day 4 home form the hospital.

Good luck.

I was in the same boat as you when our son was that age. We were visiting the in-laws and hubby wanted to go into the city for a night. I almost burst into tears just thinking about the thought of leaving him behind! Then I collected myself and discussed my concerns w/ my hubby before making any decision. It really does just depend on how comfortable you are, if you aren't you wont have a good time anyway. I ended up not going, even though I totally trusted my MIL I just couldn't do it. BTW my son was a horrible sleeper and bf about every 2-3hrs still at night....so, I also didn't want to try and pump the whole time we were away. My other concern was the thought of someone else driving him if anything were to happen, or if they wanted to leave the house.

My dd had her first sleep over while we were camping in our RV. Our friends were in the RV next door. It was kind of a sleep over, anyway, and she was 4. It was kind of like having her in the next motel room and we were so close, that if she was uncomfortable or scared, she could just come next door.

my oldest is almost 6 & has never spent the night away, I just don't see the need. We have a sitter if we go out, but once the kids are asleep I'm asleep.

Our daughter had to stay with my MIL when she was about a year. My husband and I were so ill, neither of us could care for her and we did not want to expose her to what we had..

It worked well because our daughter had been baby sat over there and MIL had all of the baby equipment. Daughter did fine.

My son is 14 months old, and he has never spent a night without me. I'm not ready for that yet.

My son is 17 months old and still hasn't spent the night at grammas or anywhere else. I just wouldn't FEEL right.

My daughter spent the night at grandma's when she was 21 months.

My son has been doing sleep overs since he was 6 months old. I always slept over my grandparents house on Friday nights when I was growing up and my parents wanted to do the same with their grandkids - my mom wanted him earlier but he was still waking for night feeding and I didn't feel comfortable leaving him before that. He looks forward to his Friday night sleepovers just as much as I remember looking forward to mine as a child. He is 7 now and has slept at friends houses also and had no problems, the same friends have tried to stay over here and we have had a lot of crying because they missed mommy and wanted to go home (not fun at 2 am when you have a 5 to 7 year old in tears). I would recommend doing this only if you are comfortable with it. I wanted to do this early as I had such good memories and my sister did not start that early and she was one that cried even at my grandparents house when I was there too.

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