34 answers

How Old Is Too Old to Walk Arround in J. Underwear?

I saw the incredibly sad question about the dad and his daughter and doing very questionable and wrong things and a few people commented at 9 she should not walk around without a shirt (they didn't blame the things her dad did on this, J. stated an opinion) and should be almost embarrassed if her dad sees her without a shirt.
I was like this when I grew up but really don't want my daughter to grow up like this. If my grandpop tickled M. and accidentally brushed my chest I would yell that he touched my privates and make him feel horrible because of all of the lectures my parents gave. I don't see the chest as a private area on a little girl. I J. have a daughter and have no issue with walking by her without a shirt J. to go downstairs to get a bra I need out of the dryer. Granted I J. dont walk arround nude or J. in underwear all day and dont stop and coverse but I also am not hiding myself and putting a towel on to walk in front of her. If I had a boy I think I'd feel diferently.
Anyway back to the question...my 5 year old Emmy always walks around in J. underwear when getting ready for bed and in the morning. She's either fully dressed up (heels, dress, shoes, and so on) or J. in underwear. I have never seen an issue with this, she does so in front of close friends and family and I never thought twice. She often will get ready for bed and come out to give everyone a quick hug when she's J. in underwear since that's how she sleeps. I don't see any issue with this. So my question is,
1. How old is too old in your home?
2. Do you ever walk by without a shirt quickly?
3. Does your views change with kids of oppositte sex?

My answers are obviously
1. I'm not sure...looking for your opinions to take into account
2. yes
3. Yes, as in I don't think I'd walk by my son at 5 without a shirt (although as long as I have a bra on I feel that covers as much as a bathing suit) and obviously any guy around her has to wear shorts

I think most of my opinion comes from the fact that I don't think girls chests are any diferent than boys until they hit a certain age. I don't think its any diferent to see a 5 year old girl shirtless then a boy at this point.

What are your opinions?

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

I agree with you about chests. It's OK for everyone in the family to walk around in their underwear. I know a family that walk around naked. It's not sexual unless someone makes it sexual. If someone in the family is uncomfortable with it then the family shouldn't do it.

11 moms found this helpful

1. "Too old" is when the someone is uncomfortable. I remember being nine and working out in the garden (we lived in the country then) and taking my shirt off-- and then having my own feeling of 'oh, no, I'm too big for this'. No breast buds or anything at that age, J. an awareness.

2. My five year old son sees M. naked pretty regularly. We are a one-bathroom household. He loves to come in and talk to M. while I'm showering. Last week, I got a ukelele seranade.:) I do gently kick him out because the bathroom is small and I need the space, but he's seen it all before. When he starts honoring my requests for privacy before I have to ask for them, or begins to seem uncomfortable (looking away, asking for privacy when he changes his clothes) then I will follow suit.

3. My views do not change based on gender. Some people are very modest and want privacy at a young age, some are not. If I had a daughter or so who wanted 'their space' in a dressing room shopping, etc. I'd honor that too. It's less about the gender and more about the person.

8 moms found this helpful

I've never understood why it's fine for a male to go shirtless, but "indecent" for a female. And don't tell M. it's because females have breasts. Men have nipples too, and I have known guys who had man-tits that were bigger than my 32B's.

7 moms found this helpful

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I agree with you about chests. It's OK for everyone in the family to walk around in their underwear. I know a family that walk around naked. It's not sexual unless someone makes it sexual. If someone in the family is uncomfortable with it then the family shouldn't do it.

11 moms found this helpful

1. "Too old" is when the someone is uncomfortable. I remember being nine and working out in the garden (we lived in the country then) and taking my shirt off-- and then having my own feeling of 'oh, no, I'm too big for this'. No breast buds or anything at that age, J. an awareness.

2. My five year old son sees M. naked pretty regularly. We are a one-bathroom household. He loves to come in and talk to M. while I'm showering. Last week, I got a ukelele seranade.:) I do gently kick him out because the bathroom is small and I need the space, but he's seen it all before. When he starts honoring my requests for privacy before I have to ask for them, or begins to seem uncomfortable (looking away, asking for privacy when he changes his clothes) then I will follow suit.

3. My views do not change based on gender. Some people are very modest and want privacy at a young age, some are not. If I had a daughter or so who wanted 'their space' in a dressing room shopping, etc. I'd honor that too. It's less about the gender and more about the person.

8 moms found this helpful

I've never understood why it's fine for a male to go shirtless, but "indecent" for a female. And don't tell M. it's because females have breasts. Men have nipples too, and I have known guys who had man-tits that were bigger than my 32B's.

7 moms found this helpful

My nine year old still whips off her shirt in the house if she's hot. She even practiced her hip hop dance routine in the living room sans shirt the other night. The older one was more modest at that age but I can't say it would matter to us either way.

The sexualization of the human body comes from society and adults, not kids. I've said it before and here I go again. There is nothing wrong, inappropriate, sexual or traumatizing about a family in various stages of undress around eachother. In our house it is not only OK but basically a non issue. To each his own but we've got bigger fish to fry around here.

7 moms found this helpful

Our daughter would say Privacy when she was pretty young.

By the time she was 8, she did not want M. to help her wash her hair anymore, because she wanted privacy..

One problem we came across, was a little classmate came over for a playdate.. they were in 3rd grade.. she did not shut the bathroom door.

I was ok with this, but my husband would have been mortified.. So for those of you that do not close doors to change , undress, use the potty, PLEASE explain to your children, that out in public and as visitors in other peoples homes, to close the door..

6 moms found this helpful

Agree. I have to admit, I was kind of dumbfounded by the comment about a little girl walking around without a shirt. My daughter is going on eight, and still walks around in J. underpants. She is nowhere near developing. To M. personally it's not an issue of modesty. She is at home and is J. comfortable with herself and her body.

6 moms found this helpful

I think most girls will automatically stop doing it by about age 8, if not before, even though they still don't have any breast development.

At 5, I think it's fine. I wouldn't worry about it. These things usually take care of themselves at the appropriate time.

This society is so uptight about nudity. It's sad. I was J. watching some anthropological show showing women who wander around topless with their completely deflated breasts, and wondered how we got so weird about lumps of tissue that are meant for feeding children.

Still happy that mine don't look like that yet, though. ;)

5 moms found this helpful

My daughter is 4 and she will play in the house in only her underwear, no top or what have you. I have no problem with it, neither do my husband or other kids. If we are outside playing in water and she is not wearing a swimsuit and wants to take off her top because it is soaked, I also have no issue with it. She is 4. I think I insisted my older girls start wearing a top around 7 or so. Of course, right around that time they start to become conscious of themselves anyway. Since I have an older son (13), I do not walk in J. a bra or no bra. However, when they are still in bed, if I am getting ready for work and realize I forgot something in my room-and it is only 5 feet away anyway--I have run to my room to get whatever using my pj top as a shield. I also tell my husband to not walk freely in the house in his underwear when the kids are up.

5 moms found this helpful

It is a cultural and personal thing. There are many cultures that do NOT equate nudity with sex/inappropriate behaviors. Where I am from it is a popular thing to go to big Sauna/Waterparks. The Sauna floors are co-ed and all ages and everyone from infant to grandpa is nude. And no, clothing is not optional in these places, nudity is expected! People think it's gross to sit in the Sauna with your swimsuit on!

In my family we are not shy about being nude either, when I visit and stay with my sister and my mom I will see them, my sisters spouse and their kids in the nude and vice versa. I know it sounds weird to American ears, but really, many cultures do NOT have a problem with it. There is nudity on TV, people sunbathe nude or topless in public parks and beaches and on hot days kids will play in the fountains in the nude or only their underwear on. No one is paranoid about it!

We do teach our daughter what kind of clothing is expected in public in the US, but at home we practice what we are comfortable with. So she can run around in the nude or underwear for how ever long she feels ok with it.

4 moms found this helpful

1. How old is too old in your home?

That depends on the child. My daughter is also 5 and only walks around in her underpants around M.. She covers up in front of anyone else (this J. started this year).

2. Do you ever walk by without a shirt quickly?

Yes. Sometimes you can't avoid it.

3. Does your view change with kids of opposite sex?

I only have one child and can't have any more, but I do not walk around without a shirt or anything else in front of my step children (SD is 13 and SS is 21) and never had in the past. I guess if I had a boy then I would feel differently, I would be concerned that someone outside the immediate family would not see it as innocent.

I remember growing up and my mom would J. wear her bra in the house during the summers, this is when it was really hot out and we never had AC. I never thought anything of it and it never bothered M..

4 moms found this helpful

how old is up to the kids-- I am very sensitive to what stages of emotional dev they are in. My 7 yo dd loved to sit in the bathroom while i'm getting a shower. I figure she will give this up sooner or later. DS is 9 and while he will still streak and or strut from the bathroom to his bed room, he no longer follows M. around. so i'm guessing soon he will expand to being more modest himself.

I sleep better naked and am not organized so running round naked while dressing and showering is normal for M..

4 moms found this helpful

1. It depends on the siblings and the development of the children and what they are taught. My kids starting covering up around 5 or 6, although my last one had to be told to put on swim trunks when he went outside on the trampoline because the neighbors would have seen him nude without the trunks. But that was unusual although my eldest daughter would sunbathe topless hidden off to one side of the back yard where she supposedly couldn't be seen. My number two daughtrer never did.

2. I walk by without a shirt whenever I feel like it. ;~))

3. No, my number 4 an number 6 were girls so we always had someone of the opposite sex around.

I have friends with a boy and a girl and they are nudists. According to my friend both the boy and the girl became modest for a couple of years when they started puberty, but after that they went back to their nudist ways. Mom and dad are nude almost all the time. The boy is around 15 now and the girl is almost 14. They put up a 6 1/2' privacy fence so they could be nude in the back yard.

They did invite us over for dinner and offered to show us their life style and how comfortable it was. They were going to start it off with poker night. Strip poker, that is.. Ya gotta have a sense of humor.

Good luck to you and yours.

4 moms found this helpful

We have never made nudity an issue. We all use the upstairs washroom in the mornings, and they (boys 7 and 10) are in and out of the washroom while I am undressing and getting in the shower. I figure if it bothers anyone, then don't look!

4 moms found this helpful

Genna is eleven and still streaks on occasion. It makes Troy uncomfortable J. because we know how her dad gets about making mountains out of mole hills. She has become a bit more modest in the past couple months since she realized she has something to hide.

The beauty of underwear is when you have something to cover a bra is part of your underwear so you are still okay.

God I remember Christine's soccer team in high school having to change uniform colors. J. ripped their shirts off on the side of the field and changed. Most bras, especially sports bras, cover more than a bikini. Nothing wrong with it.

I can't remember when I stopped streaking by the kids. I think when Tommy was around eight. I think boys are different than girls with mom streaking, ya know?

When I say streaking I mean a run, not walking.

4 moms found this helpful

Never put much thought into this but my hubby does walk around and hang around in his underwear. Not when my folks or sibs visit but he still does when his parents and sibs visit.

My 2 daughters are 6 and almost 8. The younger would prefer to live in her undies and we let her the older does put a shirt on but has also been known to sleep in her undies. I don't walk around naked because I have one of those husband who would not let M. be if I did that. lol. Either way I'm good with. I guess we J. like to be comfortable without making others feel uncomfortable.

4 moms found this helpful

We've never had an issue with being naked in our house. We don't lay around watching tv naked or anything, but I don't close the door when I dress or cover up going to the shower and my kids don't think anything about it.

Too old is when the child gets uncomfortable with it. At 8 my daughter has definitely started to want more privacy, and is less likely to walk around without clothes on or in her underwear. My son at almost 7, is much more free for now. But I'm sure the time will soon come when he wants more privacy too.

It seems like when kids' bodies are changing they have an innate want to be more private no matter how open you've been with nudity.

4 moms found this helpful

Well I know my parents think my kids need to have more modesty than they do, my son is 4 and my daughter is 6 almost 7. I never put much emphasis on it. Now i don't run around naked, but tend to never shut the bathroom door, if I did the kids J. opened it ;). Now i am not sure if had to do with my parents telling the kids to close the door and about privacy but my son at 3 and my daughter at 5 started closing the bathroom door to poop. Now my son needs the door closed and he needs complete quiet, LOL. Anyway, this privacy is mostly for potty use, he doesn't mind running around the house naked, and doesn't yet show any type of modesty out in regards to clothing or lack there of. My daughter is the same, she had a gymnastics meet and got a new T-shirt for participating, I asked her at the end if she wanted to change into it and proceeded to respond by starting to take her leotard off in front of everyone. Of course I stopped her, and explained it was not appropriate to strip in front of a gym full of people, but I am actually glad that my kids do not feel ashamed of their bodies. Other people seem to have more of an issue with kids and nakedness than I do, I guess I figure they are kids, now my daughter knows that her privates(the part the undies cover) should not be seen by anyone except M. or the doctor, but I do not have that rule about her chest. She is 6 and doesn't have anything different than my 4 year old son. When she is older and starts developing, it will be different. But for now at home, I figure anything goes within appropriate limits, meaning respecting others privacy needs, etc. But out they need to know what other people expect, which can range from person to person. My Mom had an issue with my son being naked in the backyard baby pool when he was a year old. I still was okay with it when he was two, but by then she was appalled at it. I would still think it is okay, except we do not have a private backyard and our neighbors see everything, and so can anyone driving on the street, so I do put suits on the kids, but if we had a more private yard, I would okay with them naked. So basically I think it depends on the situation, as well as the comfort level of those present. So there is no age limit, it really depends on the situation. I don't make an issue of it and my kids always put clothing on, unless they are getting out of the bath or shower and walking to their room, and occasionally they will dress in living room. that is okay with M. as long as it okay with them, and we don't have company who would feel uncomfortable. I do think respecting other people within reason is important. But I do think it is okay stretch other people's comfort levels as well.

3 moms found this helpful

I am the only one that will not walk around in undies. And, only because I'm insecure and have a flabby butt...LOL! My husband and the kids (4 and 7 years old) drop their shorts and cruise in their undies inside the house and private backyard. It is NOT a big deal for crying out loud...their privates are covered.

3 moms found this helpful

I think you can teach modesty and privacy without making nudity feel "dirty". If we desexualize nudity it doesn't become so forbidden or exciting. I think the home should be a free zone with limits. I would expect my daughters to be mostly dressed if company was over, have a shirt on after they start to wear a bra, and think its perfectly okay if they see M. or my husband naked or half dressed at least until then, and I'm underwear/bra or boxers anytime.

3 moms found this helpful

Well, I think I am the one who mentioned the shirtless thing in the previous post. So you obviously have some big clues as to what my opinions are. :)

I DO have both a boy and a girl in my home. My son is the older of the two. My husband (personal preference) has never walked around naked around either of our kiddos. Neither have I.
We have walked around in our underwear (and bra for M.). However, I no longer walk around in bra/underwear in front of my son. So, yes, I think the opposite sex thing comes into play at some point. Every family is different about what level they are comfortable with, but growing up in my household (I had two older brothers) I never went out in public areas of the house without clothes, be it a bathrobe, PJs, or whatever. I never did the bra/undies thing. Neither did my parents.

My husband does not allow our son (almost 14) to walk around the house in only his underwear. And I think that is appropriate. Again, OUR opinion. Our daughter is almost 11. By age 9, she would have been mortified to have someone open a door on her without a top of some sort. Or bottoms.
Our kids do not thing there is anything "bad" or any reason to be "ashamed" of their bodies. But, they do recognize that they are private. They understand there are certain parts of their bodies that are not proper to expose in public. And public doesn't J. mean out at the mall or whatever.

My daughter is at the age where she wears the little "bralette" things, but that is a development from the past year or so. But well before that, she wanted her privacy.

In our house, the need for a certain amount of modesty and privacy arrived at about the same time that the bathroom door needed to be closed to go pee. There was a point when I didn't need to see and didn't WANT to see that. Also for them, there was a point when they didn't need or want M. TO see that. THAT is around the time when we started requiring son to have on more than J. underwear, and daughter to have on a top.

At 5, no, there isn't much difference (well none physically/visually) between a girl and boy's chest. But I feel it is important to instill a certain level of modesty in my daughter. I don't want her flashing inappropriate levels of skin when she is 15.

And yes, if a bathing suit covers it (bikini for a girl) then I think at age 9, they should be covering it around the house.

In some families it may be different (heck, some people are nudists), but, in my family, it is inappropriate for a 9 year old girl to not put on a tshirt or robe to walk through the house when there is a male present. Whether brother, dad, uncle, grandpa or next door neighbor (unless the brother is a 4 yr old or something).

3 moms found this helpful

I say until the child is uncomfortable or there is company! I WISH walking around half dressed wasnt such a big deal, I personally am much more comfortable in chonies and a tank top, if I wasnt so uncomfortable with my own body I would walk around like that all summer (with J. my family here). My 10 year old son, opps 11 (bday yesterday) came home and stripped to his chonies as soon as he walked in and his 9 year old sister could care less, she herself is more modest. My husband prefers to have shorts on and rarely walks around in J. boxers.To each his own.

3 moms found this helpful

I guess you'll get a huge range of opinions so I'll tell you mine. I guess we are a bit more modest. I don't understand the need to "run by" without clothes on to go "grab something to wear". I mean, I have a change of clothes ready to put on when I get out of the shower. Same thing for the kids and my husband. And no one runs around in their underwear or bra, never have. Even when its hot, and its 111 here today, we still have clothes on. So I would say after age 3 you should have clothes on. I guess I want my kids to understand that their bodies are private, and even if my daughter isn't "developed", she still has breasts, not a "chest". And no, sex doens't matter, my son has a shirt on unless he's swimming. I guess I J. don't want them to feel like showing their body is "no big deal". But that's J. my opinion. =)

3 moms found this helpful

I agree with you. When they are young like that it's not a big deal. I know my brother has two girls and they freek out if they don't have a shirt on. And sometimes try to get M. to make my boys wear shirts because the girls have to. And I wont. I have boys and I will sometime run from the bathroom covering my chest but trying to make sure they are in the other room but do have under wear on. Like you said bras and underwear not not any different than a bathing suit but usually I try not to have them see M. with out a shirt on. But for my boys they will sit around in J. their underwear all day if we don't go any where which I am a little jealous of. The only other ones besides M. they are like that with is my mom and my oldest really wont do it either anymore much unless he's so hot and he wears boxers so they look like shorts. Now if I had girls they boys would not be in their underwear at their ages.

3 moms found this helpful

We're pretty modest in our house.
Once you're potty trained there's no reason not to have at least shorts and a tee shirt on.
We've never walked around the house in our underwear even before we had kids.

2 moms found this helpful

When my daughter was very young, like a toddler she could wear undies...but I had those cute undershirts with lace and a bow on it for her. My sons wear boxers so they walked around in those for a really long time. They look J. like shorts anyway. My kids have never seen M. naked that they would remember. I always have a t- shirt on or a sleep long t-shirt. Its all up to you what your comfy with.

2 moms found this helpful

It really depends on the girl. Everyone developes at a different rate. I was wearing a bra when I was 8, so I wouldn't have walked around without a shirt.

2 moms found this helpful

Okay so, I have a 5yo boy and I am starting to be more aware of covering up myself out of the shower or getting dressed etc. because he is becoming body concious. He is becoming aware of our body differences and discussing them - size, shape, boy vs. girl. I think that differing genders changes up what is "ok' and what is not to be honest, I think if I had a girl I would not mind so much. To M. it is mostly about uncomfortableness.

2 moms found this helpful

My 1st child would never show is privates in utero... never knew what he was until he was born. To this day he is a very private person. Will never ever be caught undecent. My other 2... geezo..will walk right out of the bathroom stark naked with not a worry the front door is open, or we have guests in the living room. (URG!) THey are 4 and 5. So the newest thing we are working on is privacy. Daughter you don't shoe your privacy to daddy or your brothers, same with the my son. Don't show your privacy to mommy or sissy.

1 mom found this helpful

1. I would say by age 8 a little girl should start being modest, even if it's J. a little undershirt tank-top. I'd teach her to close her legs in a skirt, even if she's wearing underwear...so this isn't a stretch for M..
2. No, not really. I'm J. not comfortable without clothes on. The robe is my friend in situations like running to the dryer.
3. Yes, probably. It's not as traumatizing for a girl to see her mom naked vs a boy.

I agree that little girl chests aren't different than boys. I was quite the shirt-less tomboy and am a tad embarrassed of the pictures now.

1 mom found this helpful

My daughter is 5, soon to be 6. When it's J. M. and her in the house, she can be as nude as she likes, but if Daddy is home clothing must be worn. Sure we have moments of "DadDad home nudity" but that's usually for only a second around bath time when she's being a giant goon. I usually try to dress her in a big t-shirt and her nickers for bed.

My Daughter usually only sees M. topless in transition, putting a bra on or about to step into the shower. I think this age with both genders is a goo time to get into the habit of modestly, little ones still forget to knock, but you can lay the foundation.

1 mom found this helpful

my daughter is almost 10. we change in front of each other or get undressed to take a shower in front of each other, etc, but we don't walk around naked. we'll walk around in underwear.... but my boyfriend moved in back in October so we are more modest now. she still sleeps in her underwear & a shirt, but if she's up and about i make her put on shorts. same for M.. i think every family is different. nothing right or wrong. but, I do think it's wrong in that post that dad was rubbing on his daughters chest and making sexual remarks. that was creepy.

1 mom found this helpful

our dd is almost 3 and my hubby is not comfortable with her being nude as long as she has underpants on he is fine, he will not walk around in his underwear he always has shorts on. M. I have to have clothes on its J. my comfort, I will not go without bra or underwear its J. not comforable to be without. I guess it all depends.

1 mom found this helpful

my opinions--

1. my daughter is 5 and is allowed to walk around in her underwear as long as there is no company over. if it is family that is over i only require her to wear a t shirt. if it is not family she has to be clothed.
2. i get dressed in my room. yes my daughter sees M. with out a shirt and has also seen her daddy. we limit seeing daddy since this is the age of whats that questions.
3. if i had a son i wouldnt worry about dressing in front of him. when company is over he would have to have shorts on.

i teach my daughter that her chest is a private area along with her bottom and vagina. if we dont teach them that at a young age then they dont know that people/strangers shouldnt be touching them there. even though my daughter has no breast as of yet i still want her to become modest about her body. also there are times when i allow her to be in the back yard with no top on. this only happens occaisionally when playing in the pool or its really hot. i think by the time she is 6 we will stop the toplessness and get her sports bras (yes they make them that small) and loose lightweight shorts my daughter is a dancer (ballet and jazz so she has these things already) that way she can wear little to nothing but still be covered. sleeping she can be in underwear but usually wants a shirt on when she gets up.

1 mom found this helpful

my son (who is 16) says -
parents should cover up by the time the child is 14
and kids should cover up by the time they are 9

he has no explanation for these ages - but I know he often tells M. to put on pants as I often wander around in J. a tshirt and undies. Though he now wanders around in J. pants and no top.

LOL

1 mom found this helpful

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